Warning: Pro-McIntyre Rants Ahead

Does Smackdown feel like making things up to me this week, or does it still have a hate on for everything I like?

The show opens with Daniel Bryan coming down to the ring, noticeably to a chorus of boos from the audience. I’m actually somewhat surprised how quickly the audience has embraced Bryan’s heel turn: a few weeks ago he was still the triumphant hero in spite of screwing Big Show, and he’s only been doing heelish things for one episode prior. Bryan, still being something of a self-deceiving heel, chooses to interpret the booing as dissatisfaction with Mark Henry’s interference last week, and proceeds to blame all that is bad on the World’s Strongest Man. More praise for how Bryan is handling this heel turn: he’s not suddenly turning on people and insulting the fans, or doing generally mean things. He’s still using his baby face naivety as a front while he begins to do more and more questionable things, all while still under the impression that he’s the hero. It’s more believable and more entertaining to watch than a complete 180. Case in point: he laments about how his first few title defences will be remembered as being tainted (which is nice), and that he couldn’t win fair and square against the man with the shortest title reign in history (which is bad). It’s a good juggling act, as well as providing a different kind of heel character (as opposed to the egocentric Miz, the smug and bastard behaviour of Del Rio, or the overt cockiness of Ziggler). No matter what alignment Bryan might have just yet, he still does not have the approval of Mark Henry. Mark takes special exception with Bryan saying that he should be expelled for his actions last week, stating that if Mark had it in mind to get himself suspended, Bryan wouldn’t be standing here right now. I love when Mark gets to be bad ass. He also informs Bryan that although he’s been forbidden to be present in the title match later in the evening, he’s still due a rematch for the Championship, which he will be taking next week. Bryan does a wonderful bug-eyed gulp at this, but manages to say that this is okay with him. That’s more emotion and character from Bryan in six minutes than I’ve seen from him over the last year.

The first match of the night is something that makes up my nightmares: Heath Slater vs. Justin Gabriel. Remember when Smackdown had Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston, John Morrison, and Rey Mysterio? Now we open with God damned Ginger and Mary Anne. I really hate how Smackdown has been left abandoned on Friday nights. At least before they were given the task of taking the better mid carders and trying to make them into someone before they were sent to Raw. Now they’re forced to run out the bottom of the barrel simply because there is no one else to put out there. In fairness, though, this match isn’t as awful as I had feared, and doesn’t necessarily do anything wrong, but that’s like saying the Ultimate Warrior isn’t insane because he has yet to dress up as a walrus. The two guys lack the personality and charisma in the ring, and without those, their moves don’t mean anything. They’re just doing a paint by numbers match: hit a move here, counter there, without any kind of personal investment or ulterior motivation to give their existence purpose. Compare this to Drew McIntyre, who is constantly getting across his thought process and intentions in every move he makes, uses the right moves at the right time to show where his mindset is, and backs up his wrestling skills with above average facial and body expressions. And just in case this match didn’t depress me enough, Hornswoggle is introduced to distract Slater so Gabriel can pick up the win. So, Smackdown just opened with Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, and Hornswoggle. I don’t believe I have to say too terribly much other than that to get across how disappointed I am with the state of affairs on Friday nights.

Cody Rhodes comes out to the ring, cheerily attempting Spanglish in front of the San Antonio crowd in an attempt to garner heat, as well as making some generally offensive remarks regarding Mexican/Americans on the border. Now, on one hand, I can understand Cody’s method of heat gaining here, because the classic procedure of being a heel is to offend whatever town you’re in, and do what it takes to get under their skin. If this was Canada, they’d either be making fun of the cold or the French. However, the WWE has been skirting awfully close to overt racism in regards to Mexico as of late, and I’m not quite comfortable with Cody’s actions here, coupled as it is with how Ricardo was humiliated on Monday night Raw. I’m hoping they tone it down, because if they’re not careful, they’re going to run into some trouble down the line. At any rate, he has a match with, of all people, Ezekiel Jackson, whom I often try to forget exists. In a complete hypocritical move of my constant desire that Cody would fight more contemporary wrestlers, I was disappointed that there wasn’t more development between Cody and Goldust here (I flip flop, I know. But c’mon, it’s Goldust!). All the same, the match does well to make Cody look more capable of taking down big guys. He runs circles around Zeke, and then hits Cross Rhodes to get the win. It’s a standard sort of match, but it’s kind of what Rhodes needed: to look capable of beating all comers, no matter the size.

Just in case the idea of Drew McIntyre’s losing streak being attributed to a “lack of passion” could be anymore ironically rendered ridiculous, his match tonight is against Ted Dibiase, who has all the passion and charisma of a potato. I know that this losing streak is just a storyline, but it really bugs me that one of the few mid carders on Smackdown with an ounce of charisma, talent, and screen presence is being forced to lose week after week to bland schmucks who aren’t going anywhere. What was wrong with just bringing Drew back and putting him in the thick of things, with a good story and good rivalry, which is exactly what Smackdown needs right now, rather than have him wallow in obscurity where his obvious talents are being wasted? Making things worse, during the match, Hunico and his new buddy come in to do guest commentary, as they’re having something of a feud with Dibiase. That’s right: Dibiase and Hunico get a feud, and Drew gets a losing streak. Worse, the commentary they provide barely coincides with what is going on in the ring: Hunico spends most of his time talking about the damn bicycle he rides to the ring, while in the meantime, Drew is doing what he does best and is smashing Dibiase onto the ring apron. I’ve mentioned before how Drew might not be the most technical wrestler, but what he does exceptionally well is use the environment around him to his advantage. He doesn’t just throw punches, he tosses the opponent around and finds different ways to inflict pain. It’s the variety and innovation that matters, not just the grapples, much like how Sheamus’s brawling is engaging and fun because he has the timing and pacing right. Of course, Drew loses, but it’s a clean loss this week with Dibiase hitting Dream Street to get the pin. Thank God Dibiase was given this vital win in order to really get that burst of marketable personality over with the crowd. I sure am invested in seeing where he and Hunico go with this gripping rivalry that is definitely going to headline future PPVs.

Why do you hate me all of a sudden, Smackdown?

At least I still have Sheamus, and the pleasure that I usually take out from watching him kick people in the head is increased tenfold tonight as he’s fighting Jinder Mahal (which, incidentally, I discovered I’ve been spelling wrong). I’m not certain why they’re bothering with trying to make a feud here when clearly the main interest with both the fans and the story is with Sheamus and Wade Barrett. Someone somewhere is getting something out of Jinder that I’m not. It’s like he wants to be Alberto Del Rio, but doesn’t have the same charm or in ring ability to do so. What works with Del Rio is that while both men share the idea that they’re very wealthy people who look down on everyone else, Del Rio has a smug self-satisfaction in what he does week in and out. He revels in being a complete bastard, and enjoys himself, hence the smile and wink. And it makes perfect sense that he does this: he’s rich, he’s athletic, he’s got every edge going for him. Why shouldn’t he be a complete jerk and get away with it? With Jinder,  he’s just angry and glowering, which doesn’t make a lot of sense. What does he even have to be angry about? It’s not like JBL, who’s soullessness was used to emphasize his heartless corporate boss approach. There’s just nothing special or original about Jinder’s millionaire gimmick. He might as well not even be a millionaire, because it’s not utilized in any way to help further his character. As such, I am only too happy to watch Sheamus Brogue Kick him in a relatively short match, and wait for him to start fighting Barrett some more.

Our next match is another star studded affair: Santino vs. David Otunga. Expect more push-McIntyre related rants. The story behind this one is insultingly simple: Santino is presenting new ideas to Teddy Long for the show (because my beloved Smackdown needs to be humiliated even further…), when Otunga comes up on behalf of Laurinaitis to find out who Smackdown is sending to the Royal Rumble. You’d think Otunga would know better than to come into Teddy’s office by now. And then Santino decides they should have a match. And that’s it. No provocation, no emotions, not even some passive aggressiveness. No further purpose, character or story development, or investment will be put into this, other than Santino decided that he should have a match, and Otunga happened to be there. First thing wrong with this statement: Santino having a match. As I’ve said before, his actual wrestling role has become all but worthless. Beating him means nothing, and his wins perhaps mean even less, because their intention are less about making putting Santino over, but instead operate to make the loser look bad. He has absolutely no purpose in a wrestling role anymore. In fact, though I’m loath to have him in the position, his best role right now is in a non-com fashion such as assistant GM. His marketability comes from his comedy and mic moments, and it would be best if his presence in the show was kept to just that. The match itself is nothing special, being mostly short and pointless as we knew it to be. The only thing noteworthy is that Otunga wins, hitting Santino with a finisher that looks awfully dangerous, as the slam looks to place the opponent almost right on top of their neck. Again, though, the problem with fighting Santino is that we’re not so much impressed that Otunga won: it’s the fact that he didn’t lose that catches the eye.

The Funkasaurus Brodus Clay is on the prowl again, and damn, I love this guy. This is more or less a repeat of what we had on Raw, only this time against Tyson Kidd, which is the usual fare for pushing a new guy: run him out on both shows in a squash match in case someone missed it the first time. There’s not much to say here that I didn’t say in Brodus’s debut, but I really do like this gimmick and how Clay plays it.

The Diva match of the night is Natalya vs. Tamina, and once again, it’s a sadly short state of affairs, with Tamina getting a quick pin. This irritates me more than usual, because I’m certain we could have had a much longer match if not for the pointless Santino match earlier, which didn’t even need to be there. Sorry, guys, but I’m willing to believe that if Natalya and Tamina could get anything resembling screen time, they would have a pretty stellar match. You’re only cheating yourselves here.

And now, the main event: the Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Championship in a No Disqualification match. I always tend to look forward to a Big Show match more when there’s a stipulation; the Big Show can wrestle a good match, but it can be harder when the guy isn’t near his size, such as with Bryan, and to have a stipulation that will permit more flexibility, such as a No DQ, gives the opponent more of a believable chance. You know that things are off to a shady end when Bryan enters with girlfriend AJ at ringside, and you never have surprise ringside attendees unless something is going to come of it. Like most of the matches these two have had, it’s somewhat surprising in how good it’s paced. A lot of the times in a Big Show match, the opposing force focuses on the leg or something to bring Show down, and then stomp on him for a bit in order to give the impression of getting ahead. With Bryan, his actions are more of a chipping-away variety, which, if not devastating, keep the match fast paced and avoids the dreaded stomping segments. Another benefit of this course of action is that Show isn’t obligated to be immobilized for long periods of time, and can get in more shots as a result. As such, the pacing is a steady one, with Bryan getting hits in, then Show, in rhythm. Although this might seem predictable, I think it’s the right choice for a situation where one guy outweighs the other by at least 200 lbs., and you’re left to find a way to keep the match paced in a way that doesn’t involve Show killing Bryan in five seconds, or Bryan stomping away on Show. My personal favorite example of this attention to pacing is as Bryan finishes a quick sortie on Show, tries to jump from the turnbuckle, and gets speared in midair. It’s a good switch of momentum from Bryan to Show that’s both sudden in execution as well as being a really cool spot move. Also, Bryan kicking out of something that devastating helps both men, as Show got in a really awesome move, putting an exclamation mark on his presence in the match, and Bryan got to kick out of it, making him look credible as a Champion. If I had one complaint about the match, it’s that is wasn’t very hardcore for a No DQ. Aside from a few chair shots, they didn’t really play around with the stipulation as much as they could have.

The ending of the match (or, really, lack of ending) is an interesting take. You knew when AJ was brought out that something was going to happen, but personally, I expected something along the lines of AJ smacking Show with a chair, or providing a convenient distraction. What happens instead is that Bryan runs around ringside with Show in pursuit, and in his heated chase, Show accidentally runs into AJ, sending her toppling to the floor. And suddenly, the show just stops. Not literally, but in effect, you have a quiet moment as everyone realized what just happened. It’s a rare quiet moment of poignancy in the WWE when you get something akin to a silent moment like this. Personally, in a bit of a cynical moment, I don’t think the bump AJ takes here is quite devastating enough. Yes, having a 400 pound man push you to the floor would suck, but I’m able to give AJ more credit for taking a bump to think that this would completely immobilize her. I mean, she took a Sharpshooter from Natalya that nearly bent her in half. Had she been hit by the spear that Bryan got, I’d be equally devastated. What makes the scene work is the reaction of Big Show and Bryan. Show looks completely devastated, and it’s a credit to his acting ability that he can visually show that kind of anguish of realization on his face. Bryan has to slowly comprehend what just happened, and noticeably does not run to AJ’s side, as if shocked, but instead slowly sets his sight on Big Show in a very intense glare. Right there: Bryan showing genuine emotion on his face and permitting the audience to come to grips with his mental state. Man, has he come a long way in my standings in just two weeks… As AJ is carted away by paramedics (again, I cannot believe that the bump she took was that bone crushing), both Bryan and Show follow alongside the cart, and as they go up the ramp, Bryan starts to chew into Show, who is beginning to cry. The way in which Bryan rubs this accident into Show is perfect for both men. Bryan looks like a jerk for pouring salt in the wounds of the giant, while at the same time being justifiably irritated and in an understandable mental state which the audience can sympathize. Show, meanwhile, provokes pity and sympathy from the audience: he doesn’t tell Bryan to shut up or go away, but rather forces himself to listen to the accusations that he should have been more careful and watched where he was going, thus conveying his own guilt over what was clearly an accident, but which he can’t come to grips with. The title match is all but forgotten here, as both men are more concerned with the condition of AJ, and I think the fact that both men are more concerned with a human element rather than a symbolic championship is kind of refreshing. The funeral party (essentially) goes backstage, but Bryan stops Show from following any further, calling him a bastard, and leaving Show alone on the stage, crying and alone with his own guilt.

Easily one of the richer segments I’ve ever seen in wrestling.

Thus was Smackdown, and once again, it was a mixed bag. The bad, of course, involves Slater, Gabriel, Jinder, Santino, Dibiase, and Hunico; in other words, over half of the cast tonight makes me sad. To make things worse, Drew is continued to be forced to lose in spite of being magnificient, and the Diva’s match was still too short. But the main event almost saved things and made me look at the whole thing in a positive light. I loved the match, and I loved the ending. In fact, if I can forget about the first hour and fourty minutes, this was a great show. I can only hope that the booking staff wakes up and tries to find a way to spread this kind of last minute awesomeness to last the full two hours.