So Much Bad, Yet So Much Good

This is one of the rare times where I’m annoyed with Smackdown to the point of not being sure if I’m going to tune in or not. Sucking it up and reminding myself that I’m /not/ a smark who just bails because their guy didn’t win, I continue to watch regardless of my savage disappointment.

We start with a title-less Christian, who is being a good sport about all this. He tells us that he supports Teddy Long’s decision last week to have a Championship Match, and that he doesn’t begrudge Orton winning. I assume he was made to say this in order to stop the audience from throwing things right away. I should mention that this sign of sportsmanship is a great quality in a Champion. It appears that they are to have a rematch at Over the Limit next week, which provides us with yet another pointless match: if they stripped Christian of his belt a day after winning it, they’re not going to have him win it back from the booker’s love-child Orton. Couple this with the I Quit Match between Miz and Cena, and the major title matches for this PPV are all but arbitrary. Not the best way to sell tickets. Now, if I felt that there /was/ a chance of Christian winning, had the writers /not/ raped his credibility and squashed our hopes and dreams, this would be a different story.

No baby face promo can go for long without a heel interruption, and lo and behold, here comes Sheamus. It’s a bid odd, because he comes out demanding a match with Christian, but doesn’t really elaborate why. He says it’s what the audience wants to see (and I won’t deny that), but that’s not really Sheamus’s style. It’s not like he’s getting anything out of it. Alas, he himself is interrupted by Mark Henry. Once more, I really like that Henry’s style of being a heel this time around involves him smiling. Mark informs Sheamus that what everyone /really/ wants to see is Henry vs. Christian, which is responded with boos from the audience. Sheamus, taking advantage of this, sarcastically agrees that it certainly sounds that this is the audience’s will. To which Mark informs Sheamus that he’s like the kid who talks funny and everyone ignores. Truly, the Smackdown Gods are working their will on Mark Henry, who, as we shall see later, is growing better at everything. Sheamus counters, saying maybe the audience would like to see Mark Henry vs. Sheamus instead. Why is Sheamus picking random fights with everyone? I do like the idea that he’s not afraid of Mark, bringing back his Celtic Warrior angle, but still. Mark has a better idea: why don’t the pair of them just beat up Christian for kicks? I love how Sheamus thinks this over for a few seconds, has a facial expression that says, “Yeah, that could be fun,” and then they both go after Christian. Again, I don’t know why they’re going after Christian, given that he’s no longer Champion, and that he’s already the #1 Contender, but it’s a good heel moment. They don’t get too far when we see our new (and vastly unwanted) Champion, Randy Orton, here to save the day. I absolutely despise the fact that Orton had to save Christian from the heels. The pair throw Henry and Sheamus out of the ring, I sit there and hope (without success) that Christian will just deck Orton, and Teddy Long does what he does best, and announces a tag match between Henry and Sheamus vs. Orton and Christian for the main event tonight. I don’t know if I’ve commented on this, but I like how Smackdown builds their main events at the beginning of the show via plot arc, rather than Raw who just have their main events occur at almost random sometimes. It helps it feel more like a well thought out show.

Now, remember when I said that Christian being humble and a good loser was a great quality for a Champion to have? Orton later reveals that he only helped Christian so that he wouldn’t be beat up to the point where there’d be more excuses, and when Orton beat him again, it would show that he’s better. Our Champion, ladies and gentlemen: a selfish, unheroic prick.

Our first match of the night is Sin Cara and Daniel Bryan. I may have just gotten chills writing that. These two are easily among the best performers inside the ring that the WWE has right now, as well as internet fanboy favourites. In all honesty, though, I was a bit disappointed in this match. I mean, it was still solid, certainly, and the pacing was fantastic, as there was always something going on. However, I felt that Bryan never got to be on top of the match’s momentum, which is odd; looking at the other Sin Cara matches we’ve seen, what makes them great is that there’s always guessing as to who is winning at any point in time. You don’t get that here: Bryan does the typical jobber act of putting the good guy in peril so that he can make a comeback. There wasn’t a whole lot of back-and-forth going on, which is a pity, because Daniel Bryan is much better than this. Of more interest to me is Chavo Guerrero on commentary, insisting that he taught Sin Cara everything he knows, and that all the moves Sin Cara is doing, Chavo did first. I really like how Chavo pulls this off: it’s very off-handed in his credit stealing, never sounded forced or an obvious heat-building attempt, and is so sharp and clever that although he never shuts up about it, it’s still interesting and fun to listen to. I’ve always liked Chavo, and never thought it was fair that he kind of got pushed to the sidelines in recent years. Near the end of the match, as Bryan is about to do a dropkick off the top rope, Chavo pulls him back, allowing Sin Cara to go up to the top and do the amazing flipping moonsault slam (they really need to give that thing a name soon). We’re all happy, until Sin Cara finds out what Chavo has done by watching the replay on the Titantron, and then pushes him. Sin Cara is not one to take the easy way out, even if it means winning. What’s that? A good guy who does the right things and doesn’t want to cheat? How very un-Orton of you!

Now we find ourselves with Layla standing in the ring. She’s still quite happy that she beat Michelle McCool, as are we all. With the exception of Michael Cole, who, of course, has to interrupt. This is starting to get ridiculous: if I thought for a second that there was a greater plot arc at hand where Cole was going to get his comeuppance for these constant belittling tirades of the Divas, then this wouldn’t be a problem. But he’s been doing this for months with no apparent point, and it’s just another thing to add to the gratuitously long list of things Cole is doing that annoys me. In fact, that’s the thing that took what could have been a great heat building storyline into just an irritation: there’s no point to any of this. It’s just annoying event, after annoying event, for no other purpose than to be annoying. That’s not entertainment, that’s a turn off. It worked for the prelude to Wrestlemania when we thought Cole was earning heat in order to get his ass kicked all the more gratifying, but that obviously did not happen. So this has just dragged on and on, with no arc to support it, and I’m deathly tired of it. Long story short, Kharma shows, beats on Layla for a bit, and then, adding to the long list of why Kharma is awesome, gives Cole the death-glare and chases him back into his pexiglass box. Thank you, Kharma.

Oh, look, the Corre vs. Kane. Gosh, I wonder what could possibly happen here. All right, in fairness, it’s actually billed as Wade Barrett vs. Kane, as it should be. And until the inevitable DQ finish, this is a pretty good match. The two men have very similar builds and movesets, and as I’ve said before, it’s easier to have a good Big Man match when there are two of them. That way, you can execute your power moves without worrying about squashing the other guy, you can set your own pacing, and in this case, both men are very talented and fun to watch, so the overall experience is fun. So, yeah, Corre interferes, what a twist. Then, dashing in to the ring is Ezekiel Jackson! Uh, yay. Actually, much to my surprise, he doesn’t get very far in his attempt to seek revenge, generally getting his ass handed to him by the Corre. Huh. Okay, that was kind of a twist in that face of wrestling conventions. What happens afterwards, though, is quite odd. In the back, Wade is getting interviewed, and challenges Zeke to a match at Over the Limit. The match itself is not a surprise, but why would Wade challenge Zeke? He’s not the one who has anything to gain by this, Zeke is the one seeking revenge. Also, Ginger helpfully pipes up that it should be for Wade’s IC title, to which Wade /agrees./ Why on Earth would Wade so willingly put up his title for grabs? This is the man who did every devious trick he could last year on Raw to stay in power, and here he’s acting like a total maroon. Also, his parting shot of: “C’mon, guys, let’s go make some more statements,” is just bizarre, especially considering that they don’t appear during the rest of the show, and you have no idea what kind of statements they just dashed off to pursue. Unless they have their own printing press in the back, and are manufacturing written statements...

The Great Khali brings to us the uselessness that he’s renowned for with the Khali Kiss Cam. That might have flown on Raw, but I expect better from Smackdown. It’s every bit the colossal waste of time you’d expect it to be, until the end, where some guy, whom I’m told is named Jinder Mahal, comes up and slaps Khali in the face. That would be a great moment if I had any idea who this joker was, and why I should care anymore about him than Khali. Also, if this is the attempt to build a storyline with Khali, I’m woefully disinterested.

Time out! What the hell has happened to my show?! This is Smackdown, which has great wrestling, great writing, great characters, and now I’m being given the Great Khali in a plot line of his own, and Randy Orton is my Champion? No, no, no! This is exactly why the annual Raw raping of Smackdown drives me nuts: not only do they get all the good parts, we get all the sucking parts, and are forced to use them because we have nothing else to plug into screen time in compensation. What can save the day now?

Oh, hey, Cody Rhodes vs. Ted Dibiase. Well, that question was answered with gusto. Thank you, Smackdown.

When was the last time we saw these two together? Wrestlemania 26? My, how times have changed. Ted starts in the ring, and doesn’t get to say anything, which is a bit disappointing, because I still hope that he’s going to become better in the near future. Cody Rhodes, however, has a lot to say. Line of the night, “So I guess this is the part of the show where I’m supposed to “entertain” you.” He just spits out his words with such disgust and anger that you feel that this man with his chicken-esque legs is ready to screw you up big time. I also enjoy how he says that no one is safe from his wrath, not even Priceless friends. I love whenever wrestling actually summons up continuity, and this is no exception. Rhodes and Dibiase, of course, were not only part of Legacy, but prior to that were a Tag Team called Priceless. I’d really love to see them play with the past in order to make this compelling. Cody offers Ted a paper bag to wear over his head, and Ted slaps it away. Oh, good, it looks like Ted is gearing to be a face. Good choice. This is a pretty standard match, nothing incredibly special, but it’s fun and fast paced, and the added storyline within it really does help it along. In fact, the potential for writing within this has already made me forget about the abysmal existence that is the Great Khali. Cody wins, but I desperately hope it’s not the end. Seriously, if handled well, this could be the best piece of panic writing done by the Smackdown crew since last year’s coping with the Undertaker’s concussion producing the epic Kane vs. Taker story.

Main event time! This is a surprisingly good match, for a number of reasons. The Tag Teaming of Henry and Sheamus is well timed, as Henry, knowing that he can only do so much over a period of time, will execute some power moves, then tag in Sheamus to take over, thus avoiding slowing things down unnecessarily. The work between Christian and Sheamus is well done, albeit the classic big bad heel vs. steadfast good guy type of match, paced so that Sheamus gets to dominate only so long before Christian pulls ahead, thus making it more entertaining. Christian is the one who does most of the work for his team, thus saving me from the doldrums of Orton. And I really liked the ending, in which Christian does a blind tag to Orton’s back, so that /he/ can come in and get the win. It shows that Orton might have won last week, but Christian’s not his bitch, and can still do his own thing and act like he’s competent. The double-finish of Christian using the Killswitch on Sheamus and Orton RKOing Mark Henry was also fun. After they win, Orton extends his hand in congratulations. I presume this is to hoodwink the audience into thinking that he’s remotely a good guy, and not the total jerk that he portrayed himself to be at the beginning of the show. Yeah, unlike most WWE fans, I have a memory that lasts longer than half an hour and I’m not buying it.

So that was Smackdown. I found myself a little disappointed: we had to endure the wastes of screen time that are Cole’s ramblings and the Great Khali, and the Sin Cara vs. Daniel Bryan match was almost a let down, if only because I expected such great things from it, and Wade Barrett seemed toked up on something. The main event was fun, though, and I like that Mark Henry and Sheamus are getting back into the main event (if Henry can keep pace and continue to impress me), I like that Chavo got screen time and hopefully an actual feud of his own, and I love the potential story between Rhodes and Dibiase. If Smackdown can pull it together, I think we can still save the show.