Never Mind Punk, I'm More Irritated With Kelly Kelly

After a month of moving, lack of television access and other technical difficulties, my blog is back. Since last time we visited, the US, Intercontinental, and Divas Championships have changed hands, going to Dolph Ziggler, Ezekiel Jackson, and Kelly Kelly, respectively. Punk has announced that he’s not going to resign his contract, which expires on the same day as the Money in the Bank PPV, and as he has a title match with John Cena at said event, he’s announced that he intends to leave the WWE with the WWE Title.

Tonight, we are in Las Vegas. Huzzah, huzzah. Expect numerous gambling analogies from commentary. Also, we have the return of the Raw Roulette, the idea of which is that match types and stipulations are decided by a giant spinning roulette, which is not at all designed to provide a match type desired by the booking staff.

Thankfully, no matter how lame this might be, at least we have Shawn Michaels to keep us company tonight. Man, first Stone Cold, now HBK. I don’t care if this is a cheap bid for ratings, I love my Hall of Famers. I am disappointed, however, that Shawn has settled for a plain shirt and jeans. I had thought he wore his sequin studded vests all the time. Shawn tells us that he tried to stay away from the WWE and hold true to his retirement pledge, but he just couldn’t help himself, because he missed us so much. Aw, we missed you too, HBK. Hey, if Rock can come back on a whim, so can Shawn. In true DX style, Shawn tells that he will under no circumstance shamelessly plug his show (which, of course, he does), but is interrupted by CM Punk, looking quite chipper, with Otunga and McGuillicutty on his flanks. Apparently, Mason Ryan is injured (my God, he really is Batista!). Punk, of course, is chastising HBK for breaking his promise and coming back, while when he leaves, he will indeed leave, and with the WWE Championship nonetheless. And, true to Punk style, he points out that while he will leave a winner, Shawn was forced to leave as a loser. HBK points out that the fans are still cheering him, for the fact is he’s better than Punk. Punk prefers to say that Shawn /was/ better than him, but at this point, Punk is the best.

So Shawn Superkicks Otunga. And yes, it gets one heck of a reaction.

The GM intervenes, declaring that Punk will be the first man subjected to the Raw Roulette, hoseted by Booker T, who will be playing the part of Vanna White. The wheel declares that Punk will be facing a “Mystery Opponent,” who happens to be the conveniently placed Kane. Boy, how about that total random chance, huh? Also, Shawn kicks McGuillicutty. And it’s awesome.

Kane comes out swinging, slapping Punk, then throwing him out of the ring. A CM Punk chant gets going from the crowd, which is hard to begrudge, as Kane is technically a bad guy, what with being a homicidal maniac and all. Kane is having quite the time, though, smashing Punk about with gusto. Punk starts to get the upper hand after kicking Kane in the head, and starts his kick-and-punch offense. To which Kane responds by booting him in the face. Kane’s kick wins. Kane is about to jump off the top rope and squish Punk, but Punk rolls out of the rings and gets counted out intentionally. I love how Kane looks pissed at winning without getting to kill a guy first.

Now it’s time for the match we’ve all been waiting for: Evan Bourne vs. Sin Cara. I’m surprised that this is a free match, as it’s definitely PPV worthy in match up. I know that it’s an apology for the screw up last week with the text voting snafoo, but still. Yet, sadly, given that this is Roulette night, we have to have a stipulation. We really don’t need one, but hey, whatever. Thankfully, it’s a No Count Out, so we’re not stifled too much. I’m amused that Evan finally has to fight a man his own size. Suprisingly, the two start out with more technical moves, Evan with an arm drag, Sin Cara with a snap mare. Things pink up quicker once Sin Cara starts dragging Evan across the ring and jumping off ropes. The two exchange kicks, with Evan getting a nifty double boot to the chest. Sin Cara gets in a hurricarana, chucking Evan out of the ring, and then follows with a suicide dive. Sin Cara picks Evan up on his shoulders, looking for a tilt-a-whirl, which Evan counters with a hurricarana of his own. They get back in the ring, and start exchanging roll ups. I’m surprised with how dead the crowd is for this one: the counters here alone are worth cheers. Evan finally downs Sin Cara, and attempts Air Born, but misses, and Sin Cara hits another hurricarana to win. See, this is why the Cruiserweight Title needs to be brought back: so that guys this size can have matches with those of their own move sets and comfort zones and have a reason for doing so.

Back at the wheel, Kofi is bearing a smile, as it seems he is to have a match with Dolph Ziggler. Vickie interrupts, of course, and gives the wheel a spin, which winds up one players choice, meaning Kofi gets to choose. Wow, the wheel is kind of useless so far, isn’t it? It’s not really decided a whole lot. I mean, I prefer it that way, as I don’t want the roulette at all, but if you’re going to have it, might as well be poignant. At any rate, Kofi chooses to have a match where Vickie is banned from ringside. That doesn’t really come up in a whole lot of other contexts, does it?

The lineup for the Raw ladder match at Money in the Bank is announced: Kofi, R-Truth, Rey Mysterio, Evan Bourne, Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, Alex Riley, and The Miz. That’s actually not a bad set up, really, though once again: where the eff is Drew?! At any rate, I do find it interesting that only two of those guys have been the Champ before.

Our Kofi vs. Dolph match starts, and Dolph, irate that Vickie isn’t here, tries to walk out. Kofi is having none of that, and drags him back, only to begin to receive a beating from Dolph. Kofi rallies back, though, and chucks Dolph out of the ring (in or out, Kofi, which is it?). Dolph, in turn, chucks Kofi into a ringpost. Dolph takes advantage of this and renews his offense, getting Kofi in a dire headlock. Kofi tries to fight back, and having those spurts of offense in the midst of being beaten really helps liven up a match and prevent it from stagnating. The constant teasing of a turn-around, only to have it dashed, keeps the audience guessing. My favourite moments is when Dolph attempts a gut buster which Kofi manages to reverse for a roll up. The ending in a bit annoying, as Kofi literally hits the Trouble in Paradise out of nowhere. I’m not a big fan of miraculous comebacks without having some kind of build of momentum to the finish. Alas. It seems that Kofi is back on track to vie for his lost US Championship.

Backstage, in preparation for the Del Rio vs. Big Show match, we see Del Rio hitting on Maryse, who spins the wheel in his stead. Unfortunately for Maryse’s golddigging, she winds up spinning Del Rio into a steel cage match. I have to say, so far, the wheel of fortune hasn’t been as annoying as in the past. Still, I ought not get my hopes up too terribly much.

The cage match starts, and Del Rio starts by dashing for the door. Show, of course, isn’t about to have that, and begins the bludgeoning of Alberto. Del Rio manages to get out of trouble by booting Show in the knee, and tries his best to wear him down. The part I hate about big man matches is that you almost always have to go after the legs, as it’s the only believable tactic. It’s not a horrible thing, but it’s predictable. But much to the surprise of all, Mark Henry arrives, and starts stalking about the ring. Meanwhile, back at the match, Show temporarily forgets his leg wound, and stands up with ease. Thankfully, Del Rio reminds him with a kick, and gets in a DDT. Show is not about to quit, and puts Del Rio up on the top turnbuckle, executing the superplex.

Oh, and Mark Henry tears the cage door off with his bare hands. That will happen from time to time.

Mark attacks Big Show, while Alberto slithers out of the broken doorway and gets the win. I am glad that we’re geared for a Mark Henry/Show rivalry, especially as Mark is suddenly a hot commodity again. As if to emphasize the latter point, Mark throws Big Show through the cage wall, tumbling in a heap to the outside ringside, earning a “Holy Shit!” chant from the crowd.

We go from “Holy Shit” to “What the EFF?!” as Kelly appears, the new Divas Champion. So, we went from the awesomeness of Kharma to Kelly Kelly as champ. The answer is yes, I’m woefully disappointed. What’s worse, Nikki Bella is her opponent, while Brie still has her rematch clause on hold. So, we’re in for another month of Bellas vs. Kelly. Fantastic. We do know that we have Beth Phoenix on this show, yes? To my surprise, the roulette, does not provide some form of sexploitation, but offers a Submission Match. See, and that would be really awesome, if there were two women in there who I thought for a second could make someone submit. Nikki puts Kelly in an armbar, and then kind of… screams. For about a minute. Kelly gets out, and puts Nikki in a Boston Crab to win. Yes, you read that right: there were a grand total of two moves in this match. That’s out Champion, ladies and gents. Thankfully, Eve is here to the rescue, and actually starts kicking some ass, throwing the Bellas out of the ring. Almost as if… Eve is more believable as Champion!

Remember a month ago, when the women’s division was on the rise? I miss that week.

Our next match is revealed via the roulette to be a Tornado Tag Match between Rey Mysterio and Alex Riley vs. The Miz and Jack Swagger. Meaning that all the combatants are in the ring at once. I’m more concerned with the appearance of Drew McIntyre (finally!) who is annoyed that Booker is stealing his screen time. Thank you, Drew. Unfortunately for me, Shawn is still hanging about and Superkicking people. I’m torn of my love for Shawn’s senseless violence and my joy that Drew is finally back on the show.

Our match starts, and naturally, Riley goes right for Miz. I like these kinds of matches, but it can be hard to narrate, as there’s always things going on in two different directions, so focusing on one plane of action is tricky. Eventually, Team Heel gets the upper hand, and Jack  has Rey to himself in the ring, while MIz kind of hangs around outside the ring. The two baddies tries to go for something akin to the Hart Attack, but Rey blocks it, causing Miz to sack himself on the turnbuckle. Miz hangs about in agony for a bit, allowing Riley to perform a hip toss from the top. I’ve actually not seen that before, and found it to be really impressive. I mean, I love any top rope move, but that was still exceptionally well done. But, due to the magic of commercials, we cut away and return to the heels once again in control. Huh. Riley is fighting alone, but is being double teamed. Oh, the irony. The crowd is certainly behind Riley, though, and are drowning out the smarks Miz chants by far. Things slow down a bit as we get a whole lot of stomping. Riley and Swagger manage to fall out of the ring, while Miz attempts to superplex Rey. Ah, I’m getting my fill of top rope moves today. Rey blocks, of course, and then speeds things up, flipping Miz and Swagger about. He tries to 619 Miz, but is stopped by Swagger, who in turn receives a spinebuster from Riley. Man, Riley is pulling out all the moves today. He and Miz then fall out of the ring, and cede the action back to Rey and Swagger. I like how this match is being handled: rather than having two separate stories going on and the audience becoming confused, their having one strand of main narration and having the players weave in and out. Rey eventually does get to 619 Jack, who falls into Riley’s DDT, and then gets planted by a splash by Rey for the win. This really was a great match: the story telling was fast paced and allowed all the wrestlers involved to showcase their stuff, there was a good back and forth of momentum between teams, a lot of false finishes to keep the audience guessing, and a really nifty finish.

Our last spin of the night declares that the main event between R-Truth and John Cena is to be a ladder match. Color me surprised, the wheel didn’t suck this year. Last year, it gave us stupid dance offs, costume trading, and other devices of much lameness. This year, it actually provided some degree of awesome. Of course, I still don’t know why these matches couldn’t have been dictated by a GM, but hey, that’s just me.

I notice Truth still has no theme music. I also notice he’s looking more buff than he has in a long time. His crowd reaction is a mix of cheers and boos, and I find it interesting that you can really pick up on these things without the music. It’s sounds obvious when you think about it, but sometimes, you find yourself only kind of getting a crowd reaction and judging en masse rather than getting a clear idea. For instance, with Cena’s music, you hear mostly cheers, but surely there must be some boos in there. Truth comes out swinging, and I’ve got a feeling that this is going to be a mostly-punches match. Still, that’s not a bad thing, as the two can play to their strengths. Cena goes for a table early, but Truth stops him, for whatever reason preferring to wear him down in the ring with a surfboard stretch. I personally think it would make more sense for Truth, being crazy, to go for weapons early, but I’m guessing he wants to display his moves on screen to get noticed. He does get in a nifty move of lifting Cena vertically ala suplex, and then landing Cena’s head on his shoulder like a Stunner. Truth does finally go for a table, and sets in up in the ring corner. It gets a bit odd as Truth, obviously stalling for time, adjusts the thing to death, though you could write it off as Truth’s obsessive nature coming in to play. Cena rallies back, as he’s wont to do, and takes Truth outside, throwing him into the ring steps. Apparently not liking the table already there, Cena brings his own into the ring, and sets it up in the regular fashion. But CM Punk, being villainous, removes the table before Cena can put Truth through it. What’s more, he distracts Cena long enough for Truth to spear Cena through the table in the corner. This is a good ending, as it allows Truth to walk away from his feud with Cena looking good, while Punk gets to build heat for his upcoming feud with Cena.

Punk takes a seat, and I notice for the first time he’s wearing a Stone Cold shirt. He says he doesn’t hate Cena, but he hates the fact that Cena is considered the best when, in fact, he is the best. He also does some fourth wall breaking as he lambasts the fact he’s never been promoted to the same extent as everyone else. And then he goes a whole lot further as he starts talking about how the company of the WWE is a sham, that it’s corrupt, that when Vince dies, it’s just going to get run into the ground more, and then his mic gets cut, and the video feed dies. So, unless this is a really good work, my guess is Punk just got muted. Still, you have to wonder if it is a work, because they allotted enough screen time at the end of the show to permit Punk to have this rant, and then ended it on time, so there you go.

So that was Raw, and much to my surprise, the roulette wasn’t as horrible as I thought. The matches are actually very good, especially the tag match and the Sin Cara/Evan Bourne. I’m happy to see Show and Henry having a thing going between them, though I’m still, of course, miffed by having Kelly as Champion. Have to wonder about the Punk situation, but I’ll leave that to other folks.

If This is All Star Night, Why is Orton Here?

To those wondering what happened to my review of Smackdown last week: two factors prevented it from being written up. First, I’m incredibly busy at the moment, and simply did not have time to get it done, and second, it was just a really boring episode. All it did was confirm a Christian heel turn, and I’ve already written my thoughts to death on that. The only important plot point that occurred was that the Corre officially dissolved, much to my great glee.

Tonight’s Raw is billed as an All Star episode. I really don’t know what this entails: the idea is that it shows the stars from both shows, but there are very few interbrand matches, and actually seems a little Smackdown heavy. At any rate, it’s to be three hours long, which can be a bit much at times but we have Stone Cold Steve Austin as our GM for the night, and it’s never boring when he’s around.

We start off our night with the Miz, who claims that truly, he’s the greatest All Star off all time, whereas Alex Riley is the most ungrateful prat of all time. I really do like how Miz is playing up Riley to be something serious, as he has a past which consists entirely of hapless minion with little to bolster his credit. Miz is about to get shut down, however, as Stone Cold comes out with a microphone. And by shut down, I mean Miz gets owned. Every time he tries to open his mouth, Stone Cold tells him to shut up. And as it’s Stone Cold, this avoids getting repetitive with his attention to dead pan and finding a wide variety of ways to get his point across. Steve talks about the night after Wrestlemania, when the Miz confronted John and challenged him to a fight, and how Steve walked away. As it turns out, he did so because he wanted to see if the Miz was actually capable of proving himself over the next few months. As it turns out, he’s not, and Stone Cold is not impressed with how he’s dealing with Alex Riley. As such, he is sending the two into counselling with another guest for tonight: Rowdy Roddy Piper. Why anyone would ever seek counselling from the Hot Rod is beyond me. At any rate, Miz is told to skedaddle…

But Steve isn’t done being pestered by the kids tonight, for now he has to deal with Alberto Del Rio, who is only too happy to inform Mr. Austin that while he might have been the star of his time, Alberto is the star of all time. All the while, smiling his smug smile and totally ignoring the fact that Stone Cold could Stun him any second. Del Rio is still on a high due to injuring the Big Show, something that Stone Cold doesn’t care for. As such, he sets up a match right now (it sure is a good thing Del Rio came out with his ring gear on) against Kane.

While I’m all for a Del Rio vs. Kane match, it runs into the problem of nearly every other match on the show tonight: it’s too short. I think it might go about two minutes before Del Rio gets  intentionally disqualified by refusing to release the Arm Bar. I’m not certain why the bookers went this route, especially as the show is three hours long, and not many of the matches exceeds five minutes. At any rate, Del Rio’s shenanigans are soon disrupted by the return of the Big Show, who hustles out to the ring to lay a beatdown on Del Rio. Alberto, being crafty, sneaks out and allows lackey Ricardo Rodriguez to take it for him. That’s what minions are for. I love how it’s Kane who eventually has to get Big Show off of Ricardo to stop from killing him. You’d think Kane of all people would be totally cool with murder being committed in the ring. Stone Cold announces that if Del Rio is still feeling tough, then he’s going to have a match with the Big Show this Sunday at Capitol Punishment. I’m not planning on buying the PPV, but I’d be interested to see how this match goes. Del Rio is talented, but it can be hard to have a really good match with a guy Big Show’s size when you’re primarily a technician. Still, hope for good things.

Our next match is a six man tag match, which is surprisingly made up entirely of Smackdown guys. It’s the team of Ezekiel Jackson, Sin Cara, and Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, and Wade Barrett. I’m almost stunned seeing Wade in the ring with a teammate who isn’t Slater or Gabriel, though I’m certainly not complaining. This match goes on a little longer than the previous one, but for whatever reason, it still winds up feeling rushed. I think it’s because with six guys needing screen time, no one really has time to work to their full potential or show their stuff. That said, I do like that there are many tags and shifts, as it keeps the match speedy and colourful. What’s telling during this is how out-classed Zeke is standing in a team with Bryan and Sin Cara. The guy just can’t do anything except be big. But he is kind enough, after levelling Wade, to tag in Sin Cara, who does a springboard splash onto Wade to get the win for his team. I’m almost happy that Sin Cara doesn’t seem to have a set finisher, as it makes his matches more exciting as you wait to see how they end.

Know what we need? Confirmation that R-Truth is nuts. Because I’m not certain that he’s crazy enough. Hornswoggle is out in the ring during commercials shooting out shirts to the crowd with a pneumatic... uh... shirt launcher/bazooka. Naturally, Truth doesn’t take kindly to a leprechaun getting more applause than he, and comes out to let us know. He also then takes the shirt cannon and shoots Hornswoggle point blank with it. Now, granted, being shot with a shirt probably isn’t the worst thing you could be shot with, but the imagery of R-Truth shooting a midget is pretty eyebrow raising. Stone Cold doesn’t take kindly to this (my, but he has his hands full with the kids today!) and announces that if R-Truth wants to pick on someone, he can do it to someone his own size... such as a returning John Morrison! Yes, it seems that the Guru of Greatness is set to get his revenge against the man who injured his neck last month!

And he darn well would have too, if Truth hadn’t jumped him in the back, threw him into a wall, and then rolled a freight crate into him.

I take back my criticisms about the Truth heel turn.

Our next painfully short match of the evening is Santino vs. Sheamus. Though short, this match has some interesting moments. First, Sheamus kicks out of the Cobra, which makes me grin considering back in February he would have had to lay down for that. Second, he hits the Brogue Kick, but rather than going for the pin, puts Santino in a Boston Crab and makes him tap out. Interesting choice for our heavy hitting brawler.

Randy Orton comes out and is dull. No, I’m not going to elaborate. I’m sick of Orton’s existence, and he never says anything worth noting, with the exception of a shot he takes at Christian saying that Edge carried him for his career. And it’s funny, because Orton has spent his life riding the coattails of his father, Triple H, and John Cena. Seriously, Orton, you’re an utter schmuck. Get off my screen.

Speaking of Christian, he has a match with Rey Mysterio. And, by and large, it is a good one. I mean, is it possible to go wrong with these two? The speed and agility and moves employed keep the match fun and engaging. But, once again, the ending is Christian intentionally getting disqualified. I’m really quite tired of all the DQ finishes lately. There’s something to be said for getting a satisfying, definite conclusion to a match, and we’ve not been getting that for a goodly while. At any rate, Rey’s plight gets worse as Punk and the New Nexus arrive to lay even more beatings on Rey. We also gets news that CM Punk and Mysterio are to have a match at Capitol Punishment. I’m glad they’re running with these two against one another again. They work great together, both in the ring and as characters, with Rey being the ultimate hero, and Punk being perfectly evil. Just a quick note on why Punk is awesome: he hasn’t been in serious contendership for a major title since he dropped the World Heavyweight Championship to Undertaker in 2009, and yet still has some of the most engaging storylines in recent memory. It takes talent to be compelling without having a Championship to your name.

 Next, we get an oddly short match (seriously, all the matches tonight are short. Why?) with Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler vs. Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston. Again, had this match been longer, it probably would have been better for it, as all four of these guys not only need the screen time, but are all very talented and fun to watch. I really like that they are trying their best to push these four, especially Evan, who was on the back burner for a goodly while. Good guys win.

And now, the moment I’ve certainly been waiting for: Piper’s Pit, with your host, Rowdy Roddy Piper. I’m impressed with how well Piper has aged: for a guy who went through a great deal and has been around for a long time, he looks pretty decent. The convo between him and Miz is pretty good as well. Miz laments that he hates when people say he’s the “next Roddy Piper,” (whereupon Piper interrupts by saying there will /never/ be another Roddy Piper) because unlike Piper, Miz has actually won the WWE Championship. Harsh, but true, like the best kind of insults. Piper is surprisingly placid about this, and brings out Alex Riley to counter. Riley isn’t as insulting as the Miz, but does make the point that Miz was only Champion because he used Alex Riley in the first place, meaning he helped make the Miz. Miz, annoyed by this, tells Piper that he’ll bet $1000 that he beats Alex Riley at Capitol Punishment. Riley goes one further, saying he’ll bet $1000 that Miz couldn’t beat Rowdy Roddy Piper, here and now. Piper hems and haws about this, saying how he’s old and out of shape and he’ll /totally/ do it for $5000. Piper’s still sharp. Stone Cold thinks this is a great idea (there’s a great moment where Steve’s voice booms out over the speakers, and Piper looks straight up and says, “God, is that you?”) and makes the match official. But, since Steve’s a shifty fellow, he makes the special guest referee Alex Riley. Well, we all know where this is going, as Alex screws over the Miz to give Piper the win, but even if it is predictable, it gives Alex an edge and a legitimate one-up on the Miz, throwing some heat on their fire.

It’s Diva match time, As it’s All Star Night, we have a seven on seven match, with the good girls (AJ, Kaitlyn, Kelly, Beth, Natalya, Gail, and Eve) vs. the bad girls (Melina, Alicia, Bella 1 and 2, Rosa, Tamina, and Maryse). Now, you’d think that, given we have a total of 14 women here, we’d at least get one of the actually good wrestlers in, or even give everyone a chance to use their finishers. But no, the match will consist entirely of Kelly and Rosa, in a squash match. Yes, Kelly gets squash matches now. What the eff. So, match over. What was the point of having all the Divas come out when twelve of them were going to be doing absolutely nothing? There is no point. I still have no idea what the booking staff’s infatuation with Kelly is. What’s really irritating about all this is nearly every other Diva at ringside is better than what we got.

 By the way, I still notice there is no Drew McIntyre tonight. He’s gotten, what, two matches since coming over to Raw? Give him back to Smackdown, I want him to kill Orton!

We then get probably the best backstage segment ever, with Stone Cold and CM Punk. Punk comes up, and Steve casually offers him a beer.

“What?”

“Do you want a beer?”

“What?”

“...Do you want a beer?”

“What?”

“Shot of whisky?”

“What?”

“Vodka? Gin? C’mon, make up your mind.”

“Yeah, that ‘What’ thing is pretty annoying, isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah, it is pretty annoying...”

“Well, Steve, I have to say, you’ve made at least one good decision as GM (referring to his match with Cena as the main event), which isn’t bad considering how many beers you’ve downed. Can you recite the alphabet backwards?”

“I can kick your ass backwards.”

Seriously, what I wouldn’t give to have Steve back in his prime so he could have a drawn out rivalry with Punk.

Main event time, with Cena vs. Punk. I personally like how these two work in the ring together. I think Punk is at his best when going against the ultimate good guys, as he knows how to present himself as a villain and provide a challenge which needs to be overcome by the hero. Cena does a good job here as well, putting Punk’s moves over before making his comeback. And then, just as everyone thinks we’re about to see another Cena miraculous comeback, who should appear but R-Truth? He’s hanging about in the crowd, talking to all the Little Jimmies wearing Cena shirts, and it looks as if he’s planning on doing something malicious again. I like how aghast Cena is that Truth might go after his fans: the man cannot be hurt physically, but his caring about the fans is his weakness. Punk then comes back and gives Cena the GTS to win. The crowd is shocked that Punk winds up winning this, and some of the reactions from both the marks and smarks are interesting. Truth makes his way to the ring, decks Cena in the face with a bottle of water, and then takes the WWE Title, posing with it.

So that was Monday Night Raw. A lot happened in this one, but it wasn’t really the best. The matches were short, so there wasn’t much substance. Some of the plots were advanced, such as Miz/Riley and especially with Truth and Cena, and the Stone Cold bits were fun. But given that this was a three hour show, it didn’t really make the most of it, and frankly, probably could have been fit into a regular two hour, just without the Smackdown matches.

Austin Has a Beer! RUN!

I have a question: when did Raw become so awesome? Seriously, if you go back just one month, I’m ripping it to shreds, and yet, somehow, it’s managing to do everything right.

Our show starts off without a theme, and already undergoing the proceedings, but this is more than made up for with the sight of Stone Cold in the ring, along with Mr. McMahon and the two finalists of Tough Enough, Andy and Steve. I didn’t watch Tough Enough, so the outcome of this doesn’t matter a great deal to me, but it’s great fun to listen as the censors try to start bleeping Steve Austin, and eventually just give up. Apparently, Vince, being the hard nosed boss that he is, is hemming and hawing over which one of these gents he wants working for him. Stone Cold says that’s none of his concern, as it will be Steve Austin alone deciding what’s going on. I love how these two have the most set-in-stone rivalry, even as we near in on ten years since Austin retired. Well, Steve chooses Andy. Huzzah. Andy then gets slapped by Vince, and Stunned by Steve. Seriously, Andy, get used to this, it’s going to happen a lot when you’re in the ring with these two.

That’s all we’ll be seeing of Andy, but now we get a real treat: R-Truth, who has done his research, knows that tonight’s show is in Virginia. As such, he’s decked out in a Confederate Uniform, in order to put over how he’s seceding from the WWE Universe. I should point out that he enters to “When Johnny Comes Home,” which, while awesome, was a Northern song. Still, A for effort. I also love how he really knows how to get his digs in: “Now, I know where in Richmond tonight. Home to Robert E Lee, Jefferson Davis, and the rest of you inbred rednecks.” I mean, wow. And do I even need to comment on a black man wearing the Confederate Uniform? This is just priceless: Not only is it fun, and readable on so many levels, but it gets good home-town boos that don’t involve slandering the local sports team. Well done, Truth. Now, as for why he’s out here, it was dictated last week by the Laptop that if Truth were to publically apologize for inconveniencing the fans last week, he would get his title shot against Cena at the next PPV, Capitol Punishment, and he does so. Of course, he’s still going to point out that there’s a conspiracy against him, and uses the presence of Mr. McMahon to bring it to the attention of the authorities. Vince attempts humour (you’re just not good at this anymore, Vince, I’m sorry), but winds up getting interrupted by disgruntled wrestler #2, the Miz. Miz is, of course, still angry about losing to Cena, and naturally wants another chance. He’s soon interrupted by Alex Riley, who’s appearance is kind of pointless, as he gets one line out before he too is interrupted by Cena, who really needs to tighten the WWE Title hanging around his waist. I’m glad that he’s wearing the belt rather than just having it hang over his shoulder, but the way he wears it, it looks like a fanny pack.

Cena is here to call some shots: he says Miz literally said “I quit,” so no more chances for him. Also, Alex Riley, while on the up and up, still hasn’t earned anything. So our match is still going to be Truth and Cena at Capitol Punishment. Mr McMahon, who has to do /something/ officious here, says this is so, but that the main event tonight will be a tag match between Alex Riley and Cena vs. Miz and R-Truth, with Stone Cold refereeing. Thanks, Vince, though I do have to wonder: when exactly did you get out of that coma you were put into by the Nexus last summer? Ah, well, no one remembers the Nexus anyway.

Our first match of the evening is, sadly, Santino vs. Michael McGuillicutty. Now, why does this match avoid completely sucking? Mainly, because it’s kept short, and doesn’t really try to pretend to be important (which it is, of course, not). Santino wins, and I can only assume this means we’re going to have another bout of Santino and Koslov trying to grab the Tag Team Championships.

Wow, see how short that paragraph was? That’s how destitute the actual tag teams are now.

We then get another tag team match with the Bellas vs. Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix. And while yes, I am sick to death of seeing the first three, I’m all too happy to see Beth again. The first half of the match starts with Kelly against Bella 1 and 2, and it’s the usual fare. Though to be fair, you do get the sense at times that the Bellas are actually trying. They seem too bring in new moves every now and again, and while they aren’t executed particularly well, they get a nod for effort. But, never mind them, Beth get’s the hot tag and dashes in to the rescue. I’m so glad that they let Beth squash the Bellas here, as I’ve never been able to buy that they could take out some of the tougher Divas, especially one with biceps like Beth. Glam Slam for the win, and if we’re lucky, this will lead to Beth overtaking Kelly as the #1 Contender, leading to a Championship reign, and the reinvigorated women’s division that I was promised.

Know what could be slightly more awesome than seeing Beth Phoenix kick ass? Seeing Booker T back in the ring. He’s in the back with Trish Stratus, trying to teach her how to do the Spinerooni (sp?), when they’re interrupted by Jack Swagger. Swagger claims that if he’d been one of the trainers on Tough Enough, than everyone one the show would have walked away a winner. It seems that Jack doesn’t think Booker has it anymore, and tells him that he’s not tough enough to even step back into the ring anymore. Booker is, as usual, bug eyed and incredulous, and accepts. In other words, folks, it’s Booker T in a match! Yes, please, I will be having the awesome soup for tonight. I mean, wow, that really just makes my day. Booker was a bit under-rated even in his day, but was still a big star and awesome to boot. I’m as excited as can be!

And, if that wasn’t already a great foreboding for good ringwork: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio, round two. It’s much like last week, meaning that it’s still great fun to watch. I really love how the announcers hype the history between the two and the rivalry they’ve had for a few years. It gives their matches that much more depth knowing that they can’t stand losing to one another. Also, in another thing done right, the New Nexus doesn’t get involved, and the most Mason Ryan does is block Rey from doing the 619. Not only does this stop the Nexus from clogging up my screen, but it puts the focus back on Punk and Punk alone, making him the villain and main character that should be highlighted out of all this. At any rate, Rey wins cleanly, doing a springboard splash onto Punk, once again earning praise from me for not using the usual finisher. I really hope they continue with this as a storyline. The last time these two worked together, it easily earned the best storyline of Wrestlemania 26, not to mention their months of matches were terrific.

Time for Alberto Del Rio to be a jerk. He comes out with his usual grin, and then claims he wants to apologize to Big Show. And that would be awfully decent of him, if this wasn’t Alberto Del Rio we’re talking about. Naturally, out comes Ricardo Rodriguez in a faux Big Show outfit, meaning that he’s wearing a leotard and has put some stuffing in his stomach. There’s the usual banter as Del Rio is a fantastic heel, making fun of the fake Show, when he turns to the camera and addresses the real Big Show, saying if he’s smart, he won’t make anything of this, because he doesn’t want a piece of Alberto Del Rio. That’s what I like about Alberto’s style of heel: he can be both funny and threatening at the same time, making his segments fun, compelling, and still conducive to a larger plot.

And just when you thought things couldn’t get stranger: Zack Ryder is on TV. Moreover, he’s got a match with Kofi Kingston. Moreover, it’s a pretty good match. It’s relatively short, but it’s fun and fast paced, and you can tell Ryder is trying to make an impression. The real story here is Dolph Ziggler at ringside, hyping how he’s been scouting out Kofi and knows his moves before he commits them. Dolph is actually getting much snappier on the mic, and isn’t relying on Vickie as much to guide his dialogue. He looks and sounds more comfortable, and it really does make a difference. I’m assuming that this is signalling a continuation of Dolph/Kofi, and I have no problem with that: they’ve had great matches in the past. What I do hope, however, is that this one gets a bit more in depth for a storyline, as both Dolph and Kofi have only had pretty fleeting stories in the past. Remember when Kofi got to beat up Randy Orton? I do, but I doubt the writers do.

Now, the moment I’ve certainly been waiting for all evening: Booker T vs. Jack Swagger. The match isn’t as in depth as I’d have liked, with it mostly being a chance for Booker to show us he still has it, rather than having a real one on one match with each person taking and giving. Mostly, Swagger takes a bit of a whipping in this, but hey, being beaten up by Booker T is a privilege. Booker is in great shape here, and really looks like if he wanted, he could take up wrestling full time again. But, sadly, Swagger has enough of this, and walks out of the ring to get intentionally counted out. Lame, Jack. However, Evan Bourne is having none of that, and like the annoying gnat he is, he stings Swagger, and then dashes away into the ring. Swagger, furious, takes chase, but receives a Bicycle Kick from Booker for his troubles. We then get to see our pair of good guys do a Spinerooni in the ring, though Evan kind of fails at this.

Main event time! This isn’t a bad match, but it isn’t the best. Most of the match is just Miz and Truth beating up on Alex Riley, while Cena waits for the hot tag. I don’t usually care for these kinds of tag matches, as the ending is very predictable and all you’re doing is waiting for the tag to be made and for the match to be over. Also, this doesn’t help Riley a lot, as he comes off as more of a weakling than anything. I should have liked to see more dynamic between him and Cena, given that until recently, they were trying to kill one another. Even if you were to have a few close glances as they tag, wondering if they have one another’s back, would have been good. The interesting thing here is with Stone Cold refereeing, as he totally doesn’t care about neutrality and just does his thing. At the end, he winds up Stunning Miz, giving team Cena and Riley the win. Naturally, given the on going war between Steve and the Morally Ambiguous Laptop, the GM is none to happy with Stone Cold interfering, and thus reverses the decision. I don’t really know why, given that it didn’t do this the other week when Bret Hart interfered, or given that win/loss records don’t matter a ton anymore. Well, Steve’s having none of that, as he exits the ring and trashes the Laptop. Yeah, Stone Cold doesn’t mess around. Then, as this is a Stone Cold appearance, we get the return of the mysteriously flying beer cans, and he cracks one open and offers it to the good guys. Alex Riley, showing he’s a smart cookie, takes the beer and then gets out of the ring as fast as he can. Good decision, Alex. You’re becoming more legitimate a protagonist already. Meanwhile, Cena shares a beer, and is miraculously not Stunned for his troubles. What a twist.

This was an exceptionally good episode of Raw. There was a lot of wrestling, and all of it helped further a greater storyline. It was great to see both Booker and Stone Cold, Truth is continuing having fun with his character, Swagger and Evan promises to be interesting, Beth is getting a push, Zack Ryder got TV time… if there’s anything this episode didn’t do right, it’s that I’m still waiting for Drew McIntyre to get screen time. Seriously, if you’re not going to use him, give him back to Smackdown.

What A Twist. Except Not

Before we start, I’d like to comment that when the WWE officially stopped being an acronym of World Wrestling Entertainment and became just WWE (shouldn’t it be pronounced Weeeee then?), there was a huge scare that they were just going to drop wrestling altogether. Yet since this happened, we’ve actually had more wrestling on both shows (Raw and Smackdown) then we had before. Meanwhile, TNA is running a “Wrestling matters” program, in order to take a dig at the WWE’s transition, and they started their show this Thursday with a twenty minute promo prologue, with little wrestling to speak of.

Smackdown, on the other hand, starts right away with a match: Christian vs. Mark Henry. This is a good match, though the pacing seems off a bit. I’ve noticed with Mark Henry’s matches the last little while that their quality comes from his being able to merge his slower style with other people’s quickness, and working with it to create something of a waltz, but this time things seemed off key. That is, there wasn’t the neatness of transition from fast to slow that we had last week; the shift of tempos was a little more helter-skelter. But it was still a good match regardless, and I really liked how it moved in and out of the ringm as the extra movement of place gives the impression of action and narrative development, rather than two guys just standing in relatively the same place for ten minutes. I especially liked the ending, with Christian just hitting the Killswitch to win. It’s simple enough, yet given what a bitch Christian is being written out to be in the last little bit, it was nice to see him actually get a clean win, on his own strengths and merits, against the World’s Strongest Man. It gives him his credibility back, and makes him look good as a result.

Christian gets hold of a microphone, and as we review the events of last week’s match, with Orton screwing around in the #1 Contenders Match, Christian is irate that he had Sheamus pinned for no less than six  seconds, yet the ref didn’t count as he was busy with Orton. And again, Christian is completely right. I’ve said before that I’m glad they’re going the route of making this heel turn more complicated and motivated by believable circumstance and plot points, but it still doesn’t make sense to have Christian be the bad guy here when it’s quite clearly Orton who’s acting in an antagonistic fashion. Christian still feels that he should be given another chance at the World Heavyweight Championship, when out comes Teddy Long. And guess what? He’s actually made a decision! Sadly, he’s decided that, shenanigans or no,  Sheamus did earn the win last week, and still deserves to be the #1 Contender. Christian then lobbies for a Triple Threat Match, and just to bolster support, he says he’ll pull a Teddy Long and ask the audience to make some noise if that’s what they want. Not only is that an awesome moment of pointing out how stupid the democracy of making the Orton/Christian title match was, but lo and behold, the audience makes a fair amount of noise. Why, it’s almost as if... the audience /wants/ to see Christian as Champion! Teddy is not to have any of this, though, but does announce that Christian can be the guest referee for Sheamus vs. Orton. Whee.

Meanwhile back in struggling Divas land, we’re still trying to cope with the loss of Kharma, and our match tonight is a repeat of last week, with AJ and Kaitlyn vs. Tamina and Alicia Fox. This time, however, not only is Natalya at ringside for the good guys, we have Rosa in league with the bad guys. Apparently, much like Tamina, she had an off screen heel turn as well. I should say, though, it’s pretty neat how they managed to get nearly all the Smackdown Divas on screen at the same time.  The match is better than last week’s, though Kaitlyn is still pretty lost out there. There’s more tagging and more action, and AJ gets in the ring longer. They’re writing her here as inexperienced and struggling, but having watched some of her stuff in NXT 3, she’s actually really solid, and I hope for good things. Regardless, she gets pinned by Tamina, and the bad girls walk off with another win to their names. Man, it’s been so long since we had a team that wasn’t Michelle and Layla pick up a win that this is almost shocking.

And what would Friday night be without a visit from our favourite psychopath, Cody Rhodes? He says that all the record books will claim that Daniel Bryan won their match last Friday, yet it’s hard to claim victory when he was laid out and beaten afterwards, and had a paper bag put over his head. I love how Cody  goes to town on Daniel, with the line of the night being that Daniel Bryan “...oozes ordinary,” and that one day, he’ll be back in the crowd, watching as Cody becomes World Heavyweight Champion.

We go from interesting characters to Jinder Mahal and the Great Khali, which sucks the wind right out of the sails. Apparently, Jinder is not only a manager, he’s a wrestler too. Goody, now he can waste my time both in and out of the ring. His big debut match is against Yoshi Tatsu, and naturally, it’s a squash match. I’m always dubious about putting new guys over in squash matches: the idea, of course, is to make the new guy look ultra dominating, able to crush seasoned competitors, and thus legitimize their being in the WWE, but this is at the cost of not permitting us to actually see how they do in a real match. We know they can do things when they get to just punch for thirty seconds, but how do they do against legitimate opponents? If you compare this debut to Sin Cara’s match against Primo, the latter was far superior, because we got to see Sin Cara have a fantastic match right off the bat, rather than having him just flip around and show off. There was more substance to his debut, letting us know we were in good hands for a long period of time. Here, all we know is that Jinder can have matches that are thirty seconds long, and unless that’s all he’s going to have for the rest of his career, we don’t know much about him. Also, his ring work is boring and uninspired.

Speaking of uninspired, we get Ezekiel Jackson once more trying to snag the Intercontinental Championship from Wade Barrett. Zeke is still big and bland, I’m afraid, though I should say I was expecting more from this match, as Wade is generally a good worker with the bigger guys, and can help put on a decent show. It doesn’t help, of course, that we’re all just waiting for Slater and Gabriel to show, which they do, and the match again goes nowhere. I think that’s what bugs me about the Corre the most: nothing about them actually goes anywhere. They keep edging towards plot points, then back off and change direction, and then go back to where they started. Their matches don’t have satisfying conclusions, and they’ve yet to actually accomplish anything. Every match is the same, and as a result, they never get to develop a tangible plot line.

Luckily, this double whammy of lame is countered swiftly and efficiently by Daniel Bryan vs. Ted Dibiase. The moves and techniques in this are, of course, very well done by both men, though the narration is a little obvious: Bryan is on top for a while, hitting all of his moves for about five minutes, then Ted muscles back, hitting his moves for five minutes, then back to Daniel to wrap things up. There’s not a lot of back-and-forth or constant narration building to it, making it feel that one guy is fighting a sand bag that can’t defend itself until the Act is up, and then they change roles. Regardless, it’s still a good match, and I’m glad to see that Ted and Daniel are getting screen time to show off their skills, and that Ted isn’t jobbing anymore (that is to say, he’s still losing, but he no longer looks like a wimp for it). Alas, the dastardly Cody Rhodes appears halfway through the match, and stands at ringside, glaring at Bryan. I really love how they don’t cop out with Cody being here and just end the match in a DQ: Bryan gets to win, and then Cody attacks him, so we get a satisfying match while still having the necessary plot development. Ted gets in on the revenge action too, as he and Cody reunite to activate the fearsome Legacy Stomp! For five seconds, I’m almost nostalgic about Legacy, before I remember I hated them nearly as much as the Corre. But Daniel need not fear, for here comes Sin Cara to the rescue! I realize that out of these four, Ted is the biggest, and he’s not that big. I hope we can carry out this team vs. team thing for a bit, because Ted needs the screen time, Bryan needs a rivalry, Sin Cara needs a plot, and Cody needs to be more awesome. So everyone benefits from this.

Main event time, with Orton vs. Sheamus for the World Heavyweight Championship. Christian comes out first, wearing his official referee striped shirt (you can’t ref if you don’t have the shirt), and I like how he’s used in this match: too often with guest referees, they tend to take over the entire match, or at least over-shadow the people in the ring. Here, Christian’s presence is muted until the end. Yet, somehow, without having Christian playing with the emotions of the match, the whole things comes off as a little bland. It’s not terrible by any means, but we all know good and well that Orton is going to win, and without Christian manipulating narrative convention during the match, there’s not much to it. At any rate, Sheamus missed a tackle on Orton and winds up hitting Christian, who handles that sort of thing very poorly. As such, when Sheamus goes to pin Orton, Christian counts to two... before mysteriously developing a cramp in his wrist, and has to massage it before he can hit the mat a third time. Kind of a dick move, Christian, not gonna lie. Though, again, it seems that Christian is defending our supposed hero of Randy Orton, who certainly did no such thing last week to help Christian. Boy, it sure seems like Christian is definitely the better protagonist in all this, doesn’t it? Orton RKOs Sheamus and wins. Shocker.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, in one of the most ill conceived turns of all time: Christian decks Orton with the Championship and walks away with the belt, earning boos from Orton fans. Yay, he’s a heel now, yippee skip, didn’t see that coming, blah blah blah. And yet, you can /still/ hear an audible “Let’s go Christian” chant from the crowd, who are obviously not as stunned or torn on this as the writers perceived. I’ve said everything that can be said about why this makes no sense, and how if anyone is a sympathetic, heroic character in this, it’s Christian, and to take his actions negatively is just silly, but whatever. It’s a dumb conclusion, but again, at least the writing to get to this point was good and believable.

Thus Smackdown, with a lot of wrestling and a lot of character development. Obviously, not a fan of the Christian turn, or of Jinder Mahal. Still, the opening match and Ted vs. Daniel were solid and fun, with good promise of future plotlines to come. I do appreciate that they’re panic-writing with the Divas and trying to come up with something, and aren’t completely ditching them.

And no matter what happens, I still consider Christian to be the hero of this show.

Can You Maim Kelly Before You Go, Kharma?

With Raw on a strange sort of high-quality tear as of late, can they keep things up on this latest episode?

We start our show, in a rare turn of events, not in the ring, but at the merchandise stand. The reason is so that R-Truth can address the fact that there’s a multitude of John Cena faces on just about everything, while the only place you can find Truth’s face is inside the program. His lament of “Even Zack Ryder has a T-Shirt?!” is hilarious. Truth continues his rampage through the concessions, knocking over any Cena merchandise he can find. He makes his way to the ring via the audience, lambasting anyone with a Cena shirt he can find. Man, I love how much fun Truth is having with this. It could be so over the top, but he manages it well with a great, believable intensity. Once in the ring, Truth calls out Cena, who obliges. Cena says he has absolutely no problem in knocking some sense into Truth, and as such, a match is arranged for later in the evening. I do like how Cena is putting Truth over here, using his serious face to make us believe Truth is a threat. Moreover, assuming that we are going to have a lengthy Cena title reign, it’s good that’s he’s not only facing people he’s never really gone up against, but that he’s helping out some of the lower-card guys improve their screen presence. A good example of what a Champion ought to do.

Know who doesn’t do that?

Yeah, yeah, you know.

Meanwhile, we have our first match of the evening, and what a match it is: Kofi Kingston vs. The once again blonde (no longer newly improved?) Dolph Ziggler. As a brief aside, I notice that Vickie has lost weight. This is a solid fight, and it goes to show that Dolph is more than capable of stealing a show. Last year, he had his incredible match with Daniel Bryan, and here, should this rivalry continue, I think we could have a repeat. What I love in this match is the amount of counters and reversals of moves. It helps highlight that the people in the ring know what they’re doing, and for story telling purposes it creates intrigue with every move used, making the audience wonder if it will connect or not. Also, props to Kofi, who has increased his move-set gradually and is no longer a one-note high flyer. The ending is an example of the counters working so well, with Kofi trying to go for the SOS, Dolph blocking it by holding onto the ropes, and as Kofi gets back up, Dolph hits the Zig Zag to win. It’s hard to type from memory how great this match was, but I certainly hope we get an opportunity to see more of this in the future.

Know what I’ll never tire of? Alberto Del Rio being a huge jerk. The malicious pleasure he takes in it is just so darn fun, especially tonight as he discusses what happened to the Big Show last week. After asking Ricardo Rodriguez to apologize, which he does, Del Rio says that the problem is solved... except for the damages to his car, which he intends to bill the Big Show for. Brilliant.

So, remember how a few weeks ago, when it looked the women were having a rennessaince? Yeah, that’s not happening anymore. Our match this week is Kelly and Eve vs. the Bellas. Say, we are aware that we have Melina, Beth Phoenix, and Gail Kim on this show, right? The good wrestlers? This match makes me sad, as it highlights much of what I hate about Kelly. Eve starts, and is pretty damn good, hitting a mean looking backdrop, suplex, and locking in a nifty submission move that looks like an armbar and leg-scissors. In other words, Eve uses actual moves. Kelly gets in, and does her usual flying-crotch-into-the-opponent, shrieking while ineffectually shaking a Bella, spanking her, and then rubbing her ass in her face. In other words, Kelly is fan service to prepubescent men. Seriously, I thought we were on the way up with the Divas? Why is Kelly still getting screen time? Especially since, as I mentioned,  you have all of the good women still on the show. At least try and give Eve the push, as she can actually do some decent moves. And why do we still have Brie Bella as the Champion, when she’s quite plainly useless as mud? Kelly wins the match. The rest of us lose.

In the meantime, Cole hasn’t entirely revoked his heel status, and goes out to the ring to criticize Alex Riley for attacking the Miz last week. It also seems that the Raw GM has resigned Alex, even though he was traded to Smackdown in the draft. Cole does the usual thing of pointing out that Alex is ungrateful, and eventually calls him a bastard. I can’t help but wonder how much freedom is being given to speech now, since the Rock was allowed to use “bitch” a whole lot, and what with this being the PG era and all. Alex, to his credit, looks and sounds pretty cool in this, as well as having a nifty new theme. He’s carrying himself with more dignity, and his time on the mic (used to point out how annoying both Cole and the Miz are) is concise and clear, whereas before, he used to ramble a bit. At any rate, Alex doesn’t like being called a bastard, and is about to tell Cole so, when the Miz appears and tries to take down his former lacky. Again, Miz looks crazy intense. He doesn’t get far, though, as Alex rallies back and returns in kind. I think it’s cool that Alex is getting this kind of push, and let’s hope he can make the best of it.

While the women’s division seems to be rapidly slipping away from good wrestling, the men’s division is improving, as we get CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio. The New Nexus (with the exception of Mason Ryan) don’t appear in this at all, and even then, Mason’s interference is limited so that Punk doesn’t look like a bitch. In fact, this match is nearly all Rey and Punk, as it should be, putting on a fast paced, technical clinic that is just plain fun to watch. The two just work well together, knowing just when to use which move, and how to sell the other. I particularly like the ending, with CM Punk winning not with the GTS, but with a kick to Rey’s head. I think it’s more creative, and suspenseful, to sometimes end a match without a finisher, which can sometimes be predictable. With a win from a regular move, it means that the rest of the moves used are not just filler waiting for the finish, but are all culminating to create damage, to the point where any one move will do the trick.

Finally, the news we’ve all been dreading to hear is made official: Kharma is indeed pregnant, and it going to have to take time off. I’m pleased that they let her actually speak out about this, as I was afraid they were going to write off her crying spell last week as her just wanting to fit in. So at least her motivations are real (really real) and don’t ruin her character. It makes her less of a monster figure and more human, but that’s not a bad thing, as you can only run the monster role for so long, and it’s best to give her some depth. She’ll have a hard time going back to being a heel, though, as she was getting a fair amount of applause and fan support here. But out comes the Bellas to try their best to be villainous. And by be villainous, they make fat jokes. Which is kind of silly, considering that Kharma beat the tar out of Nikki a few weeks ago, and thus is totally above the eeeeevil threat of name calling. Basically, all the Bellas are trying to do here is to emulate LayCool with their high-school antagonism, but without the comedic timing of Michelle and Layla. Needless to say, Kharma is not impressed, and says that when she’s back in a year, she really hopes the Bellas are still around, because she’s got a whole new dream to take care of now. That’s a great set-up for her leave of absence: not only a promise of return, but a promise of a kick ass return. I miss you already, Kharma.

More good wrestling in the works, with Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne. This is an oddly short match, especially considering that the bookers seem to be trying to build something between these two, yet they’re not given much time to make an impression. Evan wins, and that’s good, as the score is one-one, and there must be a rubber match. I’m behind Raw pushing their young guys, be it Kofi, Dolph, Jack, Evan, and Alex (and in theory, Drew, right? /Right?/) as it definitely gives the show more faces and color than a few years ago, when all we saw was Batista/Triple H/Orton/Cena over and over again. Not to mention it shows that the WWE is preparing for the inevitable mass-retirements that are bound to happen sooner or later, with their aging superstars on the way out (actually, most of them already are. Triple H and Undertaker aren’t official yet, but it’s more or less that way now).

And now, it’s time for our main event. And I have to say, it’s a bit of a let down. It seems shorter than it ought, and it’s pretty basic in design. Essentially, Truth just lures Cena out of the ring and gets him counted out. I’m glad Truth gets the win, no matter how dastardly, and that it looks like they’re gearing for him to have a title match with Cena, but I was hoping for something a little longer, to show off Truth’s skills in the ring, albeit very limited. Actually, I’m curious to see how a regular match between Cena and Truth would go, as both men don’t have a huge moveset. Cena gets by with an impeccable sense of timing, but I don’t know how Truth would do in a match where someone wasn’t more or less carrying him with their wrestling. That isn’t to say that Truth is unwatchable in the ring; as a matter of fact, he’s gotten indefinitely better from where he first started. He’s just never been the one to carry a match before, or be the provider of the main momentum, so it’s just going to be interesting to see if he can pull it off and put a lock on his push into main-event land.

So that was Monday Night Raw, and in spite of having the women’s division explode in a fiery ball of death, everything else was good. I’m glad that at long last, Raw has recognized that people want to watch wrestling on a wrestling show, and are putting more matches in, and what’s more, good matches. No more squash matches, no more joke matches, just good solid entertainment with good workers and good storytelling.

Bet you anything they screw this up, just to spite me.