Wrestlemania 25 (part 1)

And here we are at the main show of the year: Wrestlemania! It’s a bit odd to get the big show as the third entry in this look back, but hey, I don’t schedule these things. What matters is that Wrestlemania, if this were a regular show, would be the season finale, where all the major plot lines are resolved, and where usually the best matches are. The one we are looking at today is, of course, the 2009 edition, Wrestlemania 25. The color scheme this year is blue and silver, which I think goes well together, especially under the lights.

The first match of the night is one of my favorite stipulations: the Money in the Bank Ladder Match. The idea behind it is that hanging above the ring in a briefcase is a contract guaranteeing the holder a Championship match whenever they feel like it, and said briefcase can be reached via ladders in the center of the ring. The catch is that there are at least 6 (usually more) men involved who all want the same thing. The reasons this setting works so well, especially at Wrestlemania, are many. First, it gives a lot of the guys who don’t have a real plotline of their own going into the main show something to do in order to get screen time; chances are, if you have a favorite mid-carder, this is where they’d be seen at Wrestlemania. Second, the consequences of the match’s result will have plot importance for the rest of the year, as you are always wondering when the winner will use their title match, and who against. Third, it’s just fun watching people fall off ladders. Call me sadistic.

The first man down the stage this Wrestlemania is a man who may or may not know what kind of an amazing year he’s about to have: CM Punk, who is clean shaven, spunky, and just darn likeable. You may have noticed that we’ve not really had much to say about Punk this deep into 2009. That’s going to change. At any rate, Punk walks under the ladders set up on his way to the ring, to show how unafraid he is. The next man is Mark Henry, and I’m having a bit of a hard time to remember why he just wasn’t clicking only two years ago, whereas now he really is legitimately Champion material. I think it’s because at this time, he was running strictly on being “big” and not having much else to him than that, whereas now, he has something of a chip on his shoulder, confidence, better mic skills, and just more believable as a character instead of just being the monster heel. Also here is MVP, who is over with the crowd with his new good guy status. He’s also the current United States Champion. Finlay comes in with Hornswoggle, and it makes me sad that a man who looks awesome wearing a leather jacket with a metal shoulder brace has to team around with a Leprechaun simply because he’s Irish. Of course, we can’t have a ladder match without Shelton Benjamin, who has made MitB amazing every year. Kofi Kingston comes in, and you can see that he is just incredibly excited to be at his first Wrestlemania. Man, Kofi has definitely come a long way in just two years, just in terms of crowd support, ring work, public relations, and just plain marketability. Christian comes in, and listen to that crowd cheer. This is the first PPV we’ve had Christian in, you’ll notice, as he left TNA and came back to the WWE. The top brass still wasn’t too happy with Christian for leaving in the first place, and stuck him on ECW. I point out that Christian is getting cheered, because I’m still upset that he was stripped of his first World Heavyweight Championship because the front office thought fans weren’t into him. That, of course, is bogus. Last man in is Kane, who enters to a veritable wall of fire. Once again, Kane doesn’t really look like he cares if he’s going to win: all he knows is that he’s going to get a chance to kill people with ladders, and he’s going to enjoy it.

The bell rings, and we’re on our way with a lot of punches being thrown, except for Christian, whom I notice leaves the ring immediately. To no ones surprise, in a war of punches, the only two men left standing are Mark Henry and Kane. I’m actually glad that the two big men get something of a silent moment of respect right at the beginning: they’re not going to be doing a lot of highlight-reel-esque moves in this, simply because it’s not practical, but they’re not being written off as just filler. It’s made clear that they’re to be taken seriously and that they can still kill most of the men in this match (which is true. There are a lot of cruiserweights here that surely Mark Henry could maim). But thankfully for everyone else, this isn’t a battle of strength, as Christian and Shelton team up to hold a ladder horizontally, clotheslining both of the big men. It makes sense for the two men most consistently awesome on ladders should team up. But they get cut short by Kofi who jumps over the ladder, then drop kciks it into the duo. I adore how this match has started: the speed is at the max right from the get go, which is essential for an opening match, as you have to get the crowd into the show. Also, the ladders are being brought in right away, rather than just hanging around for a few minutes before someone suddenly realizes they have weapons at their disposal.

Kofi gets a ladder erected in the ring, gets kicked by Kane for his trouble, and then both Kane and Mark Henry try climbing the ladder to reach the briefcase. I’m going to be marking out for both Kane and Henry in this, because while big men can tend to slow down matches like this, both men are contributing to the action, especially when you put them next to numerous speedy opponents who might make them look like they’re standing still otherwise. Everyone else (and I mean every one) in the match dashes into the ring to stop the ascent, and push the giants out. Then we have a moment straight out of a black and white slapstick as all the men try to climb a pair of ladders, only to have the ladders parted by a returning Henry and Kane, leading to all the men toppling over like ten pins. I like that Mark Henry is being used as having a “destroyer” role in this match: you know he’s not going to be flying off of ladders (if he did, someone would die), but they don’t reduce him to a complete nonentity. He’s still got the role of throwing people around and causing mayhem, and I’m happy that he still uses the ladders while doing this, thus not making the ladder match setting superfluous to his cause.

Kane gets booted out of the ring by Mark, who inexplicably folds up the ladder in the ring and tries to throw it at Finlay. Finlay dodges it, kicks out Mark, and then, also inexplicably, does a suicide dive out of the other side of the ring into Kane. It sets up for the next bit, I know, but one has to wonder why he wouldn’t logically put a ladder up and try to grab the briefcase. Well, Finlay’s dive has set up for everyone else to jump from the turnbuckle out to ringside, leading Christian, MVP, Punk, and Kofi to add to the human doggy pile. Now, that’s all fine and well, but Shelton Benjamin, well, that’s not nearly awesome enough for his ladder match standards. So he climbs up a twenty foot ladder that’s standing on the ramp (and no, that’s not a wrestling exaggeration: it’s a freaking tall ladder!) and does a senton dive onto the pile. You might ask why I don’t mock Shelton Benjamin’s ridiculous leaps from tall places, while I criticize Jeff Hardy. I reply with: did you really just compare Shelton Benjamin to Jeff Hardy? Those are two entirely different leagues. Jeff makes those dives look stupid; Benjamin makes them look good. Mark Henry tries to get in on the fun by climbing the turnbuckle, but that would result in certain death, and Finlay stops the doom by hitting Mark over the head with a shillelagh. We then get a comedic relief moment as Hornswoggle uses a step ladder erected on Mark Henry to do a splash onto the pile. I don’t really have anything against Hornswoggle being in this match, but I really don’t feel he adds anything.

Well, that wrapped up the “Jumping on the Pile” act, and I’m actually impressed with the staging so far. Act One was Mark Henry and Kane vs the World, and Act Two was the Doggy Pile. Act Three starts with Finlay doing what he should have done earlier and puts up a ladder in the ring. He’s interrupted by Kofi, who hits Finlay with a dropkick from under the ladder, and then brings it down on him. Again, I’m still impressed with the speed of the match, and the innovative uses of ladders. Case in point: the step ladder Hornswoggle used, rather than just be forgotten about, is first chucked into Kofi’s face by Finlay, whoe then uses it as something of a hand held weapon to clear out other would-be intruders. Kofi hits Finlay with Trouble In Paradise to knock Finlay off the ladder, and is on his way up before Mark Henry returns to knock him away. This sets up for another awesome use of the ladders, where Henry, after folding the ladder, is about to set it up when Kofi dashes up the other side and nearly nabs the briefcase. It’s a matter of finding ways to use the ladders to add to both the drama and the “OMG” moments that separates a great ladder match with a bunch of fun moves and unique moments from one where it’s just two guys hitting each other with ladders. Mark drops the ladder, catches Kofi in mid air, and then hits the World’s Strongest Slam onto the fallen ladder. This effectively writes Kofi out of the match, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing: on the one hand, more Kofi would be awesome, but I like the style they use in this match where people seem to be eliminated one by one, as it gives the eventual outcome a sense of closure and of ultimate survival, rather than luck and randomness.

Mark has the ring to himself, and sets the ladder up in the middle of the ring. Again, props to provide moments where it looks like Mark might actually win. MVP appears at ringside and uses a ladder like a javelin to spear Henry, and then boots him out of the ring. He also sets up for future shenanigans by balancing a ladder horizontally so that it’s resting one end on the vertical ladder’s middle rung and the other end resting on the ring rope, making something of a platform. Some people might think moments like this are too contrived, but I think it adds to the overall feeling that everything in a match matters, and that it all builds to something in the future. Sure enough, Shelton Benjamin tries to get into the mix, leading to a moment where it looks like MVP is about to suplex Benjamin onto the levitated ladder, which in turn leads to Benjamin dodging, diving under the ladder, and leaping onto the platform to jump onto MVP, only to be caught midair with a powerbomb. There, see? That little contrived set-up gave birth to a nifty set of counters and moves. MVP goes up the ladder, and finds CM Punk waiting for him at the top. Punk kicks him off, but Christian appears from behind, standing on the platform ladder and using it to set up the Killswitch, which drops Punk to the ground. See how much fun that one little addition of a hovering ladder is giving us?

MVP manages to crawl back up, when Shelton Benjamin, who still has several doses of awesome left in the tank, dashes up from ringside, climbs the ladder, and meets him at the top. But then, in a very rare moment, Benjamin botches a move. He does a sunset flip over the shoulders of MVP and intends to powerbomb him from the top of the ladder, but his grip slips and instead the most he does is drag MVP down a couple rungs. Hey, you know what? If Shelton Benjamin wants to miss an amazing move for once in his life, that’s cool. God knows he’s done enough to earn a slip-up every now and again (and to the people who are chanting “You effed up!” in the crowd: were you /watching/ when he jumped off that twenty foot ladder earlier?). Well, he rallies back on the ground level, powerbombing MVP over the ringside and into Mark Henry, writing both of them out of the match. Again, I just really like how the exits are constructed: it seems tidier this way.

Finlay reappears, and he and Benjamin exchange punches on top of  the ladder before Finlay tumbles backwards, landing on the horizontal ladder and rolls out of the ring in a heap. Benjamin finally gets rid of the horizontal ladder and sets it up in the center, creating a dueling set of ladders which he and Christian then take advantage of. They fist fight on top of the ladder, which starts to tip over, flinging Shelton Benjamin over and out of the ring to the floor. Yes, even in his exit, Shelton Benjamin is awesome. Also cool is Christian, who stops his own tumble by balancing his foot on the top rope, and then kicking out to lift the ladder back to its upright position. There’s no word I can think of that describes that action better than dashing. Punk leaps up to climb the ladder, but Christian smacks him on the head, causing Punk to tumble backwards, but rather than fall, catches his foot in the ladder rung and dangles there helpless. It’s no respite for Captain Charisma, as Kane comes back into things in a big way by Chokeslamming Christian from the top of the ladder. Things look pretty well sewn up for Kane, and again, I really love that the match makes me believe that Kane can win this thing. But Punk is still there, and uses his ridiculous leg flexibility to kick Kane multiple times in the skull, causing the Big Red Monster to tumble to the ground. Literally the last man in this match, Punk reaches up and takes the briefcase, winning Money in the Bank.

I love this match, and it is, in my opinion, the best out of all the MitB matches. Everything about it is perfect. The manpower is used to it’s fullest, with each person contributing something to the match, with no one man carrying it and no real slackers. Things were constantly moving, and there was not a single dead moment in the match, which also ties in to the idea of utilizing man power: when you have eight men, everyone should be doing something. The ladders were used exceptionally well: their assists as weapons were diverse and interesting, and their additions to the drama of the match was perfect. The staging was great, and it felt like watching a well written story pan out before your eyes, rather than looking clustered and uncertain. The pacing was nice, with the emotion and excitement constantly growing and with no moments of real filler or dullness. Most importantly, it’s exactly how you want to open the biggest show of the year, as it sets the standard for things to come, excites the audience, clears out the cobwebs, and makes them want to see what’s going to come next.

Also, though not necessarily related to the match itself, that briefcase is going to do wonders for CM Punk, as we’re going to see. I wonder if any of the smarks who are booing squeaky clean Punk at the end of this match have any idea what’s going to come.

And after that miraculous piece of work, we get probably the worst follow up ever:  a 25 Diva Battle Royal to determine the official Ms. Wrestlemania, a title which really doesn’t mean anything. Now, there are moments where this /could/ have worked. There actually was a good deal of buildup for this match leading into Wrestlemania, so it wasn’t just slapped together (like the Divas match would be at the next Wrestlemania, which I believe was announced the day of). Second, this  Battle Royal also included a lot of former women’s talent, like Victoria, Molly Holly, Sunny, etc. (Oddly, though, not Trish Stratus), so there was something to look forward to if you wanted to see some old favorites. But the entire thing runs into a major problem right away in the execution: first off, though it’s edited out on the DVD due to copyright reasons, the Divas all enter during a live performance by Kid Rock, rather than getting actual introductions. Thus, on the DVD, we cut to them already in the ring, and you don’t really know who’s there. This becomes more problematic, because when you put 25 of /anything/ in a ring, you can’t really see much: there simply isn’t enough room to notice particular faces. Thus, if you really want to know which of the former Divas are in this match, there’s no real way of knowing. Also, 25 people in a ring makes it difficult to work, and it really does just look like a cluster of people milling around with the odd occasional punch being thrown. So it’s not so much of a match as much as a “Wait, who just got thrown out? Wait, who’s that?” I know they did not have the time to do something akin to the Royal Rumble, with the gradual entrances, but still, this clearly wasn’t planned very well.

Also, the ending really is a joke. Literally. It’s a joke. The joke is that Santino was annoyed that he couldn’t get into Wrestlemania in any kind of match on his own, so he snuck into the Divas match in drag and under the name Santina. Naturally, he wins, gets the tiara, and we all have a good laugh. And see, I’d be fine with that if this was billed as a joke match, ala the Gimmick Battle Royal. But this was billed as a legit match to determine who the best Diva is, and with the talent in there, I think that’s a legitimate driving piece of interest. I mean, the final three women in the match, not including Santina, are Michelle McCool, Mickie James, and Beth Phoenix. Now, those three alone could have had a match, and it would have been great, because they’re all incredibly skilled and entertaining. But instead, someone seems to have decided that we didn’t actually /want/ to see a good match, and instead gave us a joke. I’m sorry, booking staff, but I really would have rather had a good women’s match. I know that there’s a stigma that everyone goes for snacks during their matches, but they do that because you don’t give them a match that will keep their eyes glued to the ring. And honestly, a better end product would only increase sales, so why half-ass a potential draw? This is definitely the low point of the night.

Now, let’s compare this set-up gone wrong to one that could have gone wrong, but managed to be oddly compelling in its execution. Wrestlemania always has some kind of celebrity involvement, and this year it was Mickey Rourke, who had just finished his movie, “The Wrestler.” Really, this is probably one of the few celeb spots that makes sense. He had dropped a line during an interview for the film that he was totally going to challenge Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania (whether this was part of the build up, or an off hand joke by Rourke, I actually don’t know). At any rate, the story starts with Jericho, being a no-fun, suit wearing kind of guy, taking great offense of the idea that Rourke thinks he should even be in the same building as him, and lets him know it. Further, he begins to ridicule the concept of the movie, that the notion of some washed up wrestler coming back from the gutter to become a contender is absurd. To this end, he begins to target some older wrestling legends, whenever they get a spot on the regular show: namely, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Rickey “The Dragon” Steamboat, Jimmy Snuka, and Ric Flair. Now because Jericho feels that he’s the best in the world at what he does, he has no qualms with challenging Piper, Steamboat, and Snuka to a three-on-one match, with Flair in their corner and Rourke at ringside, so that he can show the world that he’s better than any legend.

While this story tends to come off as desperately trying to give Jericho something to do at Wrestlemania, it works on several levels. First foremost, they don’t have Jericho fight Rourke. Quite simply, having the wrestlers have matches with actors rarely works. The actors simply can’t have a quality match, and more often then not, the wrestler loses in order to get cheap pops from the crowd, which might make the actor look good, but then, he doesn’t have to go out there every night and maintain credibility, and it’s all but impossible for the wrestler in question to look good as the end result (notable exceptions include Piper losing to Mr. T and Wrestlemania 1, but that’s because we all love Piper). This awkwardness is avoided all together by having actual wrestlers fight Jericho on Rourke’s behalf. Second, this wasn’t just a throwaway match, and was built up to for some time leading into Wrestlemania. There was a great deal of time spent in making Jericho a completely unlikable jerk for targeting fan favorites, and I think, storyline wise, the chance of him getting his comeuppance makes for a good plot point. Third, the people he’s wrestling can still draw a crowd, and it’s not like he’s fighting Mad Dog Vachon out there. Not to mention I’m thankful they have Flair managing and not actually taking part, which is keeping up with the farewell he got at Wrestlemania 24.

So the rules of the match are that the three Legends can tag in and out into the match to fight Jericho, who is in there on his own. In the event that he pins one of them, they are eliminated, and this continues until either Jericho loses or all three are eliminated. We get a shot of Mickey Rourke in the crowd prior to anything starting, and he looks oddly uncomfortable. At any rate, Jericho enters first, and looks every bit the mean spirited jerk. I commend Jericho for how good he plays his role in this whole story: he does not give any piece of likeability to his actions to get the fans on his side, or make them feel any kind of sympathy for him. Next, we have the Legends team. Ricky Steamboat looks to be in fantastic shape. Sadly, Jimmy Snuka does not. He looks happy to be there, but he’s clearly slowed down, and does not look 100%. Next is Rowdy Roddy Piper, who can steal any scene he’s in, simply by yelling at nothing. I love that he’s probably got more of a belly than anyone here, but he’s swaggering about so much that he plainly doesn’t care, and as a result, neither do we. Last but not least is Ric Flair, who, I’m surprised, is wearing just a suit. For a man who surely has a closet full of sequin studded robes, a plain suit is kind of disappointing.

The bell rings, and I love that it starts with Piper telling everyone on his team to shut up, because he’s starting the match, and there’s nothing they can do about it. It’s so needlessly aggressive, but that’s Piper in a nutshell. It also fits that even in a team of heroes, he still has to kind of be villainous. True to form, Hot Rod dashes out and punches Jericho. He’s a bit slow, but give Jericho credit for selling the punches. Actually, that’s one of the things that makes this match better than it might have been: Jericho makes us believe that men twenty years older than him are capable of putting up a fight. If he had reeled any less from Piper’s opening blows, the entire thing would have fallen flat, because our disbelief wouldn’t be suspended. But he looks like he’s been hit by a train, and thus it works. And to Piper’s credit, he’s no slouch, hitting Jericho with a sunset flip and a dropkick (I don’t think I can remember Piper ever hitting a dropkick). Piper tags in Snuka, and you can see by how tentative Superfly is before tagging in that he’s not completely there. Piper has to practically drag Jericho into Snuka in order for the headbutt to work. But again, no matter how feeble Snuka’s slaps are, Jericho is selling them like they hurt. And that’s why he’s the best in the world at what he does.

Now for a man who is not only 100% here, but is absolutely amazing. Ricky Steamboat tags in, and starts thing off with an axehandle from the top turnbuckle. The guy must be over 50, and he just leapt off the turnbuckle like it was nothing. And after that, he hits Jericho with two lightning quick armdrags, and then putting him in an armbar. It’s all silky smooth and speedy. Snuka gets back into the match, and it’s unfair to have in in there after Steamboat, because it only emphasizes how slow he is now. But thankfully, he doesn’t have to do too much here: Jericho manages to get him in the Walls of Jericho, and Snuka taps out. I feel bad for ragging on Snuka like that, because he looks like he wanted to be there, and I’m probably expecting too much out of him at this point. And still, his role in the match was exactly what it needed to be: sentimental value, while Piper and Steamboat did most of the ring work.

Piper’s none too happy, and continues to brawl with Jericho. The wonderful thing about Piper’s style is that he doesn’t need to be a technical magician: so long as he can go out and throw punches, his matches work at any age. I also happen to love the sound he makes when he throws punches: he just sort of yells, and it’s way easier to listen to than some of the guys who go “Doof!” or some other noise as they punch. He also has a classic Piper moment where he pokes Jericho in the eyes, and nearly locks him in the Sleeper (capital S!) before Jericho counters and hits him with an insiguri, eliminating Piper. It pays to say again how well Jericho is making this match: he’s letting Team Legend look legitimate while still making himself look decent in the process. Also, I feel I should say how fast this match has been up to this point. Not only in terms of actual time (I think by the time Piper is eliminated, it’s only 6 minutes), but in terms of pacing. It’s not been as slow as you’d think a match with three 50+ people would be, and the early tags and display of moves have made things fun to watch, rather than creating a desire to get up and eat some snacks.

Well, it’s down to Jericho and Steamboat, and trust me, that’s not nearly as much of a mismatch as people might think. Actually, with just the two of them, they’re able to work it as a regular match, rather than Jericho needing to make the others look good. Steamboat has no need for others to make him look good: he is more than capable of doing that himself. He starts off round three with a flying crossbody off the turnbuckle, and makes it halfway across the ring. The two exchange chest slaps, and I like that they’re having tests of strength, insinuating that they’re both at the same league as one another, and that this is no longer a mere gimmick match. Jericho snapmares Ricky and puts him in a headlock, but we all know that this is designed to let Ricky make a comeback to get the crowd into it. And boy, does it work. Ricky gets in a fast offense, including a counter of going over the rope by skinning-the-cat (hanging onto the roeps before going over, and then dragging yourself backwards into the ring), and then backdrops Jericho out over the top, before delivering a crossbody. Yes, that all happened in about thirty seconds, and was awesome. Jericho pulls back with a bulldog, and runs for a Codebreaker, but is caught in midair with a scoop slam. The sheer amount of offense that Steamboat can put up is staggering. Not only does it make the match more interesting than just punches, but it makes the fact that Steamboat is in this match more believable, and surely any questions about Jericho being forced to fight old guys is being driven from people’s minds during this, because Steamboat is definitely not washed up. Jericho manages to get Ricky into the Walls, but Steamboat counters with a roll up. Listen to the crowd during all of this: they are incredibly into it, more than I think anyone expected them to be. Alas, Jericho finally gets in the Code Breaker, and Steamboat is pinned.

This match was unexpectedly good, and I think the reason was that it did all it needed to do. It brought out our sentimental favourites, made Jericho look like a total heel, gave each Legend the amount of screen time they were due, and the amount of match time they were capable of, and then capped things off with a fast paced, jaw dropping performance by Ricky Steamboat. The Legends looked good, Jericho looked good, and the whole thing was just a complete package.

Of course, you can’t have the crowd go home knowing that the bad guy straight up won (a sentiment I tend to agree with, as it comes off as legitimizing his crimes). Jericho, flushed with success, dares Rourke to come out to the ring. Rourke obliges, and punches Jericho in the face, knocking him out and earning a great deal of fan reaction. Frankly, this is how celebrity inclusion at Wrestlemania should be: short, not actually involved in the match, and after the fact, while still allowing he or she to look good in the end.