Welcome to my blog, the contents of which shall be dedicated towards reviews, analysis, and overall commentary of the WWE’s weekly episodic TV shows, Monday Night Raw and Friday Night Smackdown. As indicated by the term “episodic TV shows,” I am very aware that professional wrestling is a form of stage fighting, and not, as it were, “real.” However, I still find the form of stage fighting to be a highly entertaining performing art, as well as enjoying the conventional plots, characters, and story arcs of regular television programs. So while I will more often than not look at the matches, moves, and the technical aspects of wrestling, the primary focus of this blog will be on the characters and storylines of the shows.
Just to get a bit about myself out of the way: I’m a History major with a minor in Film Studies, Canadian, and a fan of sports, arts, and obviously, mixing the two together. I’ve watched wrestling as a kid in the 90s, and though I stopped watching from about the period of 2001-2007, I’ve long since caught up on everything I missed. My favourite wrestler is Mick Foley (don’t care if he’s not a classic wrestler, the guy can act and put an emotional edge on any match), my favourite match is the Ladder Match between the Dudley Boyz, Hardy Boyz, and Edge and Christian at Wrestlemania 2000, and my preferred show is Smackdown. In these reviews, I hope to give an insightful approach to wrestling, while trying to offend as few people as possible.
Now, it so happens that I have begun this blog at a bit of an awkward moment in terms of the storyline of the WWE. We’re on the road to Wrestlemania right now, which would be like the building of a climax of the season for any other TV show. As such, the main plotlines, which are currently carrying out, started back in December, and we are in the middle of the rising action now, zeroing in on the Elimination Chamber, which is the final PPV (IE, where the major plot points are acted out) before Wrestlemania. As the Elimination Chamber takes place on Feb. 20th, which is only week and a half away, I shall be picking up on reviewing the regular shows after this takes place.
Which gives us some free time. For those who are not up to date on the wrestling world, I think I will take this time to list out the characters, major plot lines, and identify some general terms, just to get everyone up to speed.
General Terms
-WWE: World Wrestling Entertainment. The name of the company owned by Vince McMahon.
-Monday Night Raw/ Friday Night Smackdown: The two main shows. While owned by the same company, each has its own roster and storylines, belts, etc. They come together for pay per views, the occasional cameo, and by Wrestlemania, tend to overlap. In case you confuse the two, Raw’s color is red, Smackdown is blue.
-The WWE Championship/ The World Heavyweight Championship: The main belts/championships/sources of glory and power/objects of desire/central plot points for Raw and Smackdown, respectively. These belts signify that the owner of them is not only the best of the best, but he will also get the most screen time, and their storylines will tend to be the most important.
-The United States Championship/ The Intercontinental Championship: These serve much the same purpose as the two main belts (again, each show has their own; the US title is currently on Raw, the IC on Smackdown), in that they offer the source of plot and screen time. Unlike their much more important brethren, these belts are given to the B list wrestlers who aren’t main event material yet, or to more important characters who may or may not have anything else to do.
-Wrestlemania: The show of shows. If this were a conventional TV show, Wrestlemania is the final episode of the season, where all the good stories come out and all the great matches occur. The build-up to Wrestlemania takes place over December to the end of March/beginning of April. This year, it’s on April 3.
-NXT: The WWE’s write-off show where they give some of their rookies screen time to try and get audiences acquainted with the names and faces. It’s not a particularly good show, and will not be getting reviewed. It’s only contribution thus far is sponsoring the creation of the Nexus, a group of angry rookies who ran roughshod over the WWE locker room for the better part of 2010.
Characters, in Alphabetical Order
There are a lot of people on the roster, many who don’t see the light of day, or whose sole job in life is to lose to the more established wrestlers. For the most part, I will be focusing on those with a personality and a purpose.
Before this, however, I will deal with a rather confusing section of the cast, who were once known as the Nexus. The Nexus were originally formed of the eight rookies of the first season of NXT, who attacked the major stars like Cena in an effort to make a name for themselves. This went though most of 2010, but the group had a lot of write offs and additions, and eventually splintered into two factions. Currently, the remaining members of Nexus still on Raw are called the New Nexus, and those on Smackdown are called the Corre. For the sake of some resemblance of cohesion, I will list both the main and minor characters involved in a short summary; the more important characters will be getting their own summary later.
Nexus
Wade Barrett: The original leader of the Nexus. Ran the group throughout 2010, before he was replaced by CM Punk. Is now part of the Corre on Smackdown.
David Otunga: The A Lister. One of the original eight Nexus members. The number two guy of Nexus. Now a member of the New Nexus.
Daniel Bryan: One of the original eight Nexus members. He got kicked out early, the storyline being that he showed remorse for the groups’ rampaging ways. The truth is more complicated.
Darren Young: One of the original eight Nexus members: Cannon fodder. Got kicked out of the group.
Mason Ryan: A new Welsh fellow hired by CM Punk to round out the numbers for the New Nexus.
Michael McGillicutty: A member of the second season of NXT who got hired on to Nexus as their numbers dwindled. Is now part of the New Nexus.
Husky Harris: See the description for McGillicutty.
Michael Tarver: One of the original members of the Nexus. Got beat up by Cena, and vanished, presumably to injury.
Skip Sheffield: One of the original eight Nexus members. Skip was never actually written ought, as the wrestler himself got injured, and thus his disappearance storyline wise has yet to be explained.
Heath Slater: One of the original eight Nexus members. Cannon fodder. Somehow managed to hide his uselessness, and is now part of the Corre, having left the New Nexus once Punk took over.
Justin Gabriel: See the description for Slater.
Ezekiel Jackson: A very large and strong man. He wasn’t part of any Nexus, but it part of the Corre on Smackdown.
Monday Night Raw
Alex Riley: The Varsity Villain. Essentially, the bad guy jock that would shove you in a locker. Currently the minion of the Miz. He takes a lot of beatings, but give him some time.
CM Punk: The Straight Edge Saviour. Punk is brilliant, and I will let you know now that he is one of my favourites of all time. Punk came in a few years ago as the laid back good guy, grungy and unkempt but all around cool. And then, using the Money in the Bank contract, he stole the World Heavyweight title from fan girl favourite Jeff Hardy. Punk then slowly became more obsessed with the idea that his straight-edge lifestyle made him better than the drug abusing screw up Jeff (for the record, I like neither of the Hardy brothers, even though they’re in my favourite match of all time), and that the fans that supported Jeff must be equally corrupt. He then turned his back on the fans, and began acting in a more selfish manner, though he continues to believe he is still perfectly justified in every act he does. He eventually developed a sort of Jesus complex, where he thinks he’s the epitome of mankind, and has a few months of trying to “save” a select few, while beating the hell out of everyone else. Altogether, he remains incredibly dastardly, evil, and has the best wicked little grin you’ve ever seen. Currently the leader of the New Nexus.
Daniel Bryan: The American Dragon. Although he’s relatively new to the WWE (a member of the first season of NXT last year), Bryan has been kicking around the indies for a long time. He’s a really good wrestler with many moves, and can put on a good show, but he sadly has little personality. He’s vegan, he smiles a lot, but that’s about it. Currently the United States Champion, and dating Gail Kim.
Evan Bourne: Air Bourne. A plucky little fellow who doesn’t win a whole lot, but can flip around and be generally fun to watch. Full of spunk and just can’t quit. Isn’t he adorable?
Goldust: The Bizarre One. Goldust is a shadow of his original self from the nineties, where he used to partake in all kinds of sexually suggestive actions. Now, due to the PG rating, he’s toned it down a lot, but he’s still great fun. Wears gold and black face paint, loves films, and is the sentimental favourite.
John Cena: If Jesus and Superman ever merged their DNA, you would have John Cena. The ultimate good guy, John can make us laugh, and then give us the hero we need to get the job done. He never quits, never gives up, and will always do the right thing. Altogether a fun loving fellow, unless he sees someone a’sinnin’. Then there will be some ass kicked. Seriously, though, John is a pretty decent actor. His ability to switch from his fun face to his “time to kick ass” face is pretty seamless. He used to rap, but he’s long since given that up (thank God.). He can’t wrestle, and has the ability to miraculously come back from any situation, but darn it all if we don’t love him anyways.
John Morrison: The Shaman of Sexy/the Guru of Greatness. John is here for the purpose of watching him be amazing. Seriously, even if you don’t think stage fighting is all that, watch some of his matches. The moves he is able to pull off are amazing. Any, John’s current character is a mix of the narcissist, while still being a good guy. It’s a hard line to tow, but he balances the potential for self-absorbed behaviour with his zen and philosophical attitude. Think Neo who happened to stumble upon a book by Descartes.
Mark Henry: The World’s Strongest Man. Mark is currently a good guy, and can be expected to show up at random times to beat the hell out of someone. Sadly, he can’t actually wrestle, which, given his size, is understandable. He’s still a B lister.
R-Truth: He raps, and sings his own theme music. Truth is the classic good guy, who doesn’t win a whole lot, but stands up for the right thing. He looks homely and easy to push around, but he’s no slouch. Truth has actually grown on me; when he first appeared, I couldn’t stand him, but after a while, he stopped being another annoying face and started developing a more solid character, I could get behind him.
Randy Orton: The Viper/Legend Killer. And now, we come to Orton, who has become something of an enigma to this writer. See, Orton should not, under any real convention, be considered a good guy. He started off way back as Triple H’s minion, who, after being betrayed by his mentor, eventually winds up going off the deep end, who attacks people with great gusto, acts like a selfish prick, has no remorse for his actions, will totally knife you if you think it will get him ahead... and the fans cheer him for it. Alas. At any rate, Orton, in theory, is now a tweener, which means he’s an edgy good guy. Don’t ask me why: he hasn’t really changed his personality at all, but now, apparently, it’s all okay. Whatever. I still haven’t forgiven him for his attacks on Stephanie McMahon back in 2009.
Santino Marella: The comic relief. I think I’ve said enough.
Sheamus: The Celtic Warrior. Sheamus is one of the newer guys who got a massive push into the main event. At first, he was just the angry Irishman, but now he’s developed more of a personality into a chipper jerk. What I like about Sheamus is that he’s a villain who’s not afraid to do his own dirty work. He will talk a big talk and then go back it up. Also, he won the King of the Ring tournament a few months back, so he now calls himself King Sheamus, and wears a silly crown.
Ted Dibiase: The Fortunate Son. Once upon a time, Ted was supposed to be a big deal, and he was with Orton’s faction of Legacy, trying to make a name for himself. Now, he’s just riffing off of his dad’s character, the original Million Dollar Man. Sadly, Ted has no personality, and thus fails.
The Miz: The Cleveland Screamer. The Miz is a fantastic story, in all honesty. Two years ago, I could stand the guy: his character was something of a smarmy high school lout who you wanted to deck. Then, about halfway through 2009, he started to take himself seriously: he’s still smarmy, and still loud mouthed, but now, it’s less focused on annoying, and more focused on actually being bad ass. He’s more of a jerk than a jack ass, if that makes sense. He also now plays up the chip-on-the-shoulder thing, so his successes now add to an ego that was shunned as he came up. Currently the WWE champion.
Triple H: The Game. Triple H is one of the few wrestlers in modern TV who can God-mode and make it look good. The man can play any role you need him to, wrestle any kind of match, tell any kind of story, and make it all work. He’s been at this since the mid nineties, where he broke in as a millionaire character, which then got toned down into just an elitist macho man with a savage ego problem who had the ability to back up his talk. In recent years, he’s taken a step back from the title scene, and as such has become more of a good guy who comes in and beats faces in when it’s needed. He was put out of commission by Sheamus nearly a year ago, and has not been seen since. He’ll be back.
Vladimir Koslov: The angry Russian. Currently teaming with Santino.
Friday Night Smackdown
Alberto Del Rio: Every generation needs a millionaire bad guy. Alberto is a little different the usual money-maker, though. First off, he’s Mexican, and having a rich Mexican goes against most of the WWE’s general cultural stereotypes. Second, Del Rio smiles a lot, and looks like he’s having a good time as he acts dastardly. It’s a definite relief from the usual brooding, angry class of villain. Thirdly, the guy can actually wrestle and put on a good match. With all of these traits, I was happy when he won the Royal Rumble, and is now going to be in a title match at Wrestlemania.
Big Show: The World’s Largest Athlete. As the name and nickname might suggest, the Big Show is a very tall man, who has been around since about the mid nineties, and has switched between good and bad many times. He is currently good, which I prefer, as Show is generally a very funny guy, and also, we need more good guys who are actually somewhat intimidating. Show doesn’t get enough credit for his in-ring abilities; he’s not very fast (how fast could you go if you were seven feet and over four hundred pounds?), but he has a lot of moves, and can have a good match.
Christian: Captain Charisma. As Christian is Canadian, he automatically gets props. Furthermore, he really is charismatic, great on the mic, great in the ring, and can both flip about and wrestle technically. Currently injured at the hands of Del Rio.
Cody Rhodes: “Dashing.” Cody was the member of Legacy who was supposed to be the one kicked to the curb after their break up. Instead, he developed the character of a mega-narcissist, adopted the nickname “Dashing” and now gives out fashion tips, while grinning all the while. Lest he appear too goofy, Cody tends to psychotically freak out if anyone comes near his face with a punch, giving his self love more depth than it might otherwise.
Dolph Ziggler: Ziggler is moving up on the scale of importance. His character is a cocky, egotistical athlete who thinks he’s all that, and while we’ve seen this before, he also has the credit of having the best match of the year of 2010 under his belt (Ziggler vs Daniel Bryan, Bragging Rights, 2010. Watch it. Seriously.). He’s also now dating the General Manager of Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero, thus giving him powers of manipulation. What a jerk.
Drew McIntyre: The Chosen One/ the Sinister Scotsman. Drew came in as the personal favourite of Mr. McMahon, and has been promised to do great things in the WWE. Mostly, he gets really angry and beats the hell out of everyone. But it’s very entertaining. Drew has great body language, and such avoids being the atypical bruiser character. IE, he actually looks like he wants to kill someone.
Edge: The Rated R Superstar/ The Master Manipulator/ the Ultimate Opportunist. You don’t get that many nicknames if A) You haven’t been around a long time, and B) You’re not really, really awesome at your job. Edge is one of those cases where he should be a villain for all intents and purposes, and indeed has spent most of his career as such, but has reached a point where the fans recognize just how great he is, and cheer him regardless. Unlike Orton, Edge can pull off the (excuse the pun) edgy good guy. He’ll totally lie, cheat, and do whatever it takes to win a match, but gosh darn if we don’t love him for it. Also, best facial expressions ever. Currently the World Heavyweight Champion.
Jack Swagger: The All American American. Swagger is the self promoting athlete who once spent a good ten minute promo making up all the different events he’s come first in; these accolades included push up contests, having a sandwich named after him, winning a chicken wing eating tournament, mastering ball room dance, and becoming a Scrabble Champion. Essentially, Swagger is aiming for a cross between Mr Perfect and Kurt Angle, and if you’re going to merge two characters, it might as well be that.
Kane: The Devil’s Favourite Demon/ The Big Red Monster. And now we come to one of the most complex characters out there. In a brief summary, Kane and the Undertaker are brothers, and grew up in their parent’s funeral home (which explains an awful lot about why they’re both so insane...), until the Undertaker burned it down for kicks, hoping to kill his family (because he’s evil). The parents died, but Kane survived, although savagely burned, and was saved by the ever malicious Paul Bearer, who raised him in a closest somewhere. Finally, Kane burst onto the scene in 1997, and tried to seek revenge on the Undertaker, but try though he might, he could never put his brother away, failing nearly every time. Kane doesn’t handle this very well. Fast forwarding through the years, in which Kane loses the mask, lights Jim Ross on fire, becomes even more sadistically insane, has several failed romances, beats the hell out of many people, and arrives in 2010, when everything is about to change. Because Kane finally thinks he has the edge over the Undertaker: he manages to steal Taker’s powers, and no matter how Undertaker tries, he just can’t take Kane down. Kane succeeds in putting Undertaker in a coma, stealing the all powerful urn, and once Undertaker comes back, Kane buries him alive. Sadly for Kane, having killed the Undertaker, the writers don’t know what to do with him, and he’s kind of just kicking around on Smackdown. Oh, and he can summon fire.
Kofi Kingston: Perpetually confused as to what his home country is (originally from Jamaica, now heralded from Ghana, West Africa), Kofi is another grinning good guy who likes to flip about. He has grown, however, in that he now knows how to turn on his serious face. Him and R Truth have really come a long way from when they first started. They’re not just fan favourites now; they actually have personalities and motivations. Currently the Intercontinental Champion.
Rey Mysterio: The Ultimate Underdog. If John Cena is the ultimate good guy, Rey runs a close second. Being short, plucky, and never says die, Rey is identifiable to most kids, who also love his pretty masks. Let’s not belittle Rey: he really is a great wrestler, and can put on many a good show. He has trouble making a good promo, but he really doesn’t need to do it. Just flip about and put on a good show. There’s a good Rey.
The Undertaker: The Dead Man/ The Phenom. Officially the oldest guy on either show, having been around since 1990, the Undertaker defies age, time, and anything other than being completely awesome. Though he has a track record of getting killed an awful lot, he always comes back, more powerful than before, and usually with an updated costume. Essentially, character and plotwise, he’s something of a god who can’t be killed, has super-powers, and will totally break your face. He’s also technically evil and allies himself with the dark side, but fans have long since stopped caring about that. He’s currently dead at the hands of Kane, but with Wrestlemania coming up, he’s certain to return.
Vickie Guerrero: The only women who really has any kind of effect on the main storylines, Vickie is the GM of Smackdown. She doesn’t wrestle, but she’s really, really evil, likes to shriek a lot, and can get more boos from the audience than anyone else. She likes to abuse her powers to aid her current love interests, which leads to many irrational rule changes and knee jerk reactions. Is currently going out with Dolph Ziggler.
Wade Barrett: The only member of the original Nexus with something resembling a personality, Wade has the distinction of being the actual winner of the first season of NXT. He’s also British, so you know he’s evil. Wade has already tussled with the likes of Cena and Orton, which isn’t bad for a new guy. He seems to be back on the lower rungs with the Corre, though. Still, things ought to pan out for Wade in the future.
The Women
There really aren’t that many women on the show right now, and tend to get split up between the two main shows, rather than having a set alliance. They have a history of getting shafted and used for sexploitation, but in all fairness, the WWE has been cleaning it up, and also have started giving more match time for the ladies. Baby steps, but steps none the less.
Alicia Fox: She has frighteningly disjointed hips. That is all that is interesting about her.
Brie and Nikki Bella: the Twins. They have no personality, and act as arm candy for whoever is in need.
Beth Phoenix: The Glamazon. One of the few women who actually look like they belong on a wrestling program, Beth is a very fit, very strong female, who knows how to kick ass. She’s something of a tweener right now, and I like it that way.
Eve: Eve is a growing success story, in that she started out as a piece of fluff, but has been steadily growing into a more athletic role, and now can put on good matches with a lot of decent moves. I hope for good things. Currently the Diva’s Champion.
Gail Kim: Gail is another exceptional wrestler, who for whatever reason doesn’t get any screen time. She’s now hanging around with Daniel Bryan, so hopefully things look up for Gail.
Kaitlyn: More or less a nonentity right now. Still waiting for her to impress.
Layla: One half of team LayCool, Layla is the minion of Michelle, and usually takes the beatings for the team. She’s really learned how to play up her lackey role, and is now almost fun to watch.
Maryse: The French speaking gold digger who can’t wrestle, but is very good at playing the wicked witch. And she’s Canadian.
Melina: Another of the good female wrestlers, Melina has the ability to bend her body in any shape. Seriously, she’s ridiculously flexible. And she likes to scream really loudly.
Michelle McCool: Currently, Michelle and Layla are playing the high-school bullies who make fun of peoples’ appearance while acting high and mighty. It’s annoying, but it does earn genuine heat. Also, Michelle can wrestle, in spite of her stick like build.
Natalya: Second perhaps only to Beth in looking like she belongs here, Natalya is part of the famous Hart family, and it shows. She can wrestle with the best of them. And has pink streaks in her hair, which is cool. She was originally the valet to the Hart Dynasty tag team, but after they broke up, and with the two guys going nowhere, it looks like she got the best out of going solo. Consider it irony long overdue.
Rosa Mendes: Rosa doesn’t really have much of a purpose in life other than showing up at random intervals and contributing very little.
Thus the cast of the WWE (minus the jobbers, who will be brought up as they become relevant.). Next post, I will get into the current plots leading up to Wrestlemania.
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