Planet Funk: Just Outside of Parts Unkown and Dudleyville

With Monday Night Raw having a string of successes in the last few weeks, can it keep the momentum up?

Raw opens not in the ring, but in the parking lot out back, as Kane and Cena seem to have skipped the pleasantries and have gotten right to punching one another. I like this set up for a few reasons: though I usually prefer to start the show with talking points, I think both Cena and Kane have said as much as they can on the subject of one another to this point, so to start on the same note as the past few shows isn’t really necessary; it shows that the two of them have enough fuel in their feud to just want to pummel one another; it shows that Cena is either cracking in his claims that he doesn’t hate Kane, or at least is indicating that he’s had enough and is ready to get down to business; and it serves the same purpose as the usual talking points, in that it sets up the plot for the rest of the show. The two slug it out for a bit, until Cena whacks Kane on the knee with a crowbar. Even Kane can only take so much, and uses his powers to disappear, leaving Cena baffled in the parking lot.

The first actual match of the night is a tag match between Wade Barret and Jinder Majal vs. Santino and Sheamus. I actually missed this match, so I don’t have too much to say about it, other than I would enjoy one half of it far more than the other. One the one hand, I am glad that there is definitely a building rivalry between Sheamus and Wade, and are going to start having matches against one another. One the flip side… it’s Santino and Majal. I cannot get excited for any match with those two. Also, the finish, according to WWE.com, is that Santino finishes Majal with the Cobra. I’m sorry, but that sentence makes me sad on so many levels.

In the first of many backstage segments, Zack Ryder is talking to Eve about how weird it is nearly being dragged to hell the week before. I love that this passes for regular subject matter in the WWE. He then springs the  question on Eve if she will finally go on a date with him. Eve hesitates for a good while, which I like (it’d be hard to take a woman seriously if she dated someone as weird as Ryder without some reservations) before finally agreeing. But, she has a match scheduled with Beth Phoenix later in the evening. They both leave the shot, and who should creepily appear in a doorway at the back of the shot but Kane. There are few things more horrifying than being stalked by Kane, and I love that the WWE has realized his full potential again. He’s not just a monster heel who can go out week to week and crush things: he can play mind games, torture them, and then crush things. Also, the return of the mask just makes things better.

Our next match is a spontaneous Champion vs. Champion match, as World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan is set to fight Tag Team Champion Kofi Kingston. Now, with a set up like that, you could easily expect good things. Much like the Rhodes/Bryan match of last week, the two are more than capable of putting together a speedy, entertaining, and fun match, with Bryan providing the technical aspects and Kofi getting in the high flying. But for whatever reason, they decided to make this a squash match, in which Kofi barely gets going before Bryan puts him in the LeBell Lock (I finally decided to check the spelling), and taps out. I was disappointed, really, if only because this had the potential to be a pretty good match, and it just wasn’t realized. Also disappointed that Kofi, in spite of being over with the crowd, is still being held back in his singles opportunities. At any rate, Bryan is celebrating in his usual over-the-top style, which involves a lot of chanting “Yes!” and acting like it’s the first time, which I have come to like. The intentional overkill of his celebrations is heelish in nature without being too cliché about it: it still plays in with his being an underdog and not expecting to win, but now is taking the notion and making it almost absurd. It’s definitely amusing, and ups my opinion of Bryan a bit. At any rate, Big Show comes out to the ring, but before he can say anything, Daniel Bryan halts him and says that he too is absolutely sickened by how their title match on Smackdown ended in a DQ (which, if you consider how he did the usual celebration thing after the match regardless, is baloney), and says that he’s more than willing to give Show a rematch. The angle of making Bryan a potentially nice bad guy is both interesting and fun to watch, if only because Bryan amps up his naivety intentionally and looks like a guy trying to pretend he’s done nothing wrong. Show is happy Bryan agrees, because their match will be a No DQ match to assure no further screw ups happen. Bryan looks less than pleased. I, on the other hand, am very pleased.

Backstage, the Miz is trying to find someone to help him against another R-Truth attack. He gets shut down by the likes of Mason Ryan, Epico, and Primo, and is eventually forced to resort to Ricardo Rodriguez, who is still here in spite of Del Rio being absent. Poor Ricardo: truly he is the best of minions. Always on hand to take a beating for someone bigger.

Now, hands up who remembers Brodus Clay. Bigger guy, star of NXT 4, didn’t have a lot of personality but could move surprisingly fast for a big man. He disappeared shortly after Wrestlemania, where he was something of Del Rio’s enforcer, and hasn’t been seen or heard from since. For the last few months, they’ve been running promos indicating his return, and it was assumed that he would be returning under his previous monster heel persona.

It was definitely not assumed that when he made his return, he would hail from Planet Funk, enter with two dancers, wear a red hat and track suit and be introduced as the Funkasaurus, Brodus Clay.

Now, I know what you’re thinking when reading that sentence. It’s the same thing I was thinking. What on earth is this, and why is it on TV? But believe me when I tell you that once the initial shock goes away… it works. I mean, it really works. First off, just watch Clay as he jives his way to the ring. The guy is having fun with it, and that sense of fun is contagious. Unlike, say, Santino, who’s absurd actions come off as annoying because he plays them up too much, Brodus here looks reborn and interested in what he’s doing, and if the wrestler is interested, than I wind up being interested. It doesn’t come off as akward, because again, he’s having fun, and it’s always hard to judge a dancer when he’s having a good time. It’s over the top, and in my opinion, that’s a good thing. For the last decade, a good portion of wrestlers have just been bland, uninspired, and do nothing that catches the eye or draws attention. They’re just being themselves, which is fine when you’re naturally engaging, like John Cena. When you’re not, you just aren’t going to be entertaining. The introduction of this gimmick helps lighten up an otherwise faceless and potentially forgettable monster and makes him instantly memorable. This ties into his match against Curt Hawkins. It’s a squash match, which is what you usually do when debuting a new wrestler, but in the ring, Clay is still jiving, making off hand comments like “My bad!” and uses the gimmick and character to accent his actions. It’s also worth saying that I still think he’s one of the better big guys they have in the ring: he doesn’t have a ton of moves, but unlike Mason Ryan or Ezekiel Jackson, Clay can be pretty speedy and can keep momentum going. Clay wins, and then has a dance off in the ring.

Marking out for Brodus Clay. My, things can change in a year.

The next match we have is CM Punk vs. Jack Swagger. The idea here is that if Punk wins, then Vickie and Swagger will be banned from ringside at the Royal Rumble, and thus unable to assist Dolph Ziggler in his match against Punk. This was a good solid match, I thought, and was the showing from Jack Swagger that I’ve been wanting to see. He finally got a one on one match with the champ, and got to show that he can grapple with the best of them. Strangely, though, Punk seemed a bit muted. I was hoping for a bit more back and forth, but Punk’s moments of offense seemed to be a little lacking at times. Also, as a sort of an aside, I notice that Punk hasn’t had a good mic moment the last few weeks, as if the booking staff doesn’t want him to talk or something. I feel this hinders the feud with Laurinaitis, because it almost reverses what the problem was before: the GM is the one running the feud, while the other guy isn’t responding and evening the odds. I should like Punk to get some shots in as well, at least once an episode. The ending is interesting, as Punk wins not with a GTS, but with a flying elbow to get the pin. So there will be no shenanigans outside of Laurinaitis being the referee at the Royal Rumble.

Ricardo Rodgriguez is not going to be as lucky as Punk, because he has the unfortunate task of calling out R-Truth. Truth obliges by coming out and making some potentially racist remarks to Ricardo. It’s not full blown racism to the point where the censors are scrambling to hit the edit buttons, but it’s implied. For instance, Truth calls Ricardo a cockroach, and then forces him to sing La Cucaracha. Now, I know that the song portion of this bit was intended to be comedic in design, but it’s a little uncomfortable if you’re reading between the lines. Ricardo eventually slaps the mic out of Truth’s hands, leading Truth to give the crazy eyes before attacking. This is all the time Miz needs to dash out from the audience and finally get his hands on Truth… before Truth rallies back and sends Miz running away. I love Miz’s failures at being dastardly. It reminds me of whenever Edge would try and make an alliance in the ring, only to have it backfire.

We have another appearance from Chris Jericho, which can never fail to be fun. Man, creeper Kane, Funkasaurus Clay, and Y2J. The rest of the episode might as well be filler, because this is what I’m here to see. Much like last time, Jericho comes out to the ring to great applause, but this time, rather than milking the cheers, he begins to, of all things, cry. No explanation is given, it’s just Jericho crying. I should say that Jericho does a very good stage crying. It looks quite believable. He leaves, of course, without saying a word once again. I’d feel almost sorry for the guy if you didn’t know for a fact that something diabolical is happening in the mind of the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah. I love Jericho plots. They can go so many different ways.

Our next match is Eve vs. Beth Phoenix. Or, that is, it would be, if not for the fact that instead of Beth’s music playing, we get Kane’s. I love how Eve looks perplexed before being frightened. She doesn’t skip right to panic, which is a nice touch. As opposed to Zack Ryder, who dashes out to the ring to get Eve, and the two of them book it to the parking lot. Unfortunately for Zack, someone has let the air out of the tires on his car, and he’s forced to repair them as Eve hurries him on from inside the car. This segment could have benefited from some music, or a quicker cut. It goes on for a bit long to the point where I’m not feeling the panic or fear as I might have if things had happened speedily. Not helping matters is that  Zack fails at replacing the tire over both a commercial break, and into Cena’s match next. Kane could have killed them ten  times over in that period.

Speaking of Cena’s match against Dolph Ziggler, there’s not really a match there, as the scene in the parking lot is playing on the Titantron after the match starts, and holds Cena’s interest. It’s good for the storyline that Kane has with Cena, but it kind of sucks for Ziggler, who’s trying to look good for his big match at the Rumble and then winds up with second billing here. Kane eventually does show up and starts laying waste to Zack Ryder, eventually Chokeslamming him on the concrete. Cena can’t stand watching his little buddy take a beating like that, and rushes out to save him. He arrives, but this time Kane is ready for him, and takes him down with another choke/mandible claw, leaving his body next to that of Zack’s. I’m going to compliment how this episode was plotted out. I like the mirror images of starting and ending the show in the same place with the same people, but with different results. I’m happy that there was a running plotline throughout the show that met a satisfying conclusion. I love that Kane adapts, adopts, and improves his plan of action: he fails at just crushing Cena at the beginning, so if he can’t beat Cena physically, he’s going to do it mentally by attacking his friends. We all know that you can’t kill Cena, so you have to find a different way to go about getting to him. This is the most interesting story Cena has been involved with in a while, because he’s being presented as fallible, and his weaknesses are being shown, and rising against the odds is always better when the odds are higher.

So that was Raw, and though I spent most of this review marking out like crazy, there is one grand problem I did have with it: there wasn’t a whole lot of wrestling. The only really, truly good match was Swagger vs. Punk, as the rest were more or less squash matches. With that said, the plotlines and stories that are going right now are fantastic. I love the reinvention of Brodus Clay; you know Jericho is up to something; Truth and Miz continue to be fun; the game of chess between Punk and Laurinaitis is interesting; and the Kane/Cena story is fantastic. All in all, things continue to look good for Raw, as far as the plots go.