After a month of moving, lack of television access and other technical difficulties, my blog is back. Since last time we visited, the US, Intercontinental, and Divas Championships have changed hands, going to Dolph Ziggler, Ezekiel Jackson, and Kelly Kelly, respectively. Punk has announced that he’s not going to resign his contract, which expires on the same day as the Money in the Bank PPV, and as he has a title match with John Cena at said event, he’s announced that he intends to leave the WWE with the WWE Title.
Tonight, we are in Las Vegas. Huzzah, huzzah. Expect numerous gambling analogies from commentary. Also, we have the return of the Raw Roulette, the idea of which is that match types and stipulations are decided by a giant spinning roulette, which is not at all designed to provide a match type desired by the booking staff.
Thankfully, no matter how lame this might be, at least we have Shawn Michaels to keep us company tonight. Man, first Stone Cold, now HBK. I don’t care if this is a cheap bid for ratings, I love my Hall of Famers. I am disappointed, however, that Shawn has settled for a plain shirt and jeans. I had thought he wore his sequin studded vests all the time. Shawn tells us that he tried to stay away from the WWE and hold true to his retirement pledge, but he just couldn’t help himself, because he missed us so much. Aw, we missed you too, HBK. Hey, if Rock can come back on a whim, so can Shawn. In true DX style, Shawn tells that he will under no circumstance shamelessly plug his show (which, of course, he does), but is interrupted by CM Punk, looking quite chipper, with Otunga and McGuillicutty on his flanks. Apparently, Mason Ryan is injured (my God, he really is Batista!). Punk, of course, is chastising HBK for breaking his promise and coming back, while when he leaves, he will indeed leave, and with the WWE Championship nonetheless. And, true to Punk style, he points out that while he will leave a winner, Shawn was forced to leave as a loser. HBK points out that the fans are still cheering him, for the fact is he’s better than Punk. Punk prefers to say that Shawn /was/ better than him, but at this point, Punk is the best.
So Shawn Superkicks Otunga. And yes, it gets one heck of a reaction.
The GM intervenes, declaring that Punk will be the first man subjected to the Raw Roulette, hoseted by Booker T, who will be playing the part of Vanna White. The wheel declares that Punk will be facing a “Mystery Opponent,” who happens to be the conveniently placed Kane. Boy, how about that total random chance, huh? Also, Shawn kicks McGuillicutty. And it’s awesome.
Kane comes out swinging, slapping Punk, then throwing him out of the ring. A CM Punk chant gets going from the crowd, which is hard to begrudge, as Kane is technically a bad guy, what with being a homicidal maniac and all. Kane is having quite the time, though, smashing Punk about with gusto. Punk starts to get the upper hand after kicking Kane in the head, and starts his kick-and-punch offense. To which Kane responds by booting him in the face. Kane’s kick wins. Kane is about to jump off the top rope and squish Punk, but Punk rolls out of the rings and gets counted out intentionally. I love how Kane looks pissed at winning without getting to kill a guy first.
Now it’s time for the match we’ve all been waiting for: Evan Bourne vs. Sin Cara. I’m surprised that this is a free match, as it’s definitely PPV worthy in match up. I know that it’s an apology for the screw up last week with the text voting snafoo, but still. Yet, sadly, given that this is Roulette night, we have to have a stipulation. We really don’t need one, but hey, whatever. Thankfully, it’s a No Count Out, so we’re not stifled too much. I’m amused that Evan finally has to fight a man his own size. Suprisingly, the two start out with more technical moves, Evan with an arm drag, Sin Cara with a snap mare. Things pink up quicker once Sin Cara starts dragging Evan across the ring and jumping off ropes. The two exchange kicks, with Evan getting a nifty double boot to the chest. Sin Cara gets in a hurricarana, chucking Evan out of the ring, and then follows with a suicide dive. Sin Cara picks Evan up on his shoulders, looking for a tilt-a-whirl, which Evan counters with a hurricarana of his own. They get back in the ring, and start exchanging roll ups. I’m surprised with how dead the crowd is for this one: the counters here alone are worth cheers. Evan finally downs Sin Cara, and attempts Air Born, but misses, and Sin Cara hits another hurricarana to win. See, this is why the Cruiserweight Title needs to be brought back: so that guys this size can have matches with those of their own move sets and comfort zones and have a reason for doing so.
Back at the wheel, Kofi is bearing a smile, as it seems he is to have a match with Dolph Ziggler. Vickie interrupts, of course, and gives the wheel a spin, which winds up one players choice, meaning Kofi gets to choose. Wow, the wheel is kind of useless so far, isn’t it? It’s not really decided a whole lot. I mean, I prefer it that way, as I don’t want the roulette at all, but if you’re going to have it, might as well be poignant. At any rate, Kofi chooses to have a match where Vickie is banned from ringside. That doesn’t really come up in a whole lot of other contexts, does it?
The lineup for the Raw ladder match at Money in the Bank is announced: Kofi, R-Truth, Rey Mysterio, Evan Bourne, Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, Alex Riley, and The Miz. That’s actually not a bad set up, really, though once again: where the eff is Drew?! At any rate, I do find it interesting that only two of those guys have been the Champ before.
Our Kofi vs. Dolph match starts, and Dolph, irate that Vickie isn’t here, tries to walk out. Kofi is having none of that, and drags him back, only to begin to receive a beating from Dolph. Kofi rallies back, though, and chucks Dolph out of the ring (in or out, Kofi, which is it?). Dolph, in turn, chucks Kofi into a ringpost. Dolph takes advantage of this and renews his offense, getting Kofi in a dire headlock. Kofi tries to fight back, and having those spurts of offense in the midst of being beaten really helps liven up a match and prevent it from stagnating. The constant teasing of a turn-around, only to have it dashed, keeps the audience guessing. My favourite moments is when Dolph attempts a gut buster which Kofi manages to reverse for a roll up. The ending in a bit annoying, as Kofi literally hits the Trouble in Paradise out of nowhere. I’m not a big fan of miraculous comebacks without having some kind of build of momentum to the finish. Alas. It seems that Kofi is back on track to vie for his lost US Championship.
Backstage, in preparation for the Del Rio vs. Big Show match, we see Del Rio hitting on Maryse, who spins the wheel in his stead. Unfortunately for Maryse’s golddigging, she winds up spinning Del Rio into a steel cage match. I have to say, so far, the wheel of fortune hasn’t been as annoying as in the past. Still, I ought not get my hopes up too terribly much.
The cage match starts, and Del Rio starts by dashing for the door. Show, of course, isn’t about to have that, and begins the bludgeoning of Alberto. Del Rio manages to get out of trouble by booting Show in the knee, and tries his best to wear him down. The part I hate about big man matches is that you almost always have to go after the legs, as it’s the only believable tactic. It’s not a horrible thing, but it’s predictable. But much to the surprise of all, Mark Henry arrives, and starts stalking about the ring. Meanwhile, back at the match, Show temporarily forgets his leg wound, and stands up with ease. Thankfully, Del Rio reminds him with a kick, and gets in a DDT. Show is not about to quit, and puts Del Rio up on the top turnbuckle, executing the superplex.
Oh, and Mark Henry tears the cage door off with his bare hands. That will happen from time to time.
Mark attacks Big Show, while Alberto slithers out of the broken doorway and gets the win. I am glad that we’re geared for a Mark Henry/Show rivalry, especially as Mark is suddenly a hot commodity again. As if to emphasize the latter point, Mark throws Big Show through the cage wall, tumbling in a heap to the outside ringside, earning a “Holy Shit!” chant from the crowd.
We go from “Holy Shit” to “What the EFF?!” as Kelly appears, the new Divas Champion. So, we went from the awesomeness of Kharma to Kelly Kelly as champ. The answer is yes, I’m woefully disappointed. What’s worse, Nikki Bella is her opponent, while Brie still has her rematch clause on hold. So, we’re in for another month of Bellas vs. Kelly. Fantastic. We do know that we have Beth Phoenix on this show, yes? To my surprise, the roulette, does not provide some form of sexploitation, but offers a Submission Match. See, and that would be really awesome, if there were two women in there who I thought for a second could make someone submit. Nikki puts Kelly in an armbar, and then kind of… screams. For about a minute. Kelly gets out, and puts Nikki in a Boston Crab to win. Yes, you read that right: there were a grand total of two moves in this match. That’s out Champion, ladies and gents. Thankfully, Eve is here to the rescue, and actually starts kicking some ass, throwing the Bellas out of the ring. Almost as if… Eve is more believable as Champion!
Remember a month ago, when the women’s division was on the rise? I miss that week.
Our next match is revealed via the roulette to be a Tornado Tag Match between Rey Mysterio and Alex Riley vs. The Miz and Jack Swagger. Meaning that all the combatants are in the ring at once. I’m more concerned with the appearance of Drew McIntyre (finally!) who is annoyed that Booker is stealing his screen time. Thank you, Drew. Unfortunately for me, Shawn is still hanging about and Superkicking people. I’m torn of my love for Shawn’s senseless violence and my joy that Drew is finally back on the show.
Our match starts, and naturally, Riley goes right for Miz. I like these kinds of matches, but it can be hard to narrate, as there’s always things going on in two different directions, so focusing on one plane of action is tricky. Eventually, Team Heel gets the upper hand, and Jack has Rey to himself in the ring, while MIz kind of hangs around outside the ring. The two baddies tries to go for something akin to the Hart Attack, but Rey blocks it, causing Miz to sack himself on the turnbuckle. Miz hangs about in agony for a bit, allowing Riley to perform a hip toss from the top. I’ve actually not seen that before, and found it to be really impressive. I mean, I love any top rope move, but that was still exceptionally well done. But, due to the magic of commercials, we cut away and return to the heels once again in control. Huh. Riley is fighting alone, but is being double teamed. Oh, the irony. The crowd is certainly behind Riley, though, and are drowning out the smarks Miz chants by far. Things slow down a bit as we get a whole lot of stomping. Riley and Swagger manage to fall out of the ring, while Miz attempts to superplex Rey. Ah, I’m getting my fill of top rope moves today. Rey blocks, of course, and then speeds things up, flipping Miz and Swagger about. He tries to 619 Miz, but is stopped by Swagger, who in turn receives a spinebuster from Riley. Man, Riley is pulling out all the moves today. He and Miz then fall out of the ring, and cede the action back to Rey and Swagger. I like how this match is being handled: rather than having two separate stories going on and the audience becoming confused, their having one strand of main narration and having the players weave in and out. Rey eventually does get to 619 Jack, who falls into Riley’s DDT, and then gets planted by a splash by Rey for the win. This really was a great match: the story telling was fast paced and allowed all the wrestlers involved to showcase their stuff, there was a good back and forth of momentum between teams, a lot of false finishes to keep the audience guessing, and a really nifty finish.
Our last spin of the night declares that the main event between R-Truth and John Cena is to be a ladder match. Color me surprised, the wheel didn’t suck this year. Last year, it gave us stupid dance offs, costume trading, and other devices of much lameness. This year, it actually provided some degree of awesome. Of course, I still don’t know why these matches couldn’t have been dictated by a GM, but hey, that’s just me.
I notice Truth still has no theme music. I also notice he’s looking more buff than he has in a long time. His crowd reaction is a mix of cheers and boos, and I find it interesting that you can really pick up on these things without the music. It’s sounds obvious when you think about it, but sometimes, you find yourself only kind of getting a crowd reaction and judging en masse rather than getting a clear idea. For instance, with Cena’s music, you hear mostly cheers, but surely there must be some boos in there. Truth comes out swinging, and I’ve got a feeling that this is going to be a mostly-punches match. Still, that’s not a bad thing, as the two can play to their strengths. Cena goes for a table early, but Truth stops him, for whatever reason preferring to wear him down in the ring with a surfboard stretch. I personally think it would make more sense for Truth, being crazy, to go for weapons early, but I’m guessing he wants to display his moves on screen to get noticed. He does get in a nifty move of lifting Cena vertically ala suplex, and then landing Cena’s head on his shoulder like a Stunner. Truth does finally go for a table, and sets in up in the ring corner. It gets a bit odd as Truth, obviously stalling for time, adjusts the thing to death, though you could write it off as Truth’s obsessive nature coming in to play. Cena rallies back, as he’s wont to do, and takes Truth outside, throwing him into the ring steps. Apparently not liking the table already there, Cena brings his own into the ring, and sets it up in the regular fashion. But CM Punk, being villainous, removes the table before Cena can put Truth through it. What’s more, he distracts Cena long enough for Truth to spear Cena through the table in the corner. This is a good ending, as it allows Truth to walk away from his feud with Cena looking good, while Punk gets to build heat for his upcoming feud with Cena.
Punk takes a seat, and I notice for the first time he’s wearing a Stone Cold shirt. He says he doesn’t hate Cena, but he hates the fact that Cena is considered the best when, in fact, he is the best. He also does some fourth wall breaking as he lambasts the fact he’s never been promoted to the same extent as everyone else. And then he goes a whole lot further as he starts talking about how the company of the WWE is a sham, that it’s corrupt, that when Vince dies, it’s just going to get run into the ground more, and then his mic gets cut, and the video feed dies. So, unless this is a really good work, my guess is Punk just got muted. Still, you have to wonder if it is a work, because they allotted enough screen time at the end of the show to permit Punk to have this rant, and then ended it on time, so there you go.
So that was Raw, and much to my surprise, the roulette wasn’t as horrible as I thought. The matches are actually very good, especially the tag match and the Sin Cara/Evan Bourne. I’m happy to see Show and Henry having a thing going between them, though I’m still, of course, miffed by having Kelly as Champion. Have to wonder about the Punk situation, but I’ll leave that to other folks.
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