Quick Pre-PPV Notes

Due to multiple technical problems, such as my computer deciding it doesn’t like Microsoft Word randomly and my PVR not working properly, as well as just not having a great deal of time, I obviously have failed to do reviews of the last two shows prior to the Elimination Chamber tonight. Of course, it would be this week when a good portion of important things happen which require commentary that my system fails… As such, I’m going to do an abridged review of the week, focusing less on matches and more on plot points and characters.

1.       The debate between the Elimination Chamber participants on Raw.

I was a big fan of this segment, and the set up. Granted, staging it as a debate might seem silly, given that nothing was really debated at all, but it served its purpose extremely well: it allowed all six men mic time to make an impression going into the PPV and give the audience a reason to care about their presence. There wasn’t a whole lot of time dedicated to making us care about the storyline prior to this, and thus a lack of emotional connection as to the outcome. Perhaps even worse was that the only character rivalry going into the match was between CM Punk and Chris Jericho, which left everyone else in the cold, so to remind the audience that there are other people in the match was much needed. Also, though I think it’s too late to make anyone believe that the outcome of the match is going to be either Jericho or Punk, giving everyone a moment to remind us why they’re important at least makes the match a little deeper in its conglomeration of potential winners. I especially liked Kofi Kingston’s piece, commenting on how he was certain everyone thinks he’s an afterthought, and that he aims to prove them wrong. Kofi always seems to be wanting for mic and screen time, but when he gets it, he makes the most of it. It’s true that out of all the people in this match, Kofi seems the least immediately relevant, and to have the character acknowledge this shortcoming directly is an interesting technique. On the same note, I liked the Miz’s rant as he tore a piece out of every other member. I don’t know why Miz always seems to be in an uphill struggle to remind us he’s important, given that he’s been in the upper card for over two years now, yet almost invariably his best stuff as a character comes when he’s being overlooked. I think it’s because the Miz character is an egomaniac who’s trying to prove all of his haters wrong, and that being overshadowed only fuels his Little Ceaser-esque rage; so that when the actual events of the show so happen to emphasize this motivation (such as with Punk and Jericho being the focus here, or when Miz and Truth fought the Rock and John Cena), it makes it all the easier to get behind what Miz is saying and makes his character more potent and understandable. R-Truth gets an honorable mention for consistently finding a way to scene-steal. While he may not be likely to win the title just yet, Truth has managed to consistently grow in relevance and screen presence. I like how they’ve managed to convert his insanity to eccentricity, and how his ramblings have a kind of charm in how off kilter they are. You get the sense that he’s having fun with what he’s doing, and the audience is able to attach to that emotion and sympathize with it. Oddly, the person I had a problem with the most in this was CM Punk, and I think the reason can be found when comparing his responses during this segment to Chris Jericho. When Miz was talking down to Jericho, Y2J was returning the death glare, intent on the man who was insulting him, and regarding him seriously; When Jericho was delivering his lines against Punk, Punk made a joke about Dancing with the Stars. I would have preferred it if Punk were to be somewhat more serious in this set-up, rather than laughing it off as a joke, especially when there hasn’t been much building in the intensity of this match’s plot thus far. If the Champion, who is in danger of losing his title, doesn’t care about its defence, how am I supposed to care?

2.       Eve

The big story on Raw was, of course, Kane kidnapping Eve, Cena saving her, the two sharing a passionate embrace, and Zack Ryder walking in on them and having his heart crushed. There’s a bunch of things to look at in this set-up, and the first is Eve. I’m actually surprised at the over-reaction of the internet to Eve kissing the man who seems to be consistently saving her on a regular basis, not to mention the apparent obliviousness to an obvious set-up to create dramatic tension, but whatever. There are a few problems that I do have with this, though, the main thing being that Eve really is just a tool in an obvious set-up to create dramatic tension. Eve has had a couple of really powerful moments in the past few months, most notable being her standing up to Laurinaitis on Zack’s behalf, and even calling out Cena for causing them misery. Now, she’s kind of been reduced in stature a great deal, almost to the level of a prop. If I thought that her going for Cena had something to do with her character, it would be different, but the “love triangle” is there so Cena can have something else to cause turmoil in his life. I just wish that there was some kind of payoff here for Eve and her story, like with the relationship of AJ and Daniel Bryan.

3.       John Cena

On the flip side of the spectrum, this turn in the story does wonders for Cena and his current plotline. It’s one of the few times where Cena is in a problem that he can’t just fight his way out of. He can Superman over any villain in his path, but now he’s in a situation of his own doing, and he clearly doesn’t know how to handle it. Much like with Eve, I really don’t care for the kiss itself, because it’s just screams PLOT POINT and doesn’t come naturally at all, but the fallout from it is what’s interesting. I especially liked when Ryder slapped Cena, because when someone as likable, friendly, and heroic as John falters in the eyes of his friends, you know that this is going to eat him up to an extent. Case in point: Cena has to stop himself from hitting Zack back. There’s obviously more than a little turmoil in Cena’s head right now, and that’s a very good thing: it means that the story thus far has had ramifications and consequences. Also of interest is that Cena is being resented by the man he’s consistently saved and promoted for one small moment of weakness, much like the resentment from crowds in spite of being a genuinely good man. The set-up was contrived, but the payoff is worth it.

4.       Triple H vs. The Undertaker

There has been a vast improvement in my interest in the storyline, all of it due to the fact that Trips’ motivations seem to be more complex than “I’m too cool for the Undertaker now.” In his confrontation with Shawn Michaels on Monday, Hunter laid a couple of things down that made me take interest. First is that he no longer considers himself to be “that guy” who would destroy the legacy of the Undertaker just to say he could. Right there, Triple H admits that he might have some issues himself: it’s not just the Undertaker who has changed, but him as well. He’s come out and said he’s not the King of Kings anymore, which means that he’s at least aware that he’s no longer a Nordic God. Like Cena’s Superman character being tarnished, a change for Triple H is a good thing. It makes him more real and more interesting to watch, rather than just have him come out week after week and say “Look how great I am.” So what is he if not “that guy?” As Shawn Michaels put it, Triple H is a sell-out. Gone are the glow sticks and ball caps. He’s now a suit wearing corporate stooge. And Hunter more or less admits to this: he says he can no longer afford to think of Undertaker as an obstacle, and has to think of him as property. This is the first time since Hunter took over the WWE that he’s actually had to deal with a change of landscape. Prior, he was still the old Triple H, just with more power. Now, he’s had to come to terms with reality, his age, his position, and his responsibility. In the course of one promo, Triple H’s character developed more than it has in roughly the last decade. It’s put him in a format that’s both new and challenging, and much like have to see Cena try to figure his way out of a situation that he’s not encountered before, so too must Triple H figure out who he wants to be. Also of interest is when Michaels tells Triple H that a real man wouldn’t back down from the Undertaker, and given how much investment Triple H puts into being manly and tough, the realization that he’s more or less turned his back on what he said during the “walk out” was so important gives him more complexity. His is the character who has to work through mind games, and the change of scenery is refreshing and interesting.

5.       Randy Orton out…

I bring this up not so much because I have a ton to say about it, but mostly that I’m glad that the WWE caught the concussion in time and decided it would be better to not have Orton smash his head around further inside of the Elimination Chamber, in spite of the potential loss of revenue and fan interest as a result of his being left out.

6.       …Santino in

You’d best believe that there’s a lot to be upset about here. First, as I’ve said many times, Santino is worthless in any match, especially one with ramifications about the World Heavyweight Championship. He’s not going to win, he’s not going to add to the match, he’s not going to do anything hard core in the chamber, and the comic relief he might provide is woefully misplaced inside the Elimination Chamber. Second, the website people clearly aren’t talking to the Smackdown producers, because it was announced that Santino was going to be taking Orton’s place on Wednesday, while Smackdown still tried to pull it off as a surprise main event on Friday. Third, the battle royal to decide who should be in the Chamber saw Santino do tremendously little. Literally every other person in the ring did more work then him, and then to have him steal the spot just seems like a smack in the face to everyone else. Fourth, Drew McIntyre.

7.       Daniel Bryan

With his hitting Orton with the belt on Monday, and his lambasting of the fans on Friday, it seems Bryan has officially declared himself heel, which I don’t actually like, believe it or not. What worked about Bryan’s character so well was that he was completely unaware that the fans might resent him, or that he’s anything except a hero. His sugar-coated fantasy land was fun and entertaining, while also presenting an interesting piece of motivation for the character. Now that he’s officially turned his back on the fans, he’s lost that sense of naïve heel nature that I liked, and is kind of ripping off the Miz’s motivation of saying that none of them believed in him, and he proved them all wrong. Don’t get me wrong: Bryan still works fantastic as a heel, as proven with how he managed to get Sheamus DQ’d on Smackdown by provoking him into a fit of rage. I just liked how he was going about it before a little better.

I believe those are the main points I wanted to discuss. Hopefully, in the event that my computer doesn’t explode again, reviews will be more forth coming in the future, and I hope the Elimination Chamber will prove to be enjoyable.

"The Anti-Taker Defeated Streak" Doesn't Have The Same Ring To It...

We’re back to the blue brand. Have things improved since last time, or are we going to be getting some more long winded rants?

Smackdown opens with Sheamus, as it appears we’re finally going to discuss in some greater detail the fact that Sheamus won the Royal Rumble, and should be given more recognition as a result. The Celtic Warrior (and yes, I’m going to keep calling him that, because The Great White is kind of silly) starts off by saying how there are some people who think that he should choose which Championship he’s going to challenge for at Wrestlemania, although I’m not aware of anyone saying that, but hey, a talking point is a talking point. Sheamus doesn’t care what people think of him, though, which leads a bit awkwardly into a segue about bullying. This wouldn’t be so bad, either, if it didn’t try to bring itself back to wrestling and why Sheamus is such a fighter. It just seems like a mismatched attempt to bring the anti-bullying campaign into the actual show. Props to the WWE for trying, though. Unfortunately for Sheamus, Wade Barrett actively endorses bullying, and comes out to tell us as much. He says that if Sheamus were smart, he’d say here and now that he would go for the WWE Championship; because if he even thinks about going for the World Heavyweight Championship, it would surely mean he’d be facing Barrett, as the Englishman plans on winning at the Elimination Chamber. I’m glad that Wade is back to being a credible villain again: this time last year, Wade was palling around with the Corre, and we all know how much I hated that. Also, he’s moved on from Randy Orton, which is a good thing. Sheamus smiles and says he wasn’t really listening to Barrett, thinking about the beating he had taken from Orton in previous weeks. I don’t know what is going on with Sheamus’s lines tonight, but they don’t seem to directly relate to what’s going on in the ring. Of course, we can’t have a gathering without Cody Rhodes, can we? Cody is bemused that both men have such faith in their chances at being Champion, when the only one with an actual belt right now is Cody himself (as an aside, I suddenly realize that nearly every title is held by a heel at this moment, aside from CM Punk as WWE Champion). Cody too plans on winning the Elimination Chamber, to become the first co-holder of the World Heavyweight Championship and the Intercontinental Championship. I initially thought that Ultimate Warrior had already done this, but that was actually the WWF Title. And, because Smackdown can’t resist the set ups for a tag match, we need one more good guy here, and that would be the Big Show. Show disregards both of the villains in the ring, and tells Sheamus that he’s not going to tell the Celtic Warrior what he should or should not do. But he does hint that Big Show vs. Sheamus at Wrestlemania for the World Heavyweight Championship does sound like a good idea, which leads into probably one of the best Rhodes moments in a while. Cody asks Show why he would even bother getting a title match at Wrestlemania, when he’s just going to lose again, and coins the phrase that Show is “the reverse Undertaker at Wrestlemania.” The great thing about Rhodes is that even though he’s smaller than a lot of the other guys, his mic skills continue to make him legitimately believable as a villain. He doesn’t need to make his threats about just beating the other guy up, instead making his lines concerned mostly with hitting below the belt at an ego level, which can apply to anyone at any time. Things, of course, break out into a brawl, as things are wont to do in a wrestling ring, with Sheamus and Big Show tossing Rhodes and Barrett out of the ring. Incidentally, I realize that a team of Rhodes, Barrett, Miz, and Ziggler would be a fantastic stable. Just a thought.

Our first match of the night is Jinder Mahal vs. Great Khali, in the event that anyone still cared. Jinder now has a glass case at ringside in which he puts his turban before going into the match. It’s like the writers believe that if they keep giving Mahal more props, than surely something will work. The first problem with that is that Mahal still doesn’t have any kind of charisma or character to make anyone interested in his current gimmick, and as such, trying to beat us over the head with the fact that he’s rich isn’t going to work. Second, it’s a match with the Great Khali, and interest is impossible to achieve. My indifference sky rockets until Khali finally wins. I hate when Khali gets a necessary push to make us care for his participation in events like the Elimination Chamber. Out of all the guys who could have replaced Mark Henry… I want everyone to think about this: they had Brodus Clay and Drew McIntyre in reserve, and they went with the Great Khali. Know this, and despair.

The Divas match for tonight is Beth Phoenix vs. Alica Fox. I’m glad we’re running out Beth on a regular basis to get her back in the spotlight after her long hiatus. I’m also pleased that they’re going back to making Beth simply confident and ready to kill, as when the bell rings, Beth parts the ring ropes and demands that Alicia just gets out of her ring now. It’s way more badass to watch that kind of confident swagger than it is to watch Beth harp on about sticking it the model-esque Divas. She doesn’t need to prove a political point, she just needs to kick ass and leave. I’m going to give Alica some credit in this match, because she does come out speedily and with gusto. That’s the thing with Alicia: you know she’s /trying/, and I can appreciate that, as opposed to Kelly, who is content to be essentially useless. The only problem with Alicia is that she is really too skinny, in that her stomps and punches look like nothing, especially against Beth. Beth, of course, Glam Slams Alica and gets the win. She’s about to do more damage on the foxy one, but Tamina dashes out to the rescue. I’m not sure I’m behind the Warrior Princess tagline being attached to her, because it seems kind of standard, but I guess it works. Hey, at least she’s been deemed important enough to warrant a nickname, and that must count for something. Tamina and Beth have a stare down, and exchange knowing grins. I especially like how Beth seems to approve of Tamina having the guts to stand up to her: Not only does it make Beth look tougher by wanting to take on a real challenge, but it makes Tamina look legitimate for being worth the Glamazon’s time. It seems that the booking staff is actually going to deliver on an interesting women’s match, but excited though I might be, the women’s division storylines and plots changes on a daily basis, so we’ll wait and see.

Our next match is a tag match, with Sheamus and Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett. Cody has a great character moment at the beginning of the match, when he realizes he’s supposed to start against the Big Show, and after hesitating for a few seconds, quickly tags in Barrett and rolls out of the ring. Comedic cowardliness is the best cowardliness. The start of the match is actually what I want to see in a top-card tag match: there’s a lot of tagging, so that you get to see your favorites all get to work and the match is kept speedy. However, once Barrett starts to go to work on Show, I realize how spoiled I’ve been with Daniel Bryan’s matches against the giant in recent weeks: Barrett goes for the usual chopblocks and then a headlock to down Show, who doesn’t really get to rally back during the offense until it’s time to get the hot tag to Sheamus. Now that I’ve seen that it is more than possible for people to have an exciting singles match with the Big Show, I find myself less forgiving to the leg and headlock attacks, especially when you consider that Bryan is significantly smaller than Barrett. But even then, this moment of the match is kept short, and doesn’t tarnish the rest of the product too terribly much. I especially liked the big finish, with Show spearing Cody before he can interfere, and then Sheamus Brogue Kicks Barrett to pick up the win. All in all, it was a fun match, which got to showcase the four people I care about the most on Smackdown (aside from you know who, but hey, I can only rant about that so many times), and for a middle of the show match, it did its job very well.

And now, for an interview in the ring, with Michael Cole and AJ. Cole’s general annoyance is a double edged sword. On the one hand, in regular commentary, he’s almost unbearable, because, as I’ve said before, he’s doing both the color and the play by play, so you only get to hear him all the time. On the other, when you get him in segments like this, where he’s trying to goad someone in a one-on-one confrontation, his completely despicable nature almost instantly puts over whoever it is he’s harassing. The case in point here is AJ, who, really, hasn’t been given much of a personality to work with thus far, aside from being Daniel Bryan’s girlfriend. This changes in this segment, with Cole interrupting AJ as she thanks people for their support, by saying no one even knows who she is, earning instant boos. Asked further if she blames the Big Show for her injury, AJ says she’s never thought it was his fault, which is good: she’s not going to be the brainless lackey for Bryan, even though he’s quite clearly a heel here. It means her character is not immediately dependent on the actions of her boyfriend, giving her a sense of independence and actual character. And then AJ gets to further earn fan support by taking on Cole, saying he’s done far more damage than Big Show ever did: he’s never supported Bryan, he’s constantly lambasted the Divas, and he’s just generally a pompous jerk. Props to Cole’s performance here: I’m so used to seeing Cole shout people down that when he goes silent and puts on his death glare, it really is somewhat frightening, because you have to believe that someone as intense and generally hate filled as Cole’s character would totally slap AJ here, and helps put interest in the scene. Also, the moment of the night is when Cole starts to talk, and then AJ grabs the mic out of his hand and says she wasn’t finished. That’s just awesome. When Cole does finally get to talk, I realize that if he weren’t an announcer, and instead a manager, or some other backstage persona, his character would be much better for it, because he has a knack for playing the villain in these scenarios, and unfortunately, when he has to go one commentary afterwards, that’s all we get to hear about, and the moment loses something as a result. Regardless, Cole lambasts AJ for being something of an idiot for following Bryan, when he’s quite clearly an awful boyfriend. I’m also glad that they’re having Cole still be against Daniel Bryan, in spite of his turning heel. There are certain aspects of continuity which, even by wrestling standards, I demand to see upheld. And, of course, it helps that he’s right: we’ve just had a moment where AJ asserts herself as a strong individual, and then we’re reminded that she’s in a relationship where she’s more or less Bryan’s shield. I also think there’s something to be said for Cole being the one to make this revelation to her, as he doesn’t care about who’s feelings he hurts, or what AJ thinks her love means. Before Cole can get too far, though, Daniel Bryan comes out to stop Cole from further harassing his girlfriend. He also further tears into the crowd for eating meat, with allusions to the Superbowl the previous Sunday, and I think this is a misplaced promo. I find Bryan’s Vegan rants to be generally hilarious, just because they get so absurd. Coming off of the previous scene, however, where the emotions were running high and the issues were somewhat more intense, to have the main topic of the debate come out and kind of negate the previous emotions to an extent kind of hurt the scene in the long run. It just didn’t follow up on the emotions that had been created prior. Anyways, Bryan says that he’s going to do the right thing, and escort his girlfriend back home, which of course means that he doesn’t intend on fighting Randy Orton in the main event. Teddy Long disagrees, and says that if Bryan walks, he will automatically forfeit his title, which of course stops him. I think there’s something worth mentioning in that Bryan is more concerned about his title than the love he claims to have for his girlfriend.

In the continuing epic plot arc that everyone surely stays up late at night and wonders about: Ted Dibiase vs. Hunico. Ted’s wrist has healed, and so the saga continues. It occurs to me that I’ve not said much about Hunico as of yet, other than the racial stereotyping is somewhat appalling. The guy is, in fact, very good in the ring, and this makes sense, given that he was Nega Sin Cara for a few months, and to impersonate Sin Cara, you’ve surely got some skills. But the character switch is so jarring and makes no sense: you go from this sweet masked character, instantly recognizable and interesting, and go for a bland street thug persona which has been done a hundred times, each one as unrecognizable as the last. I mention this, because while watching this match, Hunico is, in fact, very impressive. He’s speedy, he’s got a great batch of moves, both in the highflying and technical variety, and is actually fun to watch. But his character is just so bland and uninspired that I can’t get behind him. It doesn’t help that he’s pitted against Dibiase, who can suck the soul out of most anything. Had he stuck as Nega Cara, he would have been great, but alas, wishful thinking. Dibiase wins the match via roll up pin, and the usual disdain I have for the roll up pin is only heightened because I realized that Hunico did most of the work in the match. I’m certainly not jumping on Hunico’s wagon, because I still loathe his character, but I may be watching more closely from now on.

And now for the main event: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton. Prior to the match, Big Show comes out to do commentary, indicating that shenanigans will occur later in the match. I almost hate when you get the guest commentators, because it’s almost a spoiler warning on what’s going to happen. The match itself is another curious matter regarding Bryan and his ability to make a match fast paced no matter who he’s working with. I’ll confess that I think Orton has gotten moderately better over the last little bit, but even still, he’s not the fastest guy in the ring, and his matches at one point or another tend to become plodding. Not so here, as the action is consistently fast, and a good back and forth is maintained. On the one hand, I want to credit Orton for no longer following his old formula of absorbing punishment before hitting all of his signature moves in one quick go. On the other, I really want to credit Bryan, because as we’ve seen with his work with Show in the last few weeks, he really seems to bring out the best in the people he works with. I think one of the major things is that he uses his speed to shake up the matches of the generally slow, and interweaves it into the narrative so that the match never slows down too much before it can pick up again. Compare this match to the one Bryan had with Punk, where I feel the speed was kept down far too much in preference of submission holds. Here, Bryan is using his speed and agility to accent the match and keep it going in order to avoid having things bogged down by a slower working opponent: following up a minute of Orton stomps with a minute of submission holds would not be nearly as interesting, because the monotonous pacing would still be present. Regardless, it’s only a matter of time before Big Show comes into play. Bryan tries to skedaddle out of the ring, and Show pushes him back in. Unfortunately, the over anxious ref calls it interference, and Bryan wins based on a DQ. Naturally, Mr. Orton is not happy when he doesn’t get to kill things, and angrily confronts the Big Show about it. In another moment of hypocrisy, I’m going to say that I liked Orton’s anger here: first, outbursts of emotion from Orton are rare and few, and when the guy seems to be getting into some kind of character instead of just emulating a block of wood, I’m inclined to applaud it just a little; second, at least there’s something of a motivation behind his anger here, rather than just, say, irrationally RKOing Show for no reason at all. The two get in a fight, and the last shot of the show is neatly staged, with Bryan on the ramp, smiling happily as the titantron in the background shows his enemies fighting each other rather than him.

This was probably the most pleasant Smackdown I’ve seen in a while. Most of the matches were enjoyable, and aside from the usual crowd that I don’t care for, we’re finally getting more of the main cast into storylines and matches that actually mean something. I really like where the AJ and Bryan saga is going, not to mention the promise of a good Diva’s match in the making, and the show was just generally fun. Granted, it’s still needs a good deal of polish, but it’s better than what we’ve had, and that’s something.

Triple H Doesn't Lose. Losing Gets Triple H'd

I’m actually getting a Raw review in before the week is out. My God. Of course, it’s done at the expense of skipping over last Friday’s review, but given that the only thing of interest that happened was Mark Henry being suspended in the story in order to finally let his ankle heal, I don’t think we’re missing much.

The show opens, oddly enough, by announcing what matches we’re going to have tonight: a Six Pac Challenge between the contestants of the Elimination Chamber to decide who gets to enter the fray last, as well as a match between Daniel Bryan and Big Show. I only bring this up because this is one of the rare times the show opens by talking about the wrestling itself. But before we can wrestle, we need to see Triple H, who comes out to the ring. Because none of us will be able to watch our wrestling show in peace without our King of Kings fix. Trips first would like to address the situation with Laurinaitis last week, making it clear that his intention last week was to fire him, even though he didn’t finish his sentence. I’m sorry, Triple H, but wrestling logic says that if the sentence isn’t finished, then the order was never given. You can’t just change the rules. I also get a kick out of Trips calling Laurinaitis unmanly, as he’s a lying manipulative backstabber. If not for the rest of Hunter’s speech, as we shall see, I would have believed that he was intentionally using irony as a joke here; however, we’re going to learn today that Triple H lives on an entirely different plane of existence than the rest of us.  In the meantime, it seems that the Raw GM has gone over his head, and is talking to the board personally to try and keep his job. Triple H is too cool for all this, though, so he’s going to skip right to talking about Undertaker, and proceed to get under my skin. Last week, as we know, Trips declined the Undertaker’s request for a rematch at Wrestlemania: says Hunter, he used to be in constant awe and fear of the Undertaker, until their match at Wrestlemania, because Taker was unable to leave the ring under his own power. Of course, he noticeably omits the fact that Taker had to be carted out of the ring /after beating Triple H./ In fact, he beat him by making him tap out, and last I checked, tapping out means that you were not, in fact, tougher than the other guy.

 And now, Triple H has to be a douche: he says he was no longer in awe of the Undertaker, and that he in fact felt bad for him. I’m sorry, but a man who has died five times doesn’t need your pity, especially when he beat you. And then, after running a montage of why the Undertaker is awesome, Trips shows us the clip of the aftermath of their Wrestlemania match, where Undertaker can’t get up, after beating Triple H /by making him tap out/. Triple H believes that this moment tarnishes everything now, and that he has a hard time taking the Undertaker seriously. Triple H also starts talking about how the Undertaker has limits, and that Trips doesn’t want to have to be the one to kill him. Now, if all of this was designed to make Triple H almost a heel in order to get us behind the Undertaker, I would have less of a problem with it. But it’s not: the design of this is to inflate Triple H’s ego and put him over like he’s too good for the Undertaker now. Much like the “walk out” of the staff in the fall, the feud with Kevin Nash, and his wallowing in power last week with Lauriinaitis, this is designed to make Triple H look good. He wants to come off as the reluctant warrior who’s trying to be honorable. What’s so odd about all this is that Triple H is suddenly reluctant to be the bad guy, when he spent most of his career as one.

Remember: I’m a Triple H /fan./ God only knows what his haters think.

Just as last year, it’s up to the Undertaker to make me care about this storyline. As Trips prepares to leave the ring, his music stops, and the lights go out. It’s time for another montage. We see Undertaker watching a movie of his last match, sitting in his chair as the film is projected on a wall. I do love how he still has that throne from the nineties, though one has to wonder where exactly Taker lives. Undertaker’s motivations are much better: he knows that he couldn’t walk out of the ring, and he doesn’t want people to continue thinking that he was the weaker man. He doesn’t waste time belittling Triple H or saying he’s not worthy: his goal is to kick ass and take names. Also, he’s way more grounded in reality than Triple H. He knows that he couldn’t walk out of the ring, and wants to correct that image. He’s not going to beg Hunter for a match, he’s going to make him accept. The difference between Undertaker’s godmoding and Triple H’s godmoding is that Triple H has to talk about how godlike he is to convince others, while the Undertaker barely needs to talk at all because everybody already knows. Triple H needs to revel in his power and rub it in everyone’s face, while the Undertaker lets his actions do the talking.

But now, after a nearly twenty minute promo, it’s time for the Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan. I’m not sure why this is on Raw and not Smackdown, but okay. Daniel Bryan enters first, and summons girlfriend AJ to follow him, but AJ, in a neck brace, is hesitant. Bryan goes back up the ramps to console her, and tells her that she’s going to be safe. I love how Bryan thinks that bringing her to ringside, directly in to harms way, and then telling her that she’ll be safe, is a good thing. The match starts, and Show goes after Bryan quickly. Bryan tries to run to the corners, but Show is right there, and begins to punch away. Bryan starts to kick him in the shins, but Show levels him with a headbutt. He tries to go for a running tackle, but Bryan drops him with a kick to the knees. Even something as small as taking out Show while he’s running, instead of him standing still, is what makes Bryan’s matches with him more enjoyable than most who fight the Big Show. Bryan gets Show into a single leg Boston Crab (rather than just stomping), but Show gets back to his feet, whipping Bryan and then spearing him. Another thing I like about Show’s matches with Bryan: he’s never delegated to just lying here and being stomped on in order to get the other guy into the match. He’s allowed to make comebacks and contribute regularly. Show tries to Chokeslam Bryan, who catches it and turns it into a butterfly hold. He also manages to counter a high kick from the giant by catching the leg and then snapping it down. Again, Bryan keeps finding ways to keep a match with an opponent who ways twice as much as he does spontaneous and interesting. Bryan tumbles out of the ring, and complains that his knee is busted. Show is about to follow, but AJ intercepts him, and convinces Big Show to lay off. Of course, once he turns, Bryan tries to attack Show from behind. Show is about to charge Bryan, who ducks out of the way, but Show manages to stop himself before actually hitting AJ, pulling up by holding onto the ring post. Bryan is horrified that Show was about to hurt his girlfriend again (disregarding the fact that he brought her there) and drags AJ back up the ramp, and gets counted out.  Bryan, of course, points out that because Show could stop himself this time, he probably could have stopped from running into AJ the first time, and thus Big Show is nothing but a big jerk. Bryan, on the other hand, loves his girlfriend and will not let anything happen to her. I love Bryan’s complete obliviousness to his wrong doings. It gives him a different angle: he doesn’t just think he’s right, he has no inclination that he’s wrong, whereas most heels at least seem to actively alienate people intentionally.

And now that we’ve had our match, we get: cars. A Nascar driver whose name I don’t care to remember is here is to make Cena that official flag waver at the Daytona 5000. Well, that’s special. And just in case you were still tuckered out from our one match, you also get a montage on the history of the Elimination Chamber. It occurs to me that we’re over fourty minutes into the show, and we’ve only had the one match. I suppose having six of your big names in the same match cancels out the obvious match ups, but still. There’s a lot of mid carders who I’m sure would like the screen time.

Out to ring comes David Otunga, wearing his sweater vest and drinking from his coffee mug. He wants to come out to try and promote Laurinaitis, and prays that the board of directors keeps him as the GM. And pray he does, getting down on his knees for a moment of silence. I like how much Otunga has settled in to his lawyer-lackey persona. He plays it very well, and adds a lot to the non-wrestling portion of the show. Suddenly, it’s announced that Triple H has arbitrarily decided that Otunga is going to have match against Sheamus at this moment in time. Of course, this means that Triple H has disregarded Otunga’s constitutional right to prayer, but then, Hunter is also a King of Kings, so I’m sure Jesus understands. Again, I’d like to point out that Sheamus won the Royal Rumble, but there’s still no important match for him. I know that there’s not much he can do rivalry rise until after the Elimination Chamber, when he’ll go after the Champion of his choice, but running him out in mean-nothing matches doesn’t put a ton of momentum in his corner. The match starts, and Otunga, being smart, tries to get out of harms ways by running away. Not a bad move. But Sheamus catches up with him and begins to lay a beating. Now, I like a good Sheamus fight, but not only is this not really a match, but doesn’t really do anyone in it any favors. Sheamus really ought to havce bigger fish to fry, and Otunga, given that he is fighting in his sweater vest, is made to look even weaker than he already is. Otunga levels Sheamus with a DDT, and then proceeds to stomp. I had hopes that Otunga had moved away from stomping as his main arsenal, but then, he doesn’t have a lot of time to work on his skills. Sheamus Brogue Kicks him in the noggin and wins. Dandy.

Well, if we’re going to waste more time, it might as well be Jericho wasting time, because then at least it’s fun. Chris is noticeably less chipper than in past weeks. Indeed, he seems more like the no-fun Jericho of 2010. I feel like in under a month, we’ve seen every face of Jericho, which is kind of cool. You can also tell that we’re back to a more evil Jericho, because he indeed starts talking, and claims that his appearance is indeed the end of the world as we know it: simply by being here, he has made everyone else on the show obsolete, because all they are is Jericho wannabes, who keep stealing his ideas and moves. As much as I love over-the-top, fun loving Jericho, I love when he’s a snarky, smug bad guy, because he plays it so well. He says that he did the suit thing before Miz, he did flashy moves before Kofi Kingston, he had catch phrases before Truth, he had valets before Ziggler, all of which are true, but of course, he didn’t really invent them, which is what makes his attitude even better. Compare Jericho’s self riteous ranting to Triple H’s: Jericho’s is laden with intentional irony and obvious flaws to make him more boo-able, while Triple H just truly seems oblivious. And he reserves the most venom for CM Punk. Punk stole the line of being the best in the world, and that just will not do. Only Jericho is the Best in the World at what he does, and to steal his catch phrase is gimmick infringement. He also brings up that he eliminated 28 other men in the Rumble. Irrational beliefs are the best beliefs. But Punk isn’t going to stand for this, and comes out with mic in hand. Punk and Jericho stare off, and surely the internet is confused as to who it’s rooting for here. Punk opens his mouth as if to talk, and instead drops it, opting to raise the belt above his head instead. It’s a solid moment: the usually outspoken Punk knows he really doesn’t need to say anything except that he’s the champ and Jericho’s not, while playing off of Jericho’s silent promos of previous weeks. Sometimes, less is more. He also turns his back, and waits expectantly for Jericho to whack him on the noggin, but Jericho, although prepping for it, doesn’t go for it. Punk leaves without saying a word, while Jericho is, of course, indignant that Punk didn’t say anything. Reasons why this rivalry already works: Jericho’s style of heel, who intentionally tries to get booed at every turn, means Punk can be a bit of a jerk to him, but we don’t feel bad, or that his attitude is misplaced. Also, I believe this is the first feud since Cena that Punk has had with an actual wrestler (Triple H barely counts). Punk can execute his snide wit on Jericho, because Y2J intentionally sets up for it, like right here with Punk mocking the silent promo. It’s not just name calling and insults, it’s a thought out scene that gets the right mood across.

And now, of all things, an actual match: Wade Barret and Cody Rhodes vs. the Great Khali and Randy Orton (And again, this isn’t on Smackdown, why?). Also, Khali and Orton on the same team: Surely, this is someone’s cruel idea of a joke. The match starts with Orton and Rhodes and some Irish Whips. Orton hits a shoulder tackle, and then hits Cody with a Legacy stomp, then tags in Khali by slapping him on the chest. I’d needlessly hit Khali too if I were on his team. Seriously, just by having Khali on the screen, my appreciation for Orton goes up droves. Barrett has to literally run into a Khali clothesline while Khali just stands there. That’s how absurd Khali in a match is. Khali returns the slap-tag in kind to Orton, who gets a neckbreaker from Barrett for his trouble. He and Cody stomp on Randy to see how he likes it. Orton doesn’t take kindly to being stomped on, and tries to punch out Rhodes, but gets a dropkick for his troubles. There’s a neat counter as Orton catches Cody’s bulldog and works it into a backdrop suplex. Khali stands at the apron ineffectual as Barrett is about to blatantly interfere. Good effort, Khali. Orton is about to RKO Cody when Khali tags himself in, and proceeds to amazingly just sort of stand there, waiting until Cody tries to do his leaping kick and awkwardly forcing himself to fall into a Khali Chop to take the fall. Even Khali’s finisher is painfully slow. Orton, of course, doesn’t like having his parade rained on, and hits an RKO on Khali. I’m not  even going to gripe about his betrayal of his partner here, because it’s the Great Khali, and God knows he /should/ be RKOd.

Time for more random Divas match ups. It’s the same match up as the Royal Rumble. Only this time, they get to enter to Eve’s music. Beth gets to slam around Eve a bit before forcibly tagging in Nikki. Man, all the tag partners are jerks tonight. Nikki gets in a neckbreaker, and in all fairness, the Bellas keep getting better. It’s hard to shake off the memories of their being mostly arm candy for the guest hosts in 2009, but they really have improved somewhat. Tamina tags in, but, in a bit of a silly move, sets up for the splash in the enemy corner. Team Bad Girls don’t even get to push her off, as the Good Girls infantry blocks the attempt. Tamina gets the pin on Nikki, and then her and Beth get a staredown, with Beth nodding in approval. I do very much hope for a match between these two.

Backstage, Laurinaitis is here to play nice with Trips. He reminds Hunter that he’s still the GM of Raw, and as such is going about doing his job, making an Ambulance Match for the Elimination Chamber between Cena and Kane. Thank you for finally giving them the match stipulation they deserve. Also, Laurinaitis informs us that next week, Shawn Michaels will be on the show, leading to a great piece of comedy where Laurinaitis is listing off all of HBK’s titles and accolades, and Trips snaps by yelling that he knows who he is. See, if Triple H could get over himself, and just do backstage bits, I would not mind him nearly so much. He can do comedy, he can do the evil boss routine, but he just won’t stop reading his own press and move on.

And now for the main event: a Six Pac match between CM Punk, Chris Jericho, The Miz, R-Truth, Kofi Kingston, and Dolph Ziggler. It’s worth noticing that Jericho is wearing trunks, not shiny tights. Truly, he’s back to being evil. The match starts, and everyone goes to beat up on Jericho in retaliation for his words earlier. I’m not going to even try to do a play by play of this, because there’s an awful lot happening here. That’s a good thing, though: all the men in the ring are working. Except Jericho, who is lurking outside, dastardly Ayatollah of Rock n Rollah that he is. Things eventually empty out of the ring, as Punk tumbles out after missing a high knee, then Truth tossing Miz out before jumping out himself. Unfortunately, Truth does not land the senton right, and you can see that he smacks his head pretty good on the ground. I don’t know if that’s the Miz’s fault for not catching him right, or if it’s just bad luck, but Truth is forced to leave the match as a result. Kofi cross bodies the lot of them, and Ziggler fakes a jump out, but stops to do some posing instead. I’m glad that Ziggler had time to do his show off thing, because in a ring with Jericho and Punk, it’s easy to get lost, and Ziggler is too good to be completely overshadowed. Back in the ring, Miz and Ziggler have teamed, and are fighting Punk. There’s a neat move as Punk hits a DDT on Miz while also hitting a neckbreaker on Ziggler. Punk tries to lock in the Vice on Ziggler and Miz, but Kofi breaks things up. The match is more about one or two guys now then having all six going at once, but then, I don’t mind the people in the ring showcasing their stuff. Especially considering that the storyline focus here is clearly Punk and Jericho, and if all the other guys get their own individualized screen time to remind the audience that they’re relevant, I won’t complain. Kofi eventually gets dumped out of the ring, and Punk and Jericho are facing off, before Miz and Ziggler hit both of them from behind. I get déjà vu here with Miz trying to fight to make everyone know that he’s an important heel too. What I’m afraid of here is that once again, a match that should be about multiple people gets devolved to just two, in this case Punk and Jericho, when everyone in this match has great character and talent and should be written into the thick of things.

Jericho and Miz both try to pin a knocked out Punk and Ziggler, who both kick out, before turning their attention to one another. Miz is about to hit the Finale when Jericho ducks and Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise, sending Miz out of the ring. Jericho and Kofi exchange high flying moves, and again, how awesome is Jericho in his matches for making the other guy look good? He could easily just trounce Kofi to make sure the crowd knows that he is indeed the Best in the World, and set up for what I suspect will be further Punk/Jericho shenanigans, but instead uses his talents to make the guy in the ring look good and make the overall match good. Eventually Punk manages to hit the GTS on Ziggler, but Jericho drags him out of the ring, and then steals the pin for himself. How dastardly! Jericho returns fire from earlier by sitting in the ring cross legged, ala CM Punk.

But the show is not over. Kane is backstage with Eve, telling her how he’s afraid that things are about to get out of control with Cena if he doesn’t embrace the hate soon. Eve is, of course, rendered unable to do much of anything, and one wonders if this story is eventually going to center primarily around her, or if she’s always going to be an accessory to Cena and Ryder.

So that was Monday Night Raw, and my God, was that a lot of promos. The main event made up for most of it, but still, that was an awful lot of talking. The Triple H opener went on much too long, as well as generally annoyed me, and while I do love Jericho, I don’t know that having him run a promo before having a match later in the evening was completely necessary. Still, given that we’re closing in on Wrestlemania, I suppose it’s only natural that the storylines start to kick it into high gear at the expense of wrestling on the show.

It's the Triple H and CM Punk Hypocrisy Show!

Would you believe I had this written up on the Tuesday after Raw, and then completely forgot to post it? I’m good at this, I swear.

The show opens with John Laurinaitis issue, and whether or not he will be fired tonight. Funny that the main concern on everyone’s mind is the Royal Rumble winner, but whatever. Laurinaitis starts by sucking up as he walks in, shaking hands with everyone. I can’t understand why the tag line of Laurinaitis being boring sticks, because he is so hilarious in how artificial he is. The GM isn’t worried about the state of affairs, he announces, because after all, he’s good buddies with Triple H, and if you’re buddies with a Nordic God, you’re set for life. Of course, friendships with Triple H are the most tentative thing ever, but we’ll go with it. Instead of fretting, Laurinaitis prefers to actually focus on the show. That’s somewhat refreshing, what with the GM of Raw actually caring about the upkeep of the show. First, he announces who the entrants in the Raw Elimination Chamber will be: Cmp Punk, Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler, the Miz, R-Truth, and Chris Jericho. This is possibly the best six man line up I could fathom. On top of this, he also makes a match between Punk and Daniel Bryan, which negates any and all ideas that he’s out of touch with the crowd. Of course, Punk interrupt, because, like all good firing scenarios in wrestling, you need to sing Kiss Him Goodbye. The crowd takes forever to pick up the chant, but eventually get into it (actually, the Kansas crowd is really bland tonight). I often wonder if anyone knows any other lines from this song. I do love when Punk gets right into GM’s face and sings in his face. Laurinaitis, on the other hand, thinks Punk owes him an apology, since he did /not/ screw Punk out of the title at the Royal Rumble. I love the logic present in that argument. Punk disagrees, saying he owes him nothing, but then resorts to name calling. I hate when Punk resrots to petty insults, because he’s shown himself to be better than that time and time again. He wanted to see his dimwitted face one last time, but applauds him for a few good laughs over the last week, somehow managing to both suck and blow at the same time. He also says he can’t wait for Trips to come out and fire him, which is probably the only time Punk is happy that Hunter is present on the show.

Yet, it is not Triple H who comes out, but, of all people, Daniel Bryan, who happily announces “Hi, everyone it’s me!” The self awareness of his absurd status as a heel character is fantastic: he’s not going to brood, because he can’t intimidate anyone that way, so what he’s going to do instead is exaggerate how much he still thinks of himself as a good guy. Indeed, the new schtick he’s going for now is that not only is he, in fact, the best wrestler in the world, but he’s also vegan, and thus is the perfect role model. And as we all now, the greater wrestling audience hates anything that might not be considered standard living, and thus boos are earned. He also informs Punk that after beating Big Show and Mark Henry, the WWE Champion isn’t much of a challenge. But, finally, the writers remember that there was a Royal Rumble the night before, and out comes Sheamus. He hates to break up the love fest, but he’d like to remind everyone that he won the Rumble, but then, for some reason, feels the need to state the obvious that the two champs will defend their titles at Elimination chamber, and that GM might be fired tonight. I don’t know why Sheamus is delegated to exposition duty here. His parting shot is to further insult the GM, which is a bit odd. What did he ever do to Sheamus?

Our first match of the night is Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler, which, as we shall see, is a surprising outing from everyone’s hated Viper. For some reason, Wade Barrett is watching from the skybox, but keeps cutting in on commentary. Don’t know why he’s there and not at the desk, but whatever. It’s also worth noting that Ziggler’s taken to wearing a hood over his head, but he doesn’t pull it off as well as Cody does. The match starts off surprisingly fast, with a few Irish whips, until Ziggler again stops the bounce so he can do a pose. I hope he moves away from the Flair strut and makes his own pose, because only one blonde showoff can do the strut. Orton drags Dolph to the ground with a head lock, but Dolph fights back. Orton gets back up and tackles Dolph.  What’s immediately impressive here is that the match continues to be fast. Orton builds momentum, but never to the point of pure domination. The slowest the match gets is when Orton has to setup Dolph for a superplex, and even then I’m not going to complain, because not only is Orton showing more life in a match than ever before, but he’s expanded his moveset. It seems the farther Orton gets from his Viper character, the less afraid he is to have a good match. Prior, he used to just absorb moves before hitting an RKO, in order to show how invincible he is. As we see here, he’s willing to give and take in the match, both taking and giving moves, thus giving more meat to the middle of the match as well as not rendering the rest of the match pointless besides the ending. Also, the difference is that there isn’t such a massive bridge of time in between his moves. He’s keeping up the action, keeping momentum, instead of just sort of hanging around until his cue is on. It makes him actually work for his win. Orton hits the RKO for the win, but I don’t mind it nearly as much.

Backstage, the GM is handshaking the crew, including William Regal and Curt Hawkins. Lauriniatis asks Regal how his sons are doing, and Regal informs him that he has daughters, and then mumbles something about keeping them in the attic. Why Regal isn’t on TV more often is a mystery.

The next match is the Funkasarus vs. Tyler Reks. The dinosaur references here are outstanding. This match, while short, gives us a little better viewing of Brodus than we’ve seen thus far. He starts by throwing punches, but then Reks hits a drop kick, then punches him. It seems like they’re no longer afraid to have Clay be hit, and also permits him to put up a greater scope of offense. But then, Brodus starts to hulk up, and then hits Reks with a body slam. I am not a fan of hulking up: I didn’t like it when Hogan did it, I don’t like when Orton does it, and I’m not inclined to like it now.  Brodus hits the crossbody to get the win. Again, short, but getting better. People are getting shots in on him, and it’s not so one sided

Backstage, Bryan meets Punk again. Why they’re interacting in the locker room only a few minutes before their match is unknown. Punk informs that Bryan that both of them are underdogs who’s triumph come from overcoming odds, and thus can’t really consider themselves role models, because their stand as heroes relies on circumstance. That’s surprisingly meta. Bryan responds by telling Punk about the dangers of meat, which is going to be our new heat gaining technique, I see. Punk informs him that he’s Straight Edge, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to tell others how to live. I want everyone to think about those words coming out of the mouth of CM Punk: Straight Edge does not, in fact, make him better than anyone. So I guess the line of attack here is on Bryan being arrogant, and Punk being real, which I can get behind, but sadly, my ability to remember further back than two weeks ago makes it hard to take this overly seriously.

CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan is next, and I’m surprised that it’s in the middle of the show, until I remember that Triple H is here, and of course considers himself the true main event. The two start with a few handshakes, and then grapple. Punk headlocks, and then shoulder tackles. Bryan retaliates with a drop kick. Bryan turns Punk over for a modified surfboard stretch. I like that Punk tries to fight out of it, instead of limply letting him lock it in. Punk breaks out, and puts another headlock on Bryan before kneeing him in the back. Bryan breaks out and drops a knee on Punks head, and it’s at this moment that I actually found myself underwhelmed with this match. I know this is a sacriligeous thing to put on the internet, but I personally think that the pacing is a bit too methodical. It’s very much Bryan hits a move, then Punk, then Bryan, etc. Now, I certainly won’t complain about a good back and forth, but the speed in which this is executed makes it feel more plodding, which isn’t helped by the amount of headlocks and holds. Everytime the speed seems to pick up, the match reverts to a hold. Punk manages to dump Bryan out of the ring, and then drops and elbow on his back. Then Bryan kicks Punk a few times, then a head lock. Punk springs off the top rope and hits Bryan with a cross body. Bryan tries to hit Punk with a running drop kick, but misses and hits the turnbuckle. And then another headlock. Even when you get a good combo, there didn’t seem to be any speed to it. Bryan hits Punk’s arm with a drop kick, puts him in a sort of arm bar, then hits a DDT, but there’s nothing snappy about it. I mean, there’s no dead moments, but it’s a bit of an odd tempo for two speedy workers. Things gets a bit better when Punk gets in a hurricanrana off the top turnbuckle, and then starts to get his own in against Bryan, with a clothesline and spinning neckbreaker, leading into the high knee into the bull dog. Punk signals for the GTS, but Bryan skedaddles out of the ring. Punk attempts a suicide dive, but Bryan blocks it with a fore arm. Then, back into the ring, hits a missle drop kick. As the match goes on, the moves get flashier. Bryan tries to set up the Lebell lock, but Punk worms out and hits the catapult into the turnbuckle. Props that they haven’t used the same move twice (aside from headlocks). But then, to show that the booking staff realized they couldn’t have one of these men win over the other without one half of the internet exploding, they decide instead to only add to the internet’s joy. Chris Jericho, being a no fun Freddy, interferes and first hits Bryan, then gets into the ring to hit Punk with a Codebreaker. Bryan wins by DQ, but of course, treats it like it was all him. I demand that Bryan’s next shirt have “Yes!” written on it. I’m more than happy to set-up for a Jericho/Punk feud.

Our next match is Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz. R-Truth comes out in a vest and shirt, dressed very snappily, and will be on commentary. Cole goads Truth about his insane antics, but Truth announces that he’s here as himself, and Little Jimmy is nowhere near here. I’m almost sad that Truth’s insanity is gone, but they worked it out gradually by having Truth warm up to being back to true face status, so it’s not been jarring. Miz comes out with a mic, which always means good things are to come. He’s angry because Kofi has gotten more coverage for doing a handstand, while Miz lasted 45 minutes and no one noticed. He’s got a point. But he’s still confident that can turn things around in time for Wrestlemania. Kofi comes out in his Riddler-esque trunks, and I realize this is the first Kofi singles match in a while. Once again, I know it’s sacriligeous, but I enjoyed this match more than the previous Bryan vs. Punk, primarily because the two men involved aren’t aiming to fulfill the fantasies of millions of fan boys, but instead are content to go out and have a good match, which they do. Things open with a few grapples and speedy reverses. Kofi dodges a few clotheslines, but gets caught into a semi camel clutch. Miz begins to stomp and wail on Kofi, but notice how this one starts with a speedy momentum, as opposed to the more methodical one with Punk and Bryan. The two exchange more punches and kicks than real wrestling moves, but keep the motion constant and exciting. The speed makes the combinations of moves and reversals more interesting to watch: Miz gets in his clothesline in the turnbuckle, and then drops an axehandle. Kofi rallies back by reversing an Irish Whip into a roll up pin, then Miz hits a DDT. He tries his turnbuckle move again, but Kofi blocks it with a leg in the face, and then a lateral crossbody. The back and forth here, as compared to the Punk and Bryan match, is more spontaneous rather than cued, helped by the speed of the match to make the reversals truly look off the cuff, rather than being executed because it was their turn to hit a move. I also love the set up for the ending: Kofi jumps with an axe handle, Miz catches him by the arm to set up the Finale, which Kofi counters into a snapmare, and manages to hit Trouble in Paradise for the win. Again, I think this was the true match of the night: The match was speedy, with a lot of reversals, no dead moments, constant rising action, and each man got to show off and contribute.

The next match is Eve vs. Beth Phoenix, but the match really isn’t what matter here. What matters is Eve’s continued role in the Cena/Kane storyline, which in and of itself I don’t mind, but then, there’s no point in giving the illusion of a match here.  Case in point: when she enters, Eve is noticeably concerned, looking over her shoulder and looking generally put out; of course, she’s not worried about her opponent, but Kane. Beth is almost superfluous here, which is a pity, because she still doesn’t have much of a contender for her title, or a plot of her own. Indeed, the match is about ten seconds long, with Eve getting in a few punches before being Glam Slammed. To further emphasize the pointlessness of the match, Beth winds up leaving the ring immediately once Kane appears on the Titantron. He asks Eve how it feels watching Zack get beaten up every week, because Cena won’t embrace that hate. Kane reminds us that until Cena does so, he will continue to do awful things, and to this end, he’s going to use Eve. The fire jets go off, and Eve, of course, is looking at the ramp, but Kane comes from behind. You’d think that there’d be some kind of reflex to at least try and run, but then, I’ve never been stared down by Kane, so I don’t know what kind of thoughts you can have in this situation. Thankfully, Cena is here to save the day. At least he’s got more aggression here than he did last night. He starts punching with gusto and Kane returns, with the hitting being fast and furious. This is what their Rumble match should have been like. Cena eventually takes to smashing Kane’s head on the steel steps. He also picks up said steps and hits Kane with them. He informs Kane that every time he gets up, he will knock him down. Cena is not a happy camper. Also notice that Cena is smiling like a loon through all of this. Kane retreats, and Cena is left triumphant in the ring. Almost too triumphant. I think the segment should have ended on more of a chilling note. Admittedly, this is just the way I read it, and I doubt they’re scrapping everything, but it’s not the way I would have ended it, is all.

And now our main event: Laurinaitis’s evaluation. I don’t care for when the main event is a promo. Laurinaitis says that before Trips evaluates him, he’d like to say that he’s not nervous, because his time on Raw has resulted in higher ratings. He then explains the process of self evaluation, and that he gave himself a lot of five out of fives. Triple H doesn’t think talking about numbers is manly, and thus interrupts. At least the two meet with a handshake, which is awful nice. Trips is, of course, still sore about Laurinaitis replacing him, and informs Laurinaitis that he wound up being worse than Hunter thought, and hates that he used his power to make himself a star. “You put yourself in the show week after week at the detriment of others to make yourself a star.” This came out of Triple H’s mouth. So, if I have this straight, Straight Edge does not make CM Punk better than you, and using your power to interject yourself on the show in a main event position is wrong. Part of me would like to think that the writers knew the irony they were running with, because if this was all done in ignorance, then no one on the staff deserves their job. Laurinaitis promises he’ll do anything to keep his job, and Hunter continues to revel in how much more power he has over the GM. Essentially, this is Triple H masturbating to himself and his power to make other people squirm. He asks Laurinatis to apologize to the audience. He does so to a loud chorus of boos. Trips asks the crowd if that was good enough. It obviously wasn’t, so he has to think of another way to diminish another man’s sense of manhood. Hunter alludes to the “kiss my ass club” like it was a good thing. Apparently, Trips is blissfully unaware that this was a low point in the WWE (in fact, I notice both times that DX was main eventing, the general product dropped in terms of quality). Laurinaitis puts on some lip chap in a great piece of dead pan, and is probably the only saving grace here. But, of course, this is all a big joke, and Hunter taunts him for it. Seriously, this whole segment was never about Laurinaitis at all, it was about Triple H feeding his ego. And remember that this come from a Triple H fan. I can only imagine how his haters handled this.

Then, just as Hunter is about to wish John best of luck in his future endeavours, the bell tolls and the lights go out.

Indeed, out comes the Undertaker, who is not only clean shaven,  but is wearing what I suspect is a wig. Laurinaitis does the smart thing and skedaddles out of their; note how Trips never finished his sentence, and thus John is yet to be actually fired. We then get déjà vu, as the Nordic God and the God of Darkness renew the staring contest they began last year prior to Wrestlemania. Only this time, Taker is the one interrupting and motioning first at the Wrestlemania logo. He makes the throat slashing motion and waits for Trips to second the motion. However, Hunter not only does not return in kind, he doesn’t even look at the logo. Instead, after a long and awkward  pause, Triple H instead opts to pat Undertaker on the shoulder, and then leaves the ring, leaving a very confused Deadman behind. I’m hesitant to make a judgement on all this, because I’m not entirely sure where they’re going with this. I fear a Wrestlemania rematch is all but inevitable, which I doubt anyone but Triple H wants; but then, if the storyline is good this time (IE, if they actually /have/ a storyline this time), I won’t complain too much. The thing I worry about most is that this might go the route of Undertaker having to prove to Triple H that they should have a match, when Taker is the one who’s already beaten him twice at Wrestlemania, and thus has nothing to prove. Whatever: Undertaker is back, and I’m always happy about that.

So that was Raw, and again, I found the best parts to come out of the unexpected. Orton had one of his better nights in a while, and the Miz/Kofi match was a great deal of fun. Laurinaitis, I still think, adds to the show, and an Undertaker return is always good for a pop or two.