Last Smackdown before the Royal Rumble, literally hours before the Royal Rumble!
Smackdown does the right thing and opens the show with its strengths. Specifically, the Big Show, who is still distraught over the run in he had with AJ. What I like about Show’s character is that he feels bad when something like this happen. A lesser face would have just been blaming Bryan for the ordeal, but with Show, his remorse makes him more human and more likeable as a hero. Show tells us that he’s talked to AJ, who has accepted his apology, but he’s still concerned, as this isn’t an isolated incident, and worries about hurting more people unintentionally. I think it’s a bit late in the game to go the route of not knowing your own strength, but I get what they’re going for on an emotional level. Thus, Show is considering hanging up his boots for good after the Rumble. I’m never entirely sure how legitimate these things are, but given that Show has been around for a good while, and that this would be a convenient way to write him out, it’s something to think about. World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan, on the other hand, isn’t pleased with just a consideration of retirement; he comes out to the ring and demands that if Show was truly repentant, he would quit before the Rumble. I love how there’s a double edge to Bryan here: does he want Show to leave for what he did to AJ, or is it because he just plain doesn’t want to face Show at the Rumble? Bryan then continues to insult the giant, calling him a genetic freak, and heatedly telling him that he’s no Andre the Giant. I have to say, while I hated how spontaneous the character change for Bryan was, it has paid off big time. His dialogue is snappier, he seems more comfortable in his delivery, and he just has more to say altogether. Some people just have a talent for playing the jerk, and I think Bryan has that down. However, Big Show isn’t a complete softy, and informs Bryan that he’s an arrogant jackass, and although what happened to AJ was an accident, what will happen to Bryan in their Steel Cage Match will not be. That’s the line that trailers are made out of.
Of course, the Championship match is a Triple Threat, and as such, out comes Mark Henry to add his two cents. Notice how the Smackdown title scene, in spite of it’s numerous other flaws, does the right thing compared to Raw and actively makes all the contenders for the Championship important, with enough screen and mic time to make sure that everyone has emotional investment. Mark apologizes for breaking up this soap opera, but he doesn’t care about Big Show’s hurt feelings, or Bryan’s Napoleon complex. I realize that all three men here are doing what their characters do best: Show is being loveable yet tough, Bryan is being a cringing jerk, and Henry is being bad ass and pithy. Henry is still angry about what happened in his official rematch last week (probably the only salvageable thing out of the whole show), and doesn’t feel like waiting until Sunday to take a chunk out of Bryan, who does his best Flair impression by putting up his hands. Thankfully, Teddy Long is here to do what he does best and to stop the threat of anything interesting breaking out. Teddy thinks that since, in the last few weeks, Bryan has had to fight both Show and Henry, it’s only fair that tonight, Big Show and Mark Henry have a match. I love the expression Daniel Bryan has on his face here: he looks so unexpectedly pleased with how this panned out.
Our first match of the night is Cody Rhodes vs. Justin Gabriel. I notice they keep pairing Cody up with random mid carders while they try to see who warrants a push and who doesn’t. Gabriel is still lacking in the personality department, but give him credit, this match was better than a lot of other Gabriel outings. The action was split pretty evenly between both Cody and Gabriel, and Gabriel actually had more moves than just the 350 Splash, which is always nice. However, Cody wins cleanly with the Cross Rhodes, and with no subsequent shenanigans or microphone exchanges, I don’t know if this rivalry is going to go anywhere, or whether it will just vanish like every other rivalry that Cody has sparked over the last few months.
And now for something completely different: Drew McIntyre in a match that doesn’t make him look like a bitch. That is, he’s fighting Sheamus tonight, and thank you, booking staff. The (primary) problem with Drew’s losses thus far is that they’re losses to people who aren’t that great in the ring, aren’t going anywhere, or, in the case of Santino, make me want to gouge my eyes out in frustration. Even with the storyline of his being on a losing streak, it makes Drew look weaker than he really needs to be. Now, with fighting someone like Sheamus, a loss doesn’t look as bad, because not only will the match be better than one against Santino could ever be, but it doesn’t make Drew look like a wimp. And sure enough, the match is a good one. Another thing that impresses me with both Sheamus and Drew is how fast they are for men their size. The speed and pacing of the match is very fast, and for a brawl style match, that’s definitely needed, just to avoid it being a simple exchange of punches, and instead have it come off as a fight. Also, I think Drew gets in more technical moves than he usually does, though that might be my imagination. Sheamus wins with the Brogue Kick, but again, I don’t mind, because the match was good, both men performed very well, and God knows it was the first decent match up that both Sheamus and Drew have had in the last few weeks.
And then Yoshi Tatsu and Santino have a tag match against Epico and Primo. I’m going to keep this paragraph to only two sentences, because that’s as much thought as I’m going to give to a team of Yoshi Tatsu and Santino.
I also find myself in a bit of a quandary. It would appear that Randy Orton is back, and is slated to have a match against Wade Barrett tonight. Now, granted I’m glad that Orton’s injury wasn’t too terribly severe, but I’m still not Orton’s biggest fan, and not entirely pleased to see him back. Especially not prior to the Royal Rumble, because I could see them bringing him back prematurely before he’s fully healed so that he can win the Rumble, and then just skirt around his being in the ring (like they’ve done with Mark Henry) until Wrestlemania. On the flip side, Smackdown, as of late, has lost nearly all credibility. Outside of a few bright notes, it does not have a “main show” feel, mainly due to the abundance of mediocre mid carders and lack of main event material (when are Rey and Christian due back?), and as such, even having Orton back offers some kind of relief. It’s a tainted sort of blessing, but one I suppose I’ll have to take.
Prior to said match, Wade Barrett continues to abuse his Titantron powers and once again reshows the montage of him throwing Orton down a flight of stairs. I’d like to know where Wade got permission to keep hijacking the Titantron for his own gain: he definitely uses it more than anyone else. Even though Orton is back, Wade claims he’s not frightened, declaring Orton a mere shell of his former self, and shrugging off all concerns. Unfortunately, when Orton does indeed come down the ramp, Barrett suddenly puts on a shocked look of surprise and concern, which I don’t understand. He knew Orton was there, so why is this coming as such a stunner? Also, the fact that he’s afraid here, in spite of just saying that he didn’t think Orton was a threat anymore, doesn’t make sense, because Orton has yet to make it clear that he is indeed still a threat. Thus, Barrett’s speech seconds prior was kind of pointless. Had Orton’s return not been hyped, and he had walked in on Barrett’s speech unexpectedly, then I could get the kind of shock Wade has right here. Also, just in case I had any real nostalgia about an Orton appearance, he comes in, devoid of any apparent anger at the man who cost him a month, and starts delivering punches and kicks. Again, had this not been billed as an actual match, and was instead just a triumphant return, I wouldn’t have minded. But to claim that this is one of the main events, and then not even have the match start, means that the show just lied to me about what I was getting when tuning in. Also, Orton has to be restrained by four other guys, and after Barrett dashes away, Orton methodically RKOs each of the people guarding him, only he waits roughly twenty seconds in between each RKO, so the fact that the guys are sitting there and taking it instead of just leaving the ring is absurd. Thus Randy Orton’s return: not much has changed in a month.
At least the next match is, in fact, a match, even if it is Hunico vs. Ted Dibiase. I honestly wonder if the writers believe that there is some kind of fanbase somewhere for this rivalry, or if they’re running it out because there’s nothing else. The match is mercifully short, but I have the same problem with Hunico and Ted that I have with Jinder Mahal and Justin Gabriel. Yes, they might have some moves, and they might have some talent, but they have no emotion, no punch, nothing to keep my eyes on the screen. Their matches are methodical paint-by-numbers style, with no character or personality behind them. They do a series of moves because the match calls for a series of moves, not because it’s what the character would do in this situation, or what the wrestler wants to accomplish at a certain moment in time. It’s just bland, plain and simple. Hunico wins, and afterwards, he and his little buddy (who’s name I refuse to learn until I am given a reason to care about his existence) proceed to beat up on Ted outside of the ring. Again, Hunico and Ted are given a building rivalry, and Cody Rhodes and Sheamus are not. Think about that.
Next, we have another Brodus Clay squash match. Again, I am definitely marking out for Clay, but he really needs to have an actual match. Personally, I think the max you can have a guy run out for a squash match every week is two, and not only is Clay on his third, but he’s being run out on each show, so his act has already gotten monotonous. I’m just afraid that they’re going to drop the ball on a great gimmick due to overexposure and failure to capitalize. I’m sure they know what they’re doing, but still. Tonight, Clay is set to fight Alex Riley, who is apparently alive. Good to see you, A-Ry! It’s odd that they’re fighting, because Riley is still a good guy, who is grooving along with the Funkasaurus as he enters, and attempts to do a few moves of his own before Brodus squishes him for the win. If nothing else, having Clay has permitted both William Regal and Alex Riley to actually have screen time, and for that, he is my hero.
Aksana vs. Natalya. Aksana wins with a roll up in literally two seconds. Be sad.
And now, our main event: Big Show vs. Mark Henry, with Daniel Bryan at ringside! Now, with the Royal Rumble just two days away, and with this rivalry being one of the more compelling things going on right now, you might think that it would be tricky to completely and utterly piss me off with a match like this. But hey, life’s full of surprises. Just in case you enjoyed not having your first main event of the show result in a good pay off, Smackdown has made sure that you double your fun, and have the actual main event do much of the same. The match only just starts before Henry is rolled out of the ring, and naturally, we go to commercials. When we come back, however, Bryan is attacking Big Show in the ring with a chair. It would seem that Henry was counted out during the commercials. Now, I’m not sure if something legitimately went wrong here, or if someone planned this, but to have your main event last less than five minutes is ridiculous, especially when you’re trying to put an accent on the action going into the second biggest PPV of the year. Now, if Henry did get injured somehow, and the match had to be cut short, that’s fine (again, I don’t really know what happened), but then, to not even show it on screen, when the show itself is taped and not reliant on commercial timing, is almost lazy. I’m sure you could have edited it in somehow with minimal difficulties, just to let the audience at home see what’s going on. So, with about five minutes left to kill, Bryan has taken to hitting Big Show with a chair. I suppose having Bryan show his true colors is some kind of compensation for not actually having a match. There is a neat moment as Show breaks out of the LeBell Lock and then Chokeslams Bryan, but honestly, it just doesn’t make up for a match that didn’t happen, especially when it’s the second time in the night where a much ballyhooed event turned out to be a major disappointment.
So that was Smackdown, and as per usual, there seemed to be more misses than hits. The failure of having two main events not actually occur is pretty major, and the fact that Santino still has screen time, the Divas match was two seconds, and Hunico vs. Dibiase is apparently still a thing really brings down the whole package. The only saving graces I can take from this is that Cody Rhodes is still great in everything he does, and Drew and Sheamus finally, finally got to have a good match.
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