So a Canadian, Irishman, and African American Walk into a Ring...

The Smackdown results for Over the Limit: Randy Orton defeats Christian (damn); Sin Cara defeats Chavo; Ezekiel Jackson beat Wade Barrett by DQ (holy cow, a DQ in a Corre match!?), and thus the IC Title does not change hands.

Our show starts, much to my dismay, with the sight of Randy Orton, still World Heavyweight Champion. Damnation. It seems that the writers have realized that Orton cannot talk, as the total amount of words he gets out this evening are: “My name is Randy Orton, and I’m still Champion.” You see, Randy Orton thinks he’s Alberto Del Rio. Mercifully, Orton is unable to continue as Christian interrupts him. I can now see the writing on the wall that they are going to try and turn Christian heel, and it drives me crazy, as he is by far the most marketable face they have right now, and it’s mind boggling that no one in front office can see this. At any rate, at least it’s not just a knee jerk heel turn, as they seem to be going through narrative stages in order to pull it off. Christian comes out and, very classily, admits that Orton beat him fair and square, yet he is still of the opinion that he can regain his title. So, basically, they’re going the route of making Christian a sore loser. Which doesn’t remotely make sense to me, because most everyone (except the twerps in the audience who are booing him) know that Christian is the one who got screwed over in all of this in favour of Orton, who really didn’t need this title reign. So, yeah, this is a heel turn that very few can get behind. At least with Truth, in spite of my reluctance, his character needed something of a push, and it wound up working out with his turning crazy. With Christian, we’re all still teary eyed from him and Edge’s good bye, and want nothing more than to see him succeed. I mean, people have been waiting for years to see Christian as Champion, and you’d have to be insane to truly want to see this man fail. Anyways, it seems that it’s time to do the “No, /I/ should be the #1 Contender!” thing, because here comes Sheamus, who says that all Christian has proven at Over the Limit is that he’s a two time loser, who spent seventeen years to master the art of losing. Harsh, but good heat building. Sheamus also points out it only took him two years to become a two time Champion, and he has all the credentials needed to get a push. But, here comes the last of our Big Four, Mark Henry. Boy, has anyone benefitted from the lack of other main eventers quite as much as Mark Henry? To be at the top card by sheer process of elimination...  Mark again shows that he’s becoming more convincing on the microphone by talking about how when you’re the World’s Strongest Man, you don’t wait at the back of the line, you butt ahead. Because, he asks, who exactly is going to say you can’t?

So we have an impasse, which beckons Teddy Long to make a decision. Of course, Teddy’s response to  this is to /not/ make a decision, instead deciding that a Triple Threat match will determine who will face Orton next week in a Title Match. What exactly do you do that’s effective, Teddy?

Our first match of the evening is between Sin Cara and Chavo Guerrero. This is pretty much the perfect match: the moves used by both men are varied and interesting, the pacing is constant, there are counters galore (thus showing that both men know what they’re doing, and adds an extra level of intrigue to the match), a good mix of high flying and technical moves, there is always something happening, and the speed makes it all the more exciting. Furthermore, the pair got to go longer than most opening matches, yet they managed to maintain the same standard of quality throughout, not bogging down or becoming tedious. The only thing I was a bit let down with was the finish, with Sin Cara winning with a modified DDT. It just seemed less impressive than his usual backflip off the top rope. Nonetheless, I have been consistently impressed by Sin Cara’s ringwork.

After this great match, we have another great match, Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan. There, see? I knew Smackdown could pull through if it was given time. They’ve found out who works well together, and are trucking along with it. Strangely, Ted doesn’t come out with Cody this time, which is a pity, as I was hoping that would become a thing. Cody does win line of the night, as he enters with: “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there is no God, because my prayers to find at least one decent looking person in the audience are continuously unanswered.” This is another well-done technical match, with both men showing off impressive movesets and always seem to pull something new out of the hat. My favourite moment was when Daniel Bryan did his usual backflip off the ringpost, only to have Cody follow in kind and deliver a knee to Bryan’s face. The ending was a bit off, though, as Bryan goes to lock in the LeBell Lock, and Cody taps out before it’s fully in. I imagine it had to be a planned thing, as the commentary picks up on it and discusses it (Booker hazards a guess that it was a way for Cody to end the match quickly without actually having to feel the pain), but the motivations are never made clear, so I don’t know if it’s a flub or what. At any rate, Cody, of course, reacts poorly, and bludgeons Bryan before putting a paper bag on his head. That would be the weirdest Mortal Kombat fatality move ever.

Well, we’ve had our quality for the evening. Now for the Corre. Specifically, Ezekiel Jackson vs. Heath Slater. I was a bit confused while watching this, because the pacing is kept up relatively fast, and there is always something happening, so it felt like it was a better match than it actually was. After watching it again, though, you can see that not a whole lot is really happening. It’s just Jackson delivering some punches and general power moves, and Slater getting in a really mediocre offense. I’m still not impressed with either man. And, as it is a Corre match, you’ll never guess how this one ends. I’ll give you a hint: It starts with D, and ends in Q. Yes, here comes the gang to save Ginger yet again. They try to go for the fearsome Corre stomp, but Zeke drives all three of them off, standing alone in the ring. I guess what they’re going for here is that Zeke stood his ground. Sadly, as I don’t care about Zeke, and since the Corre has never been a potent force, the effect is lost.

Thank God, it’s Kane time. Sadly, the Big Show is actually injured, and so their Tag Team will be on hiatus for a while. This is a pity, as the definitely gave the Tag Team Titles some meaning again. Well, Kane’s looking to kill things, and here’s the Great Khali. Much like any Khali match, Kane does the work, Khali generally no-sells it, but much to my surprise, Kane gets to Chokeslam Khali for the win. Well, didn’t see that coming. Thank you, Kane. Now, go and find out what happened to Undertaker. Once again Jinder Idon’tcare comes out to berate Khali, this time winning him over as Khali takes out his former manager, Ranjin Singh, and walks away, now a heel. Oh, no! Now he can be boring /and/ evil! The horror.

We then get a pointless scene in which Booker is in the ring, taunting Cole for losing to King. It’s over in about a minute. I don’t get it, either.

So, with Kharma apparently down for at least nine months, it’s time to start rebuilding in Diva Land. Since we’ve made such leaps and strides over the last few months, surely things can only improve, right?

Our match tonight is Alicia Fox and Tamina vs. Kaitlyn and AJ. Who are those two, you ask? Well, Kaitlyn won NXT Season 3, though she can’t wrestle, and AJ was a runner up. They’re being managed by Natalya. This match consists of Kaitlyn pushing and shoving Alicia, and then Alicia comes back and gets the win. Now, allow me to break this down: Natalya, who put on a clinic last week, is at ringside and doesn’t get into the action. Tamina, who is also decent, does not get in. Our protagonist in this match is all but useless. Our heel here, who wins cleanly, is Alicia Fox, who is built like a mop.

Damnation, Kharma, why did you have to go and get pregnant!?

Seriously, this is one giant step backwards for the women’s division. We were on the cusp of putting all the good Divas ahead, and now our fearsome bad-girl is Alicia Fox? She’s not even remotely intimidating! Surely we can have more compelling plotlines than this? Surely? I can only hope that Natalya isn’t doing to be designated to managing for long, because she can definitely pick up the women’s division and run with it if given a chance.

Main event time. The match starts off much as you’d expect, with Mark Henry and Sheamus pummelling Christian. And here is where things aren’t making a great deal of sense: if they /are/ going to try and make Christian heel, why are they still making him the obvious sympathetic hero? I’m all for giving a character angles, but not when he should so plainly be the good guy out of all of this. True to his heroic form, Christian battles on, getting Sheamus out of the ring and focusing on Mark Henry. Thinking on it, a Triple Threat match with these three has a multitude of pacing possibilities, given the fast, medium, and slow performances that Christian, Sheamus, and Mark are generally capable of. The match seems to go with the medium setting, as they try and keep the action constant (as they should, when there are three men in the ring), opting for the strategy of having one man outside the ring while the other two do battle inside, and then subbing in when one needs a breather. I like how Christian can play to the speeds of the other two, going in stride with their moves, instead of speeding it up too much and then having us crash when we slow down again. It’s just a good, steady pace.

And then, for no adequately explained reason, out comes Randy Orton to sit at ringside. Thankfully, as I mentioned before, the writers are aware that the man is as boring as mud, and thus they don’t bother putting him on guest commentary. Of course, that doesn’t explain why he’s here, but regardless. The match continues perfectly fine in the ring, including the implosion of Team Heel, with Sheamus and Mark going after one another. At one point, Mark is outside of the ring, and for reasons not specified (or, if they were, it was off camera) slaps Randy Orton. Actually, you know what? I don’t need a narrative reason for Mark Henry to slap Orton. I can take it as it is. Unfortunately, this will have consequences, and will further confuse and complicate the matter over who’s the good guy and who’s heel here. Christian Spears Sheamus, and quite clearly has him pinned for three, but in the meantime, Orton has interfered and RKO’d Mark Henry, which has the ref’s attention, so no one is doing the counting, and Sheamus kicks out at twenty six. Now, credit where it’s due, if they are going to turn Christian heel, at least they’re doing it with him being constantly screwed over by factors that aren’t his fault. It’s enough to drive any man mad. That’s fine, even though I disagree with it, because it makes sense for the character and the role he is to undertake. It’s like when they turned Punk heel, and took it gradually and methodically to develop his character to a point where it all worked believably. What doesn’t make sense here is how they can possibly justify keeping Orton as the protagonist in all of this! He just screwed over Christian, and we all saw it, and it was for no better reason than he selfishly wanted his revenge against Mark Henry, and couldn’t wait until the match was over. Orton constantly acts in selfish, douche-bag like ways, and I don’t see how anyone can consider him hero material. And no, the answer “He’s an anti-hero” does not apply, because even anti-heroes have to do something remotely heroic every now and again, and Orton does none of that. He’s still doing everything he did as the ultimate bad guy, he’s just not being condemned for it by the writers. Moreover, in this plotline between him and Christian, how is Christian not the sympathetic one that we want to see win?! The writing in this plotline is just confused in who it wants to back and for the reasons to do so.

Oh, and, uh, Sheamus wins. Cool.

Actually, I’d be more happy with Sheamus winning this match if I thought it was going to really mean something. As it is, it looks like it’s going to be little more than a stepping stone in the Christian/Orton plot. Now, if I were writing this, I’d have kept Orton from interfering in the match, had Mark Henry cost Christian his pin fall, thus leading to a plotline between those two while keeping Orton vs. Sheamus for a while longer. That way, we could keep Christian face, and thus avoid the heel turn which I’m positive is coming.

So that was Smackdown. In spite of my discontent of Orton, this was a good show. The main event was well done, and the two opening matches were fun. I’m saddened with the Divas match, but I’ll console myself with thinking they’re just in rebuild mode and are going to give me something better next week.

Crazies, Cars, Canadians, and Champions

The results for Over the Limit, as far as Raw goes: Big Show and Kane defeated CM Punk and Mason Ryan; Cena beat Miz (shocker!); R-Truth defeated Mysterio; and Jerry Lawler finally defeated Micheal Cole. The latter is not only long, long overdue, but they did it the right way, enlisting the help of Eve and JR to take down Cole, and bringing in Bret Hart to put Cole in the Sharpshooter as he was forced to kiss King’s foot. If nothing else, this plotline is laid to rest at last. We could have (should have) done this at Wrestlemania, but whatever.

The show starts with Jerry Lawler saying as much, talking about how he was glad that he and Bret Hart could get over their past differences in order to take down the common annoyance of Michael Cole. Bret comes out (with much fanfare from myself) to say he was only too happy to oblige. Sadly for Bret, but happily for us, he is interrupted by a still crazy R-Truth, who I notice no longer has any theme music. Truth, still playing with a bi-polar attitude, is incredibly polite to Bret Hart, while telling the audience to shut up. I enjoy watching Truth have fun with this, as you get the idea he’s really thinking through this character and what he’s going to do. Truth laments that he’s beaten Mysterio and John Morrison, and yet he is still without a title shot. I like that he’s using this over-shadowing as his motivation for all this; I said before that I was against his heel turn, when I thought it was just for heel turn’s sake. Here, however, it makes sense for the character, and it’s tied in very well to how he thinks and how he acts. Truth asks Bret what he did in order to deserve so many Championship opportunities, and Bret responds with “I was the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. And you’re a lunatic.” Chalk that up for line of the night. Truth, naturally, doesn’t want to hear that, figuring instead it was because Bret was a good PR man, and all you have to do in this business is win people over (he’s not far wrong, you know). To this end, Truth steals Bret’s shades, and offers them to a little kid in the audience. Then, five seconds later, Truth takes them back, in a brilliant heat gaining move. Who steals shades from a small child? (it ends up well, because after the scene, you can see Bret giving the glasses back to the kid, so no harm is really done) Eventually, our Champion, a very beat up Cena, comes out, confesses that he hasn’t been paying attention to things other than the Miz recently, and asks when exactly Truth went nuts. Truth lambasts Cena, saying he’s sick of playing second fiddle, and that he wants the spotlight, interviews, movies, and all the other things that come with being Champion. Cena, showing why I can buy him as Champion in spite of all other flaws he might possess, says he’s more than ready to fight Truth here and now. See, unlike Orton, I don’t care if Cena god-modes at times, or can’t really wrestle, because he comes off as a reliable hero character who you can get behind, because he’s going to do the right thing. I know that smarks hate this, but then, smarks hate most everything, and should be ignored generally.

In response to all these shenanigans, the Morally Ambiguous Laptop GM announces that while he considers Truth’s argument to be a strong one, he’s still not certain about whether or not Truth has what it takes. To this end, he declares that there will be a Tag Team Match tonight between R-Truth and CM Punk vs. John Cena and Rey Mysterio, in order to decide if Truth should warrant a Title match. Also, since Bret is here tonight, he will be guest refereeing.

Backstage, we see Big Show and Kane, hanging out, for whatever reason, by Alberto Del Rio’s car in the back. Why they’re here and not someplace noticeably more comfortable is a mystery. At any rate, they are discussing the probability that during their Tag Team Title match with Michael McGuillicuty and David Otunga tonight, the rest of the New Nexus will interfere. They’re getting good at figuring this out. Oh, and why are Otunga and McGuillicutty getting title shots the night after their leader failed to win? I’m assuming it’s because they did technically walk off with a win against the Champions a while back, and that means they’re contenders. All this really means is another attempt to make the Nexus credible again. Alberto Del Rio shows up and starts yelling, rather heatedly, at the two massive men to get off of his car. Truly, any man who yells at Kane and the Big Show at the same time is a brave man, even more so because the two do indeed leave. This is not the last ballsy move we’ll be seeing from Del Rio tonight.

The match, as one is wont to expect from a Nexus match, is predictable, with much interference, and with Show and Kane doing a lot of the work. The end involves a double DDT to the Big Show while the ref is distracted, so that McGuillicutty can get the pin, thus making him and Otunga the new Tag Team Champions. Boy, do I not care. Seriously, maybe if Punk had won it, it would have mattered, but this is merely a step up from Ginger and Mary Ann’s mercifully brief title reign, and it’s only a baby step at that. I miss when we had actual tag teams.

After the match, we head backstage, where a rightfully miffed Big Show is chewing out anyone who is within ear shot that they got robbed yet again. Man, Show is terrifying when he’s yelling. Why would you ever want to get him mad? Then, just as he’s reached a boiling point, he gets hit by a car. Specifically, Del Rio’s car, with Ricardo Rodriguez driving. And by hit, I mean, we hear a screech, the camera falters to indicate impact, and by the time it comes back into focus, Show is on the ground in front of the car, holding his leg. Live TV can be hard to do sometimes. The getaway by Del Rio and Rodriguez is pretty silly, as they linger for a good fifteen seconds after the attack before they make their escape. Meanwhile, we get to hear Kane call for help, which is pretty surreal. When was the last time Kane ever asked the paramedics to come to the scene of a crime? No wonder they took so long in getting there; they probably thought it was just another Kane murder mystery. Later in the evening, Del Rio tries to absolve himself of all guilt, saying it was all Rodriguez’s fault. What a jerk.

Jack Swagger has a match against Evan Bourne, and while this is short and generally a throwaway, it does help establish a few things. One, this is the first time we’ve seen Evan in a while. Two, they really are trying to get Jack back on his own two feet and distance him from Cole. Third, Swagger wins with the ol’ Gutwrench Powerbomb, which is a way more interesting finisher than the Ankle Lock. Fourth, after the match is over, Evan kicks Jack in the head and then dashes off, indicating that things are to come from this duo.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the official end (God willing) of Cole’s obnoxious behaviour. After losing his match to King last night, we see a much more humble Michael Cole then we’ve become used to over the last few months, as he trudges into the ring looking very put out. He doesn’t waste time, and apologizes to King and the WWE Universe for his behaviour. You know what? Under normal circumstances, I would consider this abrupt ending of a plotline and character to be a cop out, but here, this works fine. I was wondering what they could even do with Cole after this story, having built him up so much as a heel, so to have him just revert to meek status after a savage humiliation at least makes sense. After all, it mercifully ends the overkill of his announcing. King, with a few taunts, accepts, and Cole is allowed back at the announce table, with no box this time. We see as the evening that Cole can still kind-of do the heel announcer, backing the heels in matches, yet it’s done without being completely obnoxious and yelling down at all the other commentators. I’ll take it.

We have another plot point to wrap up: the relationship of Alex Riley and the Miz. It helps that Miz has sort of deep set eyes, because when he wants to look intensely angry, he doesn’t have to try very hard. Once again, the only reason Miz claims to have lost to Cena is because of more inept minion-ing from Riley. As it turns out, their evil plot to get Cena to say “I Quit” was to play a recording of his voice over the mic, thus tricking the referee. There’ve been some comments that this is a direct rip off of the Rock vs. Mankind’s I Quit Match, but given that match was over ten years ago, most people probably won’t remember it. Well, Miz has had enough of all this, and after a long insult fest of his lackey, he informs Riley he’s fired. Whereupon Riley finally snaps and lays a beatdown on the Miz. A very good one, too. He doesn’t go for just the usual take-down and flurry punch (though those are there), he also takes Miz all around the ring, tossing him about and doing damage. The crowd is really into this, too, with a loud “Riley” chant going. I’m glad that Alex Riley is going back to solo: he was my pick to win NXT2 (and, ironically, is doing much better as a minion than the guy who actually won), and he had a good character. Here’s to hoping he keeps it up.

From good character development to odd character development: Eight Diva Tag Match between the teams of the Bellas, Melina, and Maryse vs. Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix, Eve, and Gail Kim. Oh, I forgot to mention that Brie beat Kelly in a who cares match at Over the Limit. We’re all here for the purpose of Kharma, and indeed she does show. The eight Divas in the ring, putting aside their differences, encircle the vicious Kharma... who breaks down crying.

...Huh.

Research after the show would reveal that Kharma, in real life, is pregnant, and of course will not be dong in-ring work for sometime. I feel nothing but selfish when I lament about her good fortune for the sake of my entertainment, but while I’m happy for her, I was really into this storyline. The character was great, and for the first time in a long time, the Diva storyline was picking up in style, giving them something interesting to do for once. I mean, who didn’t want to see Beth Phoenix vs. Kharma? The problem is, I don’t know what they’re going to do now if Kharma’s not there, unless they can find another monster heel quick. Damnation, I don’t /want/ to see title matches with the Bellas and Kelly Kelly! I want the actual good Divas, and Kharma signalled this! Hopefully, we can keep the momentum up, and still allow the women to put on a good show.

So yes, at any rate, they’re probably going to write Kharma out for a while, thus the sudden breakdown. Ah, well, it was good in Women’s Division Land while it lasted.

But hey, if I lose one thing, I get another, and here for the first time in a long time is Drew McIntyre, in a match against Kofi Kingston. Drew gets fireworks now, and you only get fireworks if you’re being taken seriously, so hope for good things. As per usual with two of my current favourite ring workers, this is a fun match. Both men might not have the most technical move-sets, but they both have the advantage of constant movement in their matches, coupled with Drew’s body language and Kofi’s energy. These two are just fun to watch, especially considering they both get little to no mic time, yet still manage to establish their characters via wrestling. Kofi does win, which I won’t begrudge him.

And now, main event time. CM Punk, I notice, is decked out in pink trunks and yellow boots as an homage to the late Macho Man Randy Savage. This is a pretty well done tag match: they avoid having the usual “One man is beat up on for the entire time before getting the dramatic tag five seconds before the end” and has each man on top for an equal amount of time. I’m surprised that Truth is underplayed a great deal in the match, never seeming to steal the show, but that might be due to his partner in the form of Punk, who can steal any show at will. He spends a lot of this match jawing at Bret Hart for his ref skills. Naturally, Bret doesn’t take too kindly to this, and near the end of the match, wins up putting Punk in the Sharpshooter in a blatant disregard for ref neutrality. I love how he’s totally indifferent that this is un-fair, and is just badass in his not putting up with heels. In fact, Bret should take care of smarks in this fashion. Rey drops the seated senton on Punk and gets the official win. I don’t know how this will affect Truth’s chances for a title shot, but seeing as he wasn’t the one pinned, he should still be good.

This was a pretty good Raw, though I’m bummed about the loss of Kharma. There were a lot of storylines established, with Swagger/Evan and Kofi/Drew, as well as Truth getting more screen time to put his character over. We've seen the end of Miz's minion, as well as Heel!Cole. Not a fan about the new Tag Champions, but what  can you do? Bret Hart more than made up for that.

The World's Strongest Character Overhaul

With one more show before Over the Limit, how will Smackdown keep the action rising and the intrigue growing?

Our opening match this week is a one on one bout with Christian vs. Sheamus. I have nothing ill to say of this match, as it does everything well. In fact, it’s nearly the ideal opening match: it’s fast paced, fun, energizes the crowd for things to come, and still has a plot behind it. For Christian, it’s trying to build momentum, and for Sheamus, it’s trying to re-establish himself as a major contender (incidentally, did Sheamus ever get a rematch against Kofi for his US Title? I don’t believe so). Not to mention that this match uses the strengths of both men to their full potential, with Sheamus brawling and Christian’s technique/flying hybrid, as well as letting both men get in as much of their move sets as possible. The ending is neat too, with Christian winning via roll-up. The look on Sheamus’s face as he realizes he’s lost on such an easy move is priceless: he’s so totally aghast. Christian has little time to celebrate, for Mark Henry arrives to provide a beating. I’m not certain why Sheamus and Mark Henry have taken to being a make-shift team, but hey, it gives them something to do. And as I may have said before, I find myself increasingly behind this Mark Henry push: he’s not just a brooding big man, he’s taking great pleasure in what he does, giving him a better angle than just being angry. He has more of a character now, with the idea that he really doesn’t care about what people think about him now, and that he’s just going to do what he wants, giving him more motivation than just being an angry heel or a jolly face. Well, him and Sheamus begin the ceremonial beat down, when who should appear but Randy Orton! He is greeted with cheers, while he... stands there. For like, a minute, watching while Christian gets beat up. Kind of a jerk thing to do, Randy. Now, if they are going to teeter on his being a heel with this, and make him more selfish and jerk-like, that’s fine. I can buy Orton as a heel better than a semi-face, which has always been completely unbelievable. But the crowd reaction here is so absurd as they cheer Orton’s inaction, as if they agree that he shouldn’t help Christian. What? Seriously, who on Earth backs Orton more than Christian? He’s a good guy too, y’know. Orton gets off his ass and dashes to the rescue, helping get Sheamus as Mark out of the ring. Goody. I hate how they’re increasingly painting Christian to be helpless. My fear here is that they’re going to wind up turning him heel and keep Orton face, which makes no sense. Christian is a money making face, and Orton is passable as a heel. Why turn this system on its head for the benefit of Orton’s fangirls?

Our next match tonight is Brie Bella vs. Natalya. Never mind who’s holding the belt, Natalya takes Brie to school here, and shows why the Bellas are a joke and why the women like Natalya should be getting more screen time. Nattie just unloads a furious offense on Brie, hitting her with a variety of moves, each one more impressive than the last. Snapmares, Suplexes, takedowns, clothelines, heck, she counters out of a headlock by lifting Brie onto her back and then falling back on her. Seriously, I can only hope that Kharma’s push means that we’re getting geared for more serious women’s division, because Natalya can put on a better wrestling show than most of the men, including the current Heavyweight Champion. Brie gets in her one actual move (a facebuster) and wins, but we all know who the real winner in this was. Natalya impressed everyone, and actually garnered quite the fan-reaction from the audience, who are usually indifferent to the women’s matches. See what happens when you put the entertaining Divas with actual wrestling ability on the show? Fans start paying attention. Of course, it’s then announced that at Over the Limit, the Divas Title will be fought for between Brie Bella and Kelly Kelly. I am sad.

We continue our saga with the Corre and it’s ever shifting storyline. It seems that the blow up scheduled for the entire Corre has been postponed while we try and put Ezekiel Jackson over. Zeke comes out and is much more well spoken than I thought. Sadly, he’s still a little dull. His whole driving motivation literally seems to be that he’s big. He brags about the reason the Corre did well was because of his strength. He talks about his ability to dominate due to his size. Zeke is a one note man, and that note is not that catchy. I mean, if he wants to be a face, that’s fine, but there needs to be more to this guy than just his size. Wade Barrett and friends agree, as they come out to teach Jackson a lesson. I notice that Heat Slater has taken to wearing tights rather than his usual trunks. Luckily for Zeke, Big Show and Kane come to the rescue, triggering Teddy Long to make a six man tag team match between the two sides. I have to say that a team of Ezekiel Jackson, Big Show, and Kane would be terrifying. I do have to say that this match is better than expected, primarily because the Corre doesn’t really cheat or aim to get disqualified. Jackson get’s the win when he puts Gabriel in a Torture Rack, which I’m guessing is going to be his new finisher. I’m behind that, as it’s better than his Rock-Bottom ripoff. Still, Jackson is going to have to pull up his socks if he hopes to become interesting any time soon.

And now, Chavo Guerrero will show us what he’s made of. This guy really is an underrated piece of work: his mic skills are on the ball, and he’s gota good mix of speed, acrobatics, and technical skills. In fact, I don’t think there’s a guy who’s suffered as much as Chavo since the Cruiserweight Title was retired, as that was where he really made his mark. Chavo complains that Sin Cara was incredibly ungrateful last week, and that he could not have beat Daniel Bryan without Chavo’s help. In order to show how much better he is than the newcomer, Chavo vows to beat Daniel Bryan in five minutes. This match is all right, but I feel that Bryan isn’t putting Chavo over very well, as he seems to try and do more countering and showing off his own stuff than really making Chavo look good. Especially with the end, where Chavo does the Frog Splash near the ten second mark, and Bryan still kicks out. I know that in this case, it’s a booker’s decision to have him not lose in five minutes, but it doesn’t really do Chavo any favours to no-sell his finisher like that. Chavo is irate that he has failed to win within the time limit, and is about to exact his revenge on Bryan when Sin Cara comes to the rescue. Sin Cara has made the unfortunate decision to wear his T-Shirt, which doesn’t look great when you’re going as the Man of Mystery. Also, the light blue color makes it look like he’s in his pajamas. The two are to have a match at Over the Limit, making me almost break down and buy it, just to support Chavo.

Up next is a strange segment with Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes. The two enter the ring together, implying that they’re on the same page. I’m guessing the idea is that Cody is trying to help Ted get back on track (the irony there is still staggering, no matter how many times I think of it), and they start things off with Cody putting a paper bag on Ted’s head. Ted then starts to do an impression of someone whom I don’t recognize, but I guess is Mexican (seriously, I have no idea who he’s doing here), and I’m unclear as to how this is helping Ted gear up for anything. I mean, maybe the idea is to humiliate him so that he feels more compelled to succeed, but then, why did he do the imitation? Who are they taking a shot at? And why would it make Ted angry, or make him more likely to succeed? At any rate, Ted is having a match against Trent Baretta, whom he beats quickly, giving him the first win he’s had in months. I’m  good with that, but I just don’t know what the heck the motivation was in this scene.

Speaking of motivations I don’t know about: The Great Khali and this Jinder Mahal schmuck. I suppose that he’s taking over as Khali’s manager, and the writers are trying to turn Khali back into a monster heel. But the fact is, the guy is still as dull as can be. Khali beats Jey Uso  with ease, and then goes off with Jinder. See how quickly I typed that? That’s because there’s little to say: it’s boring. Khali is boring, this new guy is boring, and I notice that Drew McIntyre is still without screen time on either show.

Main event time, with Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry. This is one of the very few times where you will see a match carried by Mark Henry. He is the one doing all the work in this match, with Orton doing his tried and true method of doing absolutely nothing until the end like a useless sack of potatoes. And again, Henry seems to be constantly improving. He’s still slow (for a guy his size, how fast can he be?) but he’s no longer plodding: he’s constantly moving, making up for the general lack of actual action by at least keeping the pace, giving the audience something to look at other then dead air. Before, Henry would often just stand there when not making a move; if he were to strike a guy down with a power move, he would wait for thirty or so seconds while the other guy got back up. Now, he doesn’t waste time, knocking Orton down and then pursuing the retreat in order to follow up with the assault. His offence is now constant and persistent, rather than a few bursts of power. Orton does none of these things, taking a beating while pretending to sell moves. It drives me nuts that Orton can’t sell anything now, considering that was his biggest strength when he first came in. He used to sell power moves like death, and now it’s more like a mild inconvenience. It’s fitting that this match ends in a DQ, with Sheamus coming out of nowhere and stopping Orton from doing the RKO. In a mirror move of earlier in the show, Christian appears at the stage, and waits for a while before deciding to arrive. I notice this earns boos from some of the idiots in the crowd who have somehow deducted that this is any worse than what Orton did earlier on. Granted, given that Christian should be acting the hero, he should have gone in without hesitation, but given that it’s Orton getting beat up, I don’t remotely care. Christian does eventually come to the rescue, driving out the two heels while he and Orton stand tall, glaring at one another. You deserve so much better, Christian.

Thus Smackdown, and it’s a huge improvement since last time. The bookers and writers have gotten over the post-draft hump and are starting to develop storylines again. Mark Henry and Sheamus are becoming more and more compelling as the main heels of the show, Natalya got to put on a clinic of what the women’s division /should/ be like, Ted and Cody do indeed seem to be going somewhere, and the matches were generally very good. I still hate Khali and Orton, but even they can’t entirely sink this battleship. So we go into Over the Limit with question marks regarding Christian and Orton, and who will  walk away a face or a heel (never mind the World Heavyweight Championship, this match is about character development). Screw the inevitable; Let’s go, Christian.

Raw's Redemption

Okay, this needs to stop. Right now. There are certain truths and realities that I rely on in order to get through my  day, and if these things are shaken up, the world as we know it could shatter. I count on Raw to be savagely disappointing, and Smackdown to be great. When this simple equation is turned on its head, I don’t know which way is up now. Yet here we stand, with Smackdown having disappointed me for two weeks in a row, and this last Raw being especially good. I’m just stumped.

Our show opens with a very nicely put together montage of the Miz’s previous assaults on John Cena, emphasizing how the Miz is indeed capable of dealing out damage to the Superman. Hey, if you want me to care about the I Quit Match, then you certainly need to put Miz as over as you can. Alex Riley, who is the most loyal minion ever, comes out and tells us that the Miz has made a living of proving people wrong, and that at Over the Limit, he will be the first man ever to force Cena to say “I quit.” Only if he can re-engineer Cena’s genetic code which prevents him from saying it... The Morally Ambiguous Laptop GM agrees with Miz (oh, look, they’re friends again!), and says that since John Cena got to choose the stipulation of their match at Over the Limit, it’s only fair that Miz gets to decide who will face John Cena tonight, as well as the kind of stipulation. I notice that the GMs like to delegate authority a lot. Making people have matches to make decisions, having the wrestlers themselves make choices... Yeesh. The Miz will spend the rest of the show talking to random people in the back, be it Ziggler or Kane, trying to conjure up support. If nothing else, it gives people a chance for screen time.

Our first match of the evening is between CM Punk and Kofi Kingston. And right here is where Raw is mysteriously doing everything right. First off, it’s a match against Punk and Kofi, and that instantly spells awesome. Second, Punk has told the Nexus not to interfere in the match, as he wants to lead by example. Third, this is the first time in a long time that Punk has been allowed to work in the ring with someone actually fun (and no, Orton definitely does not count). True to form, this match is fast paced and entertaining. It seems that Kofi is doing a lot of the work for a good part of it, but this is used for Punk to wave off the advancing Nexus members, telling them he doesn’t want or need their help. No, Punk, no you don’t. Punk eventually does get Kofi with the GTS, earning the win, and marking the first match involving a Nexus member that did not involve a disqualification finish, as well as not making Punk look like a bitch. Later in the evening it is announced that Punk and Mason Ryan will be having a Tag Team Title match against Big Show and Kane at Over the Limit. Obviously, the bookers realized they only had two matches going into Over the Limit, and are now trying to cram more in (as we shall see). I’m not enthralled with the inclusion of Mason, but I suppose Punk has to work with what’s given to him.

It’s Diva time with Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella. Boy, did the taste die in my mouth as that one came out... Thing 1 and Thing 2 kind of screech at one another for a bit until Kelly wins. Yippee skip. I can only hope that we work through all of the fluffy Divas a little quicker with this Kharma push, so that we can get to the good matches. True enough, Kharma shows, and Brie, trying to make us honestly believe she’s almost a legit Champion, takes a swing. She fails. It’s amusing. She dashes off, leaving sister Nikki to take the beating. Kelly is left in the ring, however, and Kharma works her into the corner, staring her down, before flicking her on the forehead. I believe it’s a hex-flick, but don’t quote me on that. If nothing else, the visual of a beast like Kharma taking down the piece of fluff that is Kelly with a simple flick amuses me to no end. It’s interesting that she hasn’t maimed her yet, but I guess she’s saving the best for last. Actually, I like that she’s playing with Kelly’s mind, and letting her live in a state of paranoia. In fact, if Kelly had any acting ability, I’d be willing to bet this storyline could be dragged out with great interest for some time.

Rey Mysterio comes out next, and he’s put out that R-Truth attacked him last week. He says that if Truth wants a fight, he’s more than willing to give it to him. Unfortunately for Rey, he gets Alberto Del Rio instead. Del Rio, like any good heel, knows his geography, and recognizes that they are in San Antonio, Rey’s hometown, and uses this to simultaneously lambast Rey and the audience, earning many boos in the process. The two of them have a match, and it’s what we’ve come to expect from these two, with Rey providing the high flying, and Del Rio with his counters and technical assaults. But they don’t get too far when we hear the voice of R-Truth, coming from... somewhere. The camera seeks for where he is, finally finding him in the upper deck, yelling down at Rey. He accuses Rey of stealing, calls him a thief, for robbing Truth of the title shot he rightfully deserves. Wow. Truth is really making the best of this. He is playing crazy for all it is worth. The match plays well with the distraction, which usually means a roll up pin from behind, but after Del Rio rolls him up, Rey kicks out and they work for a bit more. The match eventually ends in a DQ, with Del Rio’s personal ring announcer Rodriguez grabbing Rey by the foot. Rey’s so busy yelling at a retreating Del Rio that he completely ignores the gestures and yells of the audience who are pointing behind him (it’s actually really amusing, considering how there’s no way he could /not/ see the warnings). Sure enough, Truth pops up and assaults Rey. Then, making his crazy angle work even better, Truth becomes incredibly calm, and asks Rey, like a disappointed friend, why he insists on calling Truth out? Why can’t they just get along? And then proceeds to continue to punch Rey in a fury. I love how Truth is playing with this: alternating mood swings, coupled with his expressive eyes, and knowing exactly what to say without being over the top. It is announced that these two are also to have a match at Over the Limit. This might actually be a fun match, and it goes in line with Rey putting young guys over. He did it with Cody, and if he can do it with Truth, well, all the power to him.

Wait, wait, you think all this (good wrestling, good booking, good storylines) is too much to bear? Wait until we get past this: Michael Cole and King are geared to have a contract signing for their final match at Over the Limit (why they need a contract for this is beyond me. I mean, for titles it makes sense, but here, it seems unnecessary). Cole is, of course, gloating, with Swagger by his side. It’s not annoying gloating either: it’s the kind of smug revelry that a heel ought to have when facing down his enemy, knowing he has a minion in his corner. Also, their match is to be a “Kiss My Foot” challenge, which reminds me: remember when Cole was knighted, and it was a huge waste of time? I notice that hasn’t even come up since then, marking up another useless moment for this storyline. They sign the necessary papers, whereupon King suddenly shifts gears and points out what I’ve been thinking all along: that Cole has turned Jack Swagger from former World Heavyweight Champion to just Cole’s minion. Cole, being overcome with smugness, blabs that no one even remembers Swagger as Champion, and that being Cole’s underling is the best thing that ever happened to Swagger. I love how this Freudian slip was integrated: it works that Cole is so caught up in his own ego that he’s his own downfall, rather than having it feel forced. Swagger, of course, is aghast that Cole has said that no one remembers his reign, and walks out. Cole begs for forgiveness, then is faced with the unpleasant reality of King smiling at him. Then, true to dastardly heel form, Cole starts to try and pass this whole thing off as a joke. There, that’s what worked about Cole’s character: that old school, crawling heel, who’s only big when he has an edge, rather than a loud mouthed, annoying, obnoxious commentator who just won’t shut up. More heat is gained by showing himself to be a coward than by just running his mouth. King, of course, is having none of this. More amusing, through the rest of the evening on commentary, is Cole trying to suck up to King. If that’s all it takes to get Cole to not over-talk everyone else, it should have happened months ago. Seriously, simple is better: when Cole gets more over-the-top with his heel persona, and just yells down everyone else on commentary, he is not convincing or fun to watch. When he goes to basics of being slimy, cowardly, and underhanded, he is passable.

We have another Nexus match tonight (still no Drew, I notice... Boy, nothing I love more than not watching my favourite current wrestler at all) between Otunga and McGullicutty vs. Big Show and Kane. Remember when Otunga was second only to Wade Barrett in the original Nexus? How far you’ve fallen, Dave. This match is actually kept up better than I thought. The interference from Punk and Mason on the outside is kept to a minimum, and it’s not as slow as usual. Odder than all this, the Nexus members win. I really was not expecting that. It’s almost as if they’re planning on becoming a legitimately intimidating faction again. My guess is on the negative, however.

Main Event time. Miz waits until John Cena is on the entrance stage before announcing that he’s decided Cena’s match will be a No Holds Barred Match. Then, while Cena registers that, he is attacked from behind by Swagger, who is revealed to be the opponent. I really approve of this: first off, Swagger is fighting Cena, which means he’s being taken seriously again. Second, commentary notes that Swagger was a former Champion often, meaning they’re trying to put his accomplishments back into the audiences mind, boding well. The match is mostly Swagger doing the work, battering away at Cena. While not the best thing to have for a match (being one sided nearly the whole way), it does give the idea that Swagger is softening up Cena for the match on Sunday. It is annoying, however, that pretty much the only move that Cena gets in out of this is the STF, which of course wins him the match. I’m against having the singular offense in a match being the finisher, and this is no exception, as it means that the guy who won the match did nothing to earn it. Well, Miz applauds Cena, and starts to list off all the things he /might/ do to Cena at their match at Over the Limit, going through hitting him with the camera boom, throwing him off the stage, or levelling him with a pipe, before declaring that he will do none of those things, because they’re too obvious. Miz is planning on doing things far from the ordinary in order to get Cena to quit, especially, in a master teaser, a specific way that’s guaranteed victory. That’s the way to garner interest in a match that should be predictable as can be: hint that there’s /something/ that can get Cena to quit, but not give any details, allowing the audience to only speculate and create interest and suspense. Heck, even if you don’t care, you almost want to tune in just to see what /might/ happen. Cena doesn’t take kindly to this, and goes after Miz with a steel pipe, putting on the best serious face he’s had in a while, helping to up the drama and making it look like Cena is genuinely angry with the Miz, and wants to tear him to shreds.

So that was Raw. And it was good. I don’t think there was anything that happened which I could stand. Even the Nexus bits kept their usual obnoxious existence to a minimal. Did Raw steal the Smackdown writers when they stole their talent? They must have: this is all too good for Raw.

So Much Bad, Yet So Much Good

This is one of the rare times where I’m annoyed with Smackdown to the point of not being sure if I’m going to tune in or not. Sucking it up and reminding myself that I’m /not/ a smark who just bails because their guy didn’t win, I continue to watch regardless of my savage disappointment.

We start with a title-less Christian, who is being a good sport about all this. He tells us that he supports Teddy Long’s decision last week to have a Championship Match, and that he doesn’t begrudge Orton winning. I assume he was made to say this in order to stop the audience from throwing things right away. I should mention that this sign of sportsmanship is a great quality in a Champion. It appears that they are to have a rematch at Over the Limit next week, which provides us with yet another pointless match: if they stripped Christian of his belt a day after winning it, they’re not going to have him win it back from the booker’s love-child Orton. Couple this with the I Quit Match between Miz and Cena, and the major title matches for this PPV are all but arbitrary. Not the best way to sell tickets. Now, if I felt that there /was/ a chance of Christian winning, had the writers /not/ raped his credibility and squashed our hopes and dreams, this would be a different story.

No baby face promo can go for long without a heel interruption, and lo and behold, here comes Sheamus. It’s a bid odd, because he comes out demanding a match with Christian, but doesn’t really elaborate why. He says it’s what the audience wants to see (and I won’t deny that), but that’s not really Sheamus’s style. It’s not like he’s getting anything out of it. Alas, he himself is interrupted by Mark Henry. Once more, I really like that Henry’s style of being a heel this time around involves him smiling. Mark informs Sheamus that what everyone /really/ wants to see is Henry vs. Christian, which is responded with boos from the audience. Sheamus, taking advantage of this, sarcastically agrees that it certainly sounds that this is the audience’s will. To which Mark informs Sheamus that he’s like the kid who talks funny and everyone ignores. Truly, the Smackdown Gods are working their will on Mark Henry, who, as we shall see later, is growing better at everything. Sheamus counters, saying maybe the audience would like to see Mark Henry vs. Sheamus instead. Why is Sheamus picking random fights with everyone? I do like the idea that he’s not afraid of Mark, bringing back his Celtic Warrior angle, but still. Mark has a better idea: why don’t the pair of them just beat up Christian for kicks? I love how Sheamus thinks this over for a few seconds, has a facial expression that says, “Yeah, that could be fun,” and then they both go after Christian. Again, I don’t know why they’re going after Christian, given that he’s no longer Champion, and that he’s already the #1 Contender, but it’s a good heel moment. They don’t get too far when we see our new (and vastly unwanted) Champion, Randy Orton, here to save the day. I absolutely despise the fact that Orton had to save Christian from the heels. The pair throw Henry and Sheamus out of the ring, I sit there and hope (without success) that Christian will just deck Orton, and Teddy Long does what he does best, and announces a tag match between Henry and Sheamus vs. Orton and Christian for the main event tonight. I don’t know if I’ve commented on this, but I like how Smackdown builds their main events at the beginning of the show via plot arc, rather than Raw who just have their main events occur at almost random sometimes. It helps it feel more like a well thought out show.

Now, remember when I said that Christian being humble and a good loser was a great quality for a Champion to have? Orton later reveals that he only helped Christian so that he wouldn’t be beat up to the point where there’d be more excuses, and when Orton beat him again, it would show that he’s better. Our Champion, ladies and gentlemen: a selfish, unheroic prick.

Our first match of the night is Sin Cara and Daniel Bryan. I may have just gotten chills writing that. These two are easily among the best performers inside the ring that the WWE has right now, as well as internet fanboy favourites. In all honesty, though, I was a bit disappointed in this match. I mean, it was still solid, certainly, and the pacing was fantastic, as there was always something going on. However, I felt that Bryan never got to be on top of the match’s momentum, which is odd; looking at the other Sin Cara matches we’ve seen, what makes them great is that there’s always guessing as to who is winning at any point in time. You don’t get that here: Bryan does the typical jobber act of putting the good guy in peril so that he can make a comeback. There wasn’t a whole lot of back-and-forth going on, which is a pity, because Daniel Bryan is much better than this. Of more interest to me is Chavo Guerrero on commentary, insisting that he taught Sin Cara everything he knows, and that all the moves Sin Cara is doing, Chavo did first. I really like how Chavo pulls this off: it’s very off-handed in his credit stealing, never sounded forced or an obvious heat-building attempt, and is so sharp and clever that although he never shuts up about it, it’s still interesting and fun to listen to. I’ve always liked Chavo, and never thought it was fair that he kind of got pushed to the sidelines in recent years. Near the end of the match, as Bryan is about to do a dropkick off the top rope, Chavo pulls him back, allowing Sin Cara to go up to the top and do the amazing flipping moonsault slam (they really need to give that thing a name soon). We’re all happy, until Sin Cara finds out what Chavo has done by watching the replay on the Titantron, and then pushes him. Sin Cara is not one to take the easy way out, even if it means winning. What’s that? A good guy who does the right things and doesn’t want to cheat? How very un-Orton of you!

Now we find ourselves with Layla standing in the ring. She’s still quite happy that she beat Michelle McCool, as are we all. With the exception of Michael Cole, who, of course, has to interrupt. This is starting to get ridiculous: if I thought for a second that there was a greater plot arc at hand where Cole was going to get his comeuppance for these constant belittling tirades of the Divas, then this wouldn’t be a problem. But he’s been doing this for months with no apparent point, and it’s just another thing to add to the gratuitously long list of things Cole is doing that annoys me. In fact, that’s the thing that took what could have been a great heat building storyline into just an irritation: there’s no point to any of this. It’s just annoying event, after annoying event, for no other purpose than to be annoying. That’s not entertainment, that’s a turn off. It worked for the prelude to Wrestlemania when we thought Cole was earning heat in order to get his ass kicked all the more gratifying, but that obviously did not happen. So this has just dragged on and on, with no arc to support it, and I’m deathly tired of it. Long story short, Kharma shows, beats on Layla for a bit, and then, adding to the long list of why Kharma is awesome, gives Cole the death-glare and chases him back into his pexiglass box. Thank you, Kharma.

Oh, look, the Corre vs. Kane. Gosh, I wonder what could possibly happen here. All right, in fairness, it’s actually billed as Wade Barrett vs. Kane, as it should be. And until the inevitable DQ finish, this is a pretty good match. The two men have very similar builds and movesets, and as I’ve said before, it’s easier to have a good Big Man match when there are two of them. That way, you can execute your power moves without worrying about squashing the other guy, you can set your own pacing, and in this case, both men are very talented and fun to watch, so the overall experience is fun. So, yeah, Corre interferes, what a twist. Then, dashing in to the ring is Ezekiel Jackson! Uh, yay. Actually, much to my surprise, he doesn’t get very far in his attempt to seek revenge, generally getting his ass handed to him by the Corre. Huh. Okay, that was kind of a twist in that face of wrestling conventions. What happens afterwards, though, is quite odd. In the back, Wade is getting interviewed, and challenges Zeke to a match at Over the Limit. The match itself is not a surprise, but why would Wade challenge Zeke? He’s not the one who has anything to gain by this, Zeke is the one seeking revenge. Also, Ginger helpfully pipes up that it should be for Wade’s IC title, to which Wade /agrees./ Why on Earth would Wade so willingly put up his title for grabs? This is the man who did every devious trick he could last year on Raw to stay in power, and here he’s acting like a total maroon. Also, his parting shot of: “C’mon, guys, let’s go make some more statements,” is just bizarre, especially considering that they don’t appear during the rest of the show, and you have no idea what kind of statements they just dashed off to pursue. Unless they have their own printing press in the back, and are manufacturing written statements...

The Great Khali brings to us the uselessness that he’s renowned for with the Khali Kiss Cam. That might have flown on Raw, but I expect better from Smackdown. It’s every bit the colossal waste of time you’d expect it to be, until the end, where some guy, whom I’m told is named Jinder Mahal, comes up and slaps Khali in the face. That would be a great moment if I had any idea who this joker was, and why I should care anymore about him than Khali. Also, if this is the attempt to build a storyline with Khali, I’m woefully disinterested.

Time out! What the hell has happened to my show?! This is Smackdown, which has great wrestling, great writing, great characters, and now I’m being given the Great Khali in a plot line of his own, and Randy Orton is my Champion? No, no, no! This is exactly why the annual Raw raping of Smackdown drives me nuts: not only do they get all the good parts, we get all the sucking parts, and are forced to use them because we have nothing else to plug into screen time in compensation. What can save the day now?

Oh, hey, Cody Rhodes vs. Ted Dibiase. Well, that question was answered with gusto. Thank you, Smackdown.

When was the last time we saw these two together? Wrestlemania 26? My, how times have changed. Ted starts in the ring, and doesn’t get to say anything, which is a bit disappointing, because I still hope that he’s going to become better in the near future. Cody Rhodes, however, has a lot to say. Line of the night, “So I guess this is the part of the show where I’m supposed to “entertain” you.” He just spits out his words with such disgust and anger that you feel that this man with his chicken-esque legs is ready to screw you up big time. I also enjoy how he says that no one is safe from his wrath, not even Priceless friends. I love whenever wrestling actually summons up continuity, and this is no exception. Rhodes and Dibiase, of course, were not only part of Legacy, but prior to that were a Tag Team called Priceless. I’d really love to see them play with the past in order to make this compelling. Cody offers Ted a paper bag to wear over his head, and Ted slaps it away. Oh, good, it looks like Ted is gearing to be a face. Good choice. This is a pretty standard match, nothing incredibly special, but it’s fun and fast paced, and the added storyline within it really does help it along. In fact, the potential for writing within this has already made me forget about the abysmal existence that is the Great Khali. Cody wins, but I desperately hope it’s not the end. Seriously, if handled well, this could be the best piece of panic writing done by the Smackdown crew since last year’s coping with the Undertaker’s concussion producing the epic Kane vs. Taker story.

Main event time! This is a surprisingly good match, for a number of reasons. The Tag Teaming of Henry and Sheamus is well timed, as Henry, knowing that he can only do so much over a period of time, will execute some power moves, then tag in Sheamus to take over, thus avoiding slowing things down unnecessarily. The work between Christian and Sheamus is well done, albeit the classic big bad heel vs. steadfast good guy type of match, paced so that Sheamus gets to dominate only so long before Christian pulls ahead, thus making it more entertaining. Christian is the one who does most of the work for his team, thus saving me from the doldrums of Orton. And I really liked the ending, in which Christian does a blind tag to Orton’s back, so that /he/ can come in and get the win. It shows that Orton might have won last week, but Christian’s not his bitch, and can still do his own thing and act like he’s competent. The double-finish of Christian using the Killswitch on Sheamus and Orton RKOing Mark Henry was also fun. After they win, Orton extends his hand in congratulations. I presume this is to hoodwink the audience into thinking that he’s remotely a good guy, and not the total jerk that he portrayed himself to be at the beginning of the show. Yeah, unlike most WWE fans, I have a memory that lasts longer than half an hour and I’m not buying it.

So that was Smackdown. I found myself a little disappointed: we had to endure the wastes of screen time that are Cole’s ramblings and the Great Khali, and the Sin Cara vs. Daniel Bryan match was almost a let down, if only because I expected such great things from it, and Wade Barrett seemed toked up on something. The main event was fun, though, and I like that Mark Henry and Sheamus are getting back into the main event (if Henry can keep pace and continue to impress me), I like that Chavo got screen time and hopefully an actual feud of his own, and I love the potential story between Rhodes and Dibiase. If Smackdown can pull it together, I think we can still save the show.

No Title and No Match Make Truth Go Crazy

Having nursed the hangover I’ve had since last week’s Smackdown, we turn our attention to Monday Night Raw. Damn, it’s a sad state of affairs when I’m looking to Raw to help me get over Smackdown. What sort of terrible parallel universe have I found myself in?!

We open with Alberto Del Rio. Literally. No theme song, no titles, just Del Rio. Were we just that pressed for time tonight? Well, Del Rio has, of course, lost to Christian, and is now on the rebound. He still feels it’s his destiny to win a Championship (hopefully, it’s not his destiny to lose said Championship to an emoting block of wood a show after winning it). He issues a challenge to Cena, and I’m glad to see that at least they do intend to use Del Rio, and that he’s not going to languish in obscurity. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but Raw seems to do that to people. Last year, when Morrison and Truth went over, they were riding a wave of momentum from Smackdown (Morrison was five seconds away from being Main Event material), and then the Raw writers and bookers did nothing with them. At any rate, the first of many interruptions in this opening promo is from Rey Mysterio, who informs Del Rio that the only destiny he has  is to become a ring announcer. Heh. For a guy who usually flounders on the mic, that was a good line by Rey. Naturally, Rey also desires to throw his hat into the #1 Contender ring. While I am happy that Rey gets to do things, the fact that there’s no way that the WWE would give us a Rey/Cena match at a throwaway PPV like Over the Limit means that his inclusion here is pointless and predictable. But, alas, at least Raw is actually using some of their talent. Interruption #2: The Miz. He’s annoyed because his loss last week only occurred do to the inept interference from his lackey Alex Riley, and biased refereeing. It doesn’t help that the booking staff can’t think of anything else to do with Cena other than give him a title reign to hold over until next Wrestlemania. Naturally, Miz wants in as well. Interruption #3: R-Truth. It seems that last week, his attack on John Morrison went a little too well, resulting in surgery for Morrison and a hanging plot line for Truth. Once again, in spite of my reluctance of Truth’s heel turn, he really is making the best of it he can. It seems that he has an easier time on the mic as a villain, able to string together insults with a degree of fluidity. He starts talking about he hates hospital food, which gets people to raise eyebrows as to where he’s going with it, as he works his way towards that it’s all Morrison is going to be eating for a long time. I like when promos get built in that fashion, hooking interest and then gradually getting to the point. At any rate, Truth also desires a title shot, given that he still hasn’t gotten the one he earned a few weeks ago. Actually, weren’t he and his rookie from NXT 4 supposed to have a Tag Team Title shot? Oh, continuity.

Morally Ambiguous Lappy GM says his piece on the subject, declaring that there will be a Triple Threat Match later in the evening to decide who the #1 Contender is, between Rey, Del Rio, and Miz. R-Truth is shut out, and props to Truth for his body language. I’ve mentioned before that he has a good way of expressing himself with his eyes, and he just looks like a guy who’s been flipped off one too many times and is ready to snap. Later in the evening, we see him in the back talking to himself, which could have come off as incredibly hokey if not done well. However, due to Truth actually looking and acting like a nut while doing this, the scene is more potent. He also tries to force interviewer Scott Stanford into saying “What’s Up?” to see how he likes spewing the catch phrase, which was a nice touch.

Our Diva Match tonight is a tag match between Kelly Kelly and Eve against the Bellas. It occurs to me that this is the first time that Brie Bella has actually wrestled on the show since being handed the Diva’s Championship. It drives me crazy when Champions don’t actually wrestle on the regular shows: you were given the title because you’re supposed to be one of the big draws for people to watch, and you can’t do that if you’re not even there on a regular basis! Also, the Bellas are utterly useless. More tragic here is that Eve is lumped into this, as I feel she’s much better and deserves greater company. Anyway, the match sucks, as a Kelly Kelly match is wont to do, but is over quickly. Besides, we’re all here because we want to see Kharma kill things. And indeed, she does come out, but much to my dismay, both Bella twins and Kelly book it, leaving Eve to take the beating. Um, no. When Eve was Champion, she was actually compelling, entertaining, fun  to watch in the ring, good on the mic, and a pretty savvy PR person. She should not be the one taking the fall when three of the most worthless Divas on the roster were there. This is highlighted by the fact that the /Champion/ Brie Bella ran away from the villain. How can you be Champion if you don’t actually have any merit to defend it? It’s not even an old-fashioned heel-running-from-danger; it’s just the Bellas avoiding having to do actual work in the ring. Damn, I can’t wait for Kharma to crush them.

Oh, look, Mason Ryan against Kane. Gosh, I hope the rest of the Nexus doesn’t interfere... oh, look at that! The group runs into the ring and proceeds to stomp. What a shock. I need to lie down. Seriously, have the Nexus (either version) actually ever had a match which did /not/ end in disqualification? Also, Mason Ryan still isn’t that great. I can’t help but notice how the Corre and Nexus are proceeding down almost identical storylines now, building up the bigger guys of the group, at the expense of the Tag Champions. Huh. Why is CM Punk being wasted on this? Surely his evil can be used in a more efficient manner.

We get to see another glimpse of the “New and Improved” Dolph Ziggler in a match against Santino. Uh, Dolph? If you’re stuck fighting Santino, when you were fighting Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship in December, this is definitely not Improved. The match is over quickly, with Dolph winning. I wish they’d try and give him some more mic time. Vickie is great as his manager, but having lost that slight goofiness, Dolph doesn’t have much of a personality now. If they’re going to reconfigure his character, we should get to know what his character is.

Three matches into the show, and they’ve all been throwaway matches, each having little bearing on a longer plot, little action in the ring, and have been generally short, designed to get characters over with easy wins. Will things improve in our next match? Kind of: it’s going to be Alex Riley vs. John Cena. Things start off with Riley desperately apologizing to the Miz for his screw-up last week in exposing the Championship Belt/Weapon to the referee by accident, with the Miz berating him. You really feel bad for Riley here, as he really does seem to feel bad, and the Miz just keeps brushing him off. He looks like a desperate lackey who just wants to make things right. Him and Layla should get together. So, to prove himself to the Miz, he challenges Cena to a match. I am unclear as to what he intends to prove by doing this. Especially because, as you’d expect, Cena destroys Alex. What stops this from being completely useless to the plot is that, when Miz comes out to ringside to view the action, Cena gives Riley two Attitude Adjustments and then the STF, all while glaring at Miz. They’ve actually done this exact same set-up in the past, but it works, especially in this case where you’re trying to build on Riley (presumably) getting fired, as well as Cena giving the impression that he’s ready for anything to come. Yes, even Cena needs to build on his Superman-powers every now and again.

And what would Monday Night Raw be without an obligatory Michael Cole moment? I notice McIntyre isn’t on the show tonight; it’s not like /he/ needs screen time or anything. Cole is happy to announce that he is retiring from in-ring competition. We’re all happy too. Sadly, King is not happy, as he wants one more chance to take out Cole, given that the booking staff refuses to give the fans what they wanted at both Wrestlemania and Extreme Rules and just have King decimate Cole. I’m sorry, but to drag this feud out for /three/ PPVs? It was good for a Wrestlemania feel-good match, but it is not marketable to keep giving two announcers PPV matches. No one wants to pay to see them wrestle, or at least, not with Cole. If it was going to be King and Swagger in a standard wrestling match, I’d be all over that. This, not so much. Anyways, King tries to entice Cole by saying that he would induct Cole into the Hall of Fame personally if he wins again. Cole says no. He then criticizes King for trying to steal his spotlight, and drops some more mother jokes. As we all know, King’s mother died recently, and Cole is trying to build cheap heat. I really feel uncomfortable when this comes up, as it’s a little to real, and, well, kind of tasteless. King is infuriated, but is attacked by Jack Swagger. For his part, Swagger is having a match with Kofi Kingston. They have a really good match, as they always do, but the fact that Swagger has no storyline of his own outside of his dealings with Michael Cole and King really bothers me. I mean, he’s having a match with the United States Champion: why not build a storyline around that? I think you’ll find that more people are willing to watch /wrestlers/ have a wrestling match than /announcers./ Well, King comes back, distracts Swagger, and Kofi picks up the win. King then is indeed badass as he reaches into Cole’s pexiglass box, grabs him by the tie, and jerks it back so that Cole’s head hits the wall. No, King, that’s how they got Daniel Bryan! Swagger, furious, then accepts King’s former offer on Cole’s behalf. I have to say, I do enjoy Cole’s reaction to this news as he comes-to (“You said /what?/ Why would you do that?!”)

And now, our main event. This really is a great main event, I have to say. Having two major heels like Miz and Del Rio fight one another is just fun, watching them try to out-diabolical the other. I like how this match uses all three competitors regularly: often times, Triple Threats will have one guy on the outside while two fight inside. Here, the moves use the strengths of all three, with Del Rio’s technical, Rey’s flipping about, and Miz just being the best heel he can be (it’s a strength in a match to use your character to make things compelling). Things are always kept moving, as they should be, and the action moves around, from inside to the apron to the ringside, so you never feel bored. Mysterio is about to pin Miz, when Riley appears and distracts him (see, Miz? He can still be a good lackey). Miz then rolls up Rey and wins. It makes me wonder why, if Miz was just going to be #1 Contender for the Title again, why we bothered doing the rematch last week, and why they didn’t just have him utilize it at Over the Limit. Alas. Truth then appears out of nowhere and attacks Rey. It would have made more sense had he done this during the match proper, so that he could stop Rey from winning and thus garner more heat, but this works in a pinch.

Cena congratulates MIz, and comments how whenever Miz loses, there’s nothing but excuses. To amend this, Cena wants them to have a match where there can be no excuses for a loss: an I Quit Match, in which the goal is to force your opponent to say the words “I quit.” This can be done very well, as last year with Cena and Batista (huh! Same PPV, same Stipulation, same Champion. Progress, WWE!), but the fact is, we all know good and well that Cena is not going to quit. Not only is he the hero of heroes and Miz is the cowardly heel, he’s also been genetically engineered not to utter those words during a match. As such, this is a predictable set-up. Going into Over the Limit, we have yet another Announcer vs. Announcer match, and a match where Cena can’t possibly lose, thus negating the suspense. Not looking too hot so far.

This was an all right show. I’m actually impressed how the booking staff is getting screen time to most of the wrestlers in spite of having a ridiculously over-stocked roster (though no Drew= angry me). A lot of the matches were short and throwaway, but they did have a purpose (in the case of Kharma and Dolph) of trying to establish character. The Kofi/Swagger match was  good, as was the main event. Overall, this episode was lacklustre, but you get the sense that it’s trying, and that really does

Damn Your Snake Eyes...

I don’t think I have been so elated and so savagely disappointed about wrestling in the course of a week as I was in the period between Extreme Rules and Smackdown.

The Extreme Rules results for Smackdown are: Layla defeated Michelle McCool, leading to Michelle’s leaving WWE (I miscalled this, but it makes sense when you think about it. If her and Undertaker are both injured, it makes sense for her to leave for a while so they can have some time together); Rey Mysterio defeated Cody Rhodes; in a pair of non-promoted matches, Big Show and Kane defeated Wade Barrett and Ezekiel Jackson in a title match, and Kofi Kingston won the US Title from Sheamus; And, most importantly, Christian defeated Alberto Del Rio and won his very first World Heavyweight Championship. This really was an awesome moment, and not just for the emotional reasons of Edge leaving. Christian has been a fan favourite for years, a great performer, and just a fun good guy: I always like the faces who come off as genuinely nice guys who you’d like to hang around with, as it makes them easier to cheer for.

Know who has none of the aforementioned things I just mentioned? Randy Orton.

Our show opens with Christian coming out with that oversized belt over his shoulder, and looking fantastic. The crowd cheers him with gusto, as do I, because there isn’t anyone in the fan base who doesn’t want to see Christian as Champion. If there was ever a Champion who was more over with the fans, both with marks and smarks, it’s Christian, as he can meet the hero-worship of the former while satisfying the entertainment standards of the latter. Yes, I could definitely get behind a good, long reign with Christian as our World Heavyweight Champion.

Know who that sentence doesn’t apply to? Randy Orton.

Christian talks about how good it is to be Champion, as is interrupted by Mark Henry. Huh, did not see that coming. Then again, I suppose anyone is fair game to get pushed into serious screen time with the state of Smackdown now. Anyways, much to my surprise, Henry does not bore me as he issues a challenge to Christian, when he himself is interrupted by the Great Khali. Great Khali /does/ bore me, and I could care less about his being here. Whereupon we get Randy Orton, who says that if everyone is going to toss their hat into a title shot conversation, he might as well get in on it. It’s a sad state of affairs when I find myself rooting for Mark Henry out of sheer process of elimination. Sorry, Orton, I don’t care how almost-entertaining you were last week, I still don’t care for you. You have far too many mediocre performances behind you to suddenly pique my interest after one show.

Luckily, Teddy Long comes out to sort out all this hullaballoo… kind of. Rather than make a command decision himself, Teddy asks the crowd to make some noise based on who they want to see face Christian for the World Heavyweight Championship. Naturally, when faced with the horror of the Great Khali in a title match and the indifference towards Mark Henry, the crowd opts for Orton. Ah, now I see why the other two are here: the audience had no choice but to give the impression they wanted to see Orton in a title shot. Teddy Long makes it official, and declares that the match will take place… tonight. Yes, we’re not even going to wait until the next PPV, we’re going to have less than a week after Christian won. Goody. Later in the show, there is a segment where Teddy Long informs us that even though this /seems/ unfair, it’s about giving the fans what they want, and to make Smackdown more exciting. I’m willing to bet that this was filmed after the show and edited in later in order to provide some kind of logic to what’s going to occur later on.

Spoilers, in case I haven’t made it more obvious than humanely possible: Orton beats Christian. The reasons this sucks are numerous: Christian is a much better main good guy than Orton, far more entertaining, more believable as a hero, more sympathetic, and as I said, has the hearts of both the cynics and the average viewers. There are no downsides to having this guy as Champion. As opposed to Orton, who not only has reached this peak before, but /is not a good protagonist./ Especially when compared to Christian; in fact, putting Orton over at Christian’s expense only makes Orton look more like a selfish jerk than a protagonist, swiping the hopes and dreams from a man who has spent his life trying to get to this moment. Unless all this is trying to turn Orton back heel, in which case, I will almost buy it, though I will still be royally pissed off. What really, really bugs me, though, is that I can’t even blame this fully on Orton: the front office of the WWE, it seems, doesn’t believe Christian can carry the show, despite the fact that he’s pretty much been doing just that since February, doing the show’s main events with Del Rio, and all of the aforementioned good things about him. It’s really just a sign of the WWE rapidly losing grip with their fans, and not understanding what they want. It all sucks a great deal, and hell’s bells, they couldn’t have even waited until the next PPV? Just one half-show with the title around Christian’s waist before they take it away? That’s a joke, and not a very good one. The WWE really needs to take stock and see where it stands: just because it has no real competition doesn’t mean that it can keep jerking its fans around like this. They might not have any other company to turn to, but the alternative of just not watching is all too real.

Moving on.

Our first real match is Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan. Man, if there were two guys who were only too happy to escape the Raw writers… I can only hope that Daniel Bryan grows a personality, and that Sheamus can avoid pissing off any more writers. Cody was dull when he came over, and look where he is now! This match was a lot of fun. I really like how these two work together: Bryan gets in his technical moves, and Sheamus gets to pound things, yet they provide enough time to one another that both look good at what they do, and both get an amount of control in the match to make the momentum and guess-work more engaging. There’s a good false finishes, with Bryan getting in the LeBell Lock, Sheamus only just grabbing the ropes, and then doing the Brogue Kick to get the win. I don’t know what plot these two have in store for them, but hopefully it’s good. Actually, that’s the one thing I really dislike about the Draft: the shows for a few weeks afterwards are generally slow and aimless as the bookers and writers try to figure out what to do with who and what works. Transition period for a month or two.

Cody Rhodes comes out, and Is most upset about his loss to Mysterio at Extreme Rules. I have to say, it was a bit odd how he lost: Mysterio used a spit-mist to blind Rhodes, which is a very very old school heel thing to do to win matches (remember when guys used fireballs too? Good times). I don’t know what that signifies for Rey, but for Cody, he’s just upset. As such, he hands out some more paper bags to the audience to hide their shame. As brilliant as that is, I feel the added comedy angle to this extremely dark character lessens him slightly. I mean, I love it, but for long term purposes I don’t know how it holds up. Also, I should say that Cody is definitely more comfortable with this crazy character now, and his promo work, with a sort of warbling voice as he glares at the audience, is more believable and well done.

And what would our Friday be without the Borre? Or, at least, Ezekiel Jackson, who is facing the Big Show. Righty-o. The story is, of course, that Zeke is going his own way here, but damned if I care. Had the Corre been entertaining or a believable threat, maybe its disintegration would be more jarring and effective as a storyline. Sadly, it was not, and is not. Of interest to me is that Wade Barrett is not wearing his Intercontinental Championship around his waist this evening. I don’t know why, since if anyone should be looking distinguished in all this, it’s him. I compare Jackson’s ring work to that of Brodus Clay, and find myself somewhat shocked that Clay is the better, if for no other reason than he has consistently improved since his debut. Zeke, on the other hand, has settled for less, relying strictly on being big and strong, without actually having any moves. This match proves it, as he beats the Big Show with… a clothesline. Yes, the most basic of moves was used to end this match. It wasn’t a devastating clothesline, it didn’t look anything special, but I guess the guy is so hard-up for moves that it’s the best he can do. Well, Ginger and Mary Ann try to go into the ring and raise Zeke’s hand in victory, but he brushes them off. Later in the show, Wade confronts Jackson, who responds by pushing the Brit around. The Corre then do what they do best and attack in a group and proceed to stomp. At least Wade manages to get in the line of the night, as he kneels over an unconscious Jackson who’s covered in various debris: “It’s been a pleasure working with you, Zeke.”

It’s funny, because as the men’s division crumbles before my eyes, the women’s division rises stronger than ever before. I’ve mentioned before how Layla beat Michelle McCool, thus sending her packing, meaning that if nothing else, the long, long, long drawn out villain reign of Michelle is over. In all fairness, she did a good job of carrying the main antagonist role, and really did provide moments of pure anger where you wanted to see her valley-girl character get ripped to shreds, not to mention that she was actually pretty good in the ring. But she just wasn’t that threatening was all, so much as she was irritating. Well, Layla, who is now lovable (yay! I enjoy Layla, if for no other reason than she knows her role in a match, doesn’t try to do anything she can’t, and really, is just kind of fun, if nothing spectacular) is fighting Alicia Fox. It’s over in a trice, with Layla winning, but who should appear but Kharma? I find it very interesting that Kharma’s debut has had her facing the fluff Divas first, indicating that the booking staff knows how ineffectual they are, and are more than willing to put Kharma over at their expense. Hopefully, our days of actually having to pretend to care about a Kelly Kelly match are long over. What’s really neat here is that as Kharma gets in the ring, Alicia gives her a little kick. It does absolutely nothing, but I like that it shows that Alicia’s got spunk, and does play back to when she got screen time and showed that she really wanted to prove herself as almost legitimate. Kharma, naturally, flattens her in response. A super villain that’s believable, entertaining, fun, and yet presented as such a threat that you do care about the protagonists and hope that someone can rise up? Yes, WWE, I /would/ like more of that, thank you.

Also speaking of more things I want: Sin Cara vs. Tyson Kidd. Tyson is another guy who is in desperate need of an overhaul, as the split up of the Hart Dynasty has left him alone and unentertaining, in spite of the fact that he is great in the ring, and really does seem to possess some skill on the mic. The problem, like so many others, is that he does not have a character, and as such is not marketable. But at least this match with Sin Cara lets us display his skills. The thing I’ve grown to love about Sin Cara matches is they’re not predictable: that is to say, you know he’s going to win, but you don’t know /how./ Often, you can call a match exactly as it plays out, with where the action is going to rise and fall and how the finish will go, but with Sin Cara, you’re kept guessing. The pacing is staged so that no one is on top for too long, while keeping the momentum going at all times to maintain interest, a lot of counters to provide for balance tipping, all designed to keep the audience guessing. Usually, when good guys are introduced, they are either given squash matches in which they crush the opposition in five seconds or less, or are in peril for most of the match before making a miraculous comeback near the end. With Sin Cara, he sometimes is winning, sometimes is losing, while always keeping the audience engaged with the different twists his match storylines possess. Also, that finisher, where he moonsaults while holding the opponent off the top turn buckle. I don’t know if he can do that to more of the bigger guys, but it’s just a fun move.

Oh, and I should mention that he finally got his entrance right (he jumped over the top rope from the floor cleanly, without snagging his foot or falling awkwardly).

And then, of course, we have our main event of Orton vs. Christian for the Title. The results have already been discussed, as has my dissatisfaction with it, but the fact is, this was a good match. It really was. Orton didn’t just plod along, and he knew enough to give Christian time to speed things up before he would slow it down in a nice, even tempo. I still don’t like Orton , but if he could somehow rediscover what used to make him watchable, I would be satisfied. Not happy, but satisfied. I still have his match with Edge for the IC Championship back in 2004 as one of my favourite matches of all time, because the whole match was done inside the ring and with actual moves, with good pacing and good execution. He /can/ be good, he just feels like he’s given up. I’d still rather have Christian as Champion, but there you go.

This Smackdown was mediocre, and not just because of the sudden title change. We’re still in a transition period where we’re recovering from post-Wrestlemania plotlines, as well as adapting to the Draft and the shuffled cast. I notice that Dibiase has yet to make an appearance on Friday. Hopefully, this means they’re working on figuring him out and repackaging him into a better character. The matches were good, but the stories were blasse. Hopefully, they can pick things up sooner rather than later.