Having nursed the hangover I’ve had since last week’s Smackdown, we turn our attention to Monday Night Raw. Damn, it’s a sad state of affairs when I’m looking to Raw to help me get over Smackdown. What sort of terrible parallel universe have I found myself in?!
We open with Alberto Del Rio. Literally. No theme song, no titles, just Del Rio. Were we just that pressed for time tonight? Well, Del Rio has, of course, lost to Christian, and is now on the rebound. He still feels it’s his destiny to win a Championship (hopefully, it’s not his destiny to lose said Championship to an emoting block of wood a show after winning it). He issues a challenge to Cena, and I’m glad to see that at least they do intend to use Del Rio, and that he’s not going to languish in obscurity. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but Raw seems to do that to people. Last year, when Morrison and Truth went over, they were riding a wave of momentum from Smackdown (Morrison was five seconds away from being Main Event material), and then the Raw writers and bookers did nothing with them. At any rate, the first of many interruptions in this opening promo is from Rey Mysterio, who informs Del Rio that the only destiny he has is to become a ring announcer. Heh. For a guy who usually flounders on the mic, that was a good line by Rey. Naturally, Rey also desires to throw his hat into the #1 Contender ring. While I am happy that Rey gets to do things, the fact that there’s no way that the WWE would give us a Rey/Cena match at a throwaway PPV like Over the Limit means that his inclusion here is pointless and predictable. But, alas, at least Raw is actually using some of their talent. Interruption #2: The Miz. He’s annoyed because his loss last week only occurred do to the inept interference from his lackey Alex Riley, and biased refereeing. It doesn’t help that the booking staff can’t think of anything else to do with Cena other than give him a title reign to hold over until next Wrestlemania. Naturally, Miz wants in as well. Interruption #3: R-Truth. It seems that last week, his attack on John Morrison went a little too well, resulting in surgery for Morrison and a hanging plot line for Truth. Once again, in spite of my reluctance of Truth’s heel turn, he really is making the best of it he can. It seems that he has an easier time on the mic as a villain, able to string together insults with a degree of fluidity. He starts talking about he hates hospital food, which gets people to raise eyebrows as to where he’s going with it, as he works his way towards that it’s all Morrison is going to be eating for a long time. I like when promos get built in that fashion, hooking interest and then gradually getting to the point. At any rate, Truth also desires a title shot, given that he still hasn’t gotten the one he earned a few weeks ago. Actually, weren’t he and his rookie from NXT 4 supposed to have a Tag Team Title shot? Oh, continuity.
Morally Ambiguous Lappy GM says his piece on the subject, declaring that there will be a Triple Threat Match later in the evening to decide who the #1 Contender is, between Rey, Del Rio, and Miz. R-Truth is shut out, and props to Truth for his body language. I’ve mentioned before that he has a good way of expressing himself with his eyes, and he just looks like a guy who’s been flipped off one too many times and is ready to snap. Later in the evening, we see him in the back talking to himself, which could have come off as incredibly hokey if not done well. However, due to Truth actually looking and acting like a nut while doing this, the scene is more potent. He also tries to force interviewer Scott Stanford into saying “What’s Up?” to see how he likes spewing the catch phrase, which was a nice touch.
Our Diva Match tonight is a tag match between Kelly Kelly and Eve against the Bellas. It occurs to me that this is the first time that Brie Bella has actually wrestled on the show since being handed the Diva’s Championship. It drives me crazy when Champions don’t actually wrestle on the regular shows: you were given the title because you’re supposed to be one of the big draws for people to watch, and you can’t do that if you’re not even there on a regular basis! Also, the Bellas are utterly useless. More tragic here is that Eve is lumped into this, as I feel she’s much better and deserves greater company. Anyway, the match sucks, as a Kelly Kelly match is wont to do, but is over quickly. Besides, we’re all here because we want to see Kharma kill things. And indeed, she does come out, but much to my dismay, both Bella twins and Kelly book it, leaving Eve to take the beating. Um, no. When Eve was Champion, she was actually compelling, entertaining, fun to watch in the ring, good on the mic, and a pretty savvy PR person. She should not be the one taking the fall when three of the most worthless Divas on the roster were there. This is highlighted by the fact that the /Champion/ Brie Bella ran away from the villain. How can you be Champion if you don’t actually have any merit to defend it? It’s not even an old-fashioned heel-running-from-danger; it’s just the Bellas avoiding having to do actual work in the ring. Damn, I can’t wait for Kharma to crush them.
Oh, look, Mason Ryan against Kane. Gosh, I hope the rest of the Nexus doesn’t interfere... oh, look at that! The group runs into the ring and proceeds to stomp. What a shock. I need to lie down. Seriously, have the Nexus (either version) actually ever had a match which did /not/ end in disqualification? Also, Mason Ryan still isn’t that great. I can’t help but notice how the Corre and Nexus are proceeding down almost identical storylines now, building up the bigger guys of the group, at the expense of the Tag Champions. Huh. Why is CM Punk being wasted on this? Surely his evil can be used in a more efficient manner.
We get to see another glimpse of the “New and Improved” Dolph Ziggler in a match against Santino. Uh, Dolph? If you’re stuck fighting Santino, when you were fighting Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship in December, this is definitely not Improved. The match is over quickly, with Dolph winning. I wish they’d try and give him some more mic time. Vickie is great as his manager, but having lost that slight goofiness, Dolph doesn’t have much of a personality now. If they’re going to reconfigure his character, we should get to know what his character is.
Three matches into the show, and they’ve all been throwaway matches, each having little bearing on a longer plot, little action in the ring, and have been generally short, designed to get characters over with easy wins. Will things improve in our next match? Kind of: it’s going to be Alex Riley vs. John Cena. Things start off with Riley desperately apologizing to the Miz for his screw-up last week in exposing the Championship Belt/Weapon to the referee by accident, with the Miz berating him. You really feel bad for Riley here, as he really does seem to feel bad, and the Miz just keeps brushing him off. He looks like a desperate lackey who just wants to make things right. Him and Layla should get together. So, to prove himself to the Miz, he challenges Cena to a match. I am unclear as to what he intends to prove by doing this. Especially because, as you’d expect, Cena destroys Alex. What stops this from being completely useless to the plot is that, when Miz comes out to ringside to view the action, Cena gives Riley two Attitude Adjustments and then the STF, all while glaring at Miz. They’ve actually done this exact same set-up in the past, but it works, especially in this case where you’re trying to build on Riley (presumably) getting fired, as well as Cena giving the impression that he’s ready for anything to come. Yes, even Cena needs to build on his Superman-powers every now and again.
And what would Monday Night Raw be without an obligatory Michael Cole moment? I notice McIntyre isn’t on the show tonight; it’s not like /he/ needs screen time or anything. Cole is happy to announce that he is retiring from in-ring competition. We’re all happy too. Sadly, King is not happy, as he wants one more chance to take out Cole, given that the booking staff refuses to give the fans what they wanted at both Wrestlemania and Extreme Rules and just have King decimate Cole. I’m sorry, but to drag this feud out for /three/ PPVs? It was good for a Wrestlemania feel-good match, but it is not marketable to keep giving two announcers PPV matches. No one wants to pay to see them wrestle, or at least, not with Cole. If it was going to be King and Swagger in a standard wrestling match, I’d be all over that. This, not so much. Anyways, King tries to entice Cole by saying that he would induct Cole into the Hall of Fame personally if he wins again. Cole says no. He then criticizes King for trying to steal his spotlight, and drops some more mother jokes. As we all know, King’s mother died recently, and Cole is trying to build cheap heat. I really feel uncomfortable when this comes up, as it’s a little to real, and, well, kind of tasteless. King is infuriated, but is attacked by Jack Swagger. For his part, Swagger is having a match with Kofi Kingston. They have a really good match, as they always do, but the fact that Swagger has no storyline of his own outside of his dealings with Michael Cole and King really bothers me. I mean, he’s having a match with the United States Champion: why not build a storyline around that? I think you’ll find that more people are willing to watch /wrestlers/ have a wrestling match than /announcers./ Well, King comes back, distracts Swagger, and Kofi picks up the win. King then is indeed badass as he reaches into Cole’s pexiglass box, grabs him by the tie, and jerks it back so that Cole’s head hits the wall. No, King, that’s how they got Daniel Bryan! Swagger, furious, then accepts King’s former offer on Cole’s behalf. I have to say, I do enjoy Cole’s reaction to this news as he comes-to (“You said /what?/ Why would you do that?!”)
And now, our main event. This really is a great main event, I have to say. Having two major heels like Miz and Del Rio fight one another is just fun, watching them try to out-diabolical the other. I like how this match uses all three competitors regularly: often times, Triple Threats will have one guy on the outside while two fight inside. Here, the moves use the strengths of all three, with Del Rio’s technical, Rey’s flipping about, and Miz just being the best heel he can be (it’s a strength in a match to use your character to make things compelling). Things are always kept moving, as they should be, and the action moves around, from inside to the apron to the ringside, so you never feel bored. Mysterio is about to pin Miz, when Riley appears and distracts him (see, Miz? He can still be a good lackey). Miz then rolls up Rey and wins. It makes me wonder why, if Miz was just going to be #1 Contender for the Title again, why we bothered doing the rematch last week, and why they didn’t just have him utilize it at Over the Limit. Alas. Truth then appears out of nowhere and attacks Rey. It would have made more sense had he done this during the match proper, so that he could stop Rey from winning and thus garner more heat, but this works in a pinch.
Cena congratulates MIz, and comments how whenever Miz loses, there’s nothing but excuses. To amend this, Cena wants them to have a match where there can be no excuses for a loss: an I Quit Match, in which the goal is to force your opponent to say the words “I quit.” This can be done very well, as last year with Cena and Batista (huh! Same PPV, same Stipulation, same Champion. Progress, WWE!), but the fact is, we all know good and well that Cena is not going to quit. Not only is he the hero of heroes and Miz is the cowardly heel, he’s also been genetically engineered not to utter those words during a match. As such, this is a predictable set-up. Going into Over the Limit, we have yet another Announcer vs. Announcer match, and a match where Cena can’t possibly lose, thus negating the suspense. Not looking too hot so far.
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