The Elimination Chamber

The Elimination Chamber PPV. All in all, not a bad show. The matches were pretty solid, there were some great moments, and although the outcomes of the matches weren’t anything shocking or surprising, the story-telling to get to the ending was very good.

We opened with Kofi vs Alberto. For an opener, they were given a lot of time to work with. Most opening matches get only a handful of minutes, and these two got at least 10-15. I suppose it makes some sense, given that there were only five matches in the 3 hour event. Anyways, the match was really, really good. It was a good example of why Del Rio deserves his push, and why Kingston is an up and comer. The pace was kept up speedily, and the moves were fast and furious. The two used a mix of technical moves as well as hopping about the ring and using things like the ring pole to injure the others (notably, Kofi’s arm). On the latter point, I was very pleased that Kofi’s arm injury continued to be remembered throughout the match, and his body language keeps referencing the wound. It helps Kofi look good as he battles through the pain (yes, you can sell an injury and not worry about looking weak, Orton), but it lets the viewer believe that Del Rio can really damage a guy. We had a good mix of flipping about and mat wrestling, so you never got bored with what was going on. Del Rio got in a really nifty move mixing the Codebreaker with a gut buster while Kofi was in midair. The ending was carried out well, with some guess work involved to keep up the suspense. Del Rio tried to lock in his Arm Bar, but Kofi kept holding on to the ring rope before he fell over, and then managed to block the Arm Bar being fully applied for a good couple of seconds, before finally having the move locked up and Kofi tapping out. Very nice.

Then came the Smackdown Elimination Chamber. I was highly impressed with how this was carried out. Having never seen an Elimination Chamber match before, I wasn’t certain what the need for the entrants coming in at different times was needed for, and why the match wouldn’t just start all at once. What this adds, if done right, is that the people in the ring can really go to town on one another in the violence department, put on a good show, and get tired, and then when a new guy comes in, there’s still some stamina and motion in the ring, so that the match keeps up a tempo and doesn’t get bogged down in people just lying there. Also, the gradual release of players into the ring has good storyline potential, as we shall see.

So we start things off with Kane entering the ring. He looks duly unimpressed with the gigantic metal and mesh structure he’s entering, and walks into his pod to await his release. Kane knows he’s not going to win, but he’s going to have fun while he’s here. As a brief aside, Kane has got to be the idol for jobbers everywhere. He very rarely wins anything, but he’s such a piece of intimidation, a great character, and is taken seriously after all this time. Then Drew arrives. Drew’s body language is going to be key to his performance tonight. You believe this man is angry, that he wants to make an impact (specifically against Edge), and he doesn’t care about what happens to him in the process. He spends a great deal of the match banging on his pod, trying to get out so that he can start fighting; the imagery I like is that the pod is filled with tepid water that heats up, boils over, and then when it escapes the pod, scalds everyone. Drew also tries to yell at Kane to intimidate him. Kane laughs. It’s frightening.

Wade is up next. Thankfully, Wade will be in it on his own tonight, being his evil, British self. He smirks at Drew, decides against doing the same to Kane, and goes into his pod. Whereupon Teddy reveals to us the mysterious replacement for Dolph Ziggler... The Big Show! Honestly, if I hadn’t been hoping for Christian, this would have been just as good. It felt like a letdown at first, but then I remembered that I like the Big Show, that he has a storyline going with Wade, and that his inclusion makes a great deal of sense. Indeed, Show, upon entering, goes to Wade’s pod and starts telling Wade that he’s going to be one dead Englishman. Wade responds by smiling, placing his hand on his lexan pod, and mocking Big Show that he can’t touch him. Whereupon Show responds by punching the glass, startling Wade.

This is what I wanted: Show recognizes Wade as the antagonist, Wade as the source of these attacks on him, and that Wade is the problem which much be dealt with. Conversely, Wade is regarding Big Show as his rival, /like it always should have been./ You believe that when Show gets his hands on Wade, there’s going to be Hell to pay. And if Big Show is taking Barrett seriously, than the audience takes Barrett seriously.

So with the pods now full, we have our two wrestlers who will start the match: Rey Mysterio and Edge. Within this match, we will see why these two are so darn awesome. Mysterio spends most of this match taking an incredible beating, but still manages to keep up his speed and moves. Edge tends to bring most of the Hardcore element to the beginning of the match, whacking Rey against the chain wall over and over again, slamming him on the grill, curb stomps him on the metal barrier, and giving Rey the beginning of a laundry list of woeful falls he’ll be experiencing.

The first man out of his pod is Barrett, who, true to form, goes after Rey. He’s looking to capitalize on the injuries previously inflicted, and tries to execute the Wasteland on poor Mysterio onto the grill. Rey blocks, but it doesn’t do him a lot of good, as he still continues to get beat up on. Eventually, Edge gets back at Wade, and slows him down, just in time for Kane to get let in. And Kane starts to lay waste, delivering savage uppercuts, the best of which, of course, goes to Rey, who dangles limply from the top turnbuckle, and is then cross-bodied by Edge. I also believe that this is the time where Rey is driven headfirst into one of the pods, which doesn’t break, and he again falls down in a heap. It’s tough being the shortest guy around.

And now here comes Drew. Again, Drew’s body language is fantastic. The door opens, and he tears out of it, looking to kill. First thing he does is, naturally, beat up on Rey. Then, feigning a temporary alliance with Wade, waits until Barrett has his leg over the middle ring rope as he enters the ring proper, and then yanks the rope up. For a man who’s totally not above that kind of move himself, Wade really should’ve seen that coming. But there’s no time to act, as Drew takes Wade and drives him right through the glass of one of the pods. Now, yes, it is likely these things are designed to break, much like the tables. What matters, though, is the effect to the story which is given by using such an act. It’s not just Drew throwing Wade through the glass; it’s Drew going half insane with rage, looking to kill, bringing a tornado of energy into a ring filled with beaten down people, and driving a major villain through a pane of glass with destructive malice. Remember this feeling, because the Raw Elimination Chamber will try something like this later, but fail. Anyways, Drew eventually makes his way to Edge, and starts to wail away on his face for a bit. I really hope this goes somewhere, because this rivalry has potential.

Lastly, the Big Show enters the fray, and he goes on a bee line for Wade. Show’s not concerned with anything else going on in the match: he wants a piece of the man who attacked him back in January. Thank you for recognizing Barrett as your current arch enemy, Show. Wade, in turn, realizes the incredible trouble he’s in, and tries to evade Big Show, only to get caught against a pod and the ring pole. The giant gets his hands on Barrett, slaps the living hell out of Wade, and throws him through another pane of glass. I like that Wade is taking this kind of beating: it shows that he can take a great deal of punishment, it shows the angry power that Show is capable of, and it adds an extra level of emotion to the rivalry. I know that I spent my last post lamenting that Wade was turning into a bitch by taking heavy beatings, but this is a different scenario: this isn’t Wade getting socked around with cannon fodder only to have Zeke come and bail him out. It’s Wade directly facing his enemy, in an intense situation, and getting poetic comeuppance. It’s all about the context. The focus isn’t on Wade and Gabriel and Slater and Jackson; it’s on Wade and Wade alone. He’s paying for /his/ sins with this beating. With Barrett being the focus, and with Show treating him like a legitimate threat, I feel that this helps, rather than hinders, our British villain.

Anyways, Show completes his destruction on Barrett by delivering the Knockout Punch, making Wade the first one eliminated. Sadly, it appears that this plot point was the only reason to include Big Show, as he is about to be taken out himself. Thankfully, it’s done in incredibly entertaining style, with everyone remaining hitting the giant with everything they have. Rey hops off one of the pods in a seated-senton, Drew gets in the Futureshock, Edge Spears, and Kane finishes things off with a Chokeslam. I always forget how ridiculously strong Kane is; lifting up a 400 pound man is no small feat. Kane then adds to his score by Chokeslamming Drew, taking him out as well. I was disappointed Drew was taken out so quickly, and by Kane. If it had been Edge, then more fuel could have been thrown on that fire. Alas. Kane then gets to have more fun by beating the tar out of Rey and Edge. Sadly, just as Kane seems to be going for something akin to the Tombstone (he was holding Rey in the upside down position, but Mysterio was facing the wrong way), Edge goes for the Spear, driving Rey into Kane. For whatever reason, Edge pins Kane and not Rey, despite having his Rey more directly with the move. Kane, being Kane, does not like that he has been eliminated, and Chokeslams both remaining men before finally leaving.

We’re left with the two men who started the match. Edge and Rey are both clearly exhausted, and writhe in pain. Yet they both manage to muster enough energy to start exchanging moves, keeping the match going for a good while. Like good masters of the ring, they enjoy playing with audience expectations, each man delivering their finishers to the other, only to have a kickout. The match climaxes with Rey hitting the 619, and then going for the senton to wrap it up, only to be hit with a Spear in midair, finally ending the match. Edge wins!

This wasn’t a huge surprise, but it wasn’t a foregone conclusion either. Both Rey and Edge would have made sense for the win, given that Rey has had a rivalry with Del Rio before. As it is, Edge is still the World Heavyweight Champion, and he will be facing Alberto Del Rio at Wrestlemania.

Actually, he’s going to be facing Alberto right now. Like a good bad guy, Del Rio bursts into the Chamber (the door is open now), and starts assaulting Edge, putting him in the Arm Bar, and the ever-useful refs are unable to get him away from the Champ. Who will save Edge now?

And then, the music I’ve been waiting to hear for months finally hits. “GO!”

It’s Christian! And he dashes into the chamber and starts exacting vengeance upon Del Rio, tearing him off of Edge and activating the Kill Switch. Christian looks great, looking like he really means business as he beats the man who injured him. Notably, Christian does not exchange eye contact with Edge as he is finally led away by the refs (oh, now you get the fight to break up, refs!), and thus ends this act.

What a great match! There was a good mix of technical and hardcore styles, the tempo and speed of the match was always kept up, something was always happening, the wrestlers were in character the whole way, everything happened for a reason and had a point, the ending kept you guessing, and then we got Christian back. And that’s why I love Smackdown.

After that ace of a show, we now move to some filler. NXT is going to be replaced by its more serious, more legitimate, less-of-a-stupid-joke predecessor, Tough Enough. Tough Enough is more of a reality show, in which we see up and comers trying to get into the business, rather than NXT’s thing of already being in character. I’m not fond of any reality show, as I prefer a good script in which things are well thought out rather than watching people dither about (which is why I prefer wrestling to real fighting. A plan is better than no plan), but at least it means the end of the train wreck known as NXT. Also, Tough Enough is employing trainers in the form of previous WWE stars to help push the show. They already have Stone Cold, brought back Booker T (woohoo!), and, at this point in Elimination Chamber, reveal that the third trainer is Trish Stratus. Which is great. Trish is one of the women responsible for taking the extreme sexploitation of women during the Attitude Era and giving the women’s division back its legitimacy. Trish could actually wrestle, talk, and was right up there with the best during her time. Also, she’s hot. It sounds strange, but I think it’s important that Trish was able to be awesome while looking good; it meant that women who might be written off as pieces of fluff could assert themselves as serious competitors, and not just act as valets. Of course, one could argue that only hiring good looking women as wrestlers is still a form of exploitation, and you’d be right. Still, I think the complete packaging of looks and skill into one women ala Trish, instead of having to have one or the other but never mixing the two, is something special.

And then we go from a woman who helped revolutionize the Women’s Division to one who is everything wrong with it. Long story short, Kelly Kelly gets rehired, having been deviously fired by Vickie. Kelly cannot wrestle, act, or do much of anything other than wear very little. And yet, she usually gets more screen time than the actual talented female talent (Gail who? Oh, right, the one who’s actually entertaining).

Back to matches. In order to fill the full three hours, a tag match was added for the Tag Team Championships. The state of the Tag Team division now is one of complete ruin, in that there are practically no tag teams. There was an abundance of teams a little over a year and a half ago, but since then, the bookers seem more content to stick two random singles competitors together and call it a team. As such, we now have our champions, Santino and Vladimir Koslov. Now, to be fair, both of these men are entertaining, but they are primarily a comedy angle, with Santino as the goofy one and Koslov as the straight man who usually winds up being the reason they win. They aren’t exactly championship material, but they’re really the only ones left. Except for their opponents: Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel. Yup, the two most worthless members of either the Corre or Nexus once again get a title shot.

Seriously, though: why? These two are not over with the crowd, they are not entertaining, and moreover, they haven’t earned it. These two have been one the show little over eight months, have been carried on the coat-tails of the Nexus storyline, have about one move each, and have not shown any ingenuity or capability on their own. They’re not interesting, and should not be getting title shots. There are plenty of other B-Listers in the back who have been toiling away for years and deserve something for their efforts, and then you have these two guys who get to waltz in, get a main storyline without any ability of their own, and then, as the end of this match shows, they get to be the new Tag Team Titles. The match, of course, was nothing special. Not surprised.

The WWE Title match is next, between the Miz and Lawler. And color me surprised, this was actually a pretty solid match. King was in much better shape than I gave him credit for, the tempo was well paced, and the back-and-forth was very nice. King started the match with a few roll-up pin attempts, showing us that he still had technical wherewithal. The Miz is consistently aided by his lackey Alex Riley, who keeps getting cheap shots in while the ref isn’t looking... until the ref wises up and kicks Riley out. There’s a great moment where King chucks Miz at his loyal cheerleading announcer, Michael Cole, which takes all Miz support out of the match. And this is actually a very good thing: if there’s one thing which has really weakened the Miz’s character credibility, it is that he hasn’t had a clean title defence without some kind of interference on his behalf. To go in on his own and show the crowd his own strengths will definitely help him get over. And, lo and behold, he does just that, blocking the King’s Piledriver, hitting the Skull Crushing Finale (I hate that name), and getting the win.

That was a very good match, all things considered. The King did indeed help put the Miz over, giving him a tough, entertaining, technically sound match, and although I do still wish this job had been accomplished by someone more relevant, Lawler did good. Also, Mix finally won on his own terms, which really assists him. For a match that I was certain was going to do nothing but hurt the Miz, this might have actually helped him a great deal. Whoops.

Which brings us to the main event of the evening: The Raw Elimination Chamber to decide who the #1 contender will be for the WWE title at Wrestlemania. Why is this the main event? I haven’t a clue. (Also, as a random question: when did they have the opportunity to fix the glass on the pods? The thing is suspended from the ceiling.).

The first man going in is Orton. Given that Orton’s defining characteristic is being a psychopath, you’d think he’d be coming in with the same manic intensity that Drew brought earlier. Instead, Orton looks... bored. Disinterested. A complete lack of drive. For the love of pancakes, Orton, you can’t even do this right? You just have to do the one thing you do best (look angry), and you’re not even doing that well. So Randy plods to his pod. Huzzah. Still, Orton’s lack of emotion is countered by the entrance of R-Truth, who has... too much emotion. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the energy Truth brings, but when you enter something which allegedly the devil himself designed and then start break dancing, I think something in the mood is lost. Well, if there’s one man who’s going to be doing everything right in this match, it’s our next entrant, CM Punk. The first thing Punk does? He goes over to Orton in his pod and starts taunting him. He then goes into the pod nearest to the door and heckles everyone as they come in, shouting “I ain’t afraid!,” at the crowd. There, see that, Orton? Charisma. Showing emotion and feeling. See how much more entertaining that is than what you’re doing? Finally, we have John Cena, who, having just dubbed himself Yabba-Dabba-Delicious, bursts into the Chamber, with his amazing ability at simultaneously comical and serious.  

Which brings us to our two men who will start: Sheamus and John Morrison. Morrison will defy gravity throughout this match, jumping of the walls, flipping about, and being amazing. Sheamus adapts well to the cage-type match, given his size and ability to throw people around. Indeed, that is what he does, smashing John about into the walls, while John counters with his greatness. Honestly, I would have been happy to just have these two. The writers keep trying to build a rivalry between them, and they do work well together in the ring, but sadly, they’re never given any motivation to hate one another, or any deep-seeded emotional investment to have a rivalry, other than that they keep getting put into matches with one another. I need something more than just casual interaction at their job (wrestling) to believe they really don’t like one another.

Anyways, after five minutes, here comes Orton. He does execute his patented DDT via the middle ring rope on the outside grill to Sheamus, which is good, but by and large, nothing really outstanding happens. And this, as reluctant as I am to say it, is not solely Orton’s fault. The one thing that prevails throughout this match is long periods of inactivity, where things are simply not happening. Compare this to the Smackdown match, when there is a constant build and constant action. Seriously, with six guys involved in a match, there should always be something going on at one level or another.

So the next guy in the match is Punk. Or, at least, he’s supposed to be the next guy in. But his pod door lock... is stuck. They can’t seem to get it open. I mean, it opens just a crack, so that Punk can get his head out and try to worm free, but by and large, he’s stuck. Where you think Orton would go in for the kill, but he inexplicably waits about thirty seconds before finally deciding to attack the man who is plotting against him. Way to show the intensity, Orton. So, Randy finally starts attacking Punk, dragging him out of his pod, RKOs him, and pins him. Whereupon, I believe my exact reaction involved several loud expletives. But then, the Raw GM, the evil laptop computer, informs us that because Punk was disadvantaged, he is still in this match. Whereupon Punk scrambles back to his pod and slams the door shut. That’s the vintage villain stuff that Punk does so well: talk a big talk, and then plead for mercy.

Anyways, more nothing happens for a while, until we get Cena in the match, who actually fights like he cares. I’m being a bit hard on this match, especially because Sheamus and Morrison are trying damn hard, but the momentum is just not there. There’s a point where Sheamus throws Morrison through one of the glass pods, but unlike when Drew did it to Wade, there’s no intensity, no timing, no... anything. It’s just shattered glass for shattered glass’s sake. There’s just so much more that could have been done in this match that has not been done. The highlight of this sentiment is R-Truth. When he comes out, he’s eager to go. He starts attacking everyone, and gets in a couple of good moves... but then, about thirty seconds in, Sheamus gives him the Brogue Kick, and eliminates him. So, if I have this straight, you took the man with most energy in this match, and got rid of his as soon as possible. Yup, that’s just about everything wrong with this match.

Punk eventually gets called back in, but he refuses to leave his pod until Orton isn’t looking. Once Orton has been adequately softened up, Punk swoops in, mocks Orton’s poses, and then delivers the Go To Sleep, taking Orton out of this match. Thank you, Punk. Punk will now proceed to bring much of the work for this match, making sure that things are kept up and that everyone is receiving a due beating. Eventually, the spotlight goes back to Sheamus and Morrison, in which the two exchange blows, culminating with Morrison climbing atop one of the pods. Sheamus tries to do the Celtic Cross Powerbomb from atop the pod. Let’s make something clear: the pods are at least ten feet high. Scripted or not, falling ten feet is no easy feat. Well, Sheamus winds up getting blocked on the move, and then Morrison begins to... climb the ceiling. Yes, he is climbing the chain link until he is hanging above Sheamus. Morrison is now roughly twenty feet in the air. And then he lets go, landing on Sheamus to take him out of the match.

Seriously, Morrison is awesome.

Which leave us with Punk, Morrison, and Cena. There’s a good couple of moments in this where the three exchange heavy blows. Sadly, Punk winds up eliminating Morrison. It really is too bad: Morrison did a lot of work in this match, and Miz vs Morrison writes itself. So Morrison again takes a back seat. And then, Cena takes out Punk.

Now, I refuse to rage incoherently about another Cena title shot at Wrestlemania like countless others are doubtlessly doing at this moment in time. I am not happy about it, to be sure. Cena really does not need this opportunity, and Morrison does. But there are some things to consider. The first is that Cena is indeed a big draw at the Show of Shows, and to have him in the main event makes sense, financially. Second, they have been building up Miz and Cena for a while, so it’s not a huge shock as it might otherwise have been. Third, having Miz compete against the Superman at Wrestlemania does indeed mean that the writers think that Miz can carry a rivalry of that magnitude on his shoulders on their moneymaking event. Even if he doesn’t win, he was involved in the main event at Wrestlemania against a super star, and that will help him out later. Do I wish for a different outcome? Yes. Am I going to cry about it? No.

And thus the Elimination Chamber. One amazing Chamber match followed by a terrible one. At least the first was totally worth the money, and I regret nothing. And the road to Wrestlemania is finally on the final track.