And so, with the Elimination Chamber coming up tonight (which I shall be watching) as the last stop for major plot points to be developed, I suppose we ought to look at what’s going on, who’s doing it, and why.
Monday Night Raw
The course of the WWE Championship has found its way to the feet of a man who, a year and a half ago, had no business being the Champion, being in a main storyline, or even legitimately referring to himself as Awesome. And yet, here is the Miz, wearing that massive jewel studded piece of gold around his waist. The wonderful thing that the Miz has done with his character is that, as well as becoming more serious in his scope, he retains his loud-mouthed behaviour while keeping a massive chip on his shoulder. He knows that no one respects him, and this drives him nuts. Seriously. The Miz is constantly intense and manic, and when people try to slight him, he freaks out.
But, so far, so good. After stealing the WWE Championship from local psycho Randy Orton with the power of the Money in the Bank Briefcase (an object which allows its owner a title match any time, usually after the current titleholder is beat up and incapable of defence), the Miz has beat back challenges from Orton, his old partner in crime John Morrison, and Orton again. And now, having established the Miz as a legitimate threat and competent character, he will face his greatest challenge yet....
The 60 year old announcer, Jerry “The King” Lawler.
Good work, Raw.
All right, there’s a ton more to this than just making a good character look bad. King has been around with the WWE for a very long time, and has never gotten a title shot, mainly due to his being an announcer. And it’s not like he’s some slouch behind a desk: Lawler was, once upon a time, a really good wrestler, won major titles, and was a great bad guy. And as just giving a nod of appreciation to an erstwhile employee, I can get behind this. After all, they did the same thing to DX prior to Shawn Michaels retiring, and giving Bret Hart the US title as a “Thanks for not suing.” But there’s something interesting to note here: who did Bret win the US title against? The Miz. He gets it back, but the bookers still saw fit to use Miz as a jobber when it suited them. I have no doubt they’ll do the same to Lawler tonight (have Miz lose so King can have the WWE title for a night or two).
Nothing against Jerry, but the writers need to figure out what they want the Miz to be. Is he going to be your main-event, and the guy you’re going to invest in, or is he going to be a joke? The Miz has made himself into something marketable, the writers seem to kind of understand this, but they’re hesitant to make him into a real Champion (which means he fights the real characters, gets to kick ass, and can cope with the Cenas and Triple Hs). I just want some kind of consistency to bolster the Miz.
Meanwhile, in order to determine who the #1 contender to the WWE Champion at Wrestlemania will be, we have the Elimination Chamber match. If you said, “Isn’t that just a six man Hell in a Cell?” yes, you’d be correct. The stipulations added are that two men start in the ring, and four men languish inside glass “pods” in the corners of the Chamber, and are released into the battle at regular intervals. When a person is pinned or taps out, they are kicked out of the cell, and this process continues until there is one man standing. Why wouldn’t you just have everyone start all at once? I don’t know.
Anyways, in our Raw Chamber, we have John Cena (yay!), CM Punk (boo!), John Morrison (yay!), Sheamus (boo!), R-Truth (yay!), and Randy Orton (someone please arrest the people who say “Yay!”). For the last few weeks, we’ve had jostling for position, with people trying to remind everyone how tough they are, and how much ass will be kicked. As per usual, Punk has done the best job. Using his New Nexus minions, he has spent most of his time harassing the other members, and beating the crap out of people. Because Punk, unlike most villains, understands that hurting your enemy instead of just talking at them is probably the preferred strategy going into a big match. However, he’s run into some problems: Orton has taken out NN member Husky Harris by kicking him in the skull and giving him a concussion (impulsive violence is sooooooo sexy!), and John Cena... is John Cena. You can DDT this man on a cement floor, and he’ll pop right back up.
In the meantime, there’s also been some story building. Punk is angry with Orton because, 2 years ago, when Punk was a good guy, Orton and the Legacy kicked him in the head (Orton does that. A lot), and made it so he had to forfeit his match. Now that Punk has his own posse, and is also evil, he’s seeking his revenge on Orton, interfering in Orton’s title match against the Miz, as well as other acts of dastardly deeds. Kudos for the writers for actually remembering continuity for once. They usually forget plot points over a month old (remember when Orton and Cena were trying to destroy one another and weren’t best buddies?), and so to dig this up and use it as motivation is really a nice touch. Also, it lets the wonderfully evil Punk show Orton, and Orton’s fangirls, who the real psycho is. Orton’s an angry snake, Punk is Charles freaking Manson.
Cena has been jawing off with the Miz, playing off of the storyline the two of them did a few years ago when the Miz was first starting to become important. Although I don’t think we need another Cena title shot at Wrestlemania (the man has not had a single Wrestlemania match where a title was not on the line), at least this has a story and build-up to it. But now, something odd has happened. Something which makes me less certain of what the future of Cena holds at the show of shows.
Once upon a time, there was this man called The Rock. He was awesome. We all loved him. Then he left and made several terrible movies. We all asked ourselves, “Rocky, please come back to where you were loved!” And then, last Monday, The Great One answered our prayers and returned. Officially, his role is to be the Host of Wrestlemania (whatever that means. The actual duties of this chair has not been explained), but in his return promo, the Rock did a lot of jawing off against Cena.
To anyone who cannot appreciate what a Rock vs Cena match would mean to me: you have two great icons. The Rock was the voice of the Attitude Era of the late nineties, Cena is the voice of the PG Era of the 2000s. They are both masters of the microphone. They both have God-moding powers. They both have a huge fan base. They are both amazing. And the Rock has already beaten Hulk Hogan in their Icon vs Icon match. Can the Rock truly be the greatest Icon of all time? Can Cena’s Superman powers avail him? It’s the Five Knuckle Shuffle vs the People’s Elbow in a battle of the worst signature moves in history, and I darn well want to see it! The revenues would be off the charts, even for Wrestlemania. Make it happen, Vince!
Morrison and Truth, true to Raw’s style, have been getting nothing. Because the Raw writers don’t believe in hyping their mid-card. Never mind that Morrison is capable of more litres of awesome per thirty minutes then anyone, or that Truth is over with the fans. If your name isn’t Orton or Cena, you get no build, no story, no meaning. Except that Morrison was the Miz’s old partner, and you could run with that and make it great. Oh well. Know who needs a title shot? Orton. Not enough of those.
In case you hadn’t guessed: no, I don’t like Orton. For all the ridicule that Cena receives about not being able to wrestle, Orton isn’t exactly the man of 1000 holds either. Orton also can’t act, has no facial expressions, and has a reputation backstage for being a spaz. And I don’t get why he’s suddenly considered a good guy! He hasn’t changed at all, he’s still selfish, he’s still a psycho, and has no redeeming qualities! His story-telling in the ring is mediocre, he’s a move-sponge (he simply absorbs his opponents moves with no long-term detriments), and is just plain not entertaining. But then, I’m the only one not cheering in an audience full of excited fans, so what do I know?
And then we come to Sheamus. It’s easy to forget that he’s relatively new, having been on Raw for only about a year and a half, but as he was given a mega-push out of the gate, it feels like longer. Anyways, they spent forever trying to make him into this powerful Celtic Warrior. He kicked in head, he was afraid of no man, he stood his ground, and as actually a really good idea for a bad guy, as we usually don’t see non-cowardly heels. I mean, he took out Triple H for nearly a year. He freaking took out the King of Kings! Surely this Sheamus is going to be awesome. How could the Raw writers, after creating this character, possibly go wrong?
By not doing anything with him.
Since winning King of the Ring, Sheamus has been languishing in obscurity. He hasn’t had a decent storyline, he hasn’t had mic time, he hasn’t been able to accomplish anything, he hasn’t won a lot of matches. He’s been stuck on the bench without any playing time. Hopefully, the writers will dig him up soon, because right now, he’s losing credibility. Seriously, the guy who destroyed the God that is Triple H is now being beaten by Mark Henry? Way to destroy an up and coming piece of work, Raw. Good damn job.
So these are the two main storylines of Raw. Other storylines are either mediocre, or fleeting. Ted Dibiase is having a falling out with gold digger Maryse, and I don’t care. Daniel Bryan hasn’t actually defended his US title in months, instead pursuing a storyline with the Divas. Speaking of the Divas, the Bella Twins are showing the scope of their abilities by resorting to freak outs back stage on Gail Kim. Most remaining screen time is spent with five second matches with random B-listers which than proceed to go nowhere. Such is Raw.
Friday Night Smackdown
Comparing the two shows and there storylines makes me realize why I love Smackdown that much more. They utilize almost all of their talent, have storylines at every level, and very rarely have pointless matches.
First, we have Smackdown’s Elimination Chamber match, which in this case is directly for the World Heavyweight Championship. In it, we have the Champion Edge, Rey Mysterio, Wade Barrett, Drew McIntyre, Kane, and, until last night, Dolph Ziggler. It is on the latter part where things get interesting.
See, what happened on the last Smackdown was that Ziggler and Vickie finally managed to strip Edge of the title and then fire him. Unfortunately, just as Dolph held the title above his head, the real General Manager Teddy Long reappeared after his mysterious attack which left him in a coma. We all assumed it was the Corre, because Barrett’s a jerk like that, but as it turns out, Vickie and Dolph had conspired to take out Teddy so that Vickie would get his job, and then abuse the power to get Dolph the belt. Long story short, Edge is rehired, gets his title back, and then Dolph is the one who gets fired. This is wrestling, of course, and no firing is permanent. Still, it renders his spot in the Elimination Chamber open.
Which means someone else is going to be in tonight. Normally, I’d assume the Big Show, but given that there was no announcement on Smackdown as to the replacement, I’m banking on a surprise comeback of either Christian or the Undertaker. I’d love it if it were Christian, for if he became champion, we’d have the man who injured him in the first place, Alberto Del Rio, as the number one contender, as well as potentially having Edge interjection. For those not in the know, Edge and Christian were tag team partners when they both started. Edge went on to become a multi time champion, while Christian remained in the mid card. To have them finally try and butt heads at the top level would be great.
But, to credit the Smackdown writers even more, every member within the Elimination Chamber have their own storylines going, thereby, as I said before, gives everyone something to do and makes the show worthwhile. With the possible exception of Kane, who I think is waiting for the Undertaker to come back to reap his revenge. But, let’s face it, Kane doesn’t need a storyline to be effective: I just love watching him come out, kill things, and then leave.
Drew has been undergoing some character development that I really enjoy. The Sinister Scotsman has been wrecking havoc for about a year now, and while it’s fun, he can only do so much with it. Starting back in January, though, we saw Drew start to soften up towards a certain Kelly Kelly. Sadly, Kelly can neither act nor wrestle, and was a terrible choice for this role, but whatever. Anyways, Drew has been trying to show her that he can be a good person, but can’t stop himself from beating the hell out of his opponents with great malice, and thus cannot win over his love. This gets complicated more when, two weeks ago, Kelly was teamed up with Edge to defend the Heavyweight Title against Dolph and Team LayCool, in part of Vickie’s hopes to put Dolph over. The plan was, as per Vickie, that Kelly would lose easily and thus Edge would lose the title. But Kelly winds up winning. Vickie then does what she does best and abuses her power in a knee-jerk fashion and fires Kelly. And now, Drew blames Edge for Kelly’s being fired. I have high hopes for where Drew can go with this. It’s one thing to just destroy things, but to have actual emotional motivation for doing so makes it so much better.
Rey has something in the works which is actually more designed to help Cody Rhodes gain legitimacy than necessarily benefit Rey. Cody, being the Dashing one, is very proud of his face to the point of absurdity. During a match with Rey prior to the Royal Rumble, Cody winds up exposing a metal knee brace on Rey, which then collides with Cody’s face, supposedly fracturing it. Cody has been hiding his face since then, and is no doubt plotting some revenge on Rey. Like I said, this story is more about Cody than Rey, but it’s good to see Rey try and help get some of the newer guys over. And that’s what people in Rey’s position (multi-time Champions who are on a cruise to the Hall of Fame) ought to do: make the new guys look good, get some great feuds in, and make the crowd recognize them. Not steal major title shots (sorry, Lawler. I respect you, but come on).
And now we come to Wade and his Corre. I’m actually a bit upset about this. Wade, when he was on Raw with his Nexus, was made to be this ultra-smart, devious, underhanded villain, who enslaved John Cena, took over the show, and basically was made into an A-lister. And then, for whatever reason, the writers pulled the same thing they did with Sheamus. That is, while Wade isn’t stuck in obscurity, he’s slowly being turned into more of a bitch. What’s more, he’s doing it to make another member of the Corre look good, IE, Ezekiel Jackson. The Corre has been attacking the Big Show, as it was Wade’s plan to come out and take on the biggest and best in order to show everyone how dominant they are. This was /Wade’s/ plan. But since then, the arc with the Big Show is focusing more and more on Jackson overpowering Show. Yes, Jackson is very strong, but he only shows it after Show is done beating up the rest of the Corre, including Barrett. I expect Gabriel and Slater to be the ones to take beatings, but Barrett? Why would Barrett even go into a brawl first? He likes to make his minions do his bidding! And then Jackson comes in and saves him, and does a pose down. After all the time spent getting Wade to villain status, I hadn’t thought he would become a punching bag of the group, especially considering /he started it./ While I’m happy that Show is doing what Rey is doing and trying to showcase some of the new guys, I’d rather not have it be at the expense of Wade.
Thus the Elimination Chamber. As you can see, Smackdown’s cast in the Chamber has been keeping busy with depth and intrigue, with the characters involved actually doing something in the meantime and pursuing a plot throughout the entire show. Also, these plots will continue after the PPV, so they’re not going to just be forgotten. And for whatever reason, Smackdown is still considered the little brother of the two shows. Right.
As I said before, Smackdown is still using it’s whole roster. IC champion Kofi still doesn’t have an opponent to his belt, and Alberto Del Rio, having already won the Royal Rumble and thus is going to Wrestlemania, both didn’t really have a lot to do this month. So they got put together in a short feud to fill time. But rather than giving the feeling of just being patched together, the two have done a good job of exhibiting animosity towards one another: Kofi, being the fan favourite dynamo, doesn’t like Del Rio’s cockiness, and Del Rio, being a jerk, doesn’t like that Kofi, a commoner, has even considered himself on his level, and thus is teaching him a lesson. It’s not going to be a long story, especially as Del Rio is going to move right along to the Heavyweight Championship story by next week, but for filler, it’s not bad.
And so, we head into tonight’s Elimination Chamber to set the stage for Wrestlemania. Personal predictions: King beats Miz, but then gives it back via Rematch Clause; Orton wins the Raw Elimination Chamber (I want Morrison to win, but Raw has a habit of not giving me what I want); Whoever the mysterious entrant of Smackdown’s Chamber wins. We shall see.
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