Damn Your Snake Eyes...

I don’t think I have been so elated and so savagely disappointed about wrestling in the course of a week as I was in the period between Extreme Rules and Smackdown.

The Extreme Rules results for Smackdown are: Layla defeated Michelle McCool, leading to Michelle’s leaving WWE (I miscalled this, but it makes sense when you think about it. If her and Undertaker are both injured, it makes sense for her to leave for a while so they can have some time together); Rey Mysterio defeated Cody Rhodes; in a pair of non-promoted matches, Big Show and Kane defeated Wade Barrett and Ezekiel Jackson in a title match, and Kofi Kingston won the US Title from Sheamus; And, most importantly, Christian defeated Alberto Del Rio and won his very first World Heavyweight Championship. This really was an awesome moment, and not just for the emotional reasons of Edge leaving. Christian has been a fan favourite for years, a great performer, and just a fun good guy: I always like the faces who come off as genuinely nice guys who you’d like to hang around with, as it makes them easier to cheer for.

Know who has none of the aforementioned things I just mentioned? Randy Orton.

Our show opens with Christian coming out with that oversized belt over his shoulder, and looking fantastic. The crowd cheers him with gusto, as do I, because there isn’t anyone in the fan base who doesn’t want to see Christian as Champion. If there was ever a Champion who was more over with the fans, both with marks and smarks, it’s Christian, as he can meet the hero-worship of the former while satisfying the entertainment standards of the latter. Yes, I could definitely get behind a good, long reign with Christian as our World Heavyweight Champion.

Know who that sentence doesn’t apply to? Randy Orton.

Christian talks about how good it is to be Champion, as is interrupted by Mark Henry. Huh, did not see that coming. Then again, I suppose anyone is fair game to get pushed into serious screen time with the state of Smackdown now. Anyways, much to my surprise, Henry does not bore me as he issues a challenge to Christian, when he himself is interrupted by the Great Khali. Great Khali /does/ bore me, and I could care less about his being here. Whereupon we get Randy Orton, who says that if everyone is going to toss their hat into a title shot conversation, he might as well get in on it. It’s a sad state of affairs when I find myself rooting for Mark Henry out of sheer process of elimination. Sorry, Orton, I don’t care how almost-entertaining you were last week, I still don’t care for you. You have far too many mediocre performances behind you to suddenly pique my interest after one show.

Luckily, Teddy Long comes out to sort out all this hullaballoo… kind of. Rather than make a command decision himself, Teddy asks the crowd to make some noise based on who they want to see face Christian for the World Heavyweight Championship. Naturally, when faced with the horror of the Great Khali in a title match and the indifference towards Mark Henry, the crowd opts for Orton. Ah, now I see why the other two are here: the audience had no choice but to give the impression they wanted to see Orton in a title shot. Teddy Long makes it official, and declares that the match will take place… tonight. Yes, we’re not even going to wait until the next PPV, we’re going to have less than a week after Christian won. Goody. Later in the show, there is a segment where Teddy Long informs us that even though this /seems/ unfair, it’s about giving the fans what they want, and to make Smackdown more exciting. I’m willing to bet that this was filmed after the show and edited in later in order to provide some kind of logic to what’s going to occur later on.

Spoilers, in case I haven’t made it more obvious than humanely possible: Orton beats Christian. The reasons this sucks are numerous: Christian is a much better main good guy than Orton, far more entertaining, more believable as a hero, more sympathetic, and as I said, has the hearts of both the cynics and the average viewers. There are no downsides to having this guy as Champion. As opposed to Orton, who not only has reached this peak before, but /is not a good protagonist./ Especially when compared to Christian; in fact, putting Orton over at Christian’s expense only makes Orton look more like a selfish jerk than a protagonist, swiping the hopes and dreams from a man who has spent his life trying to get to this moment. Unless all this is trying to turn Orton back heel, in which case, I will almost buy it, though I will still be royally pissed off. What really, really bugs me, though, is that I can’t even blame this fully on Orton: the front office of the WWE, it seems, doesn’t believe Christian can carry the show, despite the fact that he’s pretty much been doing just that since February, doing the show’s main events with Del Rio, and all of the aforementioned good things about him. It’s really just a sign of the WWE rapidly losing grip with their fans, and not understanding what they want. It all sucks a great deal, and hell’s bells, they couldn’t have even waited until the next PPV? Just one half-show with the title around Christian’s waist before they take it away? That’s a joke, and not a very good one. The WWE really needs to take stock and see where it stands: just because it has no real competition doesn’t mean that it can keep jerking its fans around like this. They might not have any other company to turn to, but the alternative of just not watching is all too real.

Moving on.

Our first real match is Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan. Man, if there were two guys who were only too happy to escape the Raw writers… I can only hope that Daniel Bryan grows a personality, and that Sheamus can avoid pissing off any more writers. Cody was dull when he came over, and look where he is now! This match was a lot of fun. I really like how these two work together: Bryan gets in his technical moves, and Sheamus gets to pound things, yet they provide enough time to one another that both look good at what they do, and both get an amount of control in the match to make the momentum and guess-work more engaging. There’s a good false finishes, with Bryan getting in the LeBell Lock, Sheamus only just grabbing the ropes, and then doing the Brogue Kick to get the win. I don’t know what plot these two have in store for them, but hopefully it’s good. Actually, that’s the one thing I really dislike about the Draft: the shows for a few weeks afterwards are generally slow and aimless as the bookers and writers try to figure out what to do with who and what works. Transition period for a month or two.

Cody Rhodes comes out, and Is most upset about his loss to Mysterio at Extreme Rules. I have to say, it was a bit odd how he lost: Mysterio used a spit-mist to blind Rhodes, which is a very very old school heel thing to do to win matches (remember when guys used fireballs too? Good times). I don’t know what that signifies for Rey, but for Cody, he’s just upset. As such, he hands out some more paper bags to the audience to hide their shame. As brilliant as that is, I feel the added comedy angle to this extremely dark character lessens him slightly. I mean, I love it, but for long term purposes I don’t know how it holds up. Also, I should say that Cody is definitely more comfortable with this crazy character now, and his promo work, with a sort of warbling voice as he glares at the audience, is more believable and well done.

And what would our Friday be without the Borre? Or, at least, Ezekiel Jackson, who is facing the Big Show. Righty-o. The story is, of course, that Zeke is going his own way here, but damned if I care. Had the Corre been entertaining or a believable threat, maybe its disintegration would be more jarring and effective as a storyline. Sadly, it was not, and is not. Of interest to me is that Wade Barrett is not wearing his Intercontinental Championship around his waist this evening. I don’t know why, since if anyone should be looking distinguished in all this, it’s him. I compare Jackson’s ring work to that of Brodus Clay, and find myself somewhat shocked that Clay is the better, if for no other reason than he has consistently improved since his debut. Zeke, on the other hand, has settled for less, relying strictly on being big and strong, without actually having any moves. This match proves it, as he beats the Big Show with… a clothesline. Yes, the most basic of moves was used to end this match. It wasn’t a devastating clothesline, it didn’t look anything special, but I guess the guy is so hard-up for moves that it’s the best he can do. Well, Ginger and Mary Ann try to go into the ring and raise Zeke’s hand in victory, but he brushes them off. Later in the show, Wade confronts Jackson, who responds by pushing the Brit around. The Corre then do what they do best and attack in a group and proceed to stomp. At least Wade manages to get in the line of the night, as he kneels over an unconscious Jackson who’s covered in various debris: “It’s been a pleasure working with you, Zeke.”

It’s funny, because as the men’s division crumbles before my eyes, the women’s division rises stronger than ever before. I’ve mentioned before how Layla beat Michelle McCool, thus sending her packing, meaning that if nothing else, the long, long, long drawn out villain reign of Michelle is over. In all fairness, she did a good job of carrying the main antagonist role, and really did provide moments of pure anger where you wanted to see her valley-girl character get ripped to shreds, not to mention that she was actually pretty good in the ring. But she just wasn’t that threatening was all, so much as she was irritating. Well, Layla, who is now lovable (yay! I enjoy Layla, if for no other reason than she knows her role in a match, doesn’t try to do anything she can’t, and really, is just kind of fun, if nothing spectacular) is fighting Alicia Fox. It’s over in a trice, with Layla winning, but who should appear but Kharma? I find it very interesting that Kharma’s debut has had her facing the fluff Divas first, indicating that the booking staff knows how ineffectual they are, and are more than willing to put Kharma over at their expense. Hopefully, our days of actually having to pretend to care about a Kelly Kelly match are long over. What’s really neat here is that as Kharma gets in the ring, Alicia gives her a little kick. It does absolutely nothing, but I like that it shows that Alicia’s got spunk, and does play back to when she got screen time and showed that she really wanted to prove herself as almost legitimate. Kharma, naturally, flattens her in response. A super villain that’s believable, entertaining, fun, and yet presented as such a threat that you do care about the protagonists and hope that someone can rise up? Yes, WWE, I /would/ like more of that, thank you.

Also speaking of more things I want: Sin Cara vs. Tyson Kidd. Tyson is another guy who is in desperate need of an overhaul, as the split up of the Hart Dynasty has left him alone and unentertaining, in spite of the fact that he is great in the ring, and really does seem to possess some skill on the mic. The problem, like so many others, is that he does not have a character, and as such is not marketable. But at least this match with Sin Cara lets us display his skills. The thing I’ve grown to love about Sin Cara matches is they’re not predictable: that is to say, you know he’s going to win, but you don’t know /how./ Often, you can call a match exactly as it plays out, with where the action is going to rise and fall and how the finish will go, but with Sin Cara, you’re kept guessing. The pacing is staged so that no one is on top for too long, while keeping the momentum going at all times to maintain interest, a lot of counters to provide for balance tipping, all designed to keep the audience guessing. Usually, when good guys are introduced, they are either given squash matches in which they crush the opposition in five seconds or less, or are in peril for most of the match before making a miraculous comeback near the end. With Sin Cara, he sometimes is winning, sometimes is losing, while always keeping the audience engaged with the different twists his match storylines possess. Also, that finisher, where he moonsaults while holding the opponent off the top turn buckle. I don’t know if he can do that to more of the bigger guys, but it’s just a fun move.

Oh, and I should mention that he finally got his entrance right (he jumped over the top rope from the floor cleanly, without snagging his foot or falling awkwardly).

And then, of course, we have our main event of Orton vs. Christian for the Title. The results have already been discussed, as has my dissatisfaction with it, but the fact is, this was a good match. It really was. Orton didn’t just plod along, and he knew enough to give Christian time to speed things up before he would slow it down in a nice, even tempo. I still don’t like Orton , but if he could somehow rediscover what used to make him watchable, I would be satisfied. Not happy, but satisfied. I still have his match with Edge for the IC Championship back in 2004 as one of my favourite matches of all time, because the whole match was done inside the ring and with actual moves, with good pacing and good execution. He /can/ be good, he just feels like he’s given up. I’d still rather have Christian as Champion, but there you go.

This Smackdown was mediocre, and not just because of the sudden title change. We’re still in a transition period where we’re recovering from post-Wrestlemania plotlines, as well as adapting to the Draft and the shuffled cast. I notice that Dibiase has yet to make an appearance on Friday. Hopefully, this means they’re working on figuring him out and repackaging him into a better character. The matches were good, but the stories were blasse. Hopefully, they can pick things up sooner rather than later.