"You Complete Me."

Before I actually get to the Smackdown review, there is something that needs addressing. I keep getting told by the promo commercials for Wrestlemania that the Triple H vs Undertaker match is going to be the biggest ever. That the very foundations of the Earth shall crumble under the sheer seismic force exerted from their punches, and the angels shall weep as one of their gods must fall. I would have an easier time buying this if the match was actually pushed, promoted, or acted upon by those involved! Aside from their little stare down at the beginning of March, Taker and Hunter haven’t even been in the same ring together! There’s no emotion there at all:  they haven’t stepped on one another’s feet, there has been no one-upmanship, and, in fact, neither of them have been in action at. They keep telling me that they’re here to put on the biggest match of all time, but so far, they’ve done nothing to make me believe that this is true! Aside from a few stage-setting promos from our two contenders, the only other source of exposition is coming from the floating head of Shawn Michaels providing analysis of the match up. You don’t need to tell me about these two being good. I /know/ they’re good! What I want to see is these two trying to prove to each other how good they are, and how the other doesn’t have a hope in the world of beating him! I bring this up because we went an entire week without an appearance by Triple H or Undertaker to lead up to Wrestlemania. We’re getting down to crunch time, where we desperately need a reason to care about this match, and we don’t even get to see them on the air? Why? Given the performing abilities of both these men, I know that they could be doing so much better than they are now with this rivalry, and yet, the whole thing is as stagnant as swamp water. All this is right now is filler, not a storyline. You have two weeks to get me invested in this thing, WWE, and you’d better pick up the slack, because there’s a lot of room to cover.

Now, on to your regularly scheduled programming.

This episode of Smackdown has a lot of wrestling, with very few talking segments. I’m not inclined to complain, though, in spite of my previous rant about the lack of interaction. Granted, a lot of the matches are shorter in order to pack them all in, but most of them had a point, helped build up the storylines, and generally provided a more action packed show than we’ve seen for a while, which kept me motivated and energized throughout the show.

Our evening of Smackdown opens with Edge vs. Brodus Clay. I noticed that recently, Edge has been going back to a lot of his old entrance mannerisms: first, he brought back the goofy sunglasses, and now he’s taken to squatting on either side of the stage before going down the ramp for the usual rocker pose. I wonder if this is to slight ever further away from the Master Manipulator persona and back to his less crazy days in order to further cement his status as a face. Brodus Clay enters... from behind Alberto Del Rio, who is totally blocking him from the camera. Del Rio, I like you, but blocking bugs me.

The match, much to my surprise, is mostly run by Brodus, while Edge gets a few moves in for every five he takes. I’m not certain if this was intentional, but I think the idea was to let Clay try and show more of his ring-work and try to get him over with the audience in terms of making us care. To his credit, Clay isn’t as lost in the ring as I initially thought: he can keep the pacing up, and while he doesn’t have a huge move set, he doesn’t just throw punches or lurch about. The match still seems slow, but I attribute that to Edge taking more of a beating and not returning in kind. Once Edge does get the upper hand, Alberto tries to interfere, but is stopped once again by Captain Charisma, Christian. Edge Spears Clay and wins, but all the attention is on Christian and Alberto fighting at ringside. I do hope that this leads to a Triple Threat at Wrestlemania, because right now, most of the anger and animosity is between Christian and Del Rio, rather than with Edge. Our fearless GM Teddy Long says that this has gone on long enough, and that the two men need to settle their differences, one on one. And to ensure that the match has no interference, it is to be a Steel Cage match. That’s how I solve all my personal problems too.

We get a backstage scene of Kane and Big Show, getting ready for their Tag Team Title match against Ginger and Mary Ann later in the evening. Show tries to do the impossible and reason with Kane about how they should put aside their differences and work together to take care of the Corre. Whereupon Kane tries to choke Show. Yeah, really should have seen that coming. Show responds in kind, and the two men break their holds. Kane laughs, telling Big Show, “You complete me.” Kane, this is exactly why all of your relationships fail. Tell them that they complete you first, and /then/ try and Chokeslam them. Big Show aptly replies, “You are one crazy man.” Yes, Show. Yes he is. Now have him set Gabriel on fire.

Our next match is a Champion vs. Champion match, with Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston facing off against our new United States Champion, Sheamus. I could help but feel pleased seeing this match happen. I watched both of these guys start out with the WWE, with no real personalities, rusty ring work, and generally boring matches. And now, we have one of the top heels and top faces, who’s styles have evolved to provide entertaining fights, who are both over with the crowd, and are our US and IC Champions. I thought it was poignant. And, true to my previous introspection, this match is pretty darned awesome as well. The two play off one another’s styles very well, with Sheamus providing the power moves and Kofi doing the flipping about. The pacing is exceptional, and there are little to no pauses as the two exchange counters and moves, constantly building up the move sets and keeping the crowd engaged and guessing. They take it outside the ring, but not too long, and giving just enough heavy hitting to provide dramatic effect (like Kofi taking the ring-steps to the knee). Finally, Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick and gets the win. Great match. Could have been a little longer, but for what it was, it was solid. Seriously, Kofi just keeps getting better: if you look at where he was two years ago, and compare those matches to the matches he’s had with Jack Swagger last fall, with Del Rio, and now with Sheamus, the change is noticeable and for the better. I’d love to see him take another crack at a storyline with a main eventer (mostly, I just want to see him kick Orton in the head again).

More adventures with the No-Longer-Dashing Cody Rhodes, who once again has gone to the ring wearing a suit rather than ring wear. I’m still not sold on this. But, he is now also wearing a black towel over his head as he walks to the ring. I assume he got the idea from when Kane first lost his mask. Anyways, he’ll be fighting Trent Baretta, who doesn’t get to do much in this, for Cody will be doing more manic stomping tonight. I did like how he timed the start of the match, though, with his back to Barretta until the bell rang, whereupon he whipped the towel off and then went ballistic. The match is nothing special, and is over quickly. I’m a little disappointed, because Rhodes is pretty good in the ring, which is why I’m really looking forward to his match with Rey, and I had hoped to see more of that leading into Wrestlemania. Still, I know what it is they’re going for, with trying to establish Cody as a psycho, so at least these jobbing matches have a point.

The obligatory women’s match for the evening is Layla and Kelly Kelly. Because why would we want to see anything other than the same match over and over again? Seriously, I want a Beth Phoenix match. Or anyone else other than LayCool and Kelly Kelly. The match is over quickly and efficiently, with Layla winning and me still not caring. The only highlight here was Michelle on commentary slamming Snooki and earning a few chuckles from me.

In a great moment of transition, we go from a mediocre match to the Corre! The irony is just staggering. We have Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater defending their Tag Team titles against the Big Show and Kane. This match will highlight every single problem I have with the Corre, and specifically with Slater and Gabriel. The match consists entirely of Kane and Show carrying the other two, who get in one or two chop-blocks to the giant men’s legs and pretending that this is devastating. Which it might be, if they actually tried to do anything other than chop-blocks or leg shots. But that’s all we get, because that’s all either man can do. They don’t try anything else, they don’t expand upon this limited move set, they just do the same thing over and over again. As such, any real action is provided by their opponents. I wouldn’t be too critical of this, as it can be hard to have a diverse match with guys like the Big Show simply due to their size, but the fact is that this has been going on for /all/ of Slater/Gabriel’s matches. They do jack, their opponents do everything, and I remain un-entertained. Furthermore, once Big Show actually provides some momentum to this match, we have Gabriel getting their team disqualified. Gee, a Corre/Nexus match that ended in disqualification! God knows I’ve never seen that before. Otherwise, they’d have actually have to wrestle and put on a good match with a satisfying ending, and that would rupture the laws of nature, casting us all into a black abyss! Further, we then have the appearance of Barrett and Jackson to do the actual dirty work. I am extremely impressed by Barrett, who manages to give Big Show the Wasteland. Also, he and Jackson managed to flapjack Show through the announce table. Which makes me ask, if all the interesting things with this rivalry can be done with Barrett, why isn’t he the one with one of the Tag Belts? He’s the only one in the Corre with a personality, the only one with an expanded skill set, the only one who’s managed to put on a match that I’d consider enjoyable, and the only one who actually deserves to be on the show! Stop wasting my time with the mediocre members and give me the exceptional one!

Cole tells us that these four men have made a statement here tonight. Yes they have. Unfortunately, I doubt it’s the statement that was intended.

Next match: Jack Swagger and Chris Masters. This is another short one, designed primarily to get Swagger back in the eye of the audience to set up for his being in Cole’s corner at Wrestlemania. There’s not really a lot to say about this one, other than I’m happy to see Swagger win again, even if it is to build for something where he doesn’t really have anything on the line. He kind of got left at the wayside after his Heavyweight Champion run last summer, and this run will help put some wind back in his sails.

Another match, this time with Rey Mysterio and Ted Dibiase. Oh, Ted. Remember when you were the one who was going to come out of Legacy and get the big push? And now not only is Cody the one going to Wrestlemania with a storyline of his very own, you get to wrestle on a show that’s not even yours to set up his match. All because you’re boring. I do feel a little bad for Ted, because so much was expected of him, but his total lack of a personality and emotion has just killed any interest that people might have had for him. Sorry, Ted, but “being rich” is no longer a plot point compelling enough to make me take you seriously. Take a tip from Cody, and tweak your primer gimmick to make it more deep. Anyways, the match is decent, if short, with Rey picking up the win.

And now, main event time, with Alberto Del Rio and Christian in a Steel Cage. And damn, this was a great match. It used the cage atmosphere for everything it was worth in terms of story-telling potential. Highlights were definitely when Del Rio was trying to suplex Christian off the top rope while Christian was holding onto the cage wall for dear life. The tension in a moment like that, where you aren’t certain who’s going to win out, is what makes a match like this worth it. There were several near escapes which kept you guessing, like when Christian succeeded in hitting the Kill Switch, only to have Del Rio kick out at two. I also enjoyed watching Del Rio try and toss Christian into the wall like a javelin, as I’m easily amused like that. The ending was special as well, taking what seemed like a surefire win for Del Rio as he climbed over the top of the cage, complicated it with Christian catching up to him, and then hooking Alberto’s arm in one of the links to permit Christian to drop to the floor for the win. I’m not certain that the arm-hooking was explicit enough, as I missed it happening entirely until I saw Del Rio just hanging there after Christian had already escaped, but whatever.

Naturally, Del Rio is none too happy about this, and is about to tear Christian a new one when we here Edge, sitting inside one of Del Rio’s cars, which he keeps at ringside (really, if you can’t even be bothered to lock the doors, Alberto, you’re begging for this sort of thing to happen). Edge teases with us, insinuating that he’d really, really like to damage the vehicle, while Del Rio pleads for him not to. The suspense is well kept, especially when Edge is about to take a chair to the sides of the car, when Brodus Clay comes out and stops the potential vandal (and hopefully earning himself a raise from his mentor). With his car no longer in peril, Del Rio dashes over and teaches Edge to try and mess with his stuff like that. Our show ends with Edge in a heap, and Del Rio glowering over him (also as an aside: Del Rio didn’t enter with his trademark grin tonight).

This was a decent show. A lot of matches, a lot of action. There were a few too many short, predictable matches for my liking, such as Cody vs. Barretta and Swagger vs. Masters, but they didn’t kill the momentum. Highlights included the Kofi vs. Sheamus match and the Cage Match in the main event. Also, given that they keep giving Christian the nod over Del Rio, I really don’t know if they are considering expanding the Wrestlemania match, or if they’re saving this for a rivalry afterwards. The only problem I had with the lack of promo time was that we didn’t really get to expand upon our plotlines other than what we already knew, but as the plots are pretty solid already, I’m not too concerned. See, unlike with the Undertaker vs. Triple H match, most of the Smackdown plots for Wrestlemania are already expanded on in intensity, motivation, and interest, so there isn’t too terribly much more work they have to do with them to get me invested. With two weeks to go, I can expect good things coming out for the blue brand.