Tonight’s episode is a special one, as it is not only the first Raw after the reported death of Osama Bin Laden, but it is also the Rock’s birthday. For the record, I thought the way the WWE handled the former was done very tastefully: everyone knew what the ultra patriotism was about, but they didn’t really beat us over the head with it. They just had Lillian Garcia (we love you, Lillian!) come out and sing the national anthem, which was a very nice rendition incidentally, and moved on from there. As for the latter... eh, not so tastefully, though through no real fault of the WWE. Throughout the night, we kept getting celebrity well-wishes for the Rock, which were just painful to sit through. The worst was Jimmy Kimmel, Regis and Kelly, Lebron James, and everyone who tried to do the Rock’s catchphrases. How many times has the Rock told you to never steal his catchphrases?! The killer was how damn clever the stars smirked at the camera, as if they’re sooooooo badass. What really got me was that they were no wrestlers who got to give birthday greetings to the Rock. I mean, those are the guys I’d really like to see express their opinions on the subject. You know, the ones who should actually be here, and not a bunch of half-talented actors. It just felt patronizing to have these twerps just show up and act like they knew what was going on. Especially Jimmy Kimmel, who has never been funny.
All in all, this wasn’t even so much about Rock’s birthday as it was a general Rock appreciation episode, which struck me initially as very odd in it’s timing; I mean, why now? Then I thought about it, and realized that Rock had never gotten the kind of send-off like HBK and Edge got when he left the WWE: Rock just kind of got written out gradually as he became more invested in Hollywood. In reality, this appreciation episode is more of a long overdue “Thank you” from the WWE to the Rock, and that’s all right. The only problem, of course, is that everything in the episode is overshadowed by this, and no other plots are developed with great success, but at least they waited until after the Extreme Rules PPV.
Speaking of Extreme Rules: Cena won the WWE Title, Orton beat Punk, Kofi Kingston won the US Title from Sheamus in a non-promoted match (solved the title problem. Harsh, Sheamus), and, just to tick me off, Swagger and Cole won their match. Say, remember in that episode where Cole slapped Swagger, enticing King to make the tag match in the first place? What ever happened to that? Why is Swagger helping Cole again when the sole purpose of this match occurring is so that he could beat the hell out of Cole, as could King and JR, and as such have an ending to this plotline? This is so stupid: they’ve set this story up to be finished in climactic style twice now, and each time they blow it, causing this feud to drag and stretch out long after it ceased being interesting. The reason that Cole was an effective villain to begin with was the fact that everything he did made us want to see him get beat up. If we don’t get to see him get beat up, then he’s no longer interesting, just stale. I don’t even understand why they’re not wrapping this up: Cole’s not a wrestler! He doesn’t have a rep to protect. It doesn’t matter if he loses, except for the fact that if he lost, the fans would finally get what they wanted. What the blazes is being lost in translation here, WWE? What’s more, the match at Extreme Rules doesn’t even make sense now! It was created so that King could have his revenge, and Swagger could help. Once again, Raw has admitted to deliberately wasting my time.
Thankfully, Rock picks up the slack and Rock Bottoms Cole right at the beginning of the show, sending him packing and bringing in JR to do the announcing. And for that alone, the Rock deserves an appreciation episode.
So our first match is between R-Truth and John Morrison... wait, no, Morrison gets halfway down the ramp before Truth jumps him. Bah, I hate using that as a cheap heat builder, especially if it stops me from getting a match. Props to Truth though, for making the best of it. He really goes to town on Morrison with his attack, and his facial expressions... wow. He looks nuts. Truth has rather large eyes, which make them great for conveying emotion, and they do the job here. He looks like he’s going to knife a guy, which, considering this is the man who we all loved few weeks ago, is a very good feat. He looks passionate here, and that’s important, because we have so many heels who look cold and unconcerned after they do something evil, which makes me wonder if they care. Truth obviously cares about what’s going on, and his body language reflects that.
Next match, Maryse and Kelly Kelly. Hands up everyone who just thought “Oh, great, how can this be any good?” And you’d be right, if we only looked at the first twenty seconds of the match, where it’s standard Kelly screaming like a loon. But then, we get the long awaited debut of Kharma, a very large, very awesome looking women, who crushes Maryse, and laughs at the despair exhibited by Kelly. And she’s a got a really creepy laugh, too, and theme music to back it. The entrance of Kharma is awesome for so many reasons:
1. The WWE would never have signed a women her size if they were not beginning to take their women’s division seriously. She obviously doesn’t match the “Diva” cardboard cutout, so that mould must be getting put aside in favour of actual ability in the ring and entertainment value. As they should, because right now, there are a fair number of really good female performers (Melina, Natalya, Beth, Gail Kim, Tamina, Eve) who are every bit as fun to watch as the men. And at the end of the day, I’m here for quality wrestling, regardless of gender.
2. The Divas actually have a credible threat right now. Their arch enemies for about a year and a half has been Team LayCool, and they weren’t so much threatening as unpleasant and mean. Kharma is a tank, and will maim you, especially most of the fluff Divas, which means that the women aren’t safe at any point in time, and must rise to the occasion. It’s a tried and tested wrestling plot, of introducing the monster heel and having to find a champion who can defeat it. It’s even better in the women’s case, because they’ve not had to face anything like this before, thus making an old story relatively fresh.
3. Kharma is just cool. The laugh, the look, the power, the music.
Speaking of good things: Miz vs. John Cena for the WWE Title. Yes, last night, Miz lost, and doubtless thousands of smarks rioted in the streets. In all fairness, though, Miz was champion for five months, and that’s not bad for his first time out. Cena hasn’t had the title in ten months, and also, if what I guess is going to happen comes true, he’s going to be holding onto it until he and Rock meet at Wrestlemania. It’d be neat to see if they really could drag a title reign for a year, if nothing else so that it gives Cena something to do in the meantime.
This was a really, really good match, especially for a title match on a non PPV show. Miz is cheating his little heart out, while Riley does his best to distract the ref, and Cena looks alive in this, showing off some more moves to keep things upbeat. I like the multiple false finishes, with the ref being taken out, Miz taps out to Cena’s STF, but of course the ref doesn’t see it; Miz hitting Cena with the old MiTB Briefcase (why does he still have that thing?), and trying to get the pin, with Cena kicking out at two; Miz kicking out of the Attitude Adjustment. And the ending, of course, where Miz nails Cena with the WWE Championship, and pins him for the win. Unfortunately for the Miz, he’s not speedy enough after the fact to dispose of the belt near him, permitting the ref to make the connection and reverse his decision, disqualifying the Miz. I love how the ref was able to infer the aftermath of the belt assault without seeing it, but every other moment of cheating in this match was completely beyond him. Miz is not a happy camper, and takes it out on Alex Riley. That’s what minions are for.
Why couldn’t we have gotten a match like this at Wrestlemania?
Next match is a Tag Team match between Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre and Jack Swagger. Time to exhibit their Smackdown winnings, I guess. Quick juvenile note: Drew and Jack’s entrance where Jack does his signature push ups and the Drew stands over him. It looks questionable. Otherwise, this was a pretty good match. Nothing to special, but nothing too bad. The thing was a showcase for the newcomers to Raw, and they did a good job. Now we can only hope that they continue to get screen time. Who knows, maybe I worry too much. Actually, no: this is Raw, and they like to annoy me. I’m not the problem here.
Next match is Kane (why?) against Mason Batista... I mean, Mason Ryan. Seriously, though, the similarities between the two are eerie.
Hey kids, know what always goes good with a New Nexus match? That’s right: intentional DQ! What a twist!
So whilst the Nexus stomps on Kane, Big Show comes to his aid, takes out Punk, Otunga, and McGuillicutty (where is Husky Harris? He was the only one I almost liked), but gets speared by Mason. That’s right, Mason used the spear, and is nothing at all like Batista. Sigh... I hate you already, Mason Ryan, just because you remind me of Batista. Not to mention you dare to show up CM Punk. Punk would have done so well on Smackdown...
And that’s... kind of it, really. We get another Rock moment in the ring, a video package, and a lot of confetti and balloons. Well, thank you, Rock, I guess.
In sum: not a terrible episode, especially for a tribute show. They managed to squeeze in the regular programming with the special (I use that term loosely) appearances, so it wasn’t horribly boring. Although the celebrity appearances still drive me nuts. I’m annoyed that nearly all the matches ended in disqualification, but this was countered by a really solid Miz/Cena match, and the tag team match. Also, Kharma is awesome, and that made up for things.
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