After trying to forget last’s week’s episode and think happy thoughts, the best way for Raw to allay my fears is indeed to start with the Undertaker. Good move, Raw. Good move. I find that the new theme, this time around, isn’t as jarring. The downbeat, the lyrics, all work to create a good sense of foreboding. Johnny Cash’s voice helps too, the gravely drawl bringing with it a feeling of experience, age, and a long, hard fight, while still being able to stand one’s ground and shoot a man in Texas just to watch him die. Also, I kind of like the homage back to Undertaker as a western gravedigger, without the powers. I mean, I love Taker’s powers, but to be reminded that he was once just a guy who happened to be a wrestler (lower case undertaker as opposed to Undertaker) brings you back. This guy was my favourite as a kid, and to play off of those memories and building nostalgia really does work well. The whole package of the song, allusion to the past, and the fact that the story line is two old guys looking for one last fight, really does give you the impression of watching a really touching movie. That is, if it weren’t wrestling. Because once you jump into that, the whole thing kind of gets hazy in its literature quality.
We’re back to the icon vs. icon thing. And there can be only one Highlander... Outlaw, sorry. (Still not buying it as a tag line) Undertaker muses about how there is talk that he’s getting too old, that he’s been beat up to long, and that Triple H will beat him. To answer that, Taker is going to get personal, and rubs it in that he beat the Game’s good buddy, Shawn Michaels, twice, and retired him, so what the hell does he have to worry about Triple H for? Ouch. The clips they show are exclusively of Taker beating the tar out of HBK, just to pour vinegar in the wound. Of course, he might also have mentioned that he’s already beaten Triple H in the past at Wrestlemania, but as that’s been over the five minute memory limit of the writers, we’re just going to not talk about it. Furthermore, Taker announces that the match will be No Holds Barred. I’m disappointed, as I think the pair of them could carry a standard wrestling match, and I was really looking forward to that. Because, well, they’re just that good. I mean, it’s not a make or break, and having no disqualifications doesn’t mean that we’re just going to have them hit one another with chairs, but I think they don’t need that kind of a stipulation, and can work without it. In fact, I think to have it standard would make the match more interesting in the sense that both men would have to use strictly their own talents and abilities in order to beat their rival, and couldn’t call in the hardcore reserves. Like I said, it doesn’t kill the match for me, but I wish it could’ve been otherwise.
We cut to a backstage segment where Mason Ryan’s head is embedded in Orton’s crotch while Orton beats him on the back. It takes a few moments for me to realize it’s a Nexus jump, and comes as something of a great relief. I really, really wish we had a build up to that shot, because... yeah. Seriously, we couldn’t have started the segment with Orton walking and then having Ryan appear? Were we really that pushed for time? More Nexus members show, and by more members I mean Otunga and Punk, for it seems that McGullicutty has been written out of the show. Curse that Boot of +25 Plot Device! Seriously, some people’s finishers only end matches; Orton’s can alter the narrative of the whole show. Punk hits Orton with the GTS, and tells the gang to drag Orton’s unconscious body to the ring... whereupon we cut to commercials.
After a cut to commercials, we see Orton laying in the ring, where the Nexus is verbally berating him. One wonders why they wouldn’t have just waited until Orton was going down the entrance ramp before jumping him, as it would have saved a lot of time and dragging. Things are just more villainous when they happen in the back, I guess. Finally, the wonder-refs get things under order, only to have Otunga demand a match with Orton. Orton is laying in the ring corner and can barely stand, and the ref tries to talk him out of it, but Orton, angry but resolute, refuses to give up, even though he can’t stand. There: Orton did something heroic. I mean, it’s still primarily based on personal ego and pride rather than the greater good, but the set-up worked. Orton actually summoned up some acting, emphasized just how beat up he was, and put on a brave face regardless. It was a good depiction of summoning up inner will. I’m still not sold, but it was an improvement. Of course, things are ruined as Orton once again absorbs moves, hits a single RKO, and walks away victorious. I know that they’re going for that Orton is pulling through in great odds, but there’s believability and then there’s believability.
And, sure enough, Orton kills Otunga. I have to say, of all the ways to disband the Nexus, this was probably the most efficient. I mean, Cena spent half a year trying to get rid of the Nexus the true and fair way, while Orton is content just to boot some heads. I had higher hopes for Otunga in all this, though: I had hoped he and Barrett would eventually actually get to do a story together and do something with that power struggle they were building towards, but we’ll just put that on the shelf with the rest of the incomplete Nexus storylines (*puts “Otunga vs Barrett” next to *Why the GM rehired them,**Their Greater Plan which they hyped and never explained* and *Why did they help Kane kill the Undertaker*).
We learn that Miz is boycotting Raw for not getting attention in his title match. You know what? That actually sounds like a legitimate reason.
Never mind the Miz, here’s Christian! I like his shirt. And it seems he’s having a match with Alberto Del Rio... who comes out with NXT little buddy Brodus Clay. Yes, once again, you don’t actually need to win NXT to keep your job with the WWE, thus making the idea of the contract win pointless. Del Rio apologizes that he won’t be fighting Christian, but his “little friend” Clay will. Brodus appears to be running on the “Look at me, I’m big!” push, which gave us such amazing wrestling talent as Lashley, the Great Khali, and Snitsky. To be fair, Brodus Clay doesn’t seem completely lost in the ring, but, call me cynical, when the man’s most defining character trait is having the right genes, I tend to not care. But, I will try to keep an open mind in the future. Clay does a couple power moves, Christian defeats him by being awesome, and Del Rio is dastardly, putting Captain Charisma in the Arm Bar. You’d think that the refs would prepare for something like this when it happens every week, but they always seem to be completely shocked that someone would dare attack a guy after the bell.
Enter Eve, defending her belt against Nikki Bella. Eve has Gail in her corner, presumably to guard against the ol’ bait and switch. All right, impress me, Nikki. Eve tosses the Bella about by her head a couple times, which is very amusing. Then Nikki does the same to Eve. Either they’re all very strong, or very light. My money’s on the latter. And then, inexplicably, Cole gets up on his table to hype the revelation of his referee choice at Wrestlemania. I’m disappointed, because this is drawing attention away from the Divas match, which, color me surprised, is going well. I mean, I expected nothing from the Nikki, and she’s actually keeping pace. Eve is doing most of the work, but the tempo is kept up. Not the most technical, but not terrible. Oh, the ref finally caught the Bellas doing their party trick. About time, ref. Eve hits Nikki with a twisted neckbreaker, and wins. But, seriously, the interjection of Cole, not in storyline terms but just in broadcasting, was pretty harsh. I mean, this was a pretty decent match, and to have it upstaged like that was nothing but derogatory. It builds cheap Cole heat, but he already had that, and this interruption doesn’t add a whole lot other thank slapping the women’s division in the face. Just not a very impressive move. Also, back to the match, why was Gail there when nothing happened? Odd...
Time for Cole to be evil. He, of course, is here to announce his special guest referee. He builds it up, tells the crowd that it will be none other than a legendary WWE Champion, a Texan, and gets an Austin chant going... And then tells the audience they’re fools. Oh, Cole. What a jerk. Instead, we get the white limo, the pronghorns, the cowbell, and the return of the Wrestling God, JBL. I’m probably the only one who jumped out of his seat and cheered to the high heavens. I won’t lie: I’m a massive JBL fan. I think he’s a fantastic villain, the second best millionaire character ever, and knows the exact lines to hit to piss people off. The problem with coming out of the Attitude Era to contemporary wrestling is that our heroes in the late nineties were all technically heels, ala Stone Cold, Rock, Undertaker, Triple H, so we became immune to the bad guy’s actions of evil, as opposed to the riots that could be caused by Rowdy Roddy Piper or Iraqi Sympathizing Sergeant Slaughter. We like our heels too much in that we can support their villainy, and often wind up cheering for them to win so that we can continue to watch them be bad-asses. I will confess that I get amused by Punk’s acts of dastardliness in spite of myself, and cheer for him when I ought not (of course, I blame this on his fighting good guys that I don’t like), as well as my admiration for Drew and how he has bravery to back of his ruthlessness. But to have a guy that is just as despicable as JBL, who just acts like a total ass-hole with nothing for people to rally behind in terms of support, hearkens back to classical wrestling narrative of true good versus true evil. I know that my fan-worshipping of JBL’s evilness seems to be a direct contradiction of what I’m preaching, but I worship him because I can hate him, if you understand me correctly.
The Wrestling God thanks Cole (remember when they were on Smackdown commentary five years ago together and hated one another? Oh, continuity.) for inviting him out here, and proceeds to do what I love him for: lambast Texas as a bunch of losers and thanking God that he moved to a real state like New York. Not a cheer in the stadium, just a whole lot of boos. Vintage villainy, right there. He also tells us that there’s nothing he hates more than a bully, and that’s all that Jerry Lawler is. With a huge grin, he goes to sign the contract which says he will be the referee...
Glass shatters. Ruh roh.
The crowd gets their wish as Stone Cold Steve Austin emerges from the back. Not quite the same level of fanfare as the Rock got, but still decent. JBL and Cole start to yell at Stunnin’ Steve to go away. Because Steve Austin always does what he’s told. Yes, we all know that the one thing that can stop a redneck rebel is to give him a direct order. You’d really think people would have learned to just punch the guy before he gets in the ring by now. It can’t be that much of a surprise that he’s just going to... yeah, he Stuns JBL. Considering his job well done, it’s time for flying beer cans, the contents of which Austin guzzles maybe 5% of what’s actually in the can, the rest dribbling all over the place. No wonder he can down that many beers: his shirt drinks more of it than he does! Cole, being a tad smarter, leaves the ring to go back behind his desk. But look! He’s left behind the contract decreeing that the signer will be the referee in his match! Austin picks it up, spills beer on the paper, asks the crowd if they want him to sign (“Hell, Yeah!”), and does so. The Rattlesnake then goes to the commentary booth, shakes Cole’s hand... and pours beer on his head. I love Austin’s dead-pan. He does the most absurd things, and keeps an absolute straight face. Steve then has another two ounces of beer out of roughly ten cans while Cole goes backstage to get cleaned up.
Disappointed though I am that JBL won’t be the referee, I’m not against Austin taking his place. Lawler needs some bastion of support in the match in order for it to be interesting. Also, Swagger, as per backstage, says that Cole doesn’t need to worry: he’ll take care of Steve Austin. If they do actually have it so Swagger gets one over on Stone Cold, I will approve, as that will really help him get his momentum back. As it stands, though, Swagger is kind of in limbo here, with a non-wrestling role and likely to be on the receiving end of a Stunner. He just doesn’t really have a whole lot to do here: the heat is between Cole and Lawler, and as Stone Cold upstages everyone else, Swagger is lost in this storyline. If this can somehow be pulled to make Swagger look good (perhaps if he somehow earns Cole the win or does something to Austin), then it could help. If not, then he just gets screwed.
Also, just to address this influx of icons into this year’s Wrestlemania: some people have complained that the WWE is just running out old stars in a tired, uninspired fashion for no real reason. I disagree: just looking at the matches they have planned, the WWE has matched a lot of the newer, younger talent with older, more experienced stars (Del Rio vs Ege, Miz vs Cena, Rhodes vs Mysterio, probably the Corre vs Big Show), the aim of which, I believe, is to heavily push their newcomers into the limelight and get them over with the fans to make a lasting impression, and what better way to do that than Wrestlemania? Of course, the only worry with this is the draw-value: while it’s a good long term investment to bolster your future stars’ credibility, you still need a money maker. As such, we need the Rock and Stone Cold to make appearances, to make sure that you can still ensure that people will tune in to Wrestlemania. Swagger, of course, is being sacrificed to this end, and so, to an extent, is the Miz (though this will be amended later in the show). At the same time, though, it’s giving your rising stars experience, the actual matches won’t be hurt by this upstaging, and honestly, it’s not like Stone Cold and the Rock don’t deserve some screen time. On a grand scale, I approve of this game plan.
More Sheamus rape. Don’t care. Moving on.
CM Punk will be up next match against R-Truth. I enjoyed this match: Punk shows his anger of the earlier segment of the show by forsaking his more conventional moves and ramming Truth into the ring posts, shoulder first. Also, Truth does some flipping about, and shows off more of his moves. I like Truth: he’s not the best wrestler, and he’s not main event material yet, but he’s improved droves since he first arrived, and he brings a good sense of positive energy, which is a good counter to the usual angry brooding. Punk defeats Truth, and then Mason Ryan gives the rapping one a shoulder-breaker, which I haven’t seen executed in forever. Not a bad match.
We follow this match with... another match. Huh! Raw reads my blog... It seems that the fired Dolph Ziggler is no longer fired, and has been hired by Raw. And he’s going to have a match with John Morrison. Well! I’m... impressed! This match is really good, in which the pair are given ample time to work. What more can I say? Good work, Raw. This almost makes me forgive you for wasting my time with Sheamus. Also, we get the news that Dolph’s manager, the also-previously fired Vickie (oh, good, that camera man really pulled through!), wasn’t part of the deal of signing Dolph, and that if she wants to keep her job, she must wrestle Trish Stratus next week. Uh... well, let’s live in the now. Good match, Morrison and Ziggler.
Once more into the breach for John Cena vs. The Rock in their verbal battle to the death. Cena declares that this will be the knock-out, and since Rocky hated his previous rap so much... this time, he’ll do hip-hop instead! That got a laugh out of me. Oh, Cena, I can’t stay mad at you. So we get another Dr. Seuss-esque lambasting of the Rock, which is pretty decent. And then, just as Cena wraps up (or should I say, raps up?), the Miz appears to beat John over the head with his WWE Championship belt. The Miz then does something which I’ve been dying for him to do for weeks: point out that every time Cena and the Rock exchange insults, it always ends with the Miz assaulting John. With this being the case, it would be far more prudent for John to stop worrying about the Rock and start worrying about the Miz.
...Holy cow, the writers really /are/ reading my blog...
Miz then turns to the camera and addresses the Rock. “We haven’t been properly introduced...” He tells the Rock to stop trying to muscle into his screen time (not in so many words, but that’s the idea), and that the Rock should know his role, and shut his mouth. How many times has the Rock told you to stop stealing his catch phrases, Miz-kind? And then, just to cap things off, Miz gives us his rendition of the People’s Elbow to John Cena, who gets to know what it’s been like for people to lie down for the Five Knuckle Shuffle all these years.
What can I say: after the debacle that was last week’s episode, Raw really pulled it out of the bag this time. We had a good showing by Undertaker, , I got to see JBL Stone Cold got to drink some beer, we had a four good matches of solid wrestling, including a surprisingly decent Divas match, and they finally shifted the Miz back into the spotlight. Thumbs up, Raw. Good showing all around. Let’s see if you can keep this...
“Next week on Raw, we’ll have our special guest star, Snooki!”
Damn your eyes, Raw. Damn your eyes...
No comments:
Post a Comment