Dangit, I almost got the Raw review up before the week was over, but there was just so much to cover that I had to think about it, and then time ran short… yeah.
Raw opens in the best possible way it ever could: with Mick Foley coming out to the ring. I make no bones about Mick being my favorite wrestler of all time. I know that the smarks take a chunk out of him saying that he’s only a stuntman and can’t actually wrestle (which is malarkey, by the way. Watch his matches with Hunters Hearst Helmsly in 1996 in their feud), but he does so many other things right. His promo skills are nigh on unmatched, as he can nail any emotion or feeling that he wants to get across: he can be a cuddly teddy bear or a terrifying mad man holding a plank of wood wrapped in barbed wire. He’s an ace at making other people look good and putting them over with the crowd: The Rock and Triple H got both of their big breaks after working with Mick (and, in fact, both men won their first WWF Championships in matches against him), he can be credited with saving the Undertaker’s character in the mid nineties, and assisted with the pushes of Orton and Edge. And to all those detractors who say he can only do hardcore matches: even if that were true (which it isn’t), the fact remains that his hardcore matches are exceptional. A lot of people don’t understand that there’s just as much of an art to a hardcore match as there is to a wrestling match. A good wrestling match isn’t just about hitting moves, it’s about hitting the right move at the right time, setting a good pace and speed, conveying emotion and character, and keeping the audience invested and interested in what happens next. A hardcore match is the same way, only instead of consisting of just wrestling moves, it uses weapons. Compare a Mick Foley hardcore match (for instance, with Edge at Wrestlemania 22) against a Randy Orton vs. John Cena hardcore match in 2009, and you’ll see a noticeable difference and attention to quality in the former.
Oh, right, the show.
Mick is out here tonight (right here, in Anaheim!) to say that although he was previously happy to be more or less of a cameo role, he’s decided he once one more shot at things, so that his younger children can see their dad in action. As such, he’s putting in his name for consideration in the Royal Rumble. Hey, if Triple H and Diesel can have a match when they’re well past their prime, Foley definitely can. Not to mention that I still hold out hope for Foley/Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Unfortunately for Mick, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie are feeling heelish tonight, and as it’s standard that Legends receive a verbal lashing from younger wrestlers, Dolph is here to do the honors. I like how Dolph handles this promo. The subject matter is the usual: accusing Mick of wanting to steal spots from other wrestlers, and just feeding an ego trip (which Mick completely agrees with, which I thought was funny), but Dolph starts off with an incredulous attitude, giving logical arguments, and then slowly builds to outright anger, delivering more personal insults. It’s a good display of emotion from Dolph, who usually just relies on being cocky and smarmy rather than giving a spectrum. Mick returns in kind, saying that Dolph misunderstands: he’s not just going to the Royal Rumble to get a cheap pop, he’s looking to win. Again, Mick’s promos always deliver the right emotion, both in facial expression and in tone. Dolph responds by yelling at Mick to just go away.
Thankfully for Mick, CM Punk comes out the ring. I would totally watch a show consisting solely of Mick and Punk. Punk is out to defend Mick, saying that neither of them are conventional wrestlers, which is true, and claims that at least they never hid behind a woman, which isn’t necessarily true (remember Serena, Punk?). Punk continues to do the general insulting of Dolph as his challenger at the Royal Rumble, which isn’t bad, but coming after the emotion-packed promos we just had, it seems a bit lacking (but this will be made up for later in the show) . Naturally, John Laurinaitis comes out to put an end to the fun, saying that in spite of speculation that he is up to no good by making himself the ref at the Royal Rumble, he intends to prove haters wrong. Unfortunately, he doesn’t prove this hater wrong, as he says that the answer to Mick’s attempt to get into the Rumble is “No.” Lame, John. At least Vickie has some fun with it by cackling in Mick’s face at his misfortune. Vickie is allowed on the show dedicated to Punk and Foley in the role of the villain.
The first actual match of the night is between Epico and Primo vs. Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. Now, due to a rather unorthodox piece of writing, it would appear that Epico and Primo won the tag titles at a house show the weekend before Raw. Why they wouldn’t just have the team win /on/ Raw is something of a mystery. It should also be noted that the day after Raw, Evan Bourne was suspended again for something or rather, so this whole title swap was more or less enforced at gunpoint, whether anyone wanted it or not. So this match constitutes the rematch clause, and true as the last few times out, it’s a very solid match. The tags are good, the speed is good, there’s just very little to complain about. Epico and Primo win, and thus the writers are allowed to shuffle Evan out in a plot convenient matter, but I still worry. The tag teams were on the up and up, and I believe Air Boom was a big part of that, providing the speed and likability needed to garner interest again. Losing Air Boom means losing another team, and as there’s only the Usos left as a regular team, I wonder if any more teams will be invented to make up the loss.
The next match is one of far more substance: Jack Swagger vs. Zack Ryder for the United States Championship. It seems that since his mauling from Kane last week, Ryder is in more than a bit of pain, evidenced from his bandaged ribs. Backstage, he tells Josh Matthews that even though he’s not 100%, he’s not going to just forfeit his title (though really, he ought not have to. After all, Beth has been away for a while, and she’s still Divas Champion). Eve tries to talk him out of it, before deciding that, if he’s going to go for it, then she’ll go with him. I like how this romance has been written: Eve isn’t smitten with Zack, and is in many ways his superior, but she has slowly warmed up to him, and now seems to respect him in a way, further emphasized by Zack’s own attempt at truly being someone by not letting his dream die without a fight. The match starts, and it really is a squash match. It’s about five minutes long, and most of it is just Swagger beating on Zack. Jack hits about thee Gutwrench Powerbombs before finally getting the pin (which kind of negates the Gutwrench as a devastating finisher, as Zack kicks out twice). So Jack Swagger is the new US Champion, and unlike 90% of the internet, I’m not unhappy with this. I know that Zack Ryder worked to get this Title, but really, so did Jack. He too worked his way up from obscurity, and has been putting on good matches longer than Zack. And it’s not like Ryder is getting buried here. In fact, his loss is making him look more good than his success did. He bravely decided to in and risk his title in spite of not being in good condition, and looked like a man who’s not afraid of anything, even when he knows he might lose. Also, I’m inclined to believe that although Ryder has a solid fanbase, he’s not completely over with the mainstream just yet; if you don’t really get Ryder’s character and what he’s going for, you’re not going to be able to cheer for him full-heartedly. I hardly think this is the end for Ryder, and again, I’m happy for Swagger, who has more than earned another push.
Backstage after the match, Zack is being attended to by the doctors when Laurinaitis runs up and apologizes, as it would seem he had a letter the moment the match started from the medical officials, which stated Zack was, in fact, not cleared to compete. Eve tears a chunk out of the GM, and how awesome is Eve in this scene? I’ve said before what a great screen presence Eve is: she can turn on her serious face with great ease, and you believe that what she says, she means. Also, when John tells Eve to shut up, the audience reaction definitely echoes that they are firmly on Eve’s side here, and that they’re behind her standing up for herself and her friends.
After Eve asserting herself as a strong female capable of standing up for what she belives in, we get a tag match between Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox vs. the Bellas, with special guest announcer Perez Hilton. I prefer to pretend this didn’t happen, and shall embrace Eve sticking it to the man. The good guys win, for those interested.
Out to the ring now is R-Truth to do some pre-Royal Rumble boasting. I think Truth has made the transition back to a face pretty smoothly, having taken some of the things he did as a heel and tinkering with them a bit. His usual reaction to the “What!” chant with “Don’t What me!” was then followed with, “Fine, What me!” He’s also toned down the extreme craziness of his character and transitioned more to a witty, humorous style (kind of like with face Edge). Unfortunately for Truth, Wade Barrett doesn’t like Truth’s blathering, and tells him so. I do love how the two of them play off one another: both men are tough guys, witty, and unafraid, but Barrett’s style is more snide, while Truth’s is more off kilter. Barrett adds his two cents to his being the next Royal Rumble winner, when Truth, of all things, asks if he can show his slide show from his trip to Disneyland. Only Truth can get away with something like that and having it work. There are a few pictures of him with Mickey and Donald, and then one with Pinnochio, who’s nose grows after Truth tells him that Wade Barrett is going to win the Royal Rumble (IE, it’s a lie). I thought this was a clever promo for Truth: it’s different from the usual grain and goes the full mile with an absurd subject matter to make it work in a wrestling context. Both Barrett and the Miz, who runs into the ring, apparently prefer Warner Brothers, as they start stomping on Truth, until Sheamus appears to save the day. Things go on until Teddy Long, of all people, comes out and organizes a match (why Laurinaitis felt he wasn’t up this announcement is beyond me). Thankfully, Teddy doesn’t go the obvious route by making a tag match, instead making it an over the top rope challenge. Way to keep us guessing, Teddy. The match itself is not a bad affair, considering that it only had four people and was about five minutes. The first third of the match is, of course, bad guys on good guys, until Miz betrays Wade and helps throw him out. Once again, Miz keeps finding little ways to make himself a better villain. He hasn’t gotten a lot of mic time recently, but cheap shots like this helps his cause, not to mention furthers the notion that you simply can’t team with the Miz and not have him betray you. Sheamus eventually eliminates Miz, but then winds up getting tossed out by Truth, who wins the match. I have to say, seeing Truth as the last man standing was a bit surreal, especially considering everyone else in the match has more immediate star power than him. I doubt Truth will win the actual Rumble, but I thought this was a neat moment to make R-Truth look good in the ring.
Backstage, Cena barges into Laurinaitis’s office, furious that his BFF Ryder was sent out tonight in spite of not being medically cleared. Surely, there is nothing more terrifying than an angry Cena, because if that man ever did decide to kill you, what chance would you stand? The GM tries to placate Cena by telling him he’ll get his match against Kane at the Royal Rumble, which is a bit interesting: generally, if you have an actual match at the PPV, you’re not in the actual Rumble (though this is admittedly not a hard and fast rule). I suppose it makes sense that Cena isn’t in it, as he’s already got his match at Wrestlemania, but I always enjoy watching Kane in the Rumble. Also, in order to let John vent more of his aggression, Laurinaitis is giving him a match against Swagger tonight. It doesn’t really seem fair to feed Swagger to Cena here, but someone has to take the fall.
The match is a complete 180 of the one Swagger had earlier. Cena lays waste to Swagger before the bell even rings, and while I don’t care for Swagger having to be destroyed after just winning the title, it makes sense given where Cena is mentally, and if Cena feels like destroying things, who’s going to say no? And that right there is what I love about this storyline: Cena has been driven to destroy things because of the games Kane is playing with him. The whole thing makes Kane look good, because his realization that he can’t just beat hate into Cena has led him to take different, more successful routes, and his ability to not only be smart enough to find a different plan, but one that works, makes it clear that Kane is an evil genius. It also works for Cena, because even though he’s started to embrace more dark matters, it’s not because he’s doing a freak heel turn, but because he cares about his friends and doesn’t want to see them hurt. You can still sympathize with him, and have more investment in what happens. After Cena finishes destroying Jack, Kane appears on the Titantron and says he’s pleased that Cena is “getting it.” No evil laughter though, which is a pity, because Kane is extremely good at that.
And now, the main event: the team of Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, and David Otunga vs. Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, and Chris Jericho. The internet exploded at the announcement of the latter team. The match itself is almost a side show, because the main interest in this one is how much story is going on. With the exception of Otunga, who’s kind of just here as a lackey, everyone has something going for them, with Bryan’s impending heel turn, and Mark Henry almost becoming the face of their rivalry as a result, Ziggler trying to get a one up on Punk, while Punk tries to fight a mountain of odds, and Jericho… is Jericho. The fact that Team Good Guy has very few true good guys in it is cool, especially considering that we started the road to Wrestlemania with Punk, Bryan, and Ryder on a team bathed in triumph. How things change. I’m pleased with how the match is paced: it starts off with Bryan, who gets in some work against Ziggler and Otunga, and then Punk gets some time into the match, before tagging in Jericho… who leaves, grinning brightly, and happily goes back stage, leaving his team stunned. I love that every week, Jericho has done something completely unexpected. It makes watching the show infinitely more interesting.
So the match is now two on three, and the odds are about to get worse. Mark Henry and Daniel Bryan begin to fight, when Bryan slaps Henry, who just stares at him with a “Bitch, please” look. Bryan, realizing that this won’t end well, decides to begin running away, with an irate Henry in pursuit. This was a great moment for both characters, as it helps us realize that Mark Henry, in spite of being injured for about a month, is still not a guy to mess with, and he will kill you it enters his mind, and it helps Bryan’s cowardly, naïve heel character as he can’t quite back up his claims of being a “fighting champion” when the going gets tough. This leaves Punk to fight against Ziggler and Otunga, until who should come to the rescue but Mick Foley! There is no other person I would want to come to my aid in case of danger. Foley gets the hot tag to Punk, and lays a beating on Otunga, hitting the Double Arm DDT and getting the Mandible Claw for the win. I would have preferred it if the win came against Ziggler, as it would help vindicate Mick for Dolph’s earlier insults, but Dolph can’t afford to lose going into his title match, and a Foley win in a Foley win.
OR IS IT?!
John Laurinaitis comes out and in spite of Mick’s claims to the referee that the GM gave him the okay to be part of the match, John says he said no such thing, and thus the match results are reversed. Punk, finally having enough of all this, lays into Laurinaitis, claiming that the way the GM tries to act like he’s doing the right thing, when under the surface he’s nothing but a liar and cheat, is sickening, and that even though Laurinaitis might screw Punk over at the Rumble, he’ll still have to live with the fact that he’ll never be as successful as the Straight Edge Superstar. This is the kind of Punk rant I’ve been wanting for the last couple of weeks. He’s not focused on the “you’re boring, you suck” talking point, he’s airing actual grievances. His anti-authority character works when there’s authority to rebel against, and thanks to John’s actions over the last week, and the attempted cover up of every turn, it throws fuel on Punk’s fire about how the establishment is corrupt. These are the types of issues that got Punk over in the first place, because so many people can relate to what he’s saying, and when he strikes back against it, we can sympathize. Punk calling people boring is just Punk blowing his own horn. The cause in this promo is more generally relatable, and more effective as a result. Laurinaitis finally snaps, admitting that he’s planning on screwing over Punk at the Rumble, because he’s sick of being bullied week in and week out, and just wants some respect. The blow up here was a nice touch, if only because seeing the usual stoic Laurinaitis explode is such a shocker that you feel that he’s being sincere, in spite of his raspy semi-monotone. And just to make sure everyone knows he’s for serious, he hits Foley with the mic. I would feel bad, but this is Mick Foley we’re talking about, and a mere mic shot to the head isn’t going to stop him. Puny mortals.
Thus another successful Monday Night Raw. The storylines are exceptional, and I’m impressed with how they’re being built on every week. Cena/Kane has a nice build, the weeks of confrontation between Punk and Laurinaitis finally paid off, and the mid card gang of Ryder, Swagger, Barrett, Truth, Miz, and Sheamus all get to out and show what they’re made of every week. If I had one complaint, it’s that I don’t feel enough attention is being paid to Ziggler in the title scene, and for that matter, the Rumble match itself is not being talked about as much as it ought to. But hey, any episode with Mick Foley in it is automatically golden.
And should you be wondering: I will not be doing a review of the last Smackdown episode in Vegas, because it was an abomination and I’m going to try and forget that it happened. Just take my rants from previous episodes and turn them up a notch.
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