We’re back to the blue brand. Have things improved since last time, or are we going to be getting some more long winded rants?
Smackdown opens with Sheamus, as it appears we’re finally going to discuss in some greater detail the fact that Sheamus won the Royal Rumble, and should be given more recognition as a result. The Celtic Warrior (and yes, I’m going to keep calling him that, because The Great White is kind of silly) starts off by saying how there are some people who think that he should choose which Championship he’s going to challenge for at Wrestlemania, although I’m not aware of anyone saying that, but hey, a talking point is a talking point. Sheamus doesn’t care what people think of him, though, which leads a bit awkwardly into a segue about bullying. This wouldn’t be so bad, either, if it didn’t try to bring itself back to wrestling and why Sheamus is such a fighter. It just seems like a mismatched attempt to bring the anti-bullying campaign into the actual show. Props to the WWE for trying, though. Unfortunately for Sheamus, Wade Barrett actively endorses bullying, and comes out to tell us as much. He says that if Sheamus were smart, he’d say here and now that he would go for the WWE Championship; because if he even thinks about going for the World Heavyweight Championship, it would surely mean he’d be facing Barrett, as the Englishman plans on winning at the Elimination Chamber. I’m glad that Wade is back to being a credible villain again: this time last year, Wade was palling around with the Corre, and we all know how much I hated that. Also, he’s moved on from Randy Orton, which is a good thing. Sheamus smiles and says he wasn’t really listening to Barrett, thinking about the beating he had taken from Orton in previous weeks. I don’t know what is going on with Sheamus’s lines tonight, but they don’t seem to directly relate to what’s going on in the ring. Of course, we can’t have a gathering without Cody Rhodes, can we? Cody is bemused that both men have such faith in their chances at being Champion, when the only one with an actual belt right now is Cody himself (as an aside, I suddenly realize that nearly every title is held by a heel at this moment, aside from CM Punk as WWE Champion). Cody too plans on winning the Elimination Chamber, to become the first co-holder of the World Heavyweight Championship and the Intercontinental Championship. I initially thought that Ultimate Warrior had already done this, but that was actually the WWF Title. And, because Smackdown can’t resist the set ups for a tag match, we need one more good guy here, and that would be the Big Show. Show disregards both of the villains in the ring, and tells Sheamus that he’s not going to tell the Celtic Warrior what he should or should not do. But he does hint that Big Show vs. Sheamus at Wrestlemania for the World Heavyweight Championship does sound like a good idea, which leads into probably one of the best Rhodes moments in a while. Cody asks Show why he would even bother getting a title match at Wrestlemania, when he’s just going to lose again, and coins the phrase that Show is “the reverse Undertaker at Wrestlemania.” The great thing about Rhodes is that even though he’s smaller than a lot of the other guys, his mic skills continue to make him legitimately believable as a villain. He doesn’t need to make his threats about just beating the other guy up, instead making his lines concerned mostly with hitting below the belt at an ego level, which can apply to anyone at any time. Things, of course, break out into a brawl, as things are wont to do in a wrestling ring, with Sheamus and Big Show tossing Rhodes and Barrett out of the ring. Incidentally, I realize that a team of Rhodes, Barrett, Miz, and Ziggler would be a fantastic stable. Just a thought.
Our first match of the night is Jinder Mahal vs. Great Khali, in the event that anyone still cared. Jinder now has a glass case at ringside in which he puts his turban before going into the match. It’s like the writers believe that if they keep giving Mahal more props, than surely something will work. The first problem with that is that Mahal still doesn’t have any kind of charisma or character to make anyone interested in his current gimmick, and as such, trying to beat us over the head with the fact that he’s rich isn’t going to work. Second, it’s a match with the Great Khali, and interest is impossible to achieve. My indifference sky rockets until Khali finally wins. I hate when Khali gets a necessary push to make us care for his participation in events like the Elimination Chamber. Out of all the guys who could have replaced Mark Henry… I want everyone to think about this: they had Brodus Clay and Drew McIntyre in reserve, and they went with the Great Khali. Know this, and despair.
The Divas match for tonight is Beth Phoenix vs. Alica Fox. I’m glad we’re running out Beth on a regular basis to get her back in the spotlight after her long hiatus. I’m also pleased that they’re going back to making Beth simply confident and ready to kill, as when the bell rings, Beth parts the ring ropes and demands that Alicia just gets out of her ring now. It’s way more badass to watch that kind of confident swagger than it is to watch Beth harp on about sticking it the model-esque Divas. She doesn’t need to prove a political point, she just needs to kick ass and leave. I’m going to give Alica some credit in this match, because she does come out speedily and with gusto. That’s the thing with Alicia: you know she’s /trying/, and I can appreciate that, as opposed to Kelly, who is content to be essentially useless. The only problem with Alicia is that she is really too skinny, in that her stomps and punches look like nothing, especially against Beth. Beth, of course, Glam Slams Alica and gets the win. She’s about to do more damage on the foxy one, but Tamina dashes out to the rescue. I’m not sure I’m behind the Warrior Princess tagline being attached to her, because it seems kind of standard, but I guess it works. Hey, at least she’s been deemed important enough to warrant a nickname, and that must count for something. Tamina and Beth have a stare down, and exchange knowing grins. I especially like how Beth seems to approve of Tamina having the guts to stand up to her: Not only does it make Beth look tougher by wanting to take on a real challenge, but it makes Tamina look legitimate for being worth the Glamazon’s time. It seems that the booking staff is actually going to deliver on an interesting women’s match, but excited though I might be, the women’s division storylines and plots changes on a daily basis, so we’ll wait and see.
Our next match is a tag match, with Sheamus and Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett. Cody has a great character moment at the beginning of the match, when he realizes he’s supposed to start against the Big Show, and after hesitating for a few seconds, quickly tags in Barrett and rolls out of the ring. Comedic cowardliness is the best cowardliness. The start of the match is actually what I want to see in a top-card tag match: there’s a lot of tagging, so that you get to see your favorites all get to work and the match is kept speedy. However, once Barrett starts to go to work on Show, I realize how spoiled I’ve been with Daniel Bryan’s matches against the giant in recent weeks: Barrett goes for the usual chopblocks and then a headlock to down Show, who doesn’t really get to rally back during the offense until it’s time to get the hot tag to Sheamus. Now that I’ve seen that it is more than possible for people to have an exciting singles match with the Big Show, I find myself less forgiving to the leg and headlock attacks, especially when you consider that Bryan is significantly smaller than Barrett. But even then, this moment of the match is kept short, and doesn’t tarnish the rest of the product too terribly much. I especially liked the big finish, with Show spearing Cody before he can interfere, and then Sheamus Brogue Kicks Barrett to pick up the win. All in all, it was a fun match, which got to showcase the four people I care about the most on Smackdown (aside from you know who, but hey, I can only rant about that so many times), and for a middle of the show match, it did its job very well.
And now, for an interview in the ring, with Michael Cole and AJ. Cole’s general annoyance is a double edged sword. On the one hand, in regular commentary, he’s almost unbearable, because, as I’ve said before, he’s doing both the color and the play by play, so you only get to hear him all the time. On the other, when you get him in segments like this, where he’s trying to goad someone in a one-on-one confrontation, his completely despicable nature almost instantly puts over whoever it is he’s harassing. The case in point here is AJ, who, really, hasn’t been given much of a personality to work with thus far, aside from being Daniel Bryan’s girlfriend. This changes in this segment, with Cole interrupting AJ as she thanks people for their support, by saying no one even knows who she is, earning instant boos. Asked further if she blames the Big Show for her injury, AJ says she’s never thought it was his fault, which is good: she’s not going to be the brainless lackey for Bryan, even though he’s quite clearly a heel here. It means her character is not immediately dependent on the actions of her boyfriend, giving her a sense of independence and actual character. And then AJ gets to further earn fan support by taking on Cole, saying he’s done far more damage than Big Show ever did: he’s never supported Bryan, he’s constantly lambasted the Divas, and he’s just generally a pompous jerk. Props to Cole’s performance here: I’m so used to seeing Cole shout people down that when he goes silent and puts on his death glare, it really is somewhat frightening, because you have to believe that someone as intense and generally hate filled as Cole’s character would totally slap AJ here, and helps put interest in the scene. Also, the moment of the night is when Cole starts to talk, and then AJ grabs the mic out of his hand and says she wasn’t finished. That’s just awesome. When Cole does finally get to talk, I realize that if he weren’t an announcer, and instead a manager, or some other backstage persona, his character would be much better for it, because he has a knack for playing the villain in these scenarios, and unfortunately, when he has to go one commentary afterwards, that’s all we get to hear about, and the moment loses something as a result. Regardless, Cole lambasts AJ for being something of an idiot for following Bryan, when he’s quite clearly an awful boyfriend. I’m also glad that they’re having Cole still be against Daniel Bryan, in spite of his turning heel. There are certain aspects of continuity which, even by wrestling standards, I demand to see upheld. And, of course, it helps that he’s right: we’ve just had a moment where AJ asserts herself as a strong individual, and then we’re reminded that she’s in a relationship where she’s more or less Bryan’s shield. I also think there’s something to be said for Cole being the one to make this revelation to her, as he doesn’t care about who’s feelings he hurts, or what AJ thinks her love means. Before Cole can get too far, though, Daniel Bryan comes out to stop Cole from further harassing his girlfriend. He also further tears into the crowd for eating meat, with allusions to the Superbowl the previous Sunday, and I think this is a misplaced promo. I find Bryan’s Vegan rants to be generally hilarious, just because they get so absurd. Coming off of the previous scene, however, where the emotions were running high and the issues were somewhat more intense, to have the main topic of the debate come out and kind of negate the previous emotions to an extent kind of hurt the scene in the long run. It just didn’t follow up on the emotions that had been created prior. Anyways, Bryan says that he’s going to do the right thing, and escort his girlfriend back home, which of course means that he doesn’t intend on fighting Randy Orton in the main event. Teddy Long disagrees, and says that if Bryan walks, he will automatically forfeit his title, which of course stops him. I think there’s something worth mentioning in that Bryan is more concerned about his title than the love he claims to have for his girlfriend.
In the continuing epic plot arc that everyone surely stays up late at night and wonders about: Ted Dibiase vs. Hunico. Ted’s wrist has healed, and so the saga continues. It occurs to me that I’ve not said much about Hunico as of yet, other than the racial stereotyping is somewhat appalling. The guy is, in fact, very good in the ring, and this makes sense, given that he was Nega Sin Cara for a few months, and to impersonate Sin Cara, you’ve surely got some skills. But the character switch is so jarring and makes no sense: you go from this sweet masked character, instantly recognizable and interesting, and go for a bland street thug persona which has been done a hundred times, each one as unrecognizable as the last. I mention this, because while watching this match, Hunico is, in fact, very impressive. He’s speedy, he’s got a great batch of moves, both in the highflying and technical variety, and is actually fun to watch. But his character is just so bland and uninspired that I can’t get behind him. It doesn’t help that he’s pitted against Dibiase, who can suck the soul out of most anything. Had he stuck as Nega Cara, he would have been great, but alas, wishful thinking. Dibiase wins the match via roll up pin, and the usual disdain I have for the roll up pin is only heightened because I realized that Hunico did most of the work in the match. I’m certainly not jumping on Hunico’s wagon, because I still loathe his character, but I may be watching more closely from now on.
And now for the main event: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton. Prior to the match, Big Show comes out to do commentary, indicating that shenanigans will occur later in the match. I almost hate when you get the guest commentators, because it’s almost a spoiler warning on what’s going to happen. The match itself is another curious matter regarding Bryan and his ability to make a match fast paced no matter who he’s working with. I’ll confess that I think Orton has gotten moderately better over the last little bit, but even still, he’s not the fastest guy in the ring, and his matches at one point or another tend to become plodding. Not so here, as the action is consistently fast, and a good back and forth is maintained. On the one hand, I want to credit Orton for no longer following his old formula of absorbing punishment before hitting all of his signature moves in one quick go. On the other, I really want to credit Bryan, because as we’ve seen with his work with Show in the last few weeks, he really seems to bring out the best in the people he works with. I think one of the major things is that he uses his speed to shake up the matches of the generally slow, and interweaves it into the narrative so that the match never slows down too much before it can pick up again. Compare this match to the one Bryan had with Punk, where I feel the speed was kept down far too much in preference of submission holds. Here, Bryan is using his speed and agility to accent the match and keep it going in order to avoid having things bogged down by a slower working opponent: following up a minute of Orton stomps with a minute of submission holds would not be nearly as interesting, because the monotonous pacing would still be present. Regardless, it’s only a matter of time before Big Show comes into play. Bryan tries to skedaddle out of the ring, and Show pushes him back in. Unfortunately, the over anxious ref calls it interference, and Bryan wins based on a DQ. Naturally, Mr. Orton is not happy when he doesn’t get to kill things, and angrily confronts the Big Show about it. In another moment of hypocrisy, I’m going to say that I liked Orton’s anger here: first, outbursts of emotion from Orton are rare and few, and when the guy seems to be getting into some kind of character instead of just emulating a block of wood, I’m inclined to applaud it just a little; second, at least there’s something of a motivation behind his anger here, rather than just, say, irrationally RKOing Show for no reason at all. The two get in a fight, and the last shot of the show is neatly staged, with Bryan on the ramp, smiling happily as the titantron in the background shows his enemies fighting each other rather than him.
This was probably the most pleasant Smackdown I’ve seen in a while. Most of the matches were enjoyable, and aside from the usual crowd that I don’t care for, we’re finally getting more of the main cast into storylines and matches that actually mean something. I really like where the AJ and Bryan saga is going, not to mention the promise of a good Diva’s match in the making, and the show was just generally fun. Granted, it’s still needs a good deal of polish, but it’s better than what we’ve had, and that’s something.
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