I have a question: when did Raw become so awesome? Seriously, if you go back just one month, I’m ripping it to shreds, and yet, somehow, it’s managing to do everything right.
Our show starts off without a theme, and already undergoing the proceedings, but this is more than made up for with the sight of Stone Cold in the ring, along with Mr. McMahon and the two finalists of Tough Enough, Andy and Steve. I didn’t watch Tough Enough, so the outcome of this doesn’t matter a great deal to me, but it’s great fun to listen as the censors try to start bleeping Steve Austin, and eventually just give up. Apparently, Vince, being the hard nosed boss that he is, is hemming and hawing over which one of these gents he wants working for him. Stone Cold says that’s none of his concern, as it will be Steve Austin alone deciding what’s going on. I love how these two have the most set-in-stone rivalry, even as we near in on ten years since Austin retired. Well, Steve chooses Andy. Huzzah. Andy then gets slapped by Vince, and Stunned by Steve. Seriously, Andy, get used to this, it’s going to happen a lot when you’re in the ring with these two.
That’s all we’ll be seeing of Andy, but now we get a real treat: R-Truth, who has done his research, knows that tonight’s show is in Virginia. As such, he’s decked out in a Confederate Uniform, in order to put over how he’s seceding from the WWE Universe. I should point out that he enters to “When Johnny Comes Home,” which, while awesome, was a Northern song. Still, A for effort. I also love how he really knows how to get his digs in: “Now, I know where in Richmond tonight. Home to Robert E Lee, Jefferson Davis, and the rest of you inbred rednecks.” I mean, wow. And do I even need to comment on a black man wearing the Confederate Uniform? This is just priceless: Not only is it fun, and readable on so many levels, but it gets good home-town boos that don’t involve slandering the local sports team. Well done, Truth. Now, as for why he’s out here, it was dictated last week by the Laptop that if Truth were to publically apologize for inconveniencing the fans last week, he would get his title shot against Cena at the next PPV, Capitol Punishment, and he does so. Of course, he’s still going to point out that there’s a conspiracy against him, and uses the presence of Mr. McMahon to bring it to the attention of the authorities. Vince attempts humour (you’re just not good at this anymore, Vince, I’m sorry), but winds up getting interrupted by disgruntled wrestler #2, the Miz. Miz is, of course, still angry about losing to Cena, and naturally wants another chance. He’s soon interrupted by Alex Riley, who’s appearance is kind of pointless, as he gets one line out before he too is interrupted by Cena, who really needs to tighten the WWE Title hanging around his waist. I’m glad that he’s wearing the belt rather than just having it hang over his shoulder, but the way he wears it, it looks like a fanny pack.
Cena is here to call some shots: he says Miz literally said “I quit,” so no more chances for him. Also, Alex Riley, while on the up and up, still hasn’t earned anything. So our match is still going to be Truth and Cena at Capitol Punishment. Mr McMahon, who has to do /something/ officious here, says this is so, but that the main event tonight will be a tag match between Alex Riley and Cena vs. Miz and R-Truth, with Stone Cold refereeing. Thanks, Vince, though I do have to wonder: when exactly did you get out of that coma you were put into by the Nexus last summer? Ah, well, no one remembers the Nexus anyway.
Our first match of the evening is, sadly, Santino vs. Michael McGuillicutty. Now, why does this match avoid completely sucking? Mainly, because it’s kept short, and doesn’t really try to pretend to be important (which it is, of course, not). Santino wins, and I can only assume this means we’re going to have another bout of Santino and Koslov trying to grab the Tag Team Championships.
Wow, see how short that paragraph was? That’s how destitute the actual tag teams are now.
We then get another tag team match with the Bellas vs. Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix. And while yes, I am sick to death of seeing the first three, I’m all too happy to see Beth again. The first half of the match starts with Kelly against Bella 1 and 2, and it’s the usual fare. Though to be fair, you do get the sense at times that the Bellas are actually trying. They seem too bring in new moves every now and again, and while they aren’t executed particularly well, they get a nod for effort. But, never mind them, Beth get’s the hot tag and dashes in to the rescue. I’m so glad that they let Beth squash the Bellas here, as I’ve never been able to buy that they could take out some of the tougher Divas, especially one with biceps like Beth. Glam Slam for the win, and if we’re lucky, this will lead to Beth overtaking Kelly as the #1 Contender, leading to a Championship reign, and the reinvigorated women’s division that I was promised.
Know what could be slightly more awesome than seeing Beth Phoenix kick ass? Seeing Booker T back in the ring. He’s in the back with Trish Stratus, trying to teach her how to do the Spinerooni (sp?), when they’re interrupted by Jack Swagger. Swagger claims that if he’d been one of the trainers on Tough Enough, than everyone one the show would have walked away a winner. It seems that Jack doesn’t think Booker has it anymore, and tells him that he’s not tough enough to even step back into the ring anymore. Booker is, as usual, bug eyed and incredulous, and accepts. In other words, folks, it’s Booker T in a match! Yes, please, I will be having the awesome soup for tonight. I mean, wow, that really just makes my day. Booker was a bit under-rated even in his day, but was still a big star and awesome to boot. I’m as excited as can be!
And, if that wasn’t already a great foreboding for good ringwork: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio, round two. It’s much like last week, meaning that it’s still great fun to watch. I really love how the announcers hype the history between the two and the rivalry they’ve had for a few years. It gives their matches that much more depth knowing that they can’t stand losing to one another. Also, in another thing done right, the New Nexus doesn’t get involved, and the most Mason Ryan does is block Rey from doing the 619. Not only does this stop the Nexus from clogging up my screen, but it puts the focus back on Punk and Punk alone, making him the villain and main character that should be highlighted out of all this. At any rate, Rey wins cleanly, doing a springboard splash onto Punk, once again earning praise from me for not using the usual finisher. I really hope they continue with this as a storyline. The last time these two worked together, it easily earned the best storyline of Wrestlemania 26, not to mention their months of matches were terrific.
Time for Alberto Del Rio to be a jerk. He comes out with his usual grin, and then claims he wants to apologize to Big Show. And that would be awfully decent of him, if this wasn’t Alberto Del Rio we’re talking about. Naturally, out comes Ricardo Rodriguez in a faux Big Show outfit, meaning that he’s wearing a leotard and has put some stuffing in his stomach. There’s the usual banter as Del Rio is a fantastic heel, making fun of the fake Show, when he turns to the camera and addresses the real Big Show, saying if he’s smart, he won’t make anything of this, because he doesn’t want a piece of Alberto Del Rio. That’s what I like about Alberto’s style of heel: he can be both funny and threatening at the same time, making his segments fun, compelling, and still conducive to a larger plot.
And just when you thought things couldn’t get stranger: Zack Ryder is on TV. Moreover, he’s got a match with Kofi Kingston. Moreover, it’s a pretty good match. It’s relatively short, but it’s fun and fast paced, and you can tell Ryder is trying to make an impression. The real story here is Dolph Ziggler at ringside, hyping how he’s been scouting out Kofi and knows his moves before he commits them. Dolph is actually getting much snappier on the mic, and isn’t relying on Vickie as much to guide his dialogue. He looks and sounds more comfortable, and it really does make a difference. I’m assuming that this is signalling a continuation of Dolph/Kofi, and I have no problem with that: they’ve had great matches in the past. What I do hope, however, is that this one gets a bit more in depth for a storyline, as both Dolph and Kofi have only had pretty fleeting stories in the past. Remember when Kofi got to beat up Randy Orton? I do, but I doubt the writers do.
Now, the moment I’ve certainly been waiting for all evening: Booker T vs. Jack Swagger. The match isn’t as in depth as I’d have liked, with it mostly being a chance for Booker to show us he still has it, rather than having a real one on one match with each person taking and giving. Mostly, Swagger takes a bit of a whipping in this, but hey, being beaten up by Booker T is a privilege. Booker is in great shape here, and really looks like if he wanted, he could take up wrestling full time again. But, sadly, Swagger has enough of this, and walks out of the ring to get intentionally counted out. Lame, Jack. However, Evan Bourne is having none of that, and like the annoying gnat he is, he stings Swagger, and then dashes away into the ring. Swagger, furious, takes chase, but receives a Bicycle Kick from Booker for his troubles. We then get to see our pair of good guys do a Spinerooni in the ring, though Evan kind of fails at this.
Main event time! This isn’t a bad match, but it isn’t the best. Most of the match is just Miz and Truth beating up on Alex Riley, while Cena waits for the hot tag. I don’t usually care for these kinds of tag matches, as the ending is very predictable and all you’re doing is waiting for the tag to be made and for the match to be over. Also, this doesn’t help Riley a lot, as he comes off as more of a weakling than anything. I should have liked to see more dynamic between him and Cena, given that until recently, they were trying to kill one another. Even if you were to have a few close glances as they tag, wondering if they have one another’s back, would have been good. The interesting thing here is with Stone Cold refereeing, as he totally doesn’t care about neutrality and just does his thing. At the end, he winds up Stunning Miz, giving team Cena and Riley the win. Naturally, given the on going war between Steve and the Morally Ambiguous Laptop, the GM is none to happy with Stone Cold interfering, and thus reverses the decision. I don’t really know why, given that it didn’t do this the other week when Bret Hart interfered, or given that win/loss records don’t matter a ton anymore. Well, Steve’s having none of that, as he exits the ring and trashes the Laptop. Yeah, Stone Cold doesn’t mess around. Then, as this is a Stone Cold appearance, we get the return of the mysteriously flying beer cans, and he cracks one open and offers it to the good guys. Alex Riley, showing he’s a smart cookie, takes the beer and then gets out of the ring as fast as he can. Good decision, Alex. You’re becoming more legitimate a protagonist already. Meanwhile, Cena shares a beer, and is miraculously not Stunned for his troubles. What a twist.
This was an exceptionally good episode of Raw. There was a lot of wrestling, and all of it helped further a greater storyline. It was great to see both Booker and Stone Cold, Truth is continuing having fun with his character, Swagger and Evan promises to be interesting, Beth is getting a push, Zack Ryder got TV time… if there’s anything this episode didn’t do right, it’s that I’m still waiting for Drew McIntyre to get screen time. Seriously, if you’re not going to use him, give him back to Smackdown.
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